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Two of a kind:
Dole and Udall
by Arnold Sawislak
United Press International
WASHINGTON — People who hang
around politicians don’t do it for laughs.
As a class, politicians rank with Marine
sergeants and assistant principals in the
sense of humor department.
But there are exceptions, and politi
cian watchers treasure those few who can
lighten the somber landscape of govern
ment.
One such is Sen. Bob Dole of Kansas,
who may possess the sharpest wit, not to
say tongue, in the Sp’ijate. Dole has two
prime prerequisites of successful humor:
timing and brevity.
Thus, when his wife, Elizabeth, was
appointed secretary of transportation,
Dole was ready with a comment, the full
text of which follows: “Excellent appoint
ment.”
But there is another member of Con
gress whose wit is equal to Dole’s and
whose store of political anecdotes
approaches that of the late Alben
Barkley.
Rep. Morris Udall of Arizona, the
gangling ex-basketball player and dyed-
in-the-wool liberal who has served 22
years in the House, was at his best last
week when he announced he would not
seek the 1984 Democratic presidential
nomination.
Udall was talking to a room full of his
friends and associates, many of whom
had worked with him in a 1976 campaign
that, despite the final victory of Jimmy
Carter, several times came within an
eyelash of success.
Those people, and Udall himself, had
considerable reason to be bitter about
1976. But as he talked about the snake-
bitten campaign of “old second place
Mo,” Udall had the audience roaring
with laughter.
“We arrived in Sacramento, and there
was no crowd to greet us, not even an
advance man,” he recalled of a trip to the
California capital.
“We had landed at the wrong airport,
and Sacramento doesn’t have that many
airports. Then, when we got to the hotel,
they gave me the ‘Gerald R. Ford suite’...
the room he stayed in when Squeaky
Fromme tried to shoot him.
“I called for an appointment with Gov.
(Jerry) Brown and they said, ‘ 1 1:30.’That
was p.m., not a.m. After I talked to the
governor for a while, he asked to be ex
cused, but he had another visitor waiting.
At midnight.
“It was Governor Carter. I said to my
self, ‘Udall, you may be a longshot, but
that is one fellow who is going to be out of
it quickly.’”
Udall said things haven’t changed that
much. When his decision not to run
somehow was reported before his
speech, Udall said he thought “I was up
to my kiester in leakers.” Then he disco
vered that he had let slip the news himself
— “Typical of a Udall campaign.”
But his arrows weren’t all pointed to
ward himself.
He said the Reagan administration
had “done for the environment what
Bonnie and Clyde did for banks and
Claus von Bulow had done for the
Diabetes Foundation,” and summoned
up a classic story about another famous
political humorist to illustrate his own
assessment of the president’s associates.
“Will Rogers was visiting the White
House and Calvin Coolidge asked him,
‘What are the latest jokes?’ Rogers re
plied, ‘Why, Mr. President, you’ve
appointed them all to the Cabinet.’”
Mo Udall won’t be running for presi
dent next year, which will make that en
terprise a duller affair all around. But he
still will be in Washington, and that alone
is something the rest of the country can
thank Arizona for.
The Battalion
USPS 045 360
Member ot
Texas Press Association
Southwest Journalism Conference
Editor Diana Sultenf uss
Managing Editor Gary Barker
Associate Editor Denise Richter
City Editor Hope E. 1’aasch
Assistant City Editor Beverly Hamilton
Sports Editor John Wagner
Entertainment Editor Colette Hutchings
Assistant Entertainment Editor . . . . Diane Yount
News Editors Daran Bishop, Brian Boyer,
Jennifer Carr, Elaine Engstrom,
Johna Jo Maurer, Jan Werner,
Rebeca Zimmer maim
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Melissa Adair, Maureen Carmody,
Frank Christlieb, Connie Edelmon,
Patrice Koranek, John Lopez, Robert
McGlohon, Ann Ramsbottom, Kim
Schmidt, Patti Schwierzke, Kellev
Smith, Angel Stokes, Tracey Taylor,
Joe Tindel
Copyeditors . . . . Shelley Hoekstra, Jan Swaner,
Cdiris Thayer
Cartoonist Scott McCullar
(h aphic Artists Pam Starasinic
Sergio Galvez
Photographers David Fisher. Jorge Casari.
Ronald W. Emerson, Rob
Johnston, Irene Mees, William
Schulz
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paper operated as a community service to Texas A&M
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Weinberger’s defense cuts
by Maxwell Glen
and Cody Shearer
Much has been said recently about
that stubborn defense secretary, Caspar
W. Weinberger. Some of it has been un
printable, and almost all unsympathetic.
Even one of the Pentagon’s increas
ingly important beneFiciaries, the U.S.
electronics industry, has delivered a
stinging attack on a Weinberger effort to
control cost overruns. But the industry’s
offensive does more to highlight the sec
retary’s limitations than his excesses.
The story actually predates Weinber
ger and Ronald Reagan’s $1.6 trillion
military buildup. It begins with a 1976
request by Sen. William Proxmire (D-
Wis.) that the Pentagon’s contract audi
tors investigate the Washington opera
tions of the Boeing Co. and nine other
major defense contractors.
Outraged at the unabashed hustling
by defense contractors and their lob
byists, Proxmire wanted to determine the
extent to which contractors included lob
bying expenses in weapon price tags.
“The Iron Triangle,” a widely-read study
of defense procurement practices. After
an imperfect attempt in 1981, Weinber
ger ruled last October against the inclu
sion of lobbying costs in contracts even
when requested by Congress.
Enter the American Electronics Asso
ciation (AEA), which claims to represent
about 2,000 companies. It’s warned that
the Weinberger rule will only discourage
smaller companies from the military
market, leaving Congress at the mercy of
big contractors (and the Pentagon) for
data and opinions on a wide range of
products and issues.
“(Though) we concede that private-
sector lobbying is untidy and sometimes
exasperating, we believe it is the essence
of what this country is all about,” wrote
association president E.E. Ferrey in a
Jan. 18 letter to Weinberger. “The small
amount of money you may save by dis
allowing these costs is far outweighed by
the nation’s overriding interest in a free
flow of information.”
Pentagon sujqjliers
Yet the industry’s worries maybei
stated. Befitting their size, small)
panics spend relatively limited aim
on lobbying. Congressional comij
aides report that the presence of sm
company lobbyists on Capitol Hillisi
mal; arms procurement expertj*
S. Gansler c haracterizes the expeij
mostly ads in trade magazines
SR
1 ndeed, when asked howtheWdi tf
ger rule would hurt small electrt
firms. Ask Computer President Sai
L. Kurtzig, who publicly endorse!
association’s complaint, didn’t km
The industry’s tactics, however^
be less important than what this a
squabble suggests about Weinber
stomach for cost-cutting. Afterall,
President Ferrey admits that oi
“small amount of money” is ats
Effective enforcement, moreover,
not mean an end to the multki
dollar wars for congressional favor
supposedly sparked Weinbergeni
in the first |>lace.
As expected, the auditors verified the
worst of Proxmire’s fears and recom
mended that the executive branch dis
allow the use of taxpayers’ money for
lobbying expenses. Negotiations ensued
but had reached no working rule by the
onset of the Reagan era.
In the spring of 1981, however, Cor
don Adams of the respected Council on
Economic Priorities in New York revived
the controversy with the publication of
The industry’s concern seems legiti
mate. Big companies will lobby no matter
who picks up the tab; smaller firms likely
won’t. Rather than undercut their com
mercial competitiveness with govern
ment-related costs, many small com
panies might be inclined to give up gov
ernment lobbying and sales altogether.
No one would want Congress to re
ceive its information from a narrow field
of sources. Nor would the nation benefit
from a smaller, less diversified base of
The electronics industry has
helped to confirm what has infuii
liberals and conservatives alike:!
Cap Weinberger apjdies his knifei
fense expenditures, he workswiihi
dull blade.
But had Weinberger shown thti
cost-cutting penchant for tanksaul
siles that he has for drinks and uy
wouldn’t need to tell this microo
story.
Letters: Poetry on the effects of
Editor:
I originally intended this letter for the
Corps, but I think now I’ll leave it open to
all interested persons. The poem you see
below started out as just four lines that
came to me one night.
I twist inside, yeah, they call us the
rhythym aces.
Big Event
We fight all day, we fight all night
Life is death and death is life
It’s not what I’d choose to do
I have to do it because they tell me to.
Editor:
M(
At first I didn’t know what direction I
wanted to go with these first lines, but
after a while I thought I would like to
express some of my ideas on war. Not
that I’ve ever experienced war, as the
poem’s superficiality in that dimension
probably readily shows, but most mem
bers of the Corps probably haven’t
either.
Those terrible sounds of battle still ring
in my ears
echo the days and rekindle my fears.
Orchestration by Remmington,
choreography by the brass.
No chance for any heroes in the whole
satanic cast.
And that brings me to what I’ve been
wondering about for some time, basically
why are the people in the Corps in the
Corps? I mean beyond the relatively tri
vial economic and my father — my
grandfather — my etc. — were-in-the-
Corps-so-I-am reasons and into more
I hope that someday we’ll be able to leave
this place
Hang up our guns and rejoin the other
race.
How hard it will be to forget about all the
lives left behind
But no doubt the power to rationalize it
all away lies within the common mind.
philosphical ones. I mean are the mem
bers of the Corps prepared to die in ser
vice, kill on the word of their superiors,
and then live with themselves after
wards? Anyway, like I said, the poem ex
presses some of my feelings on the sub
ject and I would like to see how others
react to it.
T. Bannon
Dunn Hall
Lost calculator
Editor:
Rhythm Aces
I play my machine gun like I do my
drums
but, alas, only deadly rhythms come.
How I fear their frightened faces
On Feb. 12,1 left my TI 58C calculator
in the student lounge area of the library.
I don’t need to tell you how important it is
to me. If any honest Ag found it, please
call anytime, 693-7195.
Howdy, Ags! I’d like to talt 1
minute of your time to talkaboui l
thing great: THE BIG EVENT I
volunteer project gives you thecln j
enrich the lives of others, while^ P
yourself in the {process.
Now as far as I’m concerned,
willingness to serve those whoare®
is a great example of what beingai loll c
is all about. If you agree, and
hope that you do, I wanttoch;
to take advantage of this opporttf
put your good intentions to work
even begin to think that others
care of it, and that it won’t mailt 1
don’t participate. Whether or n®
join in will make a difference,no
how many others contribute
The cost? Just four hoursof)0'
on Sunday. The benefits to yo 11
enormous: Aside from seeingik
you’ve done for someone else,)
perience a great feeling fromwil
Ziglar, one of America’s greatest 1,
tors, put it best, I think, whenhe 531
short, you will stand tallinyouro' l(
which is the bonus you getbec^
took what you had and unselfish!)
for someone else’s good.”
You don’t have to be a menrhtf
student organization to partied 11
’em a call at the Student Go'f 1 ;
Office at 845-3051 for infori#
how you can get involved. Gig f
Charlie Henn ’83
Charlie Stir 1 '
c
Roi