Member of
Texas Press Association
Southwestjournalism Conference
The Battalion Editorial Board
Loren Steffy, Editor
Mary be th Rohsner, Managing Editor
Mike Sullivan, Opinion Page Editor
Jens Koepke, City Editor
Jeanne Isenberg, Sue Krenek, News Editors
Homer Jacobs, Sports Editor
Tom Ownbey, Photo Editor
Payday
It’s pay-raisin’ season in Washington again! And when the sub
ject of salary hikes for federal employees comes up, political cowar
dice cannot be far behind.
Congress has developed an effective, albeit spineless, approach
to voting on raises for themselves. Obviously, voting to raise their
own salaries would not set well with the congressmen’s constituents.
Yet voting against a pay increase would not set well with colleagues.
So Congress enacted a process that automatically grants a pay raise
to federal employees unless both houses of Congress vote against it.
The raise itself is not as objectionable as the way it will be en
acted. Under the increase, senators and representatives would make
$89,500 a year, which, while not slim pickings, is not outlandish for
government officials.
But congressmen refuse to stand behind, or even publicly ac
knowledge, their support for the raise. In a time when senators and
representatives are screaming for fiscal responsibility by the federal
government, few members of Congress seem willing to practice what
they preach.
If congressmen want more money, the least they could do is tell
voters outright, instead of hiding behind legislative processes de
fied to do nothing more than shield them from the unpopularity
their decisions.
And God spake unto him
Aviation is a big farce
A wonderful
thing has hap
pened to me. I re
ceived notification
in the mail re
cently that I have
been invited to
join “The Man
Will Never Fly
Memorial Socie-
ty”
Until I received
ton, Ohio, could move through the air
like winged fowl.”
Note: While
digging through
an old stack of
Battalions the
other day, I
stumbled across
fragments of a
scroll. The scroll
looked thousands
of years old and
was written in Pig
Latin.
After hours of
Karl
Pallmeyer
What, then, of the massive jets of to
day that are supposed to carry people
from city to city at hundreds of miles
per hour?
The society has an answer for that:
Lewis
Grizzard
my notification, I had no idea such an
organization existed.
But now I am fully aware, and I will
be proud to help in the society’s primary
purpose:
The society is dedicated to debunking
the myth of the Wright Brothers and
subsequent, so-called man flights.
The society was born on December 6,
1959, when a group of friends had been
invited to Kill Devil Hills, N.C., to honor
Wilbur and Orville’s alleged first flight
on Dec. 17, 1903, at nearby Kitty Hawk.
The night before, described by the
founders as “a dark and windy night
when nothing flew and even the sea
gulls bounced from place to place like
hoppy toads,” the group began to drink
heavily.
The more they drank, the more they
became convinced that men flying is just
another cruel hoax being played on so
ciety.
The brochure that accompanied my
membership offer indicated the myth of
men flying has its roots all the way back
to ancient times.
“First, came the nonsense of Cupid
flying through the air,” the bro
chure reads. “Then, there was the non
sense of Pegasus, the winged horse.
“Next, came the fabled Arabian car
pet. And finally, a piece of flummery
about a flying stork that dropped babies
down chimneys.
“Small wonder that humankind, nou
rished on such nonsense, would readily
believe two bicycle mechanics from Day-
“Airports and airplanes are for the
gullible. Little do passengers realize
they are merely boarding Greyhound
buses with wings.
“While on board these winged buses,
passengers are given the illusion of
flight when cloudlike scenery is moved
past their windows by stagehands in a
very expensive theatrical performan-
ce.
So that’s how they do it.
I further learned the society is in
volved in several worthwhile projects,
one of which is a plan to build an Invis
ible Museum for UFOs.
Another, being tackled by the White
Knuckle Chapter (Austin, Texas) is re
searching the octane rating of chili gas,
in case someone eventually does invent
the airplane.
I, of course, have long been dubious
of air travel, as well as afraid of it. If
you share my feelings and are inter
ested in joining the society, write to:
TMWNFMS, P.O. Drawer 1903, Kill
Devil Hills, N.C. 27948.
All you have to do is send $5 and
make the pledge that is the lifeblood of
the society:
“Given the choice,
I will never fly,
but given no choice,
I will never fly sober.”
Copyright 1986, Cowles Syndicate
translation, minutes of research and sec
onds of conclusion jumping, I deter
mined the scroll must be one of the lost
books of the Bible. Joseph Smith discov
ered the “Book of Mormon” in a New
York cave in the 1820s. I have found the
“Revelation of St. Fred the Mediocre” in
a Reed McDonald Building filing cab
inet in 1987.
Fred’s “Revelation” is similiar to
John’s “Revelation” in the Bible be
cause it tells of dark times to come.
Many of the prophecies in Fred’s
“Revelation” already have come to
pass.
The Revelation of St. Fred the
Mediocre
Chapter I
1 God gave unto his servant Fred
this revelation so that he shall bare
testimony of the divine message
unto all who readeth these holy
words.
2 It shall come to pass in the lands
of the presidents that there may rise
a great force. That force shall be
called television.
3 And it shall come to pass that
men shall become slaves to tele
vision and shall serveth their new
master by worshipping it all of their
days. Many men shall lie prone be
fore television and giveth up offer
ings of VCRs and stereo hook-ups.
4 But not all men shall become
slaves to television. There shall be
several men who riseth up and shall
make television their servant. These
men shall be feared throughout the
lands.
Chapter 2
1 And there shall come among these
men a man called Roberts. Roberts shall
beget a son called Oral.
These men shall use television to
spread the words of their Lord.
3 And it shall come to pass where
these men shall reap the riches of the
land from those who worship television.
These men and other false profits ad
vanced! themselves in this world and
care not for the kingdom of the Lord
the claim to love.
4 And it shall come to pass that the
false profits shall use television to
enslave the peoples of their nation. For
those who worship television know not
where their salvation shall lie and are
willing to follow any leader.
Chapter 3
1 This is the book of the generations of
Oral. Oral shall come forth unto the
lands with the words of his Lord. And
Oral shall father a school. And the
school of Oral shall bring forth many
scholars and basketball players.
2 And it shall come to pass that Oral
shall speaketh unto his Lord. And Oral,
shall sayeth his Lord telleth him: “Oral,
thou shall raiseth $4.5 million by the
month of March or thy life shall surely
end.”
3 And Oral shall come forth and
s:
iau
mgs
V
Hi!
that the people shall sendethunto
S2 million. And Oral saw thats
g(X)d.
And it came to pass thatthemoE. •# eai1
March had arrived. Oral said unit
world th . . .
Note: At this point the textbti
unreadable. Certain sectionsoftk
luul been destroyed due to yeani
gleet and several hungry rodents.
Chapter 15
1 And it shall come to passimk
of the Aggies that a newspaperstci
formed and that paper shall beo
The Battalion. And The Battalion
become the instrument to sprer:
news of the world and the thonjli ^
at
sts
ere
ohi
n g
nd
\
:owi
rail
T
£en
2 And there shall come a niaE
shall be called Karl and who shall
for the paper. The writings of Rar;
be met with much anger and
versy.
through his servant television he shall
addresseth the people of his nation.
And Oral shall asketh the world to send-
eth unto him money so his life shall not
surely end in March.
3 And there shall
other man who shall be
Mike and he shall also»i
for the paper. The writinf
Mike shall also be metvii
ger by those who shaved
heads and weareth the doll
a soldier.
4 And it shall cometol
when the Lord shall spei
unto Karl and sayeth: l|
thou shall raiseth $2
shall increase thy years
dredfold and force ye tod'
the land of the
rest of thy days. Thy pis
ment shall be to writeth*
that shall stireth upthyfi
students’ wrath.”
5 And Karl shall sayett ;
the Lord: “Surely thoushl
leaveth me to face suchi
alone.”
6 And the Lord s
unto Karl: “Thou s
alone, for I will take
Mike and I shall increas
years hundredfold.Yt 1
lx>th dwell in the land ofthf
gies and ye shall both*!
4 And the people shall seeth Oral
through his servant television and their
hearts shall be open, for their minds
seeth not the deceiver. And it shall come
to pass that in the month of February
until the cows cometh home.”
7 And so it came to pass that Rad
teth and asketh for $2 million tof
him and Mike from the curse tk
haveth decreed.
8 Then it came to pass...
Note: Sorry, that’s all I could
pher, folks.
Karl Pallmeyer is a journalism
and a columnist forThe Battalion
The big scam
EDITOR:
I’m a senior accounting major and am disgusted with the book
scandal at this University. An occasional change of texts is
understandable, but the rip-offs I have been the victim of lead me
to wonder who is pocketing my money — area bookstores, the
University, authors or someone else?
The first robbery occured during the Fall 1985 semester when
I took Accounting 230. I had to buy a new text, and I could not sell
it back at the end of the semester because the accounting
department changed books for Spring 1986.
Now, Spring 1987,1 find they are using my old 230 text again,
making Accounting 230 students buy new books because none of
the bookstores bought the texts back when I was selling mine.
The second robbery occured this semester. Unfortunately, I
have the privilege of taking Accounting 329 again — a class I took
last semester — and yes, they changed books. The change is only in
the edition number of the text, however, and I’m hard pressed to
find any other differences, excluding the vastly different cover
Mail Call
and ordering of some later chapters. Word for word the books are
the same. The problems at the end of the chapters are what really
lead me to believe that some sort of scandal is taking place. The
problems, which also are in slightly different order, are exactly the
same with — at most — a change in one irrelevant piece of
information. Am I the only one who smells a scandal?
Tim Strohmaier ’87
Stop and salute
EDITOR:
After attending the Feb. 3 Silver Taps, we began to wonder if a
new location would be better for the ceremony to avoid
disturbances such as planes flying overhead during the 2 Tgun
salute and trains that always seem to pass during the playing of
“Taps.”
Surely, someone with authority could ask Easterwood Airport
and surrounding train depots to delay or alter their traffic for a
mere 30 minutes. Siver Taps only happens a few times a year and
is intended to be a tribute. But how can it be with such
annoyances? If something is done about this situation it
Silver Taps the quiet, solemn experience it is intended to be,
Mark Heath ’88
Don Hermon ’88
Keep your ketchup
EDITOR:
This letter is in resopnse to Gregg Leissner’s Feb. 3 letter J
wrote about a recent A-l Steak Sauce commercial. Hesaidthert
was nothing wrong with putting ketchup on steak. Thatmayk
true at t.u., but not here. And before you try to pass out condi^
advice again, remember, Gregg, Highway 6 runs both ways
Andy Vann ’88
Letters to the editor should not exceed 300 words in length. The editorial staff rli,r '
right to edit letters for style and length, but will make every effort to maintain t
tent. Each letter must be signed and must include the classification, address i
number of the writer.