Jargon bastardizes
the Queen's English
By WALTER SMITH
Senior Staf f Writer
Jargonese. It’s the mutant dialect
ot English that prevails in all occu
pations. It’s also the reason that
people of dif ferent f ields have dif fi
culty communicating with each
other. Suppose you’re a reporter-
assigned to the hospital beat (jour
nalism jargon meaning that you
regularly check the hospital for
anything out of the ordinary). You
might be told that a patient is in
guarded condition. Do the hospital
personnel mean that the patient is
under a 24-hour surveillence by a
doctor, or maybe an armed guard?
No. Simply put: they refuse to di
vulge the patient’s condition.
Now, thanks to the wonderful
world of high technology, we’re wit
nessing the birth of digitalk. RAMs
and ROMs and DRAMs and
PROMs. These terms for computer
memory -have a greater chance of
showing up in my alphabet soup
than in my vocabulary. These mem
ory chips can store varying amounts
of data, measured in bytes. These
bytes are further divided into bits.
Half of a bit is a nibble. You tend to
wonder if the engineers who in
vented these chips (silicon, not po
tato) were eager for lunch when
they were working on these devices.
The audio industry is another
vocabulary villian. Equipment man
ufacturers often tout stereo compo
nents’ specifications: THD, fre
quency response, dynamic range,
signal-to-noise ratio, and wow and
flutter. While the latter term is used
to describe the reproduction accu
racy of turntables, it also aptly de
scribes the response of the average
consumer. (“Wow,” he said, heart
fluttering, as he tried deciphering
the meaningless numbers on the
brochure.) Consumers need not
worry about these technical terms;
there’s plenty of others reserved
just for them.
If you own a conventional turn
table, then I’m sure you own a few
LPs, EPs, mini-albums or maxi-sin
gles. Or if you’re one of the listen
ers who converted to digital music,
then you probably shop for digi
tally-mastered, PCM-encoded com
pact discs for your digital audio
laser disc player. Ironically, all this
computerization of music can make
its reproduction more true to life.
If you want .to buy a home video
system, then you must make a few
decisions. What sort of VCR are
you looking for? You can choose
from VHS, Beta, Super-Beta, CAD
and laser disc formats. Do you want
one with Hi-Fi sound or MTS (mul
tichannel television sound)? What
sort of video monitor will you need?
A conventional TV set will suf fice,
but why settle for that when you
can choose from hi-res RGB mod
els, or even DTVs (digital tele
visions)?
If you consider this conglomera
tion of catch-phrases confusing,
then think about the engineers who
desperately try to talk about their
activities with others from outside
their professions. Instead of bridg
ing the communication chasm,
their futile attempts often widen it
to the point of being comical. In
doing a series of stories on digital
audio, I interviewed several engi
neering professors. One electrical
engineering professor, who shall
remain nameless, refused to believe
that I fully understood his explana
tion of digital commmications. His
attempt to clarify himself yielded
the following fatuity:
“Before you quote me ... the
thing is ... what’s always dangerous
in something like this ... you think
you understand what I’m saying on
the tape and you hear those words
exac tly on the tape, but your refer
ence point is dif ferent from my ref
erence point because your back
ground is different from my
background, so I might be saying
one thing and you’re interpreting it
dif ferently than 1 mean — either I
didn’t say it clearly or we have dif-
ferent reference points because I
have a lot of electrical engineering
experience in this background, and
most of the time when I’m describ
ing these things, I’m describing
them to (people with) some back
ground level of electrical engi
neering.”
Jargonese is a quick crutch for
deficient communicators. If he
really wanted to be understood, he
should have used English.
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The Corps of Cadets gets its news from
the Batt.
British serious about picnicking D
<
Associated Press
A wicker hamper, an umbrella for
rain, a damask tablecloth and nap-
half a lobster in aspic, then meat
such as game pie, cold roast chicken
or ham — or all three. With this
course, add two or three salads like
kins to match. With these items as U)mato green salad and cold vegela-
clues, any Englishman would be able ^j es
to tell you that an English picnic is in
the offing.
According to Tim Hansell, of
Fortnum & Mason, the formal picnic
is still very much a part of the scene
in England, where open air activities
such as a day at the races or a night
at the opera in summer bring out
hordes of well-dressed folk who take
a meal on the grass.
With a well-deserved reputation
for rainy summers, England is not a
place where the weather is allowed
to stop a picnic. The English go to a
picnic regardless of the weather, so
they try to choose a place where
there is some cover. Nevertheless,
notes Hansell, an umbrella is always
taken along. In fact, added the man
ager of the corporate business divi
sion for the English department
store, he went to a rainy day picnic
himself in Kensington Square
shortly before leaving for an Ameri
can business trip.
For dessert, raspberries and
cream, a savory course of cheese and
crackers and then chocolates would
round off the meal.
With the food, three wines would
probably be served — champagne, a
dry white or red wine and a sweet
dessert wine.
According to Hansell, it was the
relative poverty of restaurant
choices which led the English to de
velop a healthy picnicking tradition.
During the 18th and 19th centuries,
obtaining a good meal away from
home required bringing it along
oneself , he said.
His research had led him to con
clude that the 19th century was the
heyday of English picnics. In 1802,
the Picnic Glub was established by
Regency fashionables, including the
Duke of Queensberry, Eady Jersey,
Lord Carlisle and Lady
This setback did nothing to halt
the development of picnics to
heights of unparalleled grandeur in
the decades which followed. Hansell
credits the growth of the empire
with its great riches and leisure, the
introduction of spices and exotic
foodstuffs and the English love of
pomp and circumstance with help
ing to stimulate the picnicking habit.
11 anything, picnicking became
more elegant in Edwardian times,
and up to World War I it was strictly
the province of the gentry.
Even in the 1920s and 1930s when
large household staffs were the title,
picnics followed tradition. I here
were (and still are) nursery picnics,
wedding picnics, birthday picnics
■ ‘ 11 each picnics.
spoon. And it is suggested that bel
sides a tablecloth and napkins an
nic i ug and ground cloth sho’uMl
taken. If you prefer, pack a fS
table and chairs.
Add to the basics the salt and ,) e& i
per shakers, corkscrew, butter di|
wine cooler, coolant packs ( a 20tk
century addition), a thermos forco| (
soup and a separate hamper f 0
food and condiments, and you beta
to see just how much trouble the Eii
glish are willing to go to for an out
door meal.
English picnics feature cold, but
elegant, foods. A typical starter
might be foie gras, smoked salmon
or ham with melon or fresh figs.
Next comes a fish course — perhaps
Buckinghamshire as well as the then
Prince of Wales. The events focused
on charades, theatricals and picnic
suppers provided by a local tavern.
But for reasons that are not quite
clear, the Picnic Glub got a bad repu
tation as being a bit too racy, and it
was dissolved in 1803.
and boating, hurit and bead
If menus have changed little over
the years, neither have the variety
and and number of table accessories
considered essential. Fortnum’s,
which caters many picnics, advises
that a properly packed English pic
nic hamper should include: tish
plates, dinner plates and dessert
plates; if cold soup is contemplated,
add bouillon cups. Glassware that is
necessary (crystal if possible) should
include champagne, wine and des
sert wine glasses.
Utensils required include fish,
salad and dinner fork, knife and
On the other hand, the billoffarj
printed in “Mrs. Beeton’s Book
Household Management” in 18.,
makes it clear that today’s elaboraj
picnic is rather a meek affair when
compared to Victorian excess.
P»
ByW!
Mrs. Beeton’s suggestions forj
picnic for 40 persons includes,
part: a joint of cold roast beef.ajoL
of cold boiled beef, two ribsoflamli
two shoulders of lamb, four rc
fowls, two roast ducks, one ham,
tongue, two veal and ham pies, txl
pigeon pies, six medium-sizdl
lobsters, 18 lettuces and six baskt
of salad.
The menu goes on to sugge
stewed f ruit “well-sweetened," a
riety of pastries, cakes and tarts,d
ner rolls and bread and — believei
or not — six pounds of butter.
Confessed chocoholic declares
her life-long addiction to sweets
Food crii
late is the
nows, h I
creative 1
Every ct
-orite con
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[hese unlik
idded to cl
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ilh chocol
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re extra r
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dchocol
Some of
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ow aboui
crisp
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interesting
offee? Tn
lends a rai
lend.
Chocola
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ite. Cho<
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favored <
maretto.
16 'I
By WENDY JOHNSON
Reporter
My roommate likes white food. 1
like red food. But we both love choc
olate.
She eats noodles with butter. 1
don’t eat noodles unless they’re in la-
sagna. She drinks diet Coke — white
label. I drink Dr Pepper — reef label.
We both love M&Ms by the handful
and Pigouts at the Cowhop.
I used tea think that our food pref
erences reflected our personalities.
I’m prone to fiery outbursts and
emotional extremes. Anne cruises
steadily along, letting things roll off
her back like water off a duck. But
chocolate was our touchstone. That
is, until Andy came along. Maybe we
were just lovelorn, that may explain
her transferred loyalties.
Andy Covington — the death knell
to our chocolate comraderie. When
Anne met Andy she abandoned me
and chocolate, except for buying
him a pair of molded chocolate min
iatures of Raggedy Ann and Andy.
.Now 1 have to console myself in soli
tary indulgences. Chocolate is my
comfort, my stabilizer.
My love affair with chocolate goes
way back. My folks have baby pic
tures of me with chocolate smeared
all over myself . I put Nestle’s Quik in
my milk. Mom asks my brother and I
every year what kind of birthday
cake we want, “Yellow' cake with
chocolate icing,” we reply in unison.
In high school pep squad we had
to fill spirit boxes for the football
players. I never could resist snag
ging a few of the chocolate pieces be
fore closing the lid on the finished
project. When my brother got on the
football team, 1 stole the chocolate
out of his spirit boxes.
Easter is my most blissful season. 1
have a fetish for Reese’s peanut but
ter eggs that comq out then. I buy
them by the dozen, planning to save
them to eat year ’round. They never
make it to May. My mother still buys
me a big chocolate Easter bunny. I
sit down with a jar of peanut butter
and and attack it with wanton aban
don. The week alter Easter usually
calls for an exercise program, bull
just wear more Mexican dresses ii>
stead. Once the eggs are gone, t)it|
excess weight disappears too.
A few years ago for my birthdatl
my best friend gave me a boxofBili
Blass chocolates, a little Golden bool
called “How Cod Gives Us Chocola
te”, and a notepad that said "Thini
are getting worse, please sendchoco
late: Now you see why she’s my bes
friend. This year I got Swiss cnoco
lates and an antique cocoa powdeij
tin, which I just filled with MacMs
I saw a card last week that sui
up my philosophy of chocolate
sumption: “When in doubt, eatt
olate. When confident, eat a lotol]
chocolate.”
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