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HUH
RRRH
Page 2/The Battalion/Wednesday, March 9, 1983
Slouch
By Jim Earle
Final
GRADES
f
TDST
SO -
• - /
“Maybe this graph will illustrate how I plan to taper off
when the grades for graduating seniors are posted. ”
Strictly business;
nothing personal
by Art Buchwald
Cohen was singing: “Don’t cry for me.
Saudi Arabia.”
“You seem very happy, Cohen,” I said.
“Would it have anything to do with the
price of oil going down?”
“I’m not happy or unhappy,” he said.
“I just take things as they come. I didn’t
slash my wrists when the OPEC cartel
raised the price to $34 a barrel, and I’m
not going to dance in the streets now that
they’re cutting their own throats.”
“You’re the only one I know that
doesn’t get emotional about oil.”
“I never considered what OPEC did a
personal thing against me. After all, they
had the oil and we didn’t, and in a capital
ist society anyone should be able to get
what he can for his goods. I paid the
going rate when petroleum went up and
now I’ll pay the going rate when it goes
down. It’s strictly business with me; no
thing personal.”
“But isn’t there the tiniest bit of joy in
your heart that the cartel is on the ropes,
after what they did to the world for 10
years?”
“I never hated anyone because they
had oil in the ground. I’m too big a man
for that sort of thing. The cartel gave
stability to the energy market during the
oil shortage, and now that there is a glut
it’s every country for itself. In life there
are peaks and valleys, even for oil-
producing nations.”
“That’s beautiful, Cohen. I never
heard anyone talk about OPEC that way
before. Did you feel that way in 1982
when you got your heating bill?”
“Nobody likes a big heating bill. But
I’m one of those people who lights can
dles instead of cursing the darkness. I
never even got mad when I stood in line
for 45 minutes at the gas station to fill my
tank at $1.95 a gallon.”
“What did you do?”
“I said: ‘Cohen, the Arab sheiks have
nothing personal against you. Without
“Everyone says we should be worried if
the price of oil goes down too far, because
it will wreck the banks.”
“The banks are not my worry. They
had a good run loaning the oil-producing
countries money when they were rolling
in petrodollars. Now they have to live
with their bad loans. It’s nothing person
al with me, you understand? But banks
are something I don’t spend much time
fretting about. I guess it was the way I was
brought up. My father always felt about
banks the way Willy Sutton the bank rob
ber did. They were just a place where the
money was.”
“My attitude is different, Cohen. I be
lieve OPEC tried to shaft the world, and
now that they’re being shafted by each
other, I feel warm all over. I always react
this way when someone else is being
shafted. There’s nothing that makes me
happier than an oil glut, and I chuckle
every time the price of oil drops a dollar a
barrel. Am I wrong to feel that way?”
“It’s not your fault,” he said. “It was
probably the way you were brought up.”
USPS 045 360
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Don’t play it again, Sam
by Don Phillips
United Press International
WASHINGTON — If Humphrey
Bogart were alive today, he might sue the
postal workers union.
Among the political advertisements
the union has produced in its move to
prevent future federal workers from
being included in Social Security is one in
which an actor immitates Bogart from a
scene in the classic movie “Casablanca.”
In this version of “Casablanca,”
however, Rick — Bogart — urges every
one to write his congressman asking for a
vote against the Social Security bill provi
sion regarding federal workers.
This is one of two major political
advertising campaigns now entertaining
thousands of Americans. The other -is
being produced by the banking industry
in an attempt to stop the plan to withhold
taxes on interest and dividends begin
ning June 30.
The banking campaign takes a diffe
rent approach. Few bank statements over
the past few weeks have not included in
serts proclaiming that the governmernt is
trying to rob the poor little saver of his
meager interest income. A letterwriting
campaign has flooded congressional
offices with tons of mail.
The two campaigns have two things in
common: both are seriously misleading
and both probably are backfiring.
For instance, the Social Security ads
claim that including federal workers in
the system would “bankrupt” the current
Civil Service retirement system, costing
the taxpayers $ 185 billion. The ad asserts
that backers of the provision claimed it
would pump $20 billion into Social
Security, but the latest Congressional
Budget Of fice estimate is only $6 billion.
Let’s take those arguments one by one:
First, “bankrupt” is so misleading as to
be wrong. Those now in the Civil Service
retirement system will continue to pay
into it as they do now, and the federal
government will continue to pay the
lion’s share of the expenses — more than
4to-l over the participants.
In other words, the government
already is paying billions, and nothing
will go bankrupt.
And top congressional leaders have
pledged not only that the Civil Service
fund will remain sound but that a sup
plemental fund will be set up for future
federal retirees to be certain that the
combination of Social Security benefits
and supplemental benefits will he the
same as they would have received under
the current system.
Those last two figures — $20 billion vs.
$6 billion — are an apples-and-oranges
comparison.
No one ever claimed that including
federal workers would pump $20 billion
into Social Security; that was the figure
for inclusion of both federal and non
profit organization employees. The
House Ways and Means Committee esti
mated that including federal employees
would increase Social Security funding
by $9.3 billion.
The banking campaign could Ik* de
scribed as a scare
little for the vast number of sail
To begin with, only lOpei
terest income would be wii
banks would not be requiredn
from the account until the
year, making the loss of inc .people w
meaningless. The loss on a Jtalit efu
$1,999 at a 9 percent rateisty;students
be about 4 cents per month, rner ext
Small savers — those eaniii!% na * * 1
year or le ss m iiiten-st —
' '"i 1 ’ 1 nUrCard*
In return for this small nsOL 0 ff 1(
honest taxpayers — those ^Harvestt
their interest and dividend m ent suj
their tax forms — would hausvisiting t
sure of knowing that the scofllJ the Colit
forced to pay their fair shaftti r*tratio
The scof flaws are not small!® He *'
An estimated 1 1 percent of saw fF 1 u 1
. i business
percent of those receivingdiuj p,
ci i c|>< >1 t to l in Ic Sam. f;
Over f ive years, the Trttj mustbe;
mates that more than $20billi about si
taxes will be collected h™
have no choice because thn
already is listed in the IRSc
Both of these campaignsh;
some key people on Capitol Hi
ing the leaders of Ixitn paidd
House and Senate tax-writint
tees. Enemies have been d
warnings have been issued. Si
these campaigns may comebadi
those who spawned them.
Paraphrasing Bogart, conji
leaders are saying: “Don't plan
In
bi
oil they would still be eating sand. I would
do the same thing if I were in their situa
tion. After all, how long is their wealth
going to last?”’
“And now what do you say when you
drive up to a pump?”
“I don’t have as much time t© talk to
myself at a gas station any more. But
while I’m filling my tank I say: ‘Cohen,
you had nothing to do with OPEC falling
apart, and if the oil-producing nations
want to commit fratricide, it’s not your
problem.’”
“I wish I could see things so dispassion
ately,” I said.
“I guess it was the way I was brought
up. My father was the only person in our
neighborhood during the depression
that didn’t hate John D. Rockefeller be
cause he controlled the Standard Oil
Company.”
Althou
‘women I
between i
■work fore
thev shou
actual w
Lynn Ha:
C “This
must be
said. "Bu
^tion stude
Baskin
ism at P
spoke al
Alpern, ,
history at
cheon pn
ance of h
torv Wee
jpurinj
mem fror
er was
March b-
week at T
jThe hi
led “Per!
STOP C0MPLA1NING.O'TOOLE.,,HAVE YOU NOTICfP HOW Ml
HAS PlCKEP OP LATELY ?,,
Letters: Thanks to Corps of Cadets
Editor:
Thank you for your coverage of the
Corps of Cadets’ sponsorship of children
through the Christian Children’s Fund.
It certainly is noteworthy when so many
people work together to rescue young
children from the combined suffering of
hunger and disease. The Corps’ work
with CCF is in keeping with their long
tradition of helping needy people.
I doubt if there is another organiza
tion on any of our nation’s campuses so
devoted to humanitarian causes, one that
raises tens of thousands of dollars each
year for the benefit of others. It is no
wonder that people like Sally Struthers
are pleased to come to our campus.
Each day, five little children are fed
and sheltered and taught and loved,
thanks to the Corps. By such deeds, the
men and women of the Texas A&M
Corps of Cadets bring credit to them
selves and to everyone associated with
this university.
Dr. Robert Scott Kellner
Readers says
don’t judge others
Editor:
Dear Mr. Stevens:
I have one question to ask you: What
makes you so moral and/or wise that you
feel qualified to judge another’s morals?
I suggest that you subject yourself to
psychic testing. You obviously believe
yourself to be psychic enough to tell us
Mr. Patti’s intent.
I won’t try to tell anyone that I know
“all the answers,” but I am sure of one
thing: God did not make me so that I
might judge and condemn others.
You seem sure of your beliefs and
equally sure that laws should enforce
morality (your morality). Would it not
seem logical then, if we believe you, (hat a
law should be passed forcing all people to
go to church; or we can take it one step
further, we can force everyone to attend
your church. Is this morality?
Laws should only protect individuals’
rights from infringement. That is why we
have laws against murder, rape, theft,
etc. Is also why the Constitution includes
freedom of religion.
I learned long ago that whenever you
have learned men on both sides of an
issue, there is no absolute right or wrong,
but only varying shades of gray. Good
ness knows, there are learned men (and
ignorant ones) on both sides of this issue.
May I remind you that it was religious
intolerance and closed-mindedness that
fed early Christians to the lions and
slaughtered millions of Jews forty years
ago.
Let us pity, not condemn the 14-year-
olds in our society that need sex in order
to feel “loved.” Neither of your answers
(making them “pay the price” or denying
them birth control) will solve the prob
lem. This “band-aid” will not cure socie
ty’s major illness.
Mr. Stevens, you might try working to
help the situation instead of simply con
demning it. There are many organiza
tions (such as church groups, Big
Brothers, Big Sisters, Boy and Girl
Scouts, Boys and Girls Clubs, etc.) that try
to give children the love that all too many
can’t find at home. You have shown that
you are an expert at avoiding sin, but one
can’t get into heaven by just not doing
wrong, one has to do something good as
well
Kelly McCanlies ’86
ing his Cabinet and the fedenll
ment in general? He made thill
on his Saturday afternoon radiol
When he finished the l)emocr|
ty promptly sent on one of it
politicians. This gentleman, I
member his name (not that itu
difference — they all say thesa
anyway), said the president shn
cern himself with more pertinfli
He suggested unemployment
On March 5, President
addressed the nation (once aga
Saturday afternoon radio spec
cerning unemployment. He pf
method that would get young At
back to work and at the sametii
late businesses to hire them. Wt*
a good jMan or not remains toi
The Democratic Party proof
on one of its shyster politicians
remember his name either, fort 1
reason 1 stated before). Uesaidtl 1
dent should concern himself « 11
pertinent issues. He suggestedtl 1
dent’s Cabinet.
Very enlightening and inform
Stephen V 1
Lost purse
Editor:
Political seesaw
Editor:
Did you know that President Reagan
addressed the nation on Feb. 26 concern-
Dear Aggies:
I lost my purse Saturday, March
Moses-Walton party at Shiloh I
It’s a white clutch purse. I 1
valuable to me. If anyone hass
knows anything about it, please
me at 269-1598. I will ask noqi
The person who has it: Whatgtf
you? Just, please be a “Good A?
Julie