Is nothing sacred?
A&N plans to build
new war memorial
The Texas A&M War Memorial
Building Committee announced
vlonday that construction would be-
jin Jan. 1 on a memorial honoring
Aggies who died in the American
devolution.
G.D. Bull, director of the Memorial
Building Committee, said the memo-
ial should be completed on July 4 to
coincide with Independence Day
relebrations.
"I know damn good and well no
Aggies served in the Revolutionary
War," Bull admitted. "But there
would have been if A&M had been
iround back then."
Bull said that many of our found-
ng fathers would have gone to A&M
f they had the chance. The memo-
ial will be a 20-foot square slab of
jranite with the names of several
potential" Aggies inscribed on its
surface. The list of names includes:
Ceorge Washington, Thomas Jeffer
son, Benjamin Franklin, Thomas
^ame, Alexander Hamilton, John
Quincy Addams, Betsy Ross and
Benedict Arnold.
Football ticket scam
works for wealthy
Ever notice how it doesn't matter
when you -draw football tickets, and
even if you have a senior ticket
oook, you always get bad seats? The
man with the answer to this question
was the director in charge of the
ticket office, Bill Payloff.
"It's easy to explain," he said. "If
ya don't know nobody at the win
dow, then you won't be getting no
good seats.
"It's a great job, working at the
window, and our employees get to
expectin' something in return for a
good draw.
"It sure helps if you bring a gift in
with your coupon books and some
times a promise for a date from a
ijoodlookin' member of the opposite
sex will do.
"I don't see nothing wrong with a
tittle bribery, it's the American
way."
Payloff said the ticket situation will
be the same next season, but that
gifts will have to get better since the
Ags are now conference champs.
Maroon monument
to replace library
Texas A&M announced today that
construction on a 50-foot obelisk to
honor former student Big John Bucks
will begin next month. The mon
ument, scheduled for completion by
football season next year, will be
built on the site of the present li
brary, following the wishes of Bucks,
who was killed last week driving
back from the game when his ma
roon Eldorado struck a cow on High
way 6.
The maroon granite monument,
inscribed with the names of former
fish buddies, Aggie football greats
and Buck's family members, will be
staffed by six Baptist ministers who
will gather around it three times a
day to pray for the soul of Bucks.
University spokesman Brown Knose
said the educational facilities at
A&M will be improved immeasu
rably by the $15 million monument
and thanked the Bucks family for
their generosity and selflessness.
"That's just the kind of guy Big
John was," Knose said. "He was al
ways trying to improved A&M and
give back to the University just a
little of what it gave him. Ever since
he got back from Egypt a couple
years ago, he'd wanted one. So
what better place to put one than
near the library."
The University said part of the li
brary may have to be relocated to
make room for the monument but
said that particular spot held great
emotional attachment for Big John.
"And losing a few books isn't too
much to ask for something like this
which will surely increase the pres
tige of the University," Knose said.
Preacher to spar in
Fight Night for Jesus
The Texas A&M Christian
Fellowship, in -conjunction with the
Southern Baptist Student Associa
tion, will sponsor their first annual
Fight Night, at 7 p.m. Friday at the
Brazos County Pavilion.
Not to be confused with the Sigma
Phi Epsilon function of the same
name, the church-supported eve
ning will feature inflammatory cam
pus preacher, Bob, wrestling all
comers in a fight for Christ.
The rules are simple, sponsors
say. Bob will fight any challengers
and if he pins them for a count of
five, challengers must convert.
"I decided this would be much
more efficient than screaming out
side Rudder," Bob says.
He says he hopes the evening will
bring Aggie Christians out in droves
to watch the festivities in Christian
fellowship.
"But I also hope there are a lot of
pagans, Catholics and Darwinists
who come out to wrestle," Bob says.
Admission to Fight Night is $5,
with the proceeds going to local fun
damentalist wrestling clubs. Once
inside, Kool-Aid is free and a band
will play, although dancing won't
be allowed.
"We want everyone to come out
and have fun within limits," Bob
says.
MSC official ordains
self for sainthood
In a suprise move today, Primo
Don of the MSC, Archie Duke, re
signed yet again. Duke will honor
himself in his 12th gala fete in four
years, tonight at the College Station
Hilton.
"I'm stepping down from my
throne to make room for some of the
fine young people I've created to
take my place," Duke told reporters
from a spot somewhere near God.
"I built this place brick by brick,"
he says. "Why, the Regents pay
more attention to me than 'ole Fran
kie Vandiver.
"You're not a Rhodes scholar, are
you? Well, then dears, you couldn't
begin to understand all I've done for
the University."
Campus pub in ACC
to help students with
networking skills
Bowing to student pressure, led by
Battalion columnist Karl Pallmeyer,
the University announced Thursday
that it will begin serving liquor on
campus next week.
But the full-service bar will not be
in the Memorial Student Center, as
originally planned, for fear that
slightly intoxicated students might
stumble out onto the grass and be
hacked to ribbons by rabid good
ags, said Ima Badagg, future man
ager of the pub.
Instead, the bar will be located in
the ACC behind the service desk,
with happy hour every day from 4-7
p.m.
"It's possible that we may have to
move some terminals out to provide
additional seating,' Badagg said.
"There are no plans to install a
dance floor as yet, but at this point
we aren't ruling anything out."
Badagg denied that the club will
disrupt normal activity in the busi
ness building.
"In fact, it might, even promote
more professor-student interaction,"
said young and handsome market
ing professor Herbert Wild. "Stu
dents and faculty will be able to
meet in an environment not unlike
those they will find at office cocktail
parties. Students will be able to
hone their networking skills and re
lax at the same time."
In a nightclub coup, the owners of
the Zephyr Club outbid The Chicken
and Teazers for the 99-year lease on
the club. Zephyr manager Toumuch
Moose said he hopes eventually to
get Blocker renamed Zephyrs ANX-
Northgate.
"Like, it should be reeeaally easy,
dude," Moose drawled, "because
like most of the Greeks hang out
there anyway. Like it will be great to
have everyone hanging out together
and partying between classes."
Badagg dispelled rumors that a
dress code will be enforced in the re
modeled computer center.
"Just normal nightclub wear," she
says. "Rub in a little mousse and
you're ready to go."