Page 2/The BattalionThursday, January 23, 1986
—
Music masterpieces
a phone call away
There was a
time when, if you
wanted to hear
good music, you
put on a record or
attended a con
cert. Now all you
have to do is pick
up the telephone
and dial an institu
tion. As soon as
they put you on
HOLD you can enjoy the great master
pieces of all time.
A big fan of this type of music is
Stuart Brotman. He maintains the only
way you can really appreciate the clas
sics is to be left hanging on the line wait
ing for a live person to talk to you.
“Once you listen to Mozart on the
phone you never want to hear him live
again,” Stuart said.
“I didn’t know you could get Mozart
on the telephone,” I said.
“You’d be surprised what you can
get,” he said. “The other day I called to
make an airline reservation to Atlanta
and was plugged into Handel’s ‘Mes
siah.’”
“Is ‘Messiah’ a favorite of yours?”
“It wasn’t. But I had to wait so long
that now I know the lyrics by heart.”
“What has been the most memorable
music ever played for you on the pho
ne?” I asked Stuart.
“I once dialed Sears Roebuck about a
lawn mower sale and they immediately
switched me to ‘Aida.’ At the finish I lost
my head and started shouting ‘Encore!
Encore!’ and the clerk hung up on me.”
“I’ve called Sears many times and I’ve
never heard Verdi.”
“They only play him during Colum
bus Day sales,” Stuart said.
“How do you feel about Stravinsky?”
“I can take him or leave him. My
problem with Stravinsky is that when
you have the telephone up to your ear,
he can blow you out of the booth. When
I’m waiting to speak to someone on the
phone I prefer a Chopin sonata.”
“If 1 wanted to hear some good music
what company would you suggest I di
al?”
“American Express has excellent
taste. If you call their credit card com
plaint department they will pipe in the
‘Blue Danube.’”
“That’s no big deal. My gas company
plays the ‘Blue Danube’ every time they
put me on hold.”
“The difference is American Express
pipes theirs in live from Vienna.”
He then explained to me what was
going on. “In the beginning most firms
didn’t pay much attention to the music
they played. But as they kept cutting
personnel, there were fewer employees
to answer the phone. So with a smaller
staff the companies had to play longer
pieces. The days of piping in ‘Begin the
Beguine’ are over. The average wait for
a car rental agency to take your call now
is at least a Beethoven symphony.”
“I didn’t realize so much thinking
went into institutional answering serv
ices.”
“I’ll prove it to you,” Stuart said. “I’m
going to dial the IRS. They always put
you on HOLD.”
He handed the receiver to me. I lis
tened and then said, “I don’t believe it.
The IRS is playing Wagner’s ‘Gotter-
dammerung.’”
“Why are you surprised?”
“It’s a funeral march.”
“What did you expect — ‘Happy Days
Are Here Again’?”
Art Buchwald is a columnist for the
Los Angeles Times Syndicate.
Art Buchwald
Opinion
=|
United Feature Syndicate
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Abortion
Difference between life and existenc
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Wednesday was
the 13th aniversary
of the U.S. Supreme
Court’s Roe v. Wade
decision which legal
Glenn
Murtha
ized abortion nationwide. Many people
have the misconception that abortion
was not legal anywhere in the United
States before the decision, but this is not
true. Abortion was legal primarily in
more liberal northern and western
states, illegal in more conservative
southern states.
The case was initiated by a Texas
woman named Roe. Names used in
cases are sometimes pseudonyms to pro
tect the participants. Wade was and is
presently the Dallas County District At
torney.
Roe became pregnant and decided to
terminate her pregnancy. She visited va
rious doctors to discover if any would
perform an abortion but was turned
down. Her only other option was to
travel to a state where abortion was legal
or to Mexico where surgical procedures
were often unsafe. During this time, a
flight left Love Field in Dallas every Sat
urday morning primarily carrying preg
nant women to California to have abor
tions performed. Other women opted to
travel to Mexico.
Roe filed a lawsuit claiming that the
state of Texas violated her right to ter
minate her pregnancy. She could not af
ford to travel to another state and thus.
could not have an abortion legally per
formed. The law needlessly discrimi
nated against women who could not af
ford the cost of travel.
The case eventually reached the U.S.
Supreme Court. After examining testi
mony from medical, women’s and reli
gious groups, the court reached a deci
sion. The court stated, in effect, that
because various groups could not com
pletely agree as to when life began and
to the morality of abortion, the decision
to terminate a pregnancy should lie with
the individual.
Thus, state laws which prevented
abortion were declared unconstitutional
for violating a woman’s right to privacy,
her ability to freely make a decision
without interference from the govern
ment.
Women should possess the right to
have an abortion. I sympathize with the
cause of anti-abortionists. I believe that
existence begins with conception,
though not necessarily life. There is
more to life than just physical existence,
namely the quality of life. Simply claim
ing that abortion is wrong, period, is not
enough. Other issues must be ad
dressed.
What about poverty? Judging from
my circumstances, if I were a woman I
could adequately provide for a new life.
I have never known a life of poverty and
have never experienced the misery
which accompanies it.
*
Suppose that a woman faced anuu
pected pregnancy and could not all
to leave work to carry her pregnan
term. Would you be willing to pr
financial support so that she could
her pregnancy to term?
And what if she did have her
yet had no means to support it? W
you be willing to provide support?
What about adoption? Easier
than done. An emotional attachu
quickly develops between mother
child. Many women recognize thi
and the potential problem of parti
with the child after its birth.
What about handicapped childn
Would it be fair to bring a severelynii
tally or physically handicapped dii
into the world? Would it be fairtofoi
anyone to live this type of existence?
What about rape and incest? Woul
be fair to force a woman to haveadi
conceived in hate? Rape and incest
degrading experiences. A pregnan
resulting from these acts may served!
as a reminder to the degradation.
Abortion is a difficult decision
make and a difficult issue to resol
The fact that strong differences
opinion exist indicates no absoluten!
or wrong. I could not bring a child
the world to face a life of misery. W
you call life may be no life at all.
Glenn Murtha is a senior political*
ence major and a columnist for
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Mail Call
Barton should reconsider
EDITOR:
In the Jan. 18 edition of the Eagle, Congressman
Joe Barton was quoted as saying he would support
President Reagan if he chose to bomb terrorist train
ing camps in Libya. Barton stated, “If they (the terror
ist) have to pay a price, it may lessen the degree of ter
rorism. We should not only raise the price to
terrorists, but also to those who support them.” Bar
ton would not view the strike against the camps in Li
bya as an act of war; “It is one thing to conduct a strat
egic military strike and another to occupy.
I find this attitude not only asinine, but an affront
to those of us who voted for him. One of the primary
reasons for terrorist attacks against our citizens is a
deep seated hatred and mistrust of the American gov
ernment created by positions and actions taken by the
United States in the past.
Is it logical to assume that by killing more people we
will reduce these feelings? Can we raise the price so
high that these feelings will no longer be expressed in
terrorist acts?
Military action will only serve the terrorist cause by
creating additional martyrs, reinforcing the negative
image of America and increasing hatred. These will be
valuable tools for recruitment into the terrorist ranks,
thus increasing terrorist activity.
I do not know how to stop terrorism. Perhaps it
must run its course. Perhaps disproving the terrorist
propaganda and reflecting a less-warlike image can
help.
As a participant and a victim of the Vietnam conflict
I have a realistic view of war. I believe it to be the most
inhuman act of humanity. Sadly, there are times when
we must sacrif ice our young men to protect our way of
life, but we must be absolutely positive that such a
great sacrifice is justified.
I believe that not only Libya, but most of the world,
would view a military strike as an act of war. At a time
when a rational dialog with the Soviets is delevoping
and the dream of nuclear disarmament may become a
reality we cannot afford to involve ourselves in a con
flict the majority of the world will condemn. Terror
ism is not an American problem, it is a global problem
and must be dealt with on a worldwide basis.
Our elected officials, such as Barton, must now,
more than ever before become voices of reason. The
time for a “Bomb the Bastards” attitude is past, and es
pousing these attitudes will only result in adding fuel
to the fire. I urge you to write Barton and ask him to
reconsider his stand.
G. Ray White
Graduate Assistant
Farmers should unite
EDITOR:
The American farmer is having a hard time holding
on to the last bastion of freedom in the United States.
Over the last few' decades the federal government has
gradually regulated his land, his job and his fiscal re
sponsibilities. Now Uncle Sam has suddenly pulled the
rug out from under the farmers by threatening to
foreclose on all the massive loans the federal govern
ment has forced them to depend on over the years.
And nobody in Congress, much less the Executive
Branch, gives a hoot.
The farmers’ plight has been ignored by the media
and the people of America — they’ve not even the
wherewithal to band together to save their land and
their livelihood. Not that it would do much good,
though.
About the only way they’re going to keep their
farms, bought with so much toil, is — as a group — de
clare bankruptcy, citing the federal government,
much as would any debtor harassed by bill collectors.
It is their right by law, their duty to themselves, their
farms and the people who need their produce.
What, you say, but such a massive debt disclosure
would likely bankrupt the federal government — at
the time the Gramm-Rudman deficit reduction bill is
gearing up to cut the fat from the federal bu
reaucracy. The two actions together, if accomplished,
would put the government in big trouble. Better, I
say, to have food on the table than to serve up the last
supper to our so-called leaders in our Rome on the Po-
tomic.
At least an attempt by farmers to formally declare
bankruptcy would get them a little attention, which
they seem to be able to achieve no other way.
William H. Clark II
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