Page 2/The BattalionThursday, April 18, 1985 OPINION " ,|1 I 11 ii.,.-, ■ III GjP* CTO30NIPN-®l l 5^WTBBNt WWSETW5- „WE FREEZE, DA? Computers Stuc for \ .NN\\NVNNN\\\\N\VVWV\\NV\ Machines winning people ovILf in plot to take over the worldf * XvsCsV'n''NVvV\sns\\vn I was going to write about the joys of summer, but I can’t. The Battalion’s computer system decided to take a holi day and crash, with my column some where in its bowels. Univei The Goodwill Gesture o | SEN. -AWE GARMS 6 SHUTOE FW6HT LQ& o L ..LAUNCH, All SfStEMS -EiftOT MV PI6ESWE- AKE "go: HIJHC CLOCK IS QrtRKnNS..ER, SENATOR 'ADD iockhsLe... So now I really want to talk about com puters. It’s amazing how much our puny lives are at the mercy of these merciless crea tures. Computers, even now, are plotting our overthrow. Oh, I know everyone chuckles at this thought, but believe me, I’ve seen more than enough movies to prove this theory correct. Colossus, HAL and other fiendish computers throughout movie history have had only two real objects, make friends with the humans, then destroy the ENTIRE UNIVERSE. To a computer’s mind it is as simple a step to destroy life as we know it, as to create new computer languages. At least that’s the gospel according to Hollywood. I like computers. They make neat sounds, they’re quiet and they don’t talk back. And it would be pretty stupid to;; v against this. Khe job tlu But try making the damn thing injob evaluati when it doesn’t want to —that’sikfbethe reason, trick. Pleading, whining, vveapin»y study ind: swearing may make you feel better,M doesn’t convince the computer. Ipiis. Ben S lood and gr Think how this kind of “It’s myw Allei1 lount , ‘ the highway” attitude could t 2' ’pSo Vc screwed up historical events. women, and t ly hold, posse Old Christopher Columbusi.aieristics tha would have had his work cut outfor| co,1, . 1 ‘* Jut 5 to if his Apple said there was insulin ' S * ia ' v * s ai evidence to program lor navigation^, H Klte j )ro ref used to start the engines (orra»Hj 0 b char a sails for purists). eluded salary of decision-m The Charge of the Light Bng an( ' equipme probably never would have gone far H ei '‘ | S01 ^ ( * u than the office if computers had Jaracterisd their way. Bperience, e Imagine the l n traditiona But I can’t shake the feeling that something is going on behind my back. Some might call it paranoia, but I call it prudent caution. Even now, on the older computer sys tem I am typing this on, the dead compu ter is chatting with this system. Just slip in Woman disk and type in the person! Women 1 plying. Using the computers cnten|| eS) „ said ; have a feeling a couple of historid experience, gures would never have cut it. preek and w Napoleon Bonaparte too si lacks second language skill and thinl; too broad of terms. No leadership I’m told it’s giving error messages to this system. I guess misery, even for a silicon chip, likes company. But think how much we rely on these machines for all our needs. T ry getting a new' license from the DPS if their compu ter is down. Or try and get your money from a banking machine when it decides to go AWOL. It can’t be done. Horatio Nelson prone to inju subordinate, yells a lot. Abraham L i n col n.... flowery l guage, non-executive type dresser.il idealistic. Can’t make the Porschep ments, for sure. We haven’t gotten to this pint yet, I figure a lot of people are just wait for the software to fit a non-BASIC T hese machines make our life easier, or so all the computer commercials insist. Ed Cassa voy is a seniorjou ism major and a weekly colum for The Battalion. r R5VENC U.S. is losing arms control battle WASHINGTON — Believers in arms control are undaunted by the evidence of history. But they might suffer a doubt about peace-through-parchment if they turned their attention from Geneva to the Ukrainian village of Ivanichi. There, in Middle School 2, a young teacher re cently died heroically when, to protect his pupils, he absorbed the blast of a gre nade. What was a grenade doing in Middle School 2? T he answer, reported by Iain Elliot in the London Times, is relevant to the coming argument about continued compliance with SALT II. The teacher, a graduate of a KGB bor der-guard college (think about that), had been delivering the military instruction that is a compulsory part of the curricu lum for Soviet children. He was teaching how to handle what should have been an unarmed grenade. When he pulled the pin a wisp of smoke showed that a live grenade had become mixed in with de monstration grenades, and he gave his life. The children’s manual, which teaches “hatred for the enemies of socialism,” also teaches assembly of machine guns and the use of bayonets and rifle butts in the “decisive armed conflict of the two opposing world systems,” a conflict that will involve “vast casualties of an unpre cedented scale.” As Elliot says, “T he sol diers now carrying out orders and com mitting atrocities in Afghanistan began playing serious w'ar games with their first steps in education.” It is with representatives of this manic militarism that U.S. officials are plan ning to negotiate substantial reductions of offensive strategic-force levels. T he promise that such reductions would come in SALT IT was what made SALT I s high and unequal limits, and the ABM Treaty, palatable to Gongress in 1972. But, Soviet deployments of offensive sys tems accelerated, as reasonable people expected from a nation that teaches chil dren to handle grenades. The administration warns the public not to have high expectations from the Geneva talks, yet describes the talks as the first step toward the abolition of nuc lear weapons. In defense of such rhetor ic Paul Nitze, the President’s special arms control adviser, says that elimination of nuclear weapons “is a long-term goal set by the U.S.S.R.” 25 years ago. Yes, it is old Soviet boilerplate and all previous American administrations have regarded it as empty propaganda. T his is the first administration to define U.S. objectives in terms of such a patently un realizable goal. The administration has not commit ted itself to spurn an agreement that, like SALT' I and SALT II, does not involve substantial reductions. Indeed, such is the administration’s hunger for even the cosmetics of arms control, it may con tinue to comply with SALT 11 limits even after the end of the year, when that agreement would have expired if it had been ratified. It was never ratified, be cause enough people joined candidate Reagan in denouncing it. Both sides have agreed not to “under cut” SALT II. The Soviets are violating it in many ways, so that the “no undercut” policy is actually unilateral compliance. SALT II limits both sides to 2,250 de livery vehicles, and some other limiting categories. T he Soviets were above 2,250 in 1979 and today have 2,568. We are in compliance with the 2,250 limit but when the new Trident submarine “Alaska” en ters service we will stop being in com pliance with the limit on MIRVed mis siles — unless we scrap some land-based IGBMs or, more likely, a Polaris sub marine. For us, scrap means reduce to scrap metal. However, as the Soviets deploy new systems, including some in violation of SALT II, they retire some older sys tems but do not destroy them. They put them in storage, or turn ballistic-missile submarines into cruise-missile sub marines. The Polaris is about at the end of its useful life and it would he expensive to replace the nuclear core. T hat fact is being siezed upon by those who usually rationalize American unilateralism. But the case for keeping the Polaris in service a while longer is larger than this economic calculation. The credibility of the president will be a casualty of con tinued compliance with an agreement he stingingly criticized. Furthermore, des troying the Polaris might destroy the MX. Some conservatives might stop vot ing for a vulnerable land-based IGBM if deployment of it requires destruction of sea-based systems. And, as the administration considers twisting itself even more out of shape in pursuit of arms control, it should consid er that it is chasing a chimera: a useful agreement with the people who put gre nades in Middle School 2. George Will is a columnist for the Washington Post. Right-wing zealots affect White House By Art Buchwald Los Angeles Times Syndicate I knew Rotary wanted to be a federal judge, but I didn’t know how badly until I found him at his desk perspiring as he filled out a questionnaire. “Whats’s that?” “It’s a series of questions I have to answer correctly to satisfy the ultra-right wing that I’m worthy of having a seat on the bench.” “Why are you trying to satisfy the ultra-right?” 1 asked him. “Because Ronald Reagan listens to them when he decides who gets the fed eral judgeships. A judicial candidate has to swear he buys the whole conservative ideology or he can’t get appointed depu ty bail bondsman in a traffic court.” “What kinds of questions are they asking you?” “They want to know’ how I’ll rule on abortion.” “You’re going to have to rule for it if you want to be a federal judge. It’s the law of the land.” “It may be the law of the land, but the ultras believe a federal judge has to ignore the law if a fetus is at stake.” “So what are you putting down?” I asked him. “Here’s what I wrote. ‘As a federal judge I have no choice but to let my con science take precedence over any Sup reme court decision — so help me God.’ Do you think it’s strong enough?” “The devil only knows what will satisfy them. What else are they asking you?” “Would I have any hesitation frying a man in the electric chair?” “That’s a good right-to-life question. Would you?” “Not if I could send him to the gas chamber first. You see, I don’t want them to think I’m partial to just one kind of death penalty.” “So far it sounds like you’re their kind of guy.” “Those are the easy ones. T hey also want to know how I feel about prayers in school.” “That shouldn’t be hard. Say you’re for them.” “Of course I said I’m for them. But the second part is multiple choice. Listen to this. Tf you answered yes, tell when: (A) in the morning (B) at lunchtime, (C) all day long.”’ “I'd put down ‘G.’ just to play it safe,” I told him. “There’s no legal precedent for ‘C,’” he said. “There’s no legal precedent for asking you all those other questions either.” Rotary looked at the sheet. “Do I be lieve everyone in America should own a gun?” “I should hope so. How else would the good guys kill the bad guys in the sub ways?” “Where do I stand on the Equal Rights Amendment?” “Tell ’em right on top of Phyllis Schlafly.” “They want a list of all the political groups I’ve donated money to in the last 10 years, the name of anyone in the neighborhood who does not support covert aid to Nicaragua, a list of mem bers of my family who still believe in Dar win’s theory of evolution and any bus drivers I know who are actively involved in school busing.” “You know something?” I said. “After listening to all this garbage I’ve decided you demean yourself by answering a questionnaire from a bunch of right- wing kooks just to get a seat on the feder al court.” “Oh yeah?” he said. “They may be kooks, but they also happen to be United States senators. As far as the White House is concerned, when it comes to selecting judges, the right-wing zealot’s word is law.” The Battalion USPS 045 360 Member of Texas Press Association Southwest Journalism Conference The Battalion Editorial I NEAL WEEKNITES: 7:45- 1AT/BUN: eekwites: rrao-t-.jo THE Ft E A KJjT C_kLLS THEK! 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