Page 2/The Battalion/Thursday, October 20,1983
Letters
Run to annoy Corps
unneeded aggravation
Editor:
Recently a resident of Moore Hall came
to our dorm to distribute flyers. These
notices requested that all who cared to
should gather at 5:30 Wednesday for a
run over to Southside. The wording of
the flyer went like like this:
“Freshmen! (And all others welcome!)
We’re jogging to Southside to Piss Off the
Corps!” It then gave the time and date
and was signed “Your V.P.”
This campus has enough trouble with
Northside-Southside relations without
this type of antagonism going on. The
Corps does not run on this side of the
campus just to “piss off” the Northside
residents. Do you have what it takes to do
all they do, and do it as well? If your
answer is yes, why can’t you find a more
effective way to show it?
population isn’t controlled by humane
extermination now, the gummy bear
population will expand geometrically un
til their toad supply is exhausted—then
those who want to “save” the gummy
bears will be responsible for the deaths of
millions of suffering, emaciated gummy
bears. Third, in this world of dog eat dog
and man eat gummy bear, it is the natural
order of things that only the fittest should
survive. To artificially distribute the
equal right of all species to life is—like all
commie-pinko programs—of waste of
precious resources. The issue simply
boils down to: should Ags change their
whole way of life to save such a worthless
species?
The bottom line? Preserve the status
quo! If Aggies have eaten gummy bears
in the past, then it must be a tradition,
and as good Ags we should fight to main
tain our traditions. Kill, mutilate, and
Philip Carter ’85
Davis-Gary
chew gummy bears and their bleeding-
heart liberal friends forever!
Chris Bowers
President, Nuke the Gummy Bears, Inc
Nuke the gummybears
Editor:
After being daily bombarded with left-
wing, teasip ideology in the “real-world”
newspapers, I could always be comforted
by The Battalion—the eternal bastion of
conservatism. Imagine my horror and
disgust when I saw knee-jerking liberal
ism insiduously invading our hallowed
campus under the seemingly harmless
cause of “saving the gummy Dears* 4 .
Like all socialist causes, the idea of
“saving the gummy bears” has serious de
fects once it is seriously examined. First,
if Ags cut back on their comsumption of
gummy bears, they would have to eat
more of other meats. Knowing Ags, I sus-
E ect they would want to save their cute,
>vable cows, pigs, and sheep for other
purposes. Second, if the gummy bear
I’d like to encourage everyone to
light a
attend yell practice tonight at 7:00 in the
grove. I think there has been a real prob
lem of communication in that in asking
many people why they didn’t attend last
week most said “I didn’t know about it”,
“no one reminded me”, or “I forgot all
about it.” C’mon Ags, spread the word.
Time and time again you’ve heard that
tradition is what makes this university
such a unique and special place. I really
believe this and yell practice is a big part
of it. Try to make it, and encourage your
friends to go. Let’s show A&M that the
12th Man stands behind them even when
they’re playin away.
Jim Pizzitola ’85
Another Christmas,
another unused tie
\ By Dick West
United Press International
— The advent of October means
another Christmas shopping season is
almost at our throats. So let us forthwith
give some thought to Christmas neckties.
Not that one has to wait for a holiday
to visit a haberdasher. At last report, ab
out 200 miles of neckties were being sold
in this country every day.
These, I assume, are American-made
ties. Although I’ve heard that some
Japanese ties can get up to 60 miles to a
gallon of gravy, the demand for foreign
cravats appears to have peaked.
Imported or domestic, it is during the
Christmas shopping season that the neck
tie really comes into its own. But, accord
ing to a survey I saw earlier this year, men
generally are fed up with receiving ties as
gifts.
Enough already! Although the first
mile may be the hardest, the average
male wardrobe is now deemed by its own
er to have a sufficiency of cravats. At least
of the gift variety.
Only 18 percent of the male partici
pants in the survey said they would wel
come a gift-wrapped necktie. None indi
cated a tie would be first choice in a letter
to Santa, and about half said they already
owned 20 or more ties, gravy spots and
all.
Slouch by Jim Earle
The largest number (27 percent) rank
ed books as the gift they would most like
to receive. Literature was followed by
booze, toilet articles, shirts and sporting
goods.
Conceivably, surveys of this sort could
work a hardship on female shoppers,
who buy 65 percent of the neckties, most
ly as presents for husbands or gentlemen
friends.
This year, they need to exercise a little
more imagination in their gift selections,
although goodness knows plenty of im
agination has gone into the purchase of
Christmas neckties.
As a rule of thumb (the thumb can be a
big help in tying knots), ties that appear
under a Christmas tree quickly make
their way to the back of the rack, and are
never seen again.
Be warned, however, that gift books
aren’t all that easy to choose either. Un
less due care is exercised, Christmas
books will be as unread as Christmas ties
“I could understand a traffic
citation for skating too fast, in
the wrong area, on the wrong
street, but not standing in a no
parking area. ”
State fair full of food, odditie
I recently was able to attend this year’s
State Fair in Dallas and never in my life
have I seen such a display of oddities, and
I don’t mean the sideshows.
Yell practice a tradition
Editor:
Supposedly fairs were created long
ago so that farmers and other country
folk could show their animals, vegetables
and baked goods. That is a fallacy.
Fairs were invented for one reason
alone: eating.
I once watched a little boy devour a
corn dog, corn-on-the-cob and cotton
candy only to hand his mother a choclate-
covered banana so he could ride a roller
coaster. After his ride was over, he took
one look at the banana and ran for the
nearest port-a-potty.
20’s even though the accident™
capitated her had reportedly
20 years before.
Robin
A not her characteristic comm
sideshows is the “World's Sr
and “Worlds Largest Man." A?
fact, however, is that the“WorltfJ
lest Man” varies from fair to failj
a
At the State Fair this year,ai
reward is offered if the “World’sSj
Man” is not alive. Some deali:
“World’s Smallest Man.”
money to see “Giant Brazilian Cock
roaches.”
The list of food that the unsuspecting
fair-goer can pig-out on goes on forever:
foot-long chili dogs, hamburgers, foot-
long com dogs;turkey legs, french fries,
potatoe skins, pizza, cotton candy, can
died apples, corn-on-the-cob, salt-water
taffy, funnel cakes, beer, wine coolers,
nacnos, burritos and so much more.
A person doesn’t even have to go in
side the shows to get a good laugh. The
billboards are funny enough.
When I was at the fair, I ate and I ate
and I ATE. I ended up feeling bigger
than “Porky the World’s Largest Pig”,
one of the stars of the fair’s sideshow.
Sideshows at the fair are probably the
funniest part in the whole place.
/ho
One of the major sideshow attractions
at the State Fair this year is a woman who
has no head, but “she is alive.” I actually
once paid to satisfy my curiosity about a
similar attraction called “Headless
Helga.”
My all time favorite sideshow,iB ^ ^
er, has got to be “The Alien fro» lie sU|( |
X." I think it is fantastic how thc| e i 0 f 3
owners found and validated ofLn i )e gj n r(
important being without the Airftnicreated
Army or news media finding011 hat crosse
Heering C
■The Zac
1 think I could open a prettyBgned to
sideshow. B. was int
Helga ended up being a young
nth
like to meet the person wl
I would
would pay
woman, wearing a skimpy costume, wit!
her head tilted back and a black cloth
over her face. She was probably in her
Step right up and see themi®
ing oddities on earth: “Giant Ap
Cockroaches that feed on hail
lected in A&M dormitories,
World’s Largest Beer Bill," and
not least, “the World’s LowestSto
chemistry exam.”
If the same taste that has governed the
sale of Christmas ties goes into the selec
tion of Christmas books, the biggest sel
lers will have red dust jackets filigreed
with sprigs of mistletoe and other season
al vegetation.
The watchword will be: damn the title
and contents; full speed ahead with bizar
re dust jackets.
Bear in mind that books are highly
personal items, at least as individualistic
as neckties. Perhaps the following
fashion guideline will be of some help:
The vogue in literature right now is
toward thick books. If a female shopper
doesn’t buy the male of her gift list a book
that is at least 2.5 inches thick, that can be
taken to mean she doesn’t really love him.
Another point: you can no more judge
a book by its cover than you can judge a
man by what he wears around his neck.
Just try to find a dust jacket whose color
matches his character.
Why the kids come home
by C01
Batt
fhe Grad
decided
nmend tl
Is establi
by Art Buchwald
What brings the kids back, once
they’ve left the nest? What makes them
want to return home, after they have de
clared their independence? I wish I could
say it was love of parents. I even wish I
could say it was the dog or cat they left
behind. I discovered what finally brings
offspring back to their mommies and
daddies. There isn’t a child who hasn’t
gone our in the brave new world who
eventually doesn’t return to the old
homestead carrying a bundle of dirty
clothes.
clothes in the machine now from his trip
to Brazil. Wander up and say hello to
your mother. She’ll be delighted to see
you.”
“Sure, Dad, but call me as soon as
Ezra’s stuff is done, will you?”
“No problem. Now who could that be
at the door? Why it’s Paul. I thought we
said goodbye to you last month when you
went off to college.”
“I just came home for the week-end to
do my laundry.”
“Don’t they have laundromat)
school?”
Bumni who
University’s
’he CSC
_ to the D
“T hey do, but they won’t ktRecommend
your tennis sneakers in the’
set up
jerous al
“That sounds like a weird schooltnow whe
brother Ezra is back from the.Jeeded, vi
and your sister Lucy flew upfromphon said
ingham to do four loads. Soyoucrj 3 ^ 3 * 1 ' 8 C(
well stay overnight because I (U!!?8 esUons
the old Whirlpool will be a
sometime tomorrow.”
list of nee-
on, he sak
CSC gr;
Oman Mot
“Hi, Pop, I’m back.”
“It’s Ezra. When did you return from
the Amazon?”
“A week ago. I just stopped by to throw
my laundry in the washing machine.”
“How did the jungle look from the in
terior?”
“Fine, Dad. It’s a terrific place. Listen,
I can’t talk now. When the wash cycle is
finished would you put my stuff in the
dryer?”
“Of course, son. I’m mighty glad to see
you. Would you like to say hello to your
mother?”
“Tell her I’ll see her when I come back
to get my laundry.”
“I’ll do that. She was a little nervous
about your being in the Amazon for two
years.”
“Goodbye, Dad.”
“Who was that downstairs?”
“It was Ezra, Mother. He came back to
do his laundry.”
“Where is he?”
“He’ll be back once his socks are dry.”
“I hear someone downstairs.”
“I’ll go down and look...Well if it isn’t
Lucy from Birmingham. Why didn’t you
write you were coming?”
“I didn’t know I was coming. But my
washer broke a week ago and the kids’
dirty clothes kept piling up on me, so I
just got on an airplane to fiy up and do
them. Can I stay for a couple of days? I’ve
got four loads.”
“Of course you can. You’re going to
have to wait, though, because Ezra has his
: resol uti-
The Battalion
USPS 045 360
Member ot
Texas Press Association
Southwest Journalism Conference
ave been
pini gifts
Ration of
university.
Walton sr
|p re-educa
university’s
A gift fund
Editor Hope E. Paasch
Managing Editor Beverly Hamilton
City Editor Kelley Smith
Assistant City Editor Karen Schrimsher
Sports Editor Melissa Adair
Entertainment Editor.... Rebeca Zimmermann
Assistant Entertainment Editor Shelley
Hoekstra
News Editors Brian Boyer, Kathy Breard,
Kevin Inda,
Tracey Taylor,
Chris Thayer,
Kathy Wiesepape
Photo Editor Eric Evan Lee
Staff Writers Robin Black,
Brigid Brockman,
Bob Caster, Ronnie Crocker,
Kari Fluegel, Tracie Holub,
Bonnie Langford,
John Lopez,
Kay Denise Mallett,
Christine Mallon,
Michelle Powe,
Ann Ramsbottom,
Stephanie Ross, Angel Stokes,
Steve Thomas, John Wagner,
Karen Wallace,
Wanda Winkler
Copy Editors Kathleen Hart, Kristal Mills,
Susan Talbot
Cartoonists Paul Dirmeyer,
Scott McCullar
Photographers Michael Davis,
Guy Hood,
John Makely, Dean Saito
paper operated as a community servicetoMj
University and Bryan-College Station. Op#
pressed in The Battalion are those of theet
author, and do not necessarily representthtif
Texas A&M University administrators ot MB
hers, or of the Board of Regents.
The Battalion also serves as a laboratory®,
for students in reporting, editing and phom
ses within the Department of
Questions or comments concerning^!
matter should be directed to the editor.
1
Letters Policy
Letters to the Editor should not exceed^
length, and are subject to being cut if they®
The editorial staff reserves the right toed**
style and length, but will make every effort 1 ®*!
the author’s intent. Each letter must also he
show the address and telephone numberof®
Columns and guest editorials also are#
are not subject to the same length constraint* 11 !
.Address all inquiries and correspondenOTl
The Battalion, 216 Reed McDonald,Texas-'n
versity, College Station, TX 77843, orphwS
2611.
Editorial Policy
The Battalion is a non-profit, self-supporting news-
Thc Battalion is published Monday tMi
during Texas A&M regular semesters,esceH
day and examination periods, Mail subs
$ 16.75 per semester, $33.25 per school year** 1
full year. Advertising rates furnished on
Our address: The Battalion, 216 R«d"
Building, Texas A&M University, CoUegt- 1
77843.
United Press International ts entitledw' 5
the use for reproduction of all news d
to it. Rights of reproduction of all other
reserved.
Second class postage paid at College^
77843.