Page 2/The Battalion/Monday, September 21,1987
The Battalion
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Member of
Texas Press Association
Southwest Journalism Conference
The Battalion Editorial Board
Sondra Pickard, Editor
John Jarvis, Managing Editor
Sue Krenek, Opinion Page Editor
Rodney Rather, City Editor
Robbyn Lister, News Editor
Loyd Brumfield, Sports Editor
Tracy Staton, Photo Editor
Editorial Policy
The Battalion is a non-profit, self-supporting newspaper oper
ated as a community service to Texas A&M and Bryan-College Sta
tion.
Opinions expressed in The Battalion are those of the editorial
board or the author, and do not necessarily represent the opinions
of Texas A&M administrators, faculty or the Board of Regents.
The Battalion also serves as a laboratory newspaper for students
in reporting, editing and photography classes within the Depart
ment of Journalism.
The Battalion is published Monday through Friday during
Texas A&M regular semesters, except for holiday and examination
periods.
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POSTMASTER: Send address changes to The Battalion, 216
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77843-4111.
Liars and cheats
The revelation that Gov. Bill Clements billed the taxpayers
for his weekend jet trips to Dallas caps a period of misbehavior
by public officials. Public officials, being human, misbehave.
And they get caught. But most of them, unlike Clements and
Sen. Joseph Biden, at least are repentant about their actions.
Clements, who during his campaign called Mark White’s jet
a luxury the state couldn’t af ford, vowed to sell it and use his
own plane. Unfortunately, he didn’t mention his intention to
make the taxpayers foot the $20,000 bill. The average trip cost
the state $ 1,300, although commercial airlines charge as little as
$110. Add to that the fact that the jet used by White was sold at a
loss, and once again Clements appears to have mush where his
financial sense should be.
Biden, of course, is the Democratic presidential candidate
who revealed last week that he cheated in law school and has
plagiarized in many of his campaign speeches, lifting lines from
Robert Kennedy and British labor party leader Neil Kinnock,
among others.
What is so disturbing is that neither man admits any
wrongdoing. Clements claims the trips were “business trips,” but
he also said that “. . . a lot of times that business has to do with
just getting away from down here (Austin) and getting away
from the press.” Biden said he “forgot” in the heat of the
moment to mention that some of his best lines were borrowed.
Even such famed bad boys as Gary Hart, Richard Nixon and
Teddy Kennedy professed repentance when their political and
sexual indiscretions were uncovered. Biden and Clements don’t
even pretend to do so, claiming, as Biden did, that the whole
affair is simply “much ado about nothing.”
A line, of course, that he borrowed from Shakespeare.
Blooming comics
OK, OK, so we’ve been a little remiss about Bloom County.
We didn’t realize that not printing the Saturday strips was
causing mental anguish. We apologize.
In the interest of presenting a complete storyline and saving
the sanity of our Bloom County fans, The Battalion henceforth
will run two Bloom County strips — Saturday’s and Monday’s —
in the Monday paper. So now you won’t have to ask how Opus
ended up with Zsa Zsa Gabor in today’s strip.
Tips from a master
of overindulgence
A lot of people
are turning away
from alcohol these
days, including my
friend Rigsby, the
former lush, who
phoned to tell me
of his plans to give
up drinking.
“How long have
you been
drinking?” I asked
Lewis
Grizzard
him.
“Professionally, 25 years,” he said.
“What is the difference between a
professional and an amateur drinker?”
“A professional,” Rigsby began,
“drinks every night except New Year’s
Eve, which is amateur night. A
professional never drinks anything with
an umbrella or a cherry in it, and a
professional awakens at least ten times a
year in a Holiday Inn in a different time
zone and doesn’t remember getting
there.”
For others who may be considering
stopping drinking, I asked Rigsby for
some tell-tale signs one should look for
in determining whether or not one has
stepped over the quaffing line.
“It’s the morning after that says it all,”
Rigsby said.
“Start with your tongue. If you have
to shave it, then you had way too much
to drink the night before.
“Then, there’s your money. Look at
any bills you might have left over, and if
they have been wadded into tiny little
balls and you find them in strange
places like you shoe or your ear, son,
you got down to some serious drinking
the night before.”
“What else?” I asked.
“Check your clothing. Did you
remember to take it off before you
passed out? Check to make certain the
clothing you have on is the same
clothing you had on when you left for
the evening.
“If you are wearing a fez, it was a big
night. If you are wearing a Royal
Canadian Mounde’s hat, then you had
an even bigger night.
“And if the Mountie’s horse is down
in the living room, grazing on house
plants, call AA immediately and see if
they deliver because you won’t be able to
get anywhere in your condition.
“There’s a few other things to look
for, too.
“Check any credit card receipts you
can find. If they are for charges at a
Frederick’s of Hollywood, at an arms
dealer, or with a foreign airline, you’ve
got troubles.
“Look at your checkbook. If checks
1562 through 1568 are missing and you
don’t remember writing them, call the
bank and stop payment as soon as you
are able to operate a telephone.
“And this one is very important:
Check your body for any unexplained
tattoos. If you find one you didn’t have
before and it’s a heart with an arrow
through it and include the names Doris,
Trixie, Mona, or Grover, make up your
mind to stop drinking forever — but call
your attorney first.”
I thanked Rigsby for his hints and I
hope they have been of a public service.
To sobriety then. Itjust might catch
on.
Copyright 1987, Cowles Syndicate
Opinion
Entering the Bork Zone
Well friends,
here we are
again, pounding
the pavement of
that snow-swept
blustery
metropolis of
Bryan-College
Station. Here, in
this bustling
center of high
finance and
exotic trade, in
Mark
Nair
the cultural hub of the entire North
American continent, we are searching
for answers. Out from the sheltered
newsroom and into the rough-and-
tumble streets and alleys of the real
world, we are in quest of the “working
men,” the regular Joes,the backbone of
our great nation, the keepers of
freedom. Yes, friends, we are here to
phrase those difficult political and
social questions to the man on the
street, to see exactly what the gears and
pulleys of the most powerful nation on
earth think.
“Sir, sir. Excuse me, sir. As a man on
the street, I would like your opinion.”
“On what?”
“On tremendous issues involving the
political and social fabric of our great
nation.”
“OK, shoot.”
“Two words. Robert Bork. Just
exactly what do those words mean to
you?”
“Ah, Robert Bork . . . Robert Bork.
Oh, yeah, old Bobby Bork. What’s he
been up to these days. Hey, last I
heard, he was doing ten to twenty
pounding out license plates down in
Huntsville. A swell guy when he wasn’t
holding a shotgun. What’s he got to do
with any kind of fabric, anyway? Did he
get promoted to the laundry room or
something?”
“No, sir, I think you’ve
misunderstood me. Robert Bork, the
candidate for the Supreme Court.
President Reagan’s nominee. As a man
on the street, what do you think of
him?”
“Uh, yeah, the Supreme Court.
Yeah, uh. I’m not too sure about that.
Uh, no opinion, okay?”
“No opinion? Well, thank you
anyway, sir. Enjoy your duties for the
day.”
“Sure. Thanks.”
“Ah, perhaps this woman citizen will
kindly respond as our man on the street.
Excuse me, citizen. Excuse me.”
“Yes.”
“As a man on the street, what would
you say about the Robert Bork
nomination to the Supreme Court?”
“Woman.”
“Excuse me?”
“I will answer your question as a
woman on the street. Not as some quasi
macho, chauvinist, male zealot on the
street. Get it straight.”
“My apologies are offered in a most
profuse manner. Now, as a woman on
the street, what are your opinions about
Robert Bork?”
“He’s a facist, racist, male dog. That's
what he is. His decisions will put
America into the middle ages. The Bill
of Rights will become void. He’ll take
the Constitution and tear it to shreds.
We might as well replace our names
with numbers if Bork gets into the
court.”
“But, as a woman on the street, do
you really believe that his one vote will
be so crucial as to destroy our free and
fun-loving country?”
“Of course I do! Men! You’re all the
same. Who cares what we women think
anyway? Oh, just leave me alone."
“Thank you for your help. Ah, here is
another prospect for our man on the
street interview. Sir?”
“What do you want, huh?”
“Sir, as a man on the street, what
would you say about the Robert Bork
nomination to the Supreme Court?"
“Oh, well, I’m glad you stopped me.
Robert Bork is the greatest thing to
happen to the legal system in 200 years.
We need strength in the court. We need
a tough, conservative . . . uh,
conservative and . . . well, conservative
in the court. That’s what we need. Heck,
if it were up to me, I’d forget about
Bork and put this man right here on the
bench. As a matter of fact, I want him as
President!”
The man on the street points at his
shirt, which has the phrase: “Ollie
Xorth Kit ks Butt"printedabom
photograph of a smiling Lt. Col.Ok
Xorth holding several small Aim
/lags.
“I see, and as a man on thestecttS
would you want to see Oliver Nonl
the Supreme Court?"
“Because Ollie kicks butt!”
■ Garbage on
“Well, th .ink you bn your comm tojm of a don
in.in on the street poll." pared foi the I
•Wait' I'm no, d<me! I mean0: £ o11 ^'
realh U kshutt. 1 m senous. Ho, t( . SM)I , h( ,
v, really kicks butt!'’
real
guy! H
time!”
“ Thank y
time to mov
steel. Excusi
with you for
“Certain!
“As a mat
>u very much. Butnc
on to another mant
me, you there. Coul
a moment?"
>n the street, whatt
think about the Bork nomination
ourt
i? \\
st. I
Alt!
pleted by die er
will be offered
Mid.
The 90-mini
He causes of
Hoblem and d<
Htions, such as
■pe pollutii >n 11
flips’ use of O'
Adopt A beach
p Adopt A- Uea
up program rut
to be perfectl, eial hand ()f fi<
know 1 know iheit| i( f a as the Tex
i . ,,.,11, t, iroeut’s Adopt-A
. hut team I couh: aHV .. •
. , ■lomlinson si
l really don t trntiH| me a greatcI
I'an, you know,ik years because of
a feet. 1 wonder iff plastic. Plastic
plays a wood
“I think al
Robert Bork
“Oh. well.
at o
“Wh<
honest,
anyone
“Ast<
i llute.^
>1 America is ignore
musical talent."
ell. Just the same, Ithini
uld make a better judge
ijak.'"
•1 of Fortune, you know.ll
.it tv and doesn’t look lilt
roni tm thology,"
indmg! Mr. and Ms. Anr
and all the ships at sea, you’ve hear
here first, from the man onthestrt
C )nce more has the great machine:
our great country expressed itsel:
a great way. C
reporter’s opinion, the manontht
is t ight once more. PatSa
guy and closet judicial scholar?
world will soon know. PatSajafa
compromise found only in the
stupendous U. S. of A.! Until w«
again, then, this is Mark Nair,sigi
with the man on the steet. Work *
■ said, and las
one’s lifetime.
■ Tomlinson t
Horn Florida to
Texas beaches
bage.
■ “The reason
to Texas shores,
shores on the Gi
Itmrs are far dii
coastal area in th
and surf ace curr
■ “The wind ai
are such that thi
up on Padre anc
U-." x..,n: Imliii Pol j C
iak, both; :
Li„.itcBTEN N ESS E E
attacked a guard
car early Sunday
tured about an h
■The four mar
work area inside
■The four mer
sleep well, and eat heartv.Goodd; staff livin S area
Mark Nair is a senior political sell
major and a columnist for The
Battalion.
Mail Call
Constitutional disrespect
Flooded with thanks
EDITOR:
It should strike some as a major surprise and
disappointment that the MSG Programs Office apparently
lacked the foresight and ambition to provide some sort of
program or lecture to commemorate the bicentennial of
our nation’s Constitution.
For a University that prides itself on instilling a
tradition of patriotism and a love-of-country spirit in its
youth, allowing this date to pass with no speaker program
scheduled to address the Constitution seems almost
incomprehensible.
Is one to conclude that such matters are too mundane
for the commercial milieu of contemporary higher
education, or should we conclude merely that those
responsible for programs at the MSG either forgot about
the event or simply do not care?
John D. Robertson
Associate professor, political science
EDITOR: l|
We would like to thank all the people who helpeduiH
combat the flooding in the basement of LegettHalllaM j
Wednesday. Thanks to all the residents who brought
themselves, their brooms, and mops.
Thanks to Howard Garb of Moses Hall and James
Tillotson of Puryear Hall, who came quickly toourresdi
And thanks to the guys who helped, including Clayton §
Simon, Paul Torres, and anyone else we’ve missed.
Your hard work and willingness to help enhancedojl
faith in Good Ags!
Christina Waddell ’88
Martina Seyfert ’90
and the residents of the Legett Hall basement
Letters to the editor should not exceed 300 words in length. The editoml^M
serves the right to edit letters for style and length, but will make every e
tain the author's intent. Each letter must be signed and must include thtcld]
tion, address and telephone number of the writer.
BLOOM COUNTY
by Berke BreatK
I'M SO HAPPY.
I'M PRNtNG 10 \/eOAS
wm me banjo pLAvep
FROM "PeUVeRANC£~
anp his per SLepoe-
HAMMEK.
BLOOM COUNTY
NON THIS IS WHAT'S GOING
ON: ZSA ZSA HAS PROPPEP
ME HERE AT CAES/P'S PALACE.
NEXT IU GO UP 70 THE
"SINATRA SUITE"
FOR A SHNOZ
MASSAGE BY JUUE ANPREWS.
5E2 IT
^ ALL
RIGHT
HEREIN
/ THE.-ER...
CL /
^ 4.21
WHERE'S THE
SCRIPT ?
THIS ISN'T VEGAS...
WHERE'S THE
SCRIPT r
by Berke Breatl