Page 2/The Battalion/Tuesday, August 11,1987
Opinion
The trials of having dating parents
Kevin
Thomas
Guest Columnist
I got a phone call
from my mother the 1
other night. She
lives in Milwaukee. I
was concerned
because she never
calls me during the
week, only on
weekends. The last
time she called me during the week was to
tell me that my grandmother died. Mom was
having trouble getting around to why she
called, and I grew more apprehensive by the
minute. I thought about Grandpa. Then she
said it. “I’m getting married ... to your
father!”
My parents split up in 1979. I guess it was
an average divorce, nothing to write the
broken home about. But when your parents
break up, they start doing something really
weird — they start dating again.
I was in the process of moving from
Phoenix when it happened, and I was going
to go home before spending the summer in
New Mexico. I called to say that 1 should
arrive on such-and-such day, and everything
seemed OK. Three days later I arrived to
find that Mom had moved out and was living
with her boyfriend, Stanley.
I left for New Mexico.
Eventually, Dad moved out of the house
and Mom and Stanley moved in. My brother
was suddenly in an awkward situation. He
still lived at home, and I don’t think he
enjoyed introducing them to his friends.
“Gee, Larry, I’d like you to meet my Mom
and, uh .. . Stanley.” Parents go through
different phases when they’re dating.
Stanley was a jerk and she (finally) kicked
him out.
Have your parents ever told you that they
wonder what kind of a jerk you’re going to
bring home next?
Her next phase was finding another guy.
The world knew she was available, and she
started getting strange phone calls. She
changed phone numbers two or three times.
It got frustrating to call home and find that
the number had been changed to an unlisted
number.
The phone brings back haunting
memories of my dating career. It seemed
that every girl I knew had “call waiting,”
where they can put you on hold. She’ll ask
you if you can hold, and click, she’s on
another line checking out the new boy. Yep,
I’m her one and only.
I felt like I was at an auction. “We have a
bid from the red-headed young man,
dinner-anna-movie, dinner-anna-movie,
HO! The man from down the block bids
dinner-anna-movie-anna-Porsche! What is
yer bid there?” I say something about giving
my undying affection. She accepts the ride
in the Porsche.
Then there was Dad. I think he was
getting serious with a girl there for a while.
She wanted to meet my brother and me. You
know it’s serious when you bring your date
home to meet the family.
She was very nice and very beautiful, for
her age. (‘For her age’ is such a terrible thing
to say.) I forgot what her name was. Let me
tell you, it’s a great experience when your
parents brings their date home to meet you.
They’re nervous and want to make a good
impression. You can tell the worst jokes in
the world and they’ll still laugh. You can go
up to them and whisper, “HEY! Is my Dad a
great kisser or what?” “Well, um, er .. .”,
then you turn to your brother and say
“Nudge, nudge, wink, wink, say no more!”
Dad’s girlfriend was unusual in one
respect. She had a pacemaker that made a
noticable clicking noise. Several years later I
saw on TV that that brand of pacemaker was
being discontinued because it didn’t work. I
have this picture in my mind of whats-her-
name being rushed to surgery while
clutching her warranty card and receipt.
I later moved to Houston, and Dad came
for a week once on a business trip. He
mentioned something about meeting a girl
there who seemed “interested” in him. I
worked second shift, and didn’t get home ’til
around midnight. Dad was never there. I’d
go to bed, somewhat concerned. He’d finally
come creeping in during the wee hours. I
wanted to jump up and shout, “Where were
you? Who were you with? Where did you
go? Don’t you know that I’ve been worried
about you?” I used to get yelled at for
coming home after dark.
It was nice that we could spend some time
together.
Mom finally settled down with a steady
boyfriend, Don. He’s the kind of guy you’d
want to bring home to your kids. Don was a
manager for General Electric, was making a
good living and even had some education.
Everydme I could go home (about twice a
year), Don was always calling on my Mom.
When they thought I was asleep, they’d play
“Twister” together in a chair. Don was a guy
you could trust with your mom.
Have your parents always trusted you
alone with your date?
I was home two months ago, and she was
still seeing Don, and it was still the usual
Friday business. (It kind of gives you hope
for when you reach their age.) I knew my
parents would meet and talk once in a while
because they were still friends, but it took me
by surprise that they were getting married
again because Don seemed to be doing
pretty good there for a while. I asked Mom
about that. She just said that when she told
him, he didn’t take it too well. Not that she
was leading him on, mind you; she really
loved him. Mom could never break bad news
until the last minute.
My parents’ escapades didn’t bother me
too much. I had already moved out on my
own, so it was their business. They used to
fight all the time, and it seemed for the best.
But during this period their behavior was
somewhat peculiar. All their boyfriends and
girlfriends acted the same way. I can’t really
describe it, but it somehow reminded me of
high school. It was sort of like Gidget meets
Moondoggie, only with grey hair.
Have your parents ever told you that
you’ll understand better when you grow up?
It does put you in some unusual
situations, and I was now in another
predicament. What do you say to your
mother when she calls to tell you that she’s
going to marry your father? I didn’t have the
time to write to Dear Abby. Well, I
congratulated the happy bride and let it go
at that.
I wonder if Dear Abby has any advice for
the newlyweds?
Kevin Thomas is a computer science major
and cartoonist for The Battalion.
Gunfights at the Asphalt Corral
You have
been wondering
why people in
Los Angeles
have started
riding around
on freeways
shooting at one
another.
It really
should be no
puzzle. For one
thing, there are more crazy people
in Los Angeles than anywhere else
in the country.
For another, you know how
people are out West. For years they
rode around on horses and shot at
buffalo. When the buffalo were all
gone, they started riding around on
horses shooting at Indians.
When the Indians were all shot
up, they started riding around on
horses shooting at each other.
Automotive gunplay was bound to
happen sooner or later.
All over the rest of the country
people get mad at other people
while driving on the freeway, but
the rest of us are able to vent our
anger without the use of firearms.
We curse other drivers, we use
the universal digital expression of
displeasure and we ocasionally go so
far as to pull over to the side of the
road and get into a fist fight.
But we rarely get involved in
Gunfights at the Asphalt Corral.
That, however, may not last.
You know where most of the
trends start in this country, don’t
you?
California, of course. These are
the people who gave us eating raw
fish and electing Ronald Reagan to
public office.
Who is to say freeway shootouts
won’t be the next bit of looniness to
make its way east from LA LA Land.
In the event that should happen,
you will want to know how to keep
yourself from eating lead while
driving over to your mother’s house
for dinner.
The best way to do that is to learn
to avoid those drivers who might be
out for an evening’s shoot.
These include:
• Anybody driving a four-wheel
vehicle that is jacked up over those
huge tires that look like they came
off a 747.
You have to be a little strange to
drive anything like that in the first
place, and you have to wonder if the
reason somebody purchased such a
vehicle was because it’s easier to hit a
target when you’ve got the high
ground.
• Anybody driving a vehicle with
any of the following bumper
stickers: When guns are outlawed,
only outlaws will have guns. I’ll give
up my gun when they pry my cold
dead funger off the trigger. Or,
Confirm Judge Bork.
• Anybody with one of those silly
yellow signs in their back window
that says, “Baby on Board.’’ Gun
nuts get very close to their guns.
Baby could be an AK-47.
• Anybody driving while wearing
a camouflage outfit, a tattoo on any
part of the anatomy that says “Born
to Kill” or underwear that is too
tight.
If we’re lucky, of course,
somebody will ride into L.A. in a
silver Porsche and shoot it out with
these crazies and clean up Dodge
before any of this spreads.
This person would need to be
brave, bold, innovative and know
where to lay his hands on some
heavyweight firepower.
Ollie North for marshal.
Copyright 1987, Cowles Syndicate
Lewis
Grizzard
Mail Call
Saudi Arabia, Iran should talk
EDITOR:
By
Last weekend, between my twelve-hour study periods, I managed tosi
down and watch the evening news. I was delighted to see everyone’s best | Speakei
buddy Ayatollah Khomeini and his merry band of followers (kind of liketk Tfexas Ai
mousekateers with rabies) yelling “Death to America.” Naturally being tht nounced I
good of Ag that I am, this made me rather uncomfortable, and I careful!) trecords o
listened to find out what Aya had stuck his foot in this time and why the studied by
U.S.A. was taking the rap.
The deaths in Mecca were sad and disturbing, but to blame the U.S.A,
proves that Mr. Khomeini is way out in left field (as usual.)
Dr. Pen
ademic
11 appoii
is comes
iquests b
The sul
sentadoi
University
Idon to sei
Then Tuesday, during another rare break from my studies, 1 was
The Battalion when I saw a letter to the editor from Mohsen Farzad.t
“Saudies responsible for massacre.” Either Farzad knows something thai
nobody else does or ... let’s just say it’s my opinion that Farzad comes froitj abpoint fo
farther east than the Bronx. I would like to inform Mr. Farzad that he is P&rtment
wrong. An Associated Press article out of Washington said “The disturb::
in Mecca was instigated by Iraninan patriarch Ayatollah Ruhollah Khorc pointed a
who broadcast daily messages for the pilgrims to demonstrate ...” I hoped Thursday,
helps clear things up.
For many years I’ve known that the world extends farther than my
backyard, and for most of those years, I’ve heard about Iran’s neighborl)
temperament, and the love she has for her fellow man. I cannot speak for
everyone, but I am tired of it. Something needs to be done, maybe havea
party like Times Square has on New Year’s Eve or a big covered-dish din::
and countries whose name begins with A through E bring salads andF
through K a hot meat, etc. After dinner, we get the Iranian Shiites andSai:
Sunnis together and help them settle their differences in a Christian manK
Let’s stop all this eye for an eye warfare once and for all. Besides, ifyouasi
me the Iranian Shiites have one too many “i’s” anyway.
“There
ings,” Hue
■red thl
Chris Clements ’90
Another angry victim
EDITOR:
I am shocked. Perhaps I am naive for believing that it would never happc
me, but it did. I pride myself on being as honest and trustworthy as
By
As a ma
and usually expect the same from others. The reason that I am so enrageti
that I went to the Commons for breakfast and left my books in a locker. 1
tried to insert a quarter so I could lock it but it did not work and I blew ito:
When I returned, my Economics book was missing— I mean stolen.
non is his
enthusiasr
dents flocl
■ “This is
The part that hurts the most is not the $30 it cost to replace it but then
percenter who did it. It is hard to believe that at A&M, a person has to steal
get a few extra dollars. I want this person to know that I would gladly give
One of his
■yer, a seri
Houston,
and the wj
| But pie
non’s first
ft “Some s
I don’t ca
(students)
him the money as long as I got my book back. This Bible of mine contains I’m too e
numerous notes and important information essential to my studies. Alttai
this person obviously does not care, I want fellow Ags to keep an eyeoutfoi
this type of person. Stealing is one thing I will not tolerate. I hope I never
have the opportunity to catch this type of person. It is also sad thatapersoi
has to be this angry in order to send in rhetoric to the newspaper
Peter Alan Fry ’89
Ignorance not relegated to just Texans
EDITOR:
Having been raised in Washington, I greatly appreciated Clark Miller's
column on Wednesday. I, too, am not a Yankee, even though my ancestors
(Pennsylvania Deutsch) were from north of the Mason-Dixon line.
change. I <
dy.”
But his :
larity.
I Christie
major, say
■the most
I wonder if Mr. Miller is aware of the ironical history behind Washin]
state’s name. When the bill was introduced to divide Oregon Territory
(1852), the northern section was called Columbia Territory. In facttheeit
region, including British Columbia, had been variously called Columbiaoi
Oregon. In legislative debate, however, the new territory’s namewaschatf U ate worl
to Washington to honor “The Father of Our Country” (Origin of
Washington Geographic Names, E.S. Meany, U. Wash. Press, 1923, pp.S
338) and, as I have heard, to avoid confusion with the District of Columbia
mor and i
subject ma
Ironical
iwasn’t his
26, a na
bucked fa:
a medical <
ate in mar
“I got <
mily by
ys. “In i
come a
liked the h
Menon
when it ca
torate, he
“No on
Incidentally, Washington is not so wet as my acquaintances seem toll®
In Seattle, it rains about as much as it does here. True, the drizzle is spreaii
out more evenly, but the area is also much greener. And when itgetshoti
stays fairly dry. The eastern half of the state is almost as dry as west Texas
On the other hand, many in Washington think only of the weather in wesi
Texas, so I guess ignorance is traded fairly.
Daren B.H. Cline
assistant professor of statistics
Aggies should be less judgmental
EDITOR:
Regarding Mary King’s apology to Mr. Michael Gardner, does she realize
that she has defined an overwhelming majority of Texas A&M students as
two-percenters, including herself? I ask you honestly, Mary, have you ever
told a lie? Undoubtedly, your answer is yes or perhaps a qualified “no’wii
some sincere rationalization. I found the generalizations in your two-
percenter definition rather surprising, considering that you have graduatt
from “. .. an exemplary high school (one of the top 10 in the nation).”
Spo
forr
of y<
KILL!
band of
woman r
accused :
of his wif
Pfc. Ei
as bein
lion bon
ell
Mary, A&M consists of a diverse student body and faculty. What is
perceived as a “knock to A&M” by one student may indeed be viewed as at
improvement to others. My point being that criticism should be discussed;
not condensed. I commend Michael Gardner for his committee work and
dedication, and I commend Mary for her school spirit and value of traditb |
however, let’s be more open-minded and a little less judgmental.
Karl G. Schuler
graduate student
Letters to the editor should not exceed 300 words in length. The editorial staff reserves the right to edM
for style and length, but will make every effort to maintain the author’s intent. Each letter must be jigrwH
must include the classification, address and telephone number of the writer.
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