Page 2/The Battalion/Friday, February 15, 1985
OPINION
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WCLL-LL, YOU 5TUDENT5
W/LL JUST HAVE TO CUT
BACK OM K10MTSSEKIT/AL5
M^U>:
v
Why bog down ouf
minds with thoughtl
I hear the
Board of Regents
might consider in
corporating News-
peak into the Uni-
v e r s i t y
regulations. It’s
about time.
Around A&M,
things are getting
pretty wild. Why
on Wednesday
Ed Cassavoy
There's no quiet place in entire galaxy
Silence isn’t golden; it’s dead
Chatter. Chat
ter. Chatter.
If silence was
t h e o nly thing
golden there
would be no gold
left in our galaxy.
Chatter,' chat
ter, chatter.
A lot of people are concerned about
protecting the earthly environment
from land-type pollution.
What about noise pollution?
Kellie
Dworaczyk
There’s not a cpiiet place to be found
within 400 light years of the planet
Earth.
Noise pollution is of course relative to
a personal definition of noise. Is a taxi
driving by honking its horn noise?
Maybe not if you live in New York and
have a fondness for the city. Is a tractor
moving through a field noise? Maybe
not if you live in the country and have a
fondess for such things.
Everywhere you turn — well actually
you don’t even have to turn — you hear
something. Noise pollution.
Noise is the most inescapable form of
pollution — and it is hazardous to your
health, according to an article in the
March issue of Science Digest.
Studies show noise pollution can re
duce learning ability and hurt the ears.
There even are indications it can injure
the brain.
Noise pollution has become so perva
sive no matter what noises you have a
fondness for or what noises you volun
tarily surround yourself with there are
always pollutants and polluters.
Stand in line at the grocery store, jin
gle your keys. Walk across campus, turn
up the Walkman. Buy new shoes, walk so
you can listen to them squeak. Drink a
cup of coffee, drum your fingers on the
cup.
ters and clanks from the newest space
pollutant from Earth, heavenly hearses
carrying cremated bodies.
When you want to talk to someone,
do you quietly send them a letter with
minimum paper rustling? No, instead
you yell across the room, the field or,
with the help of a telephone, the world.
What happened to smoke signals?
The worst noises are ones that wake
you up. Slamming doors between mid
night and noon. Ringing telephones be
tween midnight and noon. Hairdryers.
Stereos. Barking dogs. Cats in heat.
Rumor has it you can find quiet in the
country.
Get up early to watch a country sun
set, hear the Concord fly by. Walk
through the crop fields, listen to the
highway department resurface the farm
road.
The Science Digest report states that
in several animal experiments, 65 deci
bels of sound — the noise level of an air
conditioner — damaged the brain stem.
Stand on Mars, hear a piece of a U.S.
sate l lite fly by .Relaxon a star, hear mu
sic blasting from the Shuttle. Try to
catch some sleep in a quiet hole in an un
known part of the galazy and hear clat-
If man can invent spectacular things
like ink pens that write upside down and
eye glasses that change color when you
go into the sunlight, why can’t we have
one quietly, golden place in our galaxy?
Kellie Dworaczyk is the news editor for
The Battalion.
Miss Texas A&M was the guest speaker
at Sully’s Symposium. She talked about
all the controversial things beauty pag
eant contestants do.
I was shocked and amazed.
Who are these vendors of freethink-
ing infesting the campus like so many
Red agitators?
Everywhere I look 1 hear outrageous
statements and subversive talk.
I heard the word “gay” five times to
day, two of those were in the Quad. If
you can’t trust the Corps to uphold
A&M traditions who can you trust?
That is why I welcome Newspeak as
the official language of A&M.
It would be glorious to have a whole
new straightjacket to tie up my mind.
Sanitize and purify too, just like a toi
let bowl cleaner.
We already have some wonderfully
nebulous terms to incorporate into our
new lexicon.
Words such as “Good Ag" and
“Hump it.” Those are the type of mean
ingless words that make me swoon with
pleasure.
“Good Ag” for example has been lin
guistically pulverized to the point that I
couldn’t even begin to give you a defi
nition of the word.
The concept of Newspeak is to sim
plify the world. And God knows we
need that at A&M.
I get tired of thinking about imj>or-
tant, relevant things. I want to think
more about the new car I want, or my
new squash outfit or the next football
game.
My life would be thankfully simpli
fied by adding wonderful words like
“ungood” to my vocabulary.
Then it would be easy to pigeonhole
things here and in the world. The Bat
talion is ungood. Teasips are ungood.
Gays are doubleplusungood. See? It’s
simple.
I just want to erase all those argu
ments about Ronald Reagan being a
simpleton, or that women are equal.
Who needs to hear that kind of closed-
minded thinking?
Gold cards
persuasive
By ART BUCHWALD
Columnist for The Los Angeles Times Syndicate
From a Newsweek story on Yuppies:
“When American Express found that
women were not responding to their
overwhelmingly male ‘Do You Know
Me?’ series, it launched its ‘Interesting
Lives’ campaign, which features up-to-
date activities such as (a woman) taking
a man out to dinner to break in her
card.”
Eve seen the ads on TV and I’ve been
impressed with them. But I’ve always
wondered what happens after the girl
shows her charge card to the good-
looking guy in the lobby of the skys
craper, and they go off to a very expen
sive restaurant.
The maitre d’hotel presents the me
nus.
Woman with crexlit card to male
guest: What is your pleasure?
He: Why don’t you order for the both
of us?
She: Pasta verdi with pesto sauce,
steak Diane, souffle potatoes, endive
salad with the house dressing, and a bot
tle of the no,uveau Beaujolais, slightly
chilled. Kiwi souffle for dessert.
He: You certainly know your food.
She: You have to if you’re on the fast
track.
He: I usually don’t go to dinner with
married women.
She: Come on, loosen up. We’re out
to have a fun evening.
He: I just didn’t want you to get any
ideas because you’re buying me a meal
that it will lead to something later on.
She: What kind of upwardly mobile
person do you think I am? Have some
more wine. Let’s drink to having it all
and having it now.
He: Having what now?
She: Did anyone ever tell you that
you have beautiful eyes? Talk to me a
little about yourself.
He: It’s nothing exciting. I was raised
in Iowa and came to the Big Apple to
make a name in advertising.
She: I have some influential friends
on Madison Avenue that might help
you. They all owe me favors. Here’s my
card.
He: Please don’t do that.
She: Do what?
He: Hold my hand. I’m not that kind
of guy.
She: What kind is that?
He: You know. Someone who sleeps
around with any woman who has a gold
credit card.
She: Let me refill your glass.
He: You’re trying to get me drunk, so
I won’t know what I’m doing.
She: How can you say that? I
wouldn’t be a vice-president of market
ing if people didn’t trust me.
He: Let’s talk about your husband.
What kind of person is he?
She: Let’s just say he doesn’t under
stand me. He’s boring. All he wants to
talk about is having children.
He: And you don’t want children?
She: They don’t issue gold credit
cards to women who buy Pampers.
He: Please take your hand off my
knee.
She: I was trying to find my napkin.
Here, have another glass of wine with
your steak Diane. Do you find me at
tractive?
He: Very much. But can’t we just
have a nice dinner and be friends?
She: We are friends. I genuinely like
you for your mind. What health club do
you go to?
He: I’m starting to feel tipsy. Maybe
you better take me home.
She: If that’s what you want. We
could have a nightcap at your place.
He: No way. I told you not to get any
ideas about the evening.
She: But we’re the “Me” generation,
and we have the whole night ahead of
us.
He: I vowed never to get involved
with a married woman.
She: Why on earth not?
He: Because I don’t want to be the
“other man,” waiting for the phone ring
while you’re buying your husband din
ner with your gold credit card.
I want a world of true freeth
As in frCe-of-thoughts.
Thoughtcrime to me means a
people on campus who dare to
the existence of God. I think the e»|
tence of McDonald’s is evidenceenoc
of His divine plan.
As for Ronald Reagan, I like a Prs
dent who admits he doesn’t readeul
one whole book in a year. I likehavi:;.
man running the cquntry who doe;:
care f or those complicated details,
Reagan’s mind is as clear and dev*]
of intense thought as a blue doudlal
sky.
That is bliss.
Someone should get that damnpi)c|
who said “Life is complicated”andteac|
him how to play racquetball.
That is reality.
I just want a world where I don’tImJ
to worry.
Yankees are another one of tfe
doubleplusungood things about AH’
They come down here and just tums
life into a horror picture.
They come here with their nasal*
cents and Big Apple T-shirts and if ? e
and complain and talk about hocir
and the Cubs.
They have strong opinions. Arf
they’re not afraid to say them out loud I
But a cure, a balm to soothe ourmti
tal aches is here.
Yuppies.
They are clean and neat and
Real nice. And, what’s more, tbeii
into the nice narrow world 1 anm’
structing for myself.
I want to dress all my pets in tb
piece suits. I want to make squash!?
national religion.
I want Perrier gushing from all I
faucets and a Saab in every garajtl
want free enterprise and more S
television. 1 want money.
Money is easy, simple. You eami
spend it and then find anothertaxshd
ter.
Events such as acid rain, nucleam
and whatever happens in therestofe
world are just the blurred imagesl«
for a half hour before the A-Tean).A|
I only watch the news to see whalDac
wearing.
So the next time you seesomeonef
on campus attempting to exercisethl
freedom of speech, don’t hesitate J
shout them down. Remember that
might actually attempt to reasonf
lems out.
I’ll l:>e right behind you.
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Ed Cassavoy is the city editor
weekly columnist for The Battalion
The Battalion
US PS 045 360
Member of
Texas Press Association
Southwest Journalism Conference
The Battalion Editorial Board
lit itrid Brockman, Editor
"tgici crock
Shelley Hoekstra, Managing Editor
Ed Cassavoy, City Editor
Kellie Dworaczyk, News Editor
Michelle Powe, Editorial Page Editor
Travis Tingle, Sports Editor
The Battalion Staff
Assistant City Editors
Kari Fluegei, RhondaSnidn
Assistant News Editors
Cami Brown, John Hallett, Kay Malta
Assistant Sports Editor
Charean William
Entertainment Editors *
Shawn Behlen, Leigh-EllenClari
Stal l Writers Cathie Anderson
Brandon Berry, Dainah Bullard
Ann Cervenka, Tony Cornea
Michael Crawford, Kirsten Dieii
Patti Flint, Patrice Korand.
Trent Leopold, SarahOatts,
Jerry Oslin, Tricia Parker
Lynn RaePove
Copy Editor KelleySniid
Make-up Editors KarenBiodi,
Karla Manit
Columnists Kevin Itula, LorenSlefM
Editorial Cartoonist Mike Lai*
Sports Cartoonist DaleSmiiI
Copy Writer CathyBennetI
Photo Editor Katherine Hint
Photographers Anthony Casper,
Wayne Grabein, Bill Hughs, Frank Irwin,
John Makely, Peter Rocha, Dean Sain
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