Page 2/The Battalion/Monday, September 7, 1987
Opinion
Welcome to the liberal arts revolution
Worke
A new elite has
slowly and
stealthily
infiltrated this
University. It has
taken some time,
meticulous
planning, and
intense
preparation, but
now the coup is
ready.
Liberal arts has
Mark
Nair
arrived and arrived in force.
I realize, for all you non-liberal arts
majors, that this comes as a serious
shock, but do not dismay. We are not
subversives. We merely offer the New
Way: a broad education about Life, an
escape from technical schooling which
has haunted this institution from its
inception.
I submit to you, then, my “I thought I
knew my Liberal Arts but apparently I
Poor funeral planning
could prove fatal
Here’s a grim
sort of question to
ask, I suppose, but
I’m going to ask it
anyway:
Have you ever
given any serious
thought as to what
you would like
done at your
funeral?
Most of us
haven’t because
procession began a 30-mile trip to the
burial spot.
According to the suit, the funeral
home’s flower van had to drop out of
the procession because of a broken
muffler.
Lewis
Grizzard
A few miles later, the hearse had to
stop for gas. After that, the suit said, the
hearse drove at a fast rate of speed.
In the meantime, the flower van had
its muffler repaired and rushed to the
burial site.
>ve don’t want to think about such
things, and that’s why most of the
funerals I’ve been to seem
inappropriate for the guesfof honor.
I don’t want something like that to
happen to me. I have, for instance, set
aside a few bucks for a wake in my
hpnq.r. I want qqld beet and barbecue, to
be-served, and J don’t want any crying
or carrying on.
The reason I’m broaching this subject
today is because of a newspaper clip a
reader sent me from Memphis
regarding a suit filed against a funeral
honte for totally botching the funeral of
a Missouri woman a year ago. The same
sort of thing could happen to you or me
if we don’t prepare ahead of time.
The family of this woman hired a
funeral home after her death. After the
sevices at the church, the funeral
It came over a hill near the cemetery
and rear-ended the hearse. The casket
was damaged in the collision, and an
hour later the service finally continued.
Nothing like being late to your own
funeral — and nothing like that is going
to happen to me.
Besides the wake, I Want at least two
sets^of jumper cables at my funeral in
case the hearse comes up with a dead, if
you’ll excuse the expression, battery.
I’ve discussed all this with my
stepbrother, radio legend Ludlow
Porch, who has promised all my
directives will be carried out in case I go
before him.
In case he goes before me, I asked
Ludlow what he wanted played at his
funeral. After several moments of deep
thought, Ludlow replied, “volleyball.”
Copyright 1987, Cowles Syndicate
Mail Call
Harts 'inner circle'
EDITOR:
The country lost a wonderful chance for free counsel when Gary Hart
dropped out of the presidential race. We all know the importance of the First
L&dy despite the fact the Constitution provides her no official role. We are
told that Nancy Reagan is a shrewd observer of people and that crossing her
may well spell an early return to the private sector. It is common knowledge
that Rosalynn Carter often whispered bedtime advice to her husband,
Jimmy. And Grover Cleveland, a bachelor, had his sister serve as First Lady
to help him with the multifarious social functions associated with the White
House.
With Gary “I don’t feel I have to answer that question” Hart, not only
would we have had a radical swing in sexual ethics, but a reinstatement of a
Kitchen Cabinet in a far more literal sense than Andrew Jackson ever
imagined.
The inner circle (How much closer could they get? They would have the
president’s ear and a whole lot else.) could have kept him abreast of a variety
of issues. And Hart would have a full harem’s counsel, not just that of one
woman. Different position papers could have been developed on a host of
national concerns. How Gary Hart would have navigated the ship of state
through this Schylla and Charybdis we can only now conjecture upon.
All such communal arrangements as that envisioned here allegedly break
up in the bedroom or the kitchen. Might this one have broken up in the Oval
Office?
Tom Ahern
Letters to the editor should not exceed 300 words in length. The editorial staff reserves the right to edit letters
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Editorial Policy
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dents in reporting, editing and photography classes within the De
partment of Journalism.
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i
didn’t” quiz. If you believe that building
a microwave oven surpasses reading
Ibsen and expect everyone in foreign
countries to speak English, this quiz is
for you.
1. Who was Plato?
A. The genius who invented that
great-smelling stuff you played with in
kindergarten.
B. The astronomer who discovered
the ninth planet.
C. A philosopher who spent more
time contemplating shadows than doing
algebra homework.
2. Who was Peter Paul Rubens?
A. Pee Wee Herman.
B. A famous singer until he changed
his last name from Andmary to that of a
great-tasting sandwich.
C. The painter who preferred to do
the Marie de’ Medici series over
painting his garage.
3. Who said “It is better to live rich
than to die rich.”
A. Ronald Reagan.
B. Ronald Reagan.
C. Samuel Johnson doing an
impersonation of Ronald Reagan.
4. Who was Karl Marx?
A. Ex-columnist.
B. Harpo’s missing brother.
C. The original communist party
animal.
5. Who was the author of Paradise
Lost?
A. Brooke Shields.
B. Stephen King.
C. John Milton and a thesaurus.
6. Who was the first president of the
United States?
A. George Jefferson.
B. Curious George.
C. You’ve got to be kidding.
7. Remember Faust? How do you
pronouce the author’s name?
A. Johann Wolfgang von GO-THA.
B. Stephen KEE-NG.
C. Johann Wolfgang von GARE-
TUH.
8. Berlin is in
A. West Virginia.
B. West Germany.
C. East Germany.
9. Malcolm X was
A. Speed Racer’s older brother.
B. Speed Racer’s younger brother.
C. A radical black-rights activist who
never quit.
10. James Joyce
A. Uh ... I know, but ah .. .
B. Wait, wait, I really know but ... ah
... well...
C. Ulysses. Tough. Stream of
consciousness. ’Nuff said.
Answers: All are C.
To score:
J 0 out of 10: Keen.
8-9: You’ve been memorizing those
Trivial Pursuit cards again, haven’t you?
6-7: Those intro classes sure helped,
but now it’s time to move on. fry a 200-
level class.
4-5: Uh oh, you took all youreid
in your own department, didn'tv&.
EXPAND.
2-3: 1 don’t want to talk aboutii
0 out of 10: Murmur, murmur
This quiz was meant to provide
w ith a taste of the liberal arts. Libe*
arts majors at A&M have beenim.
shunned, and shown no respectTi
to change. No longer will the Cold
Liberal Arts be synonymous with's
majors.” 1 his is the New Way.Wtc
we saw, we conquered.
So, to my engineering roomm®
and s( ietu e suite-mates of old,1
announce the coup. Sit in yourcb
and sweat with fear. We havegaine
upper hand; the core curriculum*
w eapon We ai e here to stay.
.Mark A'air is a senior politicsdsd
major and a columnist for The
Battalion.
'M
LSU fans demonstrated^
their lack of characterY
When I was a
junior in high
school, my
English teacher
had a poster in
her classroom that
showed two teams
playing football.
Anthony
Wilson
Guest Columnist
freshman cadets waited at attent ion to
enter the stadium, they were pelted
with trash and hit with pompons. I
suppose none of these people took the
time to think that the majority of these
young men will be protecting them in
five years as officers in the military.
The caption read, “Losing reveals a
lot of a man’s character. Winning
reveals all of it.”
Before kickoff, the LSU mascot and
cheerleaders broke a time-honored
Aggie tradition by going onto the field.
Saturday’s game against LSU showed
a lot about the character of the LSU
fans in attendance.
Or to be more accurate, their lack of
character.
The LSU fans were guests of Texas
A&M this weekend. They were invited
to participate in a relatively meaningless
athletic event between two fine
institutions. They chose to turn the
event into a free-for-all.
During the game, LSU students
violated another Aggie tradition (and
the law) by bringing alcohol into the
stadium. Most of them then proceeded
to get drunk as skunks. As our guests,
the LSU fans should have taken the
time to learn about and respect our
traditions.
LSU fans arrived in College Station
in cars sporting such sayings as “Aggies
suck,” “Jackie Sherrill’s a *&£%#” and
“eATMe.” Very few of the sayings were
in support of LSU — and this was the
classiest thing the LSU fans did all
weekend.
After the game, LSU fans
disregarded announcements to stay off
the field. Two of them ran onto the
track and unfolded a sheet with
“eATMe” written on it in bold letters.
During yell practice after the loss,
several students and the mascot taunted
and attempted to provoke the yell
leaders and other members of the Corps
into losing their tempers.
On game day, LSU fans showed up at
the Corps of Cadets march-in. While
The running out onto the field by
LSU students was especially disturbing
to most Aggies, who consider Kyle Field
a rjiemorial to the 55 Aggie nieniA
gave their lives in service of their
country in World War I.
The actions of LSU students
disturbed me as an Aggie — anctf^
an American.
The solution as far as the Aggif
concerned is simple. Please, Coact
Sherrill, don’t invite LSU back.Tlf
game was a great contest, but note 1 '
deserves to have his guests actas
obnoxiously as the LSU fans do
Another solution is to writeleti f
the'president, athletic directorano-
football coach of Louisiana State
University. They need tobemade ?
of their students’ abhorrent cond» l
The two football teams set ago 0
example. They played a hard-forf
game without any skirmishes orlif 5
After the game, they shook hands* 5
congratulated each other on a well
played game.
But the LSU fans were an
embarrassment to their school, its
faculty, staff and student body,arf
entire state of Louisiana.
The A&M fans can be proud.Si 1|, j ;
the Aggies lost. But they did it will 1
And that showed a lot of charactef
Anthony Wilson is a junior jou0
major and a sportswriter for The
Battalion.
BLOOM COUNTY
by Berke Breatft
F/p Yd oer
(V\e PISTACHIO
NUT' UKB I
TDLP VP r
\
STBl/P... I
HAVB AN
IMPPOVBMBNT
OVER 1CB
CRPAM...
\
on -me pioht,
FReSH FROZEN YOOUPT...
ON THF LEFT,
C0LP, CREAMY
LUFU.
1 HAVE SEEN THE
FUTURE OF FROZEN
PESSERT... ANP IT IS
YEAST CULTURE ANP
FEAN CURP.
KICKING ANP 50B
IN/LL THE FOOLISH i
PRAOOCP INTO
THE 21 sr CENJVRl.
1