Page 2/The Battalion/Thursday, March 12, 1987
Opinion
Happy endings are sad comment on Hollywood
Remember the
end of “Gone with
the Wind,” where
Vivian Leigh turns
to Clark Gable and
says: “Where will I
go, what will I
do?” If that movie
was made today,
Gable would say
something like:
“Frankly my dear,
I realize that you
need a man in your life so I’m going to
stay right here with you at Tara.”
Remember the end of “Casablanca,”
where Humphrey Bogart tells Ingrid
Bergman to get on the plane with Paul
Henred? If that movie was made today,
the plane would leave and Bogart and
Bergman would walk off into the fog to
start a beautiful friendship together.
Remember the end of “Bonnie and
Clyde” where Warren Beatty and Faye
Dunaway are turned into Swiss cheese
by hundreds of FBI machine guns? If
that movie was made today, the FBI
men would have missed.
There’s an old cliche that says every
one loves a happy ending. Hollywood
seems to be taking that cliche too se
riously. Several major Films released in
the past few years have undergone some
drastic changes before they were seen
by the general public.
In the original version of
“Crossroads,” Joe Seneca dies at the end
of the Film. In the original version of
“Jumpin’ Jack Flash,” Whoopi Goldberg
never gets to meet the spy she helped es
cape via computer. In the original ver
sion of “After Hours,” Griffin Dunne is
still encased in plaster and is carried off
to an uncertain fate at the end of the
Film.
In the original version of the new
“Little Shop of Horrors,” Seymour and
Audrey didn’t live happily ever after,
they became plant food — just like in
the original Film and the play. In the
original version of “First Blood,” Rambo
grabbed a gun from his Green Beret
commander and killed himself — just
like in the book. If the original version
of “First Blood” had been released. It
would have saved us from “Rambo:
First Blood II” and the new sequel
where Rambo goes to Afghanistan.
It costs millions of dollars to make a
movie today, so few producers are will
ing to put up the money unless they are
assured of a multimillion-dollar return.
To ensure that their movie won’t fail at
the box office, producers usually test
their movies before they are released.
Before a movie is released, it is shown
to a test audience, usually common peo
ple just brought in off the street. After
the movie, the test audience is asked to
Fill out questionnaires and give their
opinions. If a majority of the test audi
ence didn’t like a certain aspect of the
movie it is re-edited, re-shot or re-writ
ten to make more people happy.
The ending of a movie may deter
mine how well the Film does at the box
ofFice. It is not enough for a lot of peo
ple to see a certain movie, a lot of people
have to see that certain movie several
times before it becomes a big hit. Most
It's an eerie feeling
I discovered
something about
myself recently
that was quite un
settling. I discov
ered I have hair
growing out of my
ears, a sure sign of
aging.
Once I turned
40, I naturally ex
pected certain
manifestations of
the aging process.
The slight hint of crow’s-feet are de
veloping on each side of my mouth, I
found a gray hair on my chest the other
day, and I dozed off recently while
watching the Playboy channel on cable.
But I didn’t expect ear hair for at
least a few more years.
It probably has something to do with
the fact I don’t eat yogurt and still pre
fer white bread to whole wheat.
To be certain it wasn’t being caused
by something else, however, I called the
Dr. Ruth Show, to ask if this condition
was connected to any sort of hormonal
change in my body that might affect,
well, certain activities.
“Of course not, my dear,” answered
Dr. Ruth.
“Many of my patients have had very
satisfying sex lives after the devel
opment of ear hair. It is important,
however, to keep the hair trimmed, not
only to remain physically appealing to
the opposite sex, but also to avoid any
hearing impairment.”
Relieved to hear that good news, I
shaved inside my ears, put on my tight
est jeans and hit a couple of singles’
bars.
Because several members of the
The Battalion editorial board will
be attending the Columbia Schol
astic Press Association Conference
in New York City from March 1 .£§
14, some of the columns this week
will not appear on their regular
days.
I completely stuck out, but at least I
was able to hear when a 19-year-old girl
with orange hair, who was wearing high
top tennis shoes, looked at me and said,
“Like, wow, did you know your ears are
bleeding?”
From now on I am going to use a pair
of scissors to trim my ear hair and forget
the razor.
Too bad Van Gogh didn’t think of
that before it was too late.
Heavy ear hair does run in my family.
My grandfather had ear hair at a rela
tively early age.
He allowed his to grow unchecked,
which probably had a lot to do with the
fact that he often suffered sudden losses
of hearing whenever my grandmother
asked him to perform such chores as
putting on a tie for church and spread
ing manure on her rose bushes.
After much thought concerning the
hair in my own ears, I have concluded it
is important that I accept the fact I am
aging.
I enjoyed the springtime of my life. I
made a few mistakes, but I had me some
high times, and I made me some mem
ories.
But now that I am entering the au
tumn of my years, I want to enter grace
fully.
I can’t run as fast nor jump as high as
I once could, but in the immortal words
of my grandfather, “The best thing
about getting older is you don’t have to
put up with nearly as much manure as
you once did.”
So, onward on my voyage to senior
citizenry despite the fact I may follow
my grandfather’s footsteps and allow
my ear hair to grow unchecked.
When you get really old it doesn’t
rrtatter if you have so much hair in your
ears. They both resemble a picture I saw
once in a history book of President Ru
therford B. Hayes.
Copyright 1986, Cowles Syndicate
Lewis
Grizzard
The Battalion
(USPS 045 360)
Member of
Texas Press Association
Southwest Journalism Conference
The Battalion Editorial Board
Loren Steffy, Editor
Marybeth Rohsner, Managing Editor
Mike Sullivan, Opinion Page Editor
Jens Koepke, City Editor
Jeanne Isenberg, Sue Krenek, News Editors
Homer Jacobs, Sports Editor
Tom Ownbey, Photo Editor
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people aren’t willing to go see a movie
again if they walked out of the theater
depressed the First time they saw it.
When filmmakers are making a
movie today, they will often shoot two or
three endings. The test audiences are al
lowed to chose the ending they like best.
The most popular ending is the one that
is used once the Film is released. Some
people might be glad to know that Hol
lywood is trying so hard to entertain,
but there are problems with the obliga
tory happy endings.
Life is not always happy. There are
some problems that can’t be solved be
fore the screen goes dark. A good movie
should help people understand reality.
Reality rarely includes the cheerful glow
of a Steven Spielberg kiddie movie or
the absolute right and wrong of a Syl
vester Stallone action Hick.
Too many people have the mistaken
idea that movies are just for entertain
ment. Movies, like books, can be both
entertaining and thought-provoking.
It’s nice to relax and see a movie that’s
fun and doesn’t require much energy to
enjoy. It’s kind of like a McDonald’s
hamburger. But a steady diet of Mc
Donald’s hamburgers will play hell with
your stomach. Just like you need some
real food to be healthy, your
needs some real stimulation, oriu
turn into bat guano.
Movies can show experiences ill
most people will never know personji
A person can learn so much aboui;
world through movies that ifsaslij
most Filmmakers are limiting thej
experiences available through then
iesjust so that they can make monei]
even more of a shame that then#]
going public is not more demanij
when it comes to choosing its entert
ment.
Karl Pallmeyer is a journalism [
uate and a columnist for The Batufet
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Crank it up!
EDITOR:
This past weekend I went to a movie at the Memorial
Student Center. I am grateful that I have the opportunity
to view movies at this economical price and convenience.
In spite of this, I have one complaint: the volume was too
low. I understand the need for the students to be quiet, but
half the fun is enjoying the crowd’s energy. Unfortunately,
the sound is so low that if someone coughs, you miss the
plot. Lately, the only sounds that are being heard in the
theater are the brave souls screaming, “Turn up the volu
me!”
Catherine Schmidt ’90
Pinko press
EDITOR:
I wish to add my support to those extremely well-
reasoned words of Mr. Slobey in his thorough analysis of
communism. I agree that we are far more likely to be too
generous toward the communists than too condemning.
The problem, of course, is that our liberal press is
unwilling to give us any details about the atrocities that the
communists commit (I haven’t heard any updates on the
victims of the KAL or the Chernobyl incidents in almost
two months). And yet the papers are Filled every day with
vicious rumours of the CIA using the KAL airliner as a spy
plane, or of the “atrocities” our own dictators are
committing in the Far East or Central America. I say we
leave our government to Fight for peace in the way it
knows best! And hooray for programs such as “Amerika”
that are not afraid to fan our mistrusts in the protection of
the truth!
Joseph Kachmar, graduate student
Questionable quotas
EDITOR:
Referring to Cynthia Green’s response to a minor point
in my letter, how can she say that quotas are set to make
chances fair for people? Quotas are set so that a person’s
race can have more importance in selection than his or her
abilities. She says unqualified minorities sometimes “slip
through.” I explained in my letter that many minorities
were held in advanced programs despite their failing
grades, while academically proFicient white students were
denied entry. She claims as an excuse that these minorities
are “the cream of the crop?” Sorry, but I don’t call that
equality nor “fair chance.” Reread her words: “nothing in
life comes free.”
I reafFirm that ambition and perspiration are
important, despite her denial. If she wants racial quotas,
then why not have nationality quotas, sexual quotas,
handicapped quotas, homosexual quotas, quotas for people
not named Jim Bob, etc. Then we can forget abilities and
personality altogether. Green says, “opening closed,
biased, discriminatory minds” helped America come far.
Quotas act in the opposite way, however, and add a new
facet to discrimination. When a car has a flat tire, do you
slash the other tire, or do you work to Fix the flat?
My main point of that letter was to say that people’s
attitudes are changing, but it will take time, not forced
reverse discrimination to affect change in attitudes. 1
mentioned my parents because they came here with less
than most slum dwellers have, including lack of English.
Yet they overcame discrimination and intolerance and
narrowmindedness.
By the way. Green’s assumption about my parents was
also incorrect. They didn’t come here with $50 when her
parents were “riding in the back of the bus and drinking
from a ‘black’ water fountain.” We arrived just as forced
integration was beginning in Houston, large black political
factions were gaining power, and over 80 percent of
Houstonians were native Texans.
Paul Svacina ’87
Can't ignore debt
EDITOR:
The Battalion’s editorial of Feb. 25 displays a serious
disregard for reality. The Battalion says that there is
nothing serious to fear about the Latin America debt. But
ignoring reality is no solution to the problem of Latin
American debt. Here are the facts:
— Brazil owes a $ 108 billion foreign debt. In 1983,it
had a GNP of $272 billion.
— Argentina owes $52 billion and had a $56.5 billion
GNP in 1983.
— Mexico owes $ 100 billion and had a $ 158.2 GNPin
1983.
Look at the numbers. These countries will never pay
off their debts owing such large percentages of their
GNP’s. Anyone who has followed this situation forthelast
few years knows that these loans have been bad for years
Year after year, these countries have come to the bankers
to have their debts refinanced, having been unable tomeel
the original terms of the loans. Lacking the means to pay
the interest let alone the principal, they have sought
f urther loans to cover their interest payments. Forced to
comply with these requests to maintain the appearanceof
solvency, the bankers have continued to send good money
after bad. Argentina’s recent warning that it will suspend
payment unless the banks lend $2.15 billion more is the
most recent example.
The money is gone for good. The international
banking system is in dire straits and can stand only as long
as it retains the confidence of its depositors. When it
crashes, we shall all suffer. The statements of The
Battalion and others to the contrary cannot change this
reality. Ignorance of economics will not help, either.
Brian Arthur Frederick ’87
Letters to the editor should not exceed 300 words in length. The editoml stuff n
serves the right to edit letters for style and length, but will make every effort to Mi*'
tain the author’s intent. Each letter must be signed and must include the classify'
tion, address and telephone number of the writer.