By PENELOPE ODE
Staff Writer
I apologize beforehand for the
Karl Pallmeyer-esque tone of this
column. I'm not a rabid person by
nature. But the subject of this edito
rial makes me foam at the mouth.
You see, I'm a waitress. And I'm
writing about the worst tippers in the
Western world, who, 99 percent of
the time, end up being C.T.s.
While I don't want to be harsh or
unfair, or to stereotype the good with
the bad, that's simply the way it is.
I've seen the occasional C.T. pay his
bill and leave a decent tip, or one
lone C.T. take it upon himself the
gargantuan task of persuading his
buddies to leave a quarter. But they
are few and far between, lonely in
dividuals among the hordes of ma
rauding Sunday night C.T.s who
wreak havoc on incomes and egos
before they trudge back to Duncan.
I used to think, in an effort at being
objective, that C.T.s seemed to tip
less by virtue of the fact they have no
hair and were easily identifiable as
a group. Guilt by association, in a
way. So I looked for other groups.
Slowly but surely, I found fraternity
and sorority people, for instance, or
the Entomology Club. Strangely
enough, they all tipped well.
Then it dawned on me that these
reasonably nice, not moderately
rowdy, guys were all C.T.s. And
whether they don't tip because
they're in the Corps or whether they
joined the Corps because they don't
tip, I don't know. Is is caused by ig
norance or apathy?
For purely scientific, sociological
reasons, I'd like some C.T. out there
to tell me why C.T.s don't tip be-
cause there are a lot of -waiters and
waitresses all over town who'd like
to know too.
For many of us, waiting tables is a
way to put ourselves through school.
It's great because you get to help
people and learn to be pleasant, ef
ficient and responsible. But this isn't
the Boy Scouts. We aren't doing it for
fun alone. Yes, my khaki-clad lads,
we're in this for the money and
you're screwing up our income.
For example, waitresses gener
ally get taxed on 8-10 percent of their
total sales in food. That means if you
don't leave at least 8 percent the
waitress is subsidizing your meal by
being taxed on money she didn't
make.
The management is able to pay
her less because she theoretically
makes over minimum wage in tips.
Because they pay her less, they can
keep food and labor costs low. Be
cause food and labor is cheap, the
food remains in a reasonable price
range and you can afford to eat
there. So when you don't tip, sure,
your meal is a little cheaper; but it
makes the waitress angry, gives the
Corps a bad name and causes nor
mally mild-mannered people to
write rabid columns.
Now before you start telling me
Highway 6 runs both ways and I'm a
commie-pinko journalist, let me tell
you that when I started this job I
thought C.T.s were just peachy. I
couldn't understand why all the
other, more experienced waitresses
cringed when The Spirit of Aggie-
land arrived en masse.
It took me about three tables to
find out. At first, I thought, "O.K. I'm
a lousy waitress. I deserve to get
'stiffed'" (waitressese for not getting
a tip). After a little experience, I
thought maybe they just forgot to tip.
But. after tbie thiird and fourthi jpla-
toons disembarked, I began to real
ize it wasn't me, and it wasn't a mis-
take. They were doing it
deliberately, holding dear to the
conception that a tip is optional.
Wake up and smell the coffee, you
ignoramuses. A tip is not optional. In
European countries, they add it to
the bill so they won't be stiffed by
ugly Amencans. A tip is part of the
price you pay when you go out to
eat. If you don't believe in tipping, or
you simply can't afford it, don't go
out to eat some place where a tip is
exp>ected. It's as simple as that. I'm
sorry if you're poor, we are too,
which is why were working.
I hold firm to the belief that how
you treat a waitress is a reflection of
your upbringing, specifically, and
your character in general. If you are
well-brought up, have some man
ners and a modicum of social deco
rum, you try to adhere to society's
standards of good manners.
Good manners is all tipping really
is, little different from opening a
door for your grandmother or taking
off your hat in the MSC.
But for some reason, the visible
majority of C.T.s are able to ignore
matters of etiquette, maybe because
etiquette isn't of particular impor
tance when you're living in a herd.
But it's not ignorance, I feel sure.
Some C.T.s are bound to come from
what my mother would call a good
family and two or three have heard
of Emily Post. A convenient memory
lapse doesn't explain the C.T.s who
yell a cheerful good-night as they
shuffle out of the restaurant, leaving
a 35-cent tip on the table. So that
eliminates penury and ignorance.
Why does the figure 15 percent
never permeate their fuzz-covered
brains? Maybe their heads are se-
loctlvoly p>®rmoabloT> t
Been turned to mental mush bJ*?K V
pressure of push-ups and / e £?
Maybe they re just cheap food and
drink consuming zombies who
couldn't justify to Mom and Dad an
extra dollar spent to give the wait
ress a decent tip?
It seems to me that our heroes
equate being gentlemen with offer
ing girls their arms when walking
across campus. Carrying their man
ners off-campus is another matter. If
you had half the manners you pre
tend. you'd act politely and you'd
leave a decent tip in return for de
cent service. Emily Post, outdated
though you may think her, says a
standard tip is 15 percent and 35
cents is the absolute minimum.
I'm not saying that waitresses
never give lousy service, or if they
do, that you've no right to complain.
But if the service is so terrible, why
do you come back again and again.
If the service is is so lousy that it's
worth zero percent of your bill, com
plain to the management. If she's
really that bad, this is far more effec
tive than "teaching the waitress a
lesson" by not leaving a tip.
What I'd really like to do is see the
Corps do something about it. While
I'm sure they have better things to do
than operate a charm school for un-
dermannered, overgrown social
midgets, I'm equally sure that the
cadets who do tip and treat a wait
ress courteously are embarrassed
for their buddies who give the whole
group a bad name.
I'm not suggesting you read Miss
Manners aloud every night or add
Emily Post to The Standard. But a
little positive P.R never hurt anyone
and being aware of a little thing like
tipping would go a long way toward
improving your image. □
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