ceiling, and recently, in re- turned down because his grade Meridian. says.
Page 2/The Battalion/Tuesday, April 'S, 198.6
Opinion
Lawyer in emergency room:
the other side of malpractice
It had to hap
pen sooner or
later. Lawyer Dob
bins was wheeled
into the emer
gency room on a
stretcher, rolling
his head in agony.
Doctor Green
came over to see
him.
Art Buchwald
“Dobbins,” he
said. “What an
“I’ll sign a paper that I won’t sue.”
“Can I read to you from the tran
script of the trial? Lawyer Dobbins: Why
were you so sure my client had tennis el
bow? Dr' Green: I’ve treated hundreds
of people with tennis elbow, and I know
it when I see it. Dobbins: It never oc
curred to you my client could have an
Excedrin headache? Green: No, sir.
There were no signs of an Excedrin
headache. Dobbins: You and your ilk
make me sick.”
that you were a prime candidate for a
kidney stone.”
“You can’t tell a man is a candidate
for a kidney stone by just looking at
him.”
honor. The last time I saw you was in
court when you accused me of malprac
tice.”
“Doc, Doc. My side is on fire. The
pain is right here. What could it be?”
“How would I know? You told the
jury I wasn’t fit to be a doctor.”
“I was only kidding, Doc. When you
represent a client you don’t know what
you’re saying. Could I be passing a kid
ney stone?”
“Your diagnosis is as good as mine.”
“What are you talking about?”
“When you questioned me on the
stand you indicated you knew every
thing there was to know about the prac
tice of medicine.”
“Doc, I’m climbing the wall. Give me
something.”
“Let’s say I give you something for a
kidney stone and it turns out to be a
gallstone. Who is going to pay for my
court costs?”
“Why are you reading that to me?”
“Because, Dobbins, since the trial I’ve
lost confidence in making a diagnosis. A
lady came in the other day limping . . .”
“Please, Doc, I don’t want to hear it
now. Give me some Demerol.”
'j
“You said during the suit that I dis
pensed drugs like a drunken sailor. I’ve
changed my ways, Dobbins. I don’t pre
scribe drugs anymore.”
“Then get me another doctor.”
“There are no other doctors on duty.
The reason I’m here is that after the
malpractice suit the sheriff seized every
thing in my office. This is the only place
I can practice.”
“If you give me something to relieve
the pain I’ll personally appeal your case
to a higher court.”
“You know, Dobbins, I was sure you
would be wheeled in on a stretcher
someday.”
“How did you know that?”
“At the trial I made a mental note
“That’s what you think, Dobbins. You
had so much acid in you when you ad
dressed the jury I knew some of it even
tually had to crystallize into stones. Re
member on the third day when you
called me the ‘Butcher of Operating
Room 6’? That afternoon I said to my
wife, ‘That man is going to be in a lot of
pain.’ ”
“Okay, Doc, you’ve had yourounce of
flesh. Can I now have my ounce of De
merol?”
‘I better check you out first.”
‘Don’t check me out, just give the do
pe.
“But in court the first question you
asked me was if I had examined the pa
tient completely. It would be negligent
of me if I didn’t do it now. Do you mind
getting on the scale?”
“What for?”
“To find out your height. I have to be
prepared in case I get sued again and
the lawyer asks me if I knew how tall
you were.”
“I’m not going to sue you.”
“You say that now. But how can I be
sure you won’t file a writ after you pass
the kidney stone?”
Art Buchwald is a columnist for the
Los Angeles Times Syndicate.
United Feature Syndicate
Smiles, handshakes not enough
for next superpowers summit
The nation’s capi
tal has moved splen
didly into spring.
The forsythia and
daffodils are in
bloom, and so are the
Barry
Schweid
AP News A nalysis
precious Japanese cherry blossoms, a
prime attraction for the tourists who
have returned with their cameras, strol
lers and street maps.
But as far as U.S.-Soviet relations are
concerned, it might as well still be win
ter. Hopes raised at the “fireside sum
mit” meeting in Geneva for a thaw are
dwindling. If President Reagan is to
host a second session with Soviet leader
Mikhail Gorbachev here in late June or
late July, as the White House prefers,
Moscow had better RSVP quickly.
“Time is getting close,’’ Larry
Speakes, the presidential spokesman,
observed Monday. “It is getting critical
to begin to set a date where you can do
effective planning for a summit.”
Last November’s meeting was an ice
breaker, the first U.S.-Soviet summit in
more than six years. Smiles and hand
shakes won’t be enough to satisfy world
wide expectations this time. So, most
analysts agree, it will take at least six
weeks to reconsider the many conflicts
between the superpowers and try to
find solutions Reagan and Gorbachev
could adopt.
But Moscow still hasn’t said it is com-
Arms control talks, meanwhile, are at
a virtual standstill except for some
movement toward reducing U.S. and
Soviet medium-range nuclear missiles in
Europe. The Soviets do not want to talk
about trimming their arsenal in Asia,
and unless they do the Reagan adminis
tration is unlikely to agree to even an in
terim cutback in Europe.
Gorbachev tried last weekend to coax
the president into another summit to
ban underground nuclear tests. But the
proposal was brushed aside. U.S. offi
cials, evidently doubting the Soviet
leader , was sincere, grumbled that the
offer was never transmitted through
diplomatic channels.
tant since they probably are the two
most influential members of theadmin-
istration on arms control with theexcep-
tion of the president himself.
Shultz lectured the Soviets to stop
grandstanding. “We will getsomewhere
in our relationship with the Soviets
when we’re able to have some dis
cussions that are relativelyquiet and di
rect,” he said.
That opportunity may comein a cou
ple of weeks when former Ambassador
Anatoly Dobrynin, who was promoted
recently to a top Communistparty post,
returns for farewell calls.
Rep. Les Aspin, D-Wis., the chairman
of the House Armed Services Commit
tee, said even if Gorbachev was “dema-
goguing,” Reagan should have called his
bluff and seen if tfie Soviets were se
rious about a negotiated ban. U.S. and
Soviet nuclear test blasts, except those
conducted underground, were prohib
ited in a 1963 treaty. But the two sides
have not moved from there to the com
prehensive ban they committed them
selves to seek 23 years ago.
mg.
Secretary of State George Shultz and
Paul Nitze, the president’s senior arms
control adviser, questioned whether a
publicly announced proposal by Gorba
chev was the way to conduct serious ne
gotiations. Their skepticism is impor-
Shultz and Kenneth Adelman, the
U.S. arms control director, indicated
that the United States would not make
new proposals on either offensive
weapons or space-based defense sys
tems when the fifth round of talks
opens May 8 in Geneva.
The U.S. strategy is to stick with the
American proposals already put on the
table and wait for the Soviets to give
ground. That could happen. Whenthe
Soviets broke off negotiations in late
1983 the U.S. side did not blink. Rea
gan waited. And the Soviets returned to
the bargaining table in 1985.
Evidently, Reagan and hissenior ad
visers are convinced the strategy will
work again.
Mail Call
More harm than good
EDITOR:
This letter is in regard to Ian Yanagisawa’s letter on helmets in
Thursday’s Battalion.
I’ve been riding for eight years and have enjoyed every minute ofit. i
certainly do not plan on giving up my life either. However, when 1 ride in
heavily populated areas, I do not wear a helmet.
I do believe that people who are just beginning to ride or the 120-rnph
“razor riders” should wear one. As for myself, an experienced, sub-sonic
rider, I am not worried about my own skills, but the lack of skills of everyone I
else on the road. I believe it is much more important to be able to hearclearlt
and have an unrestricted field of vision to avoid accidents in the first place.
I have’hever been in an accident, but there have been a few situationstbl
could have been very hairy had I not been able to hear the car before I was
able to see it.
So next time Ian sees a helmetless rider he should realize the rider also
believes that a helmet can do more harm than good.
David Disheroon
Journalistic excellence
EDITOR:
Bravo! Your journalistic excellence is unsurpassed!
The caption on Friday’s front page picture “Going Bananas” is SO
informative. Who is Michael Adams (Jamie Stewart’s roomie?) Where canwej
get a banana split like Mike’s? Why is he fixing one? Why is this on the front
page?
Wendy, Steve and Jill are to be applauded. Collectively, they used the
pronouns he and/or she to begin eleven of the 26 paragraphs in their
mayoral article.
Ah yes, literary and editorial excellence, alive and well in The Battalion.
Craig Bain
Class of 1986
Letters from professors
EDITOR:
I have been an avid reader of The Battalion for over a year now, andlai[|
surprised that in all that time I have seen only one or two letters from
professors published in your “Mail Call” column.
They have as much right as students to voice their views in The Battalion
and I think they should be allowed to do so. And protected from any
repercussions as might result, if they chose to discuss new ideas.
William H. Clark II
EDITOR S NOTE: Letters from professors, as well as any other non
students, are handled in the same manner as student letters. However, feiw|
faculty members submit letters.
'Gay Week' not for everyone
EDITOR:
Hard to stomach
EDITOR:
I feel certain I am not the only “Sbisa regular” who would rather the
Corps of Cadets save its antics for Duncan Dining Hall. We have a hard
enough time stomaching Sbisa as it is without such pathetic displays of “disci
pline.” „
Paul Brinkley
Jeff Fox
Harry Garwood
Tom Rowell
Barry Schweid covers U.S.-Soviet di
plomacy for The AssociatedPress.
The Battalion
USPS 045 360
Member of
Texas Press Association
Southwest Journalism Conference
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Last week the secretary of the Gay Student Services submitted a letterto
The Battalion. In that letter, he kindly thanked the University for the
recognition of the GSS on campus. I believe they deserve this recognition,k|
he went on to declare last week “Gay Week” — at Texas A&M University.
This could be considered rather offensive to those of us who don’t wish to
participate in “Gay Week”. Perhaps next time they could call it “Gay Week"
—at the GSS, and they could carry on whatever activities or celebrations the) |
had planned.
Jeff Martin
Wayne Simmons
I am writing this letter of appreciation in response to the presence of the
“armed unit of elite soldiers” who dined in Sbisa on Saturday, March 29.
Words cannot express the feeling of security I experienced as I ate my meal l|
am sure my emotions were shared by others as we were inspired by a “gallani
infantry” marching to the ice cream dispenser. Then, as a final display oftnifl
valor, this group of Texas A&M’s finest defenders of tradition whistled a
merry tune as they marched from our presence, leaving us with a feeling of
awe and satisfaction that in these troubled times we live in, there is someone
to protect us!
Letters to the Editor should not exceed 300 words in length. The editorial staff reserves t/ierigltl
to edit letters for style and length but will make every effort to maintain the author’s imeni.fattj
letter must be signed and must include the address and telephone number of the writer.
The Battalion Editorial Board
Editor , Michelle Po»'l
Managing Editor Kay MalWj
Opinion Page Editor LorenSteff!!
City Edi tor , JerryOslifl
News Editor : Cathie Anderft l
Sports Editor TravisTingl<|
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