Page 2/The Battalion/Friday, April 29, 1983
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opinion
Robots don’t wear sneakers
by Art Buchwald
Widget was very excited and told me
to come over to his sneaker factory right
away. “I just hired my first robot system,
and 1 want you to see it.”
The gate to the factory was closed, but
when I drove up to it a voice, almost
human, said: “Can I help you?”
“I’m here to see Mr. Widget,” and I
gave my name.
In 10 seconds the voice responded:
“You may drive to the main building and
park in the visitor’s slot number two.”
Widget was waiting at the door, all
smiles. He put a plastic card into a slot, a
door opened, and we walked into his fac
tory. There wasn’t a human being in
sight, but sneakers were flying off the
assembly line and being stuffed into
boxes.
“IT’S PRETTY NOISY,” I said.
“DOESN’T BOTHER THE
ROBOTS,” Widget yelled. “THEY
DON’T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN MACHINE NOISE AND
MUZAK.”
We went up some stairs to a glass-
enclosed booth.
When Widget shut the door he said, “I
want you to meet my Master Robot,
Turnbill. He is programmed to program
the robots on the floor.”
Turnbill gave me a steely look and re
luctantly put out his arm which I shook.
“How many sneakers did we make to
day, Turnbill?” Widget asked.
Turnbill’s lights blinked, and deep
voice said, “12,890.”
Widget rubbed his hands. “I used to
make that many in a week. And I had to
pay overtime for three shifts. Now I can
manufacture the same number in a day,
and I don’t even have to worry about the
robots taking coffee breaks. No social
security, not health care payments, no
pensions,” Widget said, patting Turn-
bill’s back. “And every one of my robots is
tax-depreciable, which is more than I
could say for my ex-workers.”
Turnbill started spitting out a readout.
“Glitch on shoelace hole maker, third
robot malfunctioning on line one.”
Widget said: “It would have taken me a
month to find out who was screwing up
my shoelace holes if I had a human being
on the line. Now I know in a matter of
seconds.”
“What will you do?”
“We’ll dump him, and replace him
with a robot who can do the job. The
sneaker union would never allow me to
fire anybody, no matter how bad the per
son was screwing up my shoes. Nice
work, Turnbill. I’m going to make you a
vice president.”
“Thank you, sir,” Turnbill’s voice
synthesizer said. “Any decision on an
assistant microprocessor to help me in
packaging?”
“I’m taking it up with the board next
week, Turnbill. As I told you, the board
has ordered me to put a freeze on buying
new microprocessors.”
“Why is that?” I asked.
“We’re making more sneakers than we
ever made before. But we can’t seem to
sell them.”
“Maybe the reason is that robots don’t
wear sneakers.”
“What does that mean?”
“Well, you’ve laid off your workers
and now they don’t have money to buy
sneakers.”
“There are lots of workers in other
factories that need sneakers.”
“Yes, but they’re being replaced by
robots as well. Robots are great for what
they do, but they’re lousy consumers.”
Widget looked over at Turnbill ner
vously. “Don’t talk so loud,” he whis
pered to me.
“I don’t care,” I said.
“This country’s success was based on
the fact that the people who made our
products could afford to buy them.
You’ve replaced your workers with
robots and you’re saving a fortune in
salaries, but you’re now up to your ears in
sneakers.”
“But if I don’t have robots making my
sneakers, I can’t afford to compete with
the sneakers that are being imported
from abroad,” Widget said tearfully.
“What should I do?”
“Why don’t you ask Turnbill?”
Widget hit several buttons on Turn-
bill’s head.
Turnbill blinked several times and
then said, “I’m sorry, I’m in production
— not sales.”
Letters: Central American situation
Editor:
RE: Letter to the Battalion, “Reagan
and El Salvador” of April 26:
The authors of this letter made allusions
to the ‘domino theory’ and the ‘red scare’
in reference to El Salvador, which de
monstrated the authors’ 50s mentality.
Moreover, such talk in relation to El Sal
vador shows that the authors of this letter
have failed to realize the full scope of the
Berry's World
‘7 still like ‘Rocky /' best!”
situation in Central America.
First, that the Salvadorian guerillas
are Soviet-supported is a debatable issue.
Not a single photograph exists of a Salva
dorian guerilla with a Russian-made gun.
Instead, they carry American-made guns
captured from government forces. The
Reagan administration has failed to sup
port the idea that Salvadorian rebels are
Soviet-supported.
Second, that the 1.5 million people
who live in El Salvador are undemocra-
tically and horribly repressed by a fascist,
military, American-supported govern
ment is undoubted by people who have
studied the situation. Recent “reforms”
are nothing but cosmetic, unreal changes
which allow conservative, pro-corporate
U.S. interests to continue to exert its in
fluence in banana republics like El Sal
vador.
Finally, without going into the detail
which this issue deserves, the El Salvado
rian regime has a history of immoral,
profit-motivated, undemocratic, oppres
sive and repressive tendencies to such an
extent as has never been exceeded. How
can Reagan apologists stand aghast at the
supposed oppression in Poland while
ignoring the atrocities committed in El
Salvador, paid for with taxpayer’s
money. How can socio-politically aware
Americans allow more money to be spent
in El Salvador while cutting social welfare
programs which benefit the American
people?
Gregory A. Graybill
Graduate Student
A&M conservativism
Editor:
In Tuesday’s Battalion, Joe Jordan
said that conservatism is a weakness of
Texas A&M. I wonder Joe if you have
seen the report released in Washington
yesterday that details what liberalism has
done for our public school system? Is that
what you want for A&M?
Texas A&M is a great University be
cause Aggies have historically believed in
the principles set down by great men like
Jefferson, Franklin and Washington (all
conservatives). If we Aggies allow people
like Joe Jordan to turn A&M into a “liber
al institution” patterned on the beliefs of
scum like Teddy Kennedy, then we’ll de
serve the mediocrity that will ensue.
Richard H. Fosberg ’78
Howdy
Editor:
The “Howdy” tradition is now dead —
Shall we hold Silver Taps for it?
Cathy Carswell ’83
Slouch By Jim Ear 1
Combin
u|d wit
work
“/ want to explain why I've been absent the last two
weeks, and why I haven't been turning in my work, and
why I didn't take two make-up tests; but most of all I want
to talk about my chances of making a B this semester if I
finish strong.**
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Struggling for powe
at the White House
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Enc’lmi£
Hilar \v
by Helen Thomas
United Press International
WASHINGTON — The pulls for the
political heart and soul of President
Reagan are often highlighted by the
feuding among his top aides.
The troika of top aides, including
chief of staff James Baker, deputy chief
Michael Deaver and counselor Edwin
Meese seemed to be content with collec
tive leadership at the outset of the
Reagan administration.
But soon the different styles of Baker
and Meese came into focus, and specula
tion centered on who was on top; who
had the president’s ear.
Baker was in charge of domestic policy
and Meese was to oversee foreign policy
— with no broad experience in that field.
In places like the White House, jock
eying for power and more power is not
unusual. Many fall by the wayside in the
struggle.
However, one veteran observer said:
“I’ve never seen it this bad before.”
The Baker and Meese split became
apparent in the summer of 1981 when
Meese, who was overseeing foreign poli
cy, did not think it was important to wake
up the president when U.S. planes shot
down two Libyan jets over Mediterra
nean waters.
Meese also was away from the White
House on speechmaking trips that kept
him out of touch. At that time, turf bat
tles began to emerge between Secretary
of State Alexander Haig and Richard
Allen, the national security affairs advis
er. Haig also feuded with Baker, passing
the word that he thought Baker was con
ducting a “guerrilla campaign” against
him.
Haig’s complaints became too much
for Reagan. So he had to go, but he is still
smarting from his downfall.
Allen fell by the wayside for other
reasons.
I he rift between BakerandMi
dramatized when they gave up iheiil
breakfast sessions and decided if
only as needed. They each have!
access to the Oval Office, and:
where it counts. But their different!
barely hidden.
Now' comes national securityi
adviser William Clark, whoissfc
equal power and equal accesstoto
Clark and Baker have split on,v
ber of issues, particularly on how it
with Congress on controversialadi
t rat ion proposals. Clark, like De
Secretary Caspar Weinberger,*
go to the mat on the hard-line issues
as a 10 percent increase in d
spending.
Baker, who is more of a Wasti
pro, seeks to moderate and to con
ise so that the administration will!
to achieve bipartisan support. Laif
in the case of the 1984 budget,It
been waging a losing battle,
id I
Clark and Meese have beenassoe
with Reagan since his Californiaf
natorial days. They made the lonjr
with the president to the WhiteN
and they brought with them theft:
vative ideology that they believeis
representative of Reagan.
They also stay in touch with com
live groups who have been outfoi
er’s scalp since he joined the fo
team. Baker was Vice President ft
Bush’s campaign manager
resents the more middle-of-theroat
tage of Republicans who annoy:
members on the right.
“This too shall pass” is the way 1:
feels about being on target.
Reagan remains above the fra)
hoping this too will pass.
When asked why he was kepi®
dark about intramural feuding
his key aides, White House spol
i said h
Larry Speakes said: ‘‘Who:
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