Page 2/The Battalion/Tuesday, December 2, 1986
Opinion
Loyalty to old writing machines a typographical erro
You know what
really bugs me
about Andy Roo
ney? He loves
typewriters. So
does Lewis Griz-
zard. William
Zinsser, in his
book “On Writing
Well,” assures
writers that for
saking typewriters
Loren
Steffy
for word processors isn’t sacrilege it’s
progress. He states the obvious. These
gentlemen insist on romanticizing about
typewriters. Many other “seasoned”
journalists like to recall the good old
days when newsrooms were more “fla
vorful” because of the incessant clickety-
clacking of typewriter keys.
But like Reagan’s recollections of the
McCarthy Era, the memory is selective
— it has to be. The old-timers may recall
the comforting sounds of keystrokes
with the fondness that one might re
member a fine melody, but I guarantee
the sweet pecks were accompanied by
less delightful utterings — namely
swearing.
I know because from time to time I
try to use the maniacal mechanization
men call a typewriter. A journalist, I tell
myself, should be proficient with this in
fernal device. I don’t know why, that’s
just the way it is. Lou Grant and Com
pany used them. Redford and Hof
fman, pretending to be Woodward and
Bernstein used them. Even Kolchak the
Nightstalker used them. Typewriters
are more closely associated with journal
ists than even beer bellies, divorce, ner
vous breakdowns, heart disease and em
physema.
But they are obsolete. The technol
ogy-fighting holdouts who refuse to
write on anything they have to plug in
or sign on to are simply stragglers, ce
mented in their outdated ways.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I
can’t use a typewriter, it’s just that I can’t
use them properly. I’m a rapid typist,
but I’m also a rapid errorist. Correction
fluid salesmen can spot me a mile away.
Buy a typewriter, they say, knowing that
I’m a gallon-a-week guaranteed sale.
But it’s really not funny. I’m also a
deadly typist.
When I flip on the power switch, my
wife gathers up the cats and heads for
cover. Papers fly. Ribbons fly. Correc
tion fluid flies. Hair flies. Newly in
vented obscenities fly.
Computers, of course, present no
problem. Mistakes can be erased as
quickly as they’re written. Some comput
ers even erase them for you. Many type
writers now are made with computer
like functions — a perverse hybrid of la
bor-saving device
and manmade
frustration. I’m
not fooled.
My typewriter
troubles started in
my childhood
when my parents
gave me a plastic
“Children’s TyP e_
writer.” The first
thing I noticed was
the keys were all
out of order. It
took longer to find
the desired letter
than it did to write
a whole paragraph
by hand. Besides,
most third grade
teachers didn’t re
quire homework to
be typed and dou
ble-spaced.
Eventually, I
bers; 1 was absent
that day), and 1 in
herited my dad’s
old clunker when
he bought a sleek,
new IBM. 1 consid
ered myself lucky
to have my own
electric typewriter
before 1 had my
own razor. What a
boost to my writing
career! All 1 had to
do now was come
up wit h subject
matter.
thing the whole time) before I'll J
my thoughts to that gadget. Mail
would make a nice, journalistic J
ter. . . .
My typophobia is starting to talJ
toll on my mental health. I’mstarnijl
have typewriter-induced hallucinaJ
The other night 1 was watching*
den Impact,” the latest Dirty Harn*
lead-in-cold-blood extravaganza. 1IF
Harry threatens the thugs in the*
and they reply “You and whoekr
thought Clint Eastwood replied,“Snfl
C lorona and me.” I
But my first typ-
i n g m a c h i n e
needed more re
pairs than my ’7d
Chevy Vega. As
typewriters go, this
one was a n a n -
tique, manufac
tured a r o u n d
collection I
Underwoods. GR
Rooney can have
t urn-of-the-century
/.ai d can keep his old clacker under»
John Wayne portrait. Zinsser canittl
millions convincing other writers®
computers are friend and not foe yj
doesn’t base to sell me. I
fi'
tried my parents’ manual model using
the HPC method —hunt, peck and cuss.
But I’d just about get up speed, and
then I’d have to hit the return handle
and start all over.
I960. To make matters worse, the “o"
key didn’t work. Typing without using
the circular vowel was detrimental to my
abilities. Smetimes 1 still have truble.
:
I took typing in high school, hoping
to master this typographical demon. I
learned to type (except for the num
For graduation I got a new Smith-Co
rona. It sits in front of the window, dar
ing me to use it. But I’ll write on paper
(as I did this column, sneering at the
I know it’s a technologicalcrutcliP
I’ll risk a system crash over stuckii
any day. When it comes to writings!
anything between a pen and acorapiml
screen just isn’t my type. iV
Loren Steffy is a seniorjournalism f(
jor and the Opinion Page editcr |
The Battalion.
Mail Call
First and ... last?
EDITOR:
Where does Karl Pallmeyer think he is? Pallmeyer, this is Texas A&M,
not the University of Texas. The Aggie bonfire he talked about in his Nov. 20
column is more than just tradition. Being a freshman, this is my first bonfire,
but with more people like you around, it could be my last.
Bonfire does more than keep up a tradition, it unifies many students for
one common cause, and this can only help the University. Any risks involved
are well worth it, and I think more would agree than disagree. So give up
Pallmeyer, and help “BUILD THE HELL OUTTA BONFIRE”. Oh, by the
way, his hair would look much better with a letter in it.
Blayne Rowland ’90
Long live roaches
EDITOR:
In response to the comment made by University of Texas football player
John Hagy (I wish he could read this), they say in the event of a nuclear war,
the cockroach will be the only living species to survive. Enough said.
Victoria H. Larroca ’88
Get back in line
EDITOR.
For Christmas, I was going to ask Santa for a few things I’ve been wanting
or needing, such as a compact disc player, some new clothes, a new curling
iron and maybe some perfume or jewelry. Of course, this was before I spent
2*/2 hours dialing 845-TAMU trying to register for next semester, only to get
a kink in my neck and a sore arm! Now all I’m going to ask for is a new
automatic touch-tone phone with a separate redial button.
Registering by phone may have eliminated lines (I never stood in line for
anywhere close to 2 1 /2 hours), but at least you could socialize or study or eat
rather easily while in line. It’s hard to do anything with a receiver on your
shoulder, one of your arms constantly dialing and the other holding a
registration book. I think I’d rather stand in line!
Michelle Rodeghirer ’88
Truckloads of trash
EDITOR.
Brazos Beautiful and Brazos County say a BIG THANKS to the more
than 100 APO volunteers who spent more than five hours cleaning South
Texas Avenue and the West Bypass Nov 8. More than 10 truckloads of trash
were hauled off. Thanks, Ags, for exhibiting pride in our community.
Diane Mills
Coordinator, Brazos Beautiful
Bring back the sack
EDITOR:
Crusaders arise! The task is at hand. We must ban together to stop this
heinous intrusion into our lives, perpetuated by grocery stores, of pushing
off the new plastic bags on us. The brown paper sacks have been adequate for
years, and we must bring them back exclusively.
The success of any worthwhile venture nowadays depends on a catchy
slogan. Therefore, I hope everyone who agrees about banning the plastic
bags will let me know what they think of the slogan I have chosen: It’s better
when you get it in the sack!
Bart Braden
Shirt sighted
EDITOR:
I saw a shirt the other day that said:
You can run, but you can’t hide, as long as you are not the ayatollah
— President Reagan, November, 1986
Sekar Annamalai ’89
Lost ring
EDITOR:
A gold ring was lost on Nov. 24 during Elephant Walk. If you know
anybody who has found it please call me at 260-1067. A large cash reward is
being offered.
Kirk Spessard ’87
Letters to the editor should not exceed 300 words in length. The editorial staff reserves the right
to edit letters for style and length, but will make every effort to maintain the author’s intent.
Each letter must be signed and must include the classification, address and telephone number of
the writer.
Transplanted northerners
shook up over culture shock
There is a
group of Atlan
tans, formerly
New Yorkers, who
have formed their
own support
group called “The
New York Net
work.” They get
together to whine
about all the
things they miss
about their home-
Lewis
Grizzard
town.
There was a story about the group in
the Atlanta papers last week. It said
these people missed such things as egg
creams.
Quite frankly, I have no idea what an
egg cream is, but as an Atlantan who
once was held prisoner of war in Chi
cago, I know what it is like to be ravaged
by homesickness.
I lived in Chicago for nearly three
years. It was cold there and the people
talked funny.
One day, I met a guy in a bar who also
was from the South. I knew that right
away when I heard him ask a young lady
seated next to him, “Do you think wrest-
lin’s fake?”
which he belonged, “Grits Anonymous,”
for misplaced Southerners.
He invited me to attend the group’s
next meeting. It was wonderful. We
filled up the host’s Jacuzzi with grits and
wallowed around in them until we all
felt we could handle Chicago and our
homesickness at least until the next
meeting.
After some research I found there
are other groups of Atlantans who are
transplanted Northerners and meet oc
casionally to deal with problems they
have encountered since moving south.
There is, for instance, the “Federation
of Former New Jersey Americans.” The
members miss such things as seeing
bodies floating in rivers. They meet at
Barney’s Waterslide every other
Wednesday.
“It’s not what we’re used to, of cour
se,” said the group’s founder, Nick Va
lentino, from Newark, “but it does help
some of our members to cope.”
Then, there’s “We’re from Cleve
land,” people who never get to see rivers
burn any more. What they do is renU
raft and float down Atlanta’s seen*
Chattahoochee River. At lunch tint
they pour gasoline on the river
roast weenies.
I even discovered a group of ti
planted Chicagoans, “The Fruit
Every time the temperature fa
60 degrees the members take off tint
clothes and run around outsideinhof
of enjoying the invigorating feeling
frostbite once more.
What’s obviously happening in
country is more and more peoplei 11
leaving their roots to find their
tunes, and this obviously can leadto' f
rious forms of culture shock.
I eventually left Chicago forhomA
cause I could no longer handlea
way of life, and I am certain the pef'
from New York and New Jersey^
Cleveland and Chicago will be leaviP
the South and returning home son 11
too.
Bye, y’all.
Copyright 1986, Cowles Syndicate
V
The Battalion
(USPS 045 360)
Southerners are known for their abil
ity to engage in clever repartee in such
social situations as trying to pick up a
date in a bar.
Member of
Texas Press Association
Southwest Journalism Conference
The Battalion Editorial Board
After the young lady moved several
seats away from the man, I began talk
ing with him. It turned out he was from
Birmingham, Ala., and he, too, was
homesick.
Cathie Anderson, Editor
Kirsten Dietz, Managing Editor
Loren Steffy, Opinion Page Editor
Frank Smith, City Editor
Sue Krenek, News Editor
Ken Sury, Sports Editor
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