The Battalion. (College Station, Tex.) 1893-current, March 21, 1983, Image 13
tiH 1/Aggie Rag/Nevermore BULLETIN - ■ 1 li '~\a STRANGE. WOW: Members of UT’s Class of ’87 register for their harp lessons. Harping and Hare Krishna are two of the most popular majors under the new system. UT abandons its mind Those daffy teasips! United Parody International AUSTIN — Administrators at the University of Texas announced Fri day that they are planning to abandon (IT President Merlin Fawn the traditional grading system in favor of a more liberal, “mincf- expanding” system. UT President Merlin Fawn said the university feels students will get more out of their college career if learning is made optional. “We think it is much more impor tant that a person be able to Find him self when he graduates,” Fawn said. “A positive karma is much more im portant than employment. What good does it do a student to know how to build a bridge if his inner self is in turmoil?” Responding to his own question, Fawn ordered the university to re work its undergraduate and graduate programs. New majors include: Organic Gar dening, Harping, Transcendental Meditation, Mind-Altering Drugs, Cannibas Science, Evading the Draft, Hare Krishna, the Peace Corps and Yogasex. In order to obtain a diploma — to be replaced with a stick of incense — from the university, a student must be able to prove that he has found him self, that his karma is positive and that he is one with the universe. When asked if the degree change was due to reported massive cheating among UT students, Fawn said: “I am not a crook. I knew nothing about the break-in or the cover-up. I am not a criminal.” Students in need of financial aid will sell flowers and incense holders on the Drag, he said. Fawn said that one of the master degree programs would be to create a new mind-altering drug. “That’s one I have a strong person al interest in, if you know what I mean,” he said. Proceeds from sales of the new drugs would provide working funds for the university, he said. When told that selling controlled^ substances might be illegal, Fawn said: “We ex pect that kind of resistance from the Pro-war Establishment. Drugs have always been protested by the closed- minded.” Fawn also said that all textbooks would be abandoned. “Li)te the only textbook we will use is the universe,” he said. “It is the source of all lessons and experience.” Fozzie Bear replaces Sully by Daran Bishop Aggie Rag Staff Corps Commandant Ronald Mac Donald announced today that the sta tue of Lawrence Sullivan Ross in front of the Academic Building will be re placed with a statue of Fozzie Bear. “It’s a move we’ve been consider ing for a long time,” MacDonald said. “We feel Fozzie Bear is a more accu rate reflection of the dignity of the Corps and better represents the ideals for which it was established.” Fozzie, the lovable, jocular bear fe atured on “The Muppet Show,” will be depicted wearing a Corps uniform, senior boots and holding a saber in the “charge” position. MacDonald said that the reason be hind the change was primarily one of image. “We feel the Ross statue looks too radical,” MacDonald said. “Take a good look at the statue — the man has facial hair. The Corps specifically for bids facial hair on -any of the cadets. “You start letting them wear beards and moustaches, and before you know it they’re wearing sandals and caftans. That kind of thing is okay at t.u., but we don’t want it here.” MacDonald said tradition also play ed an important role in the decision. “The Corps of Cadets has a tradi tion of being hairless,” MacDonald said. “Since this fine University is built on traditions, we’re not looking to change them.” MacDonald said the statue will be partially funded by charging visitors for pictures taken at the statue. He said he thinks the statue will be espe cially popular with young children. “We feel the cadets can relate bet ter to Fozzie,” MacDonald said. “Plus he looks much more congenial than Ross. We feel he reflects the friendli ness prevalent on this campus. “We hope the new statue will be come a symbol of the pride and uni queness of the University just as the old one was.” MacDonald said one advantage to the new statue is that it will be easier to clean. “It will do away with all that tedious rubbing with brass cleaner, nald said. “Basically, all we MacDo- I have to do now is rent a steam cleaner.” sq Corps to light UT tower for celebrali qippf’l •£l £1 i! by Colette Hutchings and Jan Werner Aggie Rag Staff Texas A&M Corps of Cadets Com mander Johnny GungHo announced Tuesday that the Corps would contri bute to the festivities surrounding the celebration of the University of Texas’ centennial in a “Torch the Tower” campaign. Preliminary plans are underway to develop a lighting device that will eternally ignite the UT tower, Gun gHo said. “We’re not able to tell you exactly how the lighting device will work, be cause we still haven’t gotten the secur ity clearance,” GungHo said. “But I can tell you that that baby (the tower) will be glowing for a good long time. “Right now, we’re all- reading through old copies of The Progres sive magazine to get ideas on how to build the machine.” The project is being organized much like bonfire, GungHo said. “We’ve got the plutonium push going on right now and pretty soon we’ll start stacking to reach the critical mass,” he said. “Glowpots” — students in charge of the project — currently are in volved in a fund-raising campaign to buy the plutonium necessary to pow er the lighting device. “You wouldn’t believe how hard it is to get a hold of that stuff, but a bunch of old Ags are really excited about this and are helping us out with contributions,” GungHo said. The project has become popular among Texas A&M nuclear en gineering majors. Nuclear Engineer ing Department Head U.R. Aglow said he is considering giving one-hour course credit to all students partici pating in the Torch project. “It’s a wonderful opportunity for these students to get hands-on experi ence and surely will reflect on Texas A&M’s preeminence in the Depart ment of Nuclear Engineering.” •iri UOnBUI-K L)llliu0ljptu,| LsbJRJ s,: 1- •pUIJ 9l|l IpEJ e 1|J|8u3| 3l|l ” f)jjs]si3o[b3: c 4 IM f CmngHo said the idea occurred to several cadets after a “bull session” in the dorm concerning nuclear retalia tion against communist forces. “We were just sittin’ around talkin’ about commies and how much we hate thyyi and naturally teasips just came up,” GungHo said. “And then about them havin’ this big deal celeb ration and all. So I said why not cele brate for them by lighting their tower. I mean they can’t wait to do it after they outscore us in football games — now we will light it for them forever.” The lighting is scheduled for the L'ppy sin liDAOJCl ||I 't | Uasaqoi s Wednesday of finals week. Gang ' SJ3 H 1() said this day was chosen because in rH i0 .l sll( students would be on campus. “Even those stupid druggiepoi sq p| no hairs who skip class all the time i ot iquitm have to show up to take their lina GungHo said. “And we want as mp-spsq |l!" teasips around as we can get.”;S issu uopt When asked about the possL ui s; si| long-term health hazards as a repiii||i.tp u<> of the lighting device, GungHi saippadxa ‘ “We’re still working on getting ads half-life number down so that .wLjjouantiA be any problem. Besides it’sigt impiuis bull.” UunQ ‘ipnu jjipo l|j ik inuis.r igijnoi|-p ( " wpiqio u< jo spun| ******************************** THE UNIVERSITY: f Its graduates are among the leaders in Government, the Military, Industry and Down-Home Humor. THE TRADITION: HOC One hundred and seven years of the most tradition-boui school turning out the most blindly obedient young and women. Fozzie Bear HH VO aw NHHX THE CODE: No one will lie, cheat, steal, wear a hat in Kyle Field — or tolerate those who do. THE GOAL: To teach Honor, Integrity, Discipline THE TRUTH: fliKmr.vxj I j|qptin sk. maltaj w. H luoisnoi j 8«qof - \m-o pd and Good Bf ^ 3l|) P-IIHX) IT WAS ALL AN AGGIl JOKE. uou aqj II! ia<|l Huo|i;' |0|»X(X| h dsiqn|;) ji: There is one cadet about to expose the system ... and there is a risk. ; qioa THE LORDS OF DUNCAN HALI CT Corps Type Those not wearing khaki must be accompanied by a parent or guardian. Texas A&M Pictures presents a B.S. “Ultra’,, Francesco Vanducci production. Starring Tap Noserap and a cast of thousands. 1 Opens today at a campus near you.