We stare at the television like
zombies. If someone comes
into the room, they might think
my roommate and I have been
hypnotized. After following our
blank stares, however, they will
soon see that our gazes are not
induced by a hypnotist.
Instead, it is the black and
white visions before us that
have entranced us.
These visions are not of a
canned laughter sitcom, nor of
a national geographic special.
No, not even some devastating
news brief. What my
roommate and I are watching
with so much fervor are the
incredible commercials that
appear on the T.V. screen after
every ten minutes of “real”
programming.
I use incredible because of
the outrageous extent to which
advertisers go to gain the
interest of the average
television viewer. Never again
will we see the honest “ buy-
our-product-because-it’s-good ”
advertisement. Now, there are
only commercials with one
intent: sell, sell, sell — no
matter how it’s done. Proof of
this can be seen in the
outlandish ploys that several of
the advertisers have resorted
to.
Instead of selling the
country’s produce with the
honesty of nature, we can find
our raisins merrily dancing into
an enormous box, singing
about grapevines as though
they actually did hear
something of interest while
waiting to be chosen by the
best raisin company.
And now our produce is
being used to sell everything
from dishwashing soap to
peanuts. Yes, you too can have
a joyous lemon assist you with
the dishes, or maybe you
would prefer a peanut
complete with top hat, cane
and monocle to help you
choose which peanuts you
need for your next party.
gravy, that they actually forget
about their bad breath —which
other dogs are terribly
concerned about. And let’s not
forget that amazing chef and
his knack for doggy dining. It’s
commercials like these that
make us wish for the little
covered wagon racing into the
cabinet with a dog close
behind.
We mustn’t fail to remember
all the notorious cat
commercials, the most popular
being the ones featuring the
belated Morris. Everyone
knows he died, yet his voice,
name and psuedo-self still live.
Maybe that company should
be a little more finicky in
choosing which ads they’re
going to use. We all know
Morris doesn’t really have nine
lives, but someone is obviously
trying to convince us that he
does.
And we can’t forget the kitty
cat who craves for his cat food.
I’ve never known any feline to
be so excited over a cat food
named after a verb. Yet this cat
eats like he hasn’t seen food in
weeks — and I wonder if he
has.
As for the cartoon invasion,
now you, too can have Garfield
sell you an American Express
card. Or maybe you want some
pink insulation sold by that
voiceless panther we all know
and love. And we can’t forget,
no matter how we try, that the
“Peanuts” gang knows all
about our insurance needs.
The list of cartoon salesmen is
endless.
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This week's attention!! photo was taken by Susan C. Akin, a sopho
more speech communications major.
Animal commercials have
become increasingly popular
within the last few years. Now
we can see dogs so excited
about their kibbles having
On Saturdays, between our
favorite animated programs,
we can be bombarded by an
array of inspiring cereal
commercials. Tempting us with
a myriad of sugary breakfasts
are everything from counts to
captains. There is even a
leprechaun that tells us that his
cereal is magically delicious.
And what about the child that
says, “Silly rabbit, my cereal is
for kids!” What he should be
saying is “Silly viewer! Are you
actually watching this?”
We now have determined
that our babies will stay dryer,
our cars will run longer, and
our floors will be shinier if we
only listen to these helpful
mini-shows that know exactly
where our heartfelt needs lie.
If their carpet deodorizers
can get my carpet to smell like
roses in the dead of winter,
more power to them. Because
as long as I have the softest
tissue for my ever-so-sensitive
nose, then I know that life has
been complete, and 1 can die in
peace.
Christa Rotenbeny is a
sophomore English major.
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