Page2/The Battajian/Monday, March 7, 1983
Slouch
By Jim Earle
‘Did I tell you that I’d learned how to Xerox my face?’
Remember, only you
can stop toxic seepage
by Dick West
United Press International
WASHINGTON — I was reading the
other day about the great success of'
Smokey Bear, the U.S. Forest Service’s
fire prevention symbol, and it occurred
to me that maybe that’s what the Environ
mental Protection Agency needs.
I’m not suggesting Smokey be trans
ferred to EPA or anything like that.
Everyone knows that bears don’t inhabit
toxic dumps. Besides that, of Smokey,
who always has a ranger’s hat sitting on
top of his head, would look pretty silly in
a decontamination mask.
Still, there is no getting around
Smokey’s achievements in preventing
forest fires. Since 1945, when the cartoon
figment was first seen by the public, he is
credited with saving some $20 billion
worth of timber.
Meanwhile, I’m sure you have noticed,
the forest service has been relatively un
touched by any of the firestorms of con
troversy that have been seering EPA this
year.
If EPA had a Disney-like creature as a
mascot, perhaps its critics would be simi
larly pacified. It’s just a question of hit
ting upon the right character to carry the
message that adequate disposal facilities
are necessary to prevent poisonous waste
discards from contaminating the atmos
phere.
I’ve given this matter a lot of thought
and I’ve concluded that EPA’s answer to
Smokey Bear should be a chickadee.
Canaries, you know, already have a
historic association with pollution. The
little birds have been used in times of war
to detect poison gases, and miners have
taken them down in the shafts to test the
underground air.
A chickadee presumably is as sensitive
as a canary. If one keels over from lack of
oxygen, it can be assumed the air is unfit
for human beings to breath.
Ok. If you buy the concept of using a
chickadee as EPA’s symbol of lethal leak
prevention, all that remains is to pick out
a catchy name — something cute, but at
the same time appropriate, that will do
for dumping grounds what Smokey has
done for national forests.
I also have given this matter a lot of
thought, and the name I am prepared to
recommend is Sully Chickadee.
In verb form, sully is synonymous with
defilement. But the word also has been
widely used as a nickname. Hence, it has
the same dual connotation as Smokey.
Another favorable factor is availabil
ity. Animators in Hollywood already
have produced Tweetie, a lovable car
toon canary that could serve as a model
for Sully Chickadee.
Tweetie has a charming speech im
pediment — sort of a cross between a lisp
and a sputter — that I would suggest
retaining, along with its theme song.
Get the picture? An EPA artist draws
Sully in a fetching little hood and dioxin-
proof uniform. Then the bird trills: “I
taught I taw a toxic dump ateeping up on
me.etc.”
If only EPA had had something like
that going for it, the clean-up program
might not be in such a mess. And neither
would the environment.
USPS 045 360
Member ot
Texas Press Association
Southwest Journalism Conference
The Battalion
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Dinner for two the EPA way
i
by Art Buchwald
Rita Lavelle, recently discharged as
head of hazardous waste at EPA, has
turned over her appointments calendar
to congressional committees. Many en
tries indicate Ms. Lavelle had lunches
4nd dinners with company officials of
chemical companies who were under in
vestigation for dumping toxic wastes.
According to EPA, Ms. Lavelle may
have ignored a long-standing policy at
EPA against meeting, much less breaking
bread, with potential defendents in agen
cy enforcement matters
orlon?”
“Thank you. No, it happens to be ace
tate.”
“Your hair is beautiful. What kind of
spray do you use?”
“I use a non-aerosol spray that doesn’t
contain chloroflourocarbons. I’m very
concerned the mixture of nitrogen emis
sions and carbon dioxide could produce
a catalytic reaction that might affect the
ozone. Shall we order? I’m famished.”
“I didn’t mean love, as ini
the Love Canal.”
“Ugh. Do we have to talka
Canal while we’re eating?"
“Forgive me for bringing nj
talk about the weather.”
o
Reporters who checked the people
listed on the calenders were informed,
almost unanimously by Ms. Lavelle’s
hosts, that no business concerning hazar
dous waste and their companies was com
panies was discussed.
“Of course. What is your pleasure?”
“Perhaps some fish, providing it comes
from an area that has not been polluted
by methylene chloride or benzene.”
“Good. I’m sure we can find some
thing on the menu. Hmmm, the oysters
sound very good.”
“I don’t eat oysters. They tend to biac-
cumulate PCB in their tissues.”
Most said the dinners were only held to
“get acquainted with Ms. Lavelle and to
discuss chemical matters in general.”
Unless someone can come up with
other evidence, I believe them.
I prefer to believe a typical dinner with
a chemical executive went something like
this:
“That’s a very attractive outfit you
have, Miss Lavelle. Is it polyester or
“How do oysters do that?”
“I can’t discuss it any further. We have
several cases pending against PCB jxillu-
ters that we’re trying to settle quietly.”
“All right. How about a Dover sole
from England?”
“That would be nice. It’s out of my
jurisdiction.”
“How do you feel about love, Miss
Lavelle?”
“That’s a very personal question.”
"I can’t talk about the weal!
doing a study on companies
for acid rain, and I’m notallow
away their trade secrets.”
fcy Com
■•I lave you seen any g»| i nch B “
late, y ? lives on A
“I saw the‘China SyndromeET held
we’re involved with nuclear^ iene Nati<
ing, I’d rather not say if I liked:! Week, w
“I can understand that. Ac AlCongr
purpose of this dinner isjwilsetl Augi
know you and become yowled ihe we<
How’s \ < >ur sole?” ebr.ue woi
"Delicious. We don’t have fir' ' u an
complaints about sole. OurbigJL ‘ ( l i >l
dous waste problems have mem
shellfish." jilS p.n
jmorial Sn
“Well it’s been a wonderfuii||he pre
Miss Lavelle, and you’re a del)£iP , | sses ,5 >
ner companion. I’d take you rf 11 ? 1
but I have an early breakfaC;
tomorrow with my lawyers a
Stringfellow Acid Pit problem L| rs j t y
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The i
Letter: Notification law rehashed w
Editor:
Several people have written to express
their views on the parental notification
rule.The majority seem to be against it,
their argument for the most part being
that minors are going to have sex anyway,
so we must work from there. The conclu
sion seems to be that parental notification
will only aggravate the problem of teen
pregnancy.
Why, in a society where minors are,
for the most part, dependent on their
parents, not allowed to vote, not allowed
to drive until sixteen, and not supposed
to buy alcohol until at least eighteen, do
we feel that they can handle the responsi
bility of their sexual activity? For the most
part, minors are under the authority of
their parents in every situation. Susie has
Co bring a note from Mom to excuse her
absence from school, but if Susie needs
contraceptives. Mom doesn’t need to
know. Susie is mature enough to be re
sponsible in this case, even though she is
not old enough to drive or vote or buy
alcohol.
Let’s take another look. Maybe Mom
and Dad do know best. Really, parents
can’t all be ogres who satisfy their desire
for power by controlling our lives. Some
of them may actually love us and desire
what’s best for us. But rebellion is en
couraged, the family is eroding, teens are
getting pregnant, and we’ve resigned
ourselves to their sexual activity. The
only answers provided seem to be taking
control away from parents, either in the
form of not notifying them if their chil
dren are obtaining contraceptives, and/
or educating minors about sex and con
traceptives (in the schools, of course, not
the homes). I’m not blind to the fact that
parents make mistakes too. But how can
the answer be to take away their freedom
and right to have a say in the lives of their
children?
Frida
The problem cannot be blanketed. We
are talking about individual parents who
want to know what’s going on in their
children’s lives, and individual teens who
are being bombarded with different stan
dards of morality from all sides. The one
thing that I know helps peopk
individual basis is the loveofJesi)i|
External rules, programs, and
necessary for order, but change!
are what will change lives.
Tracy
Inch
Jum
hom