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Friday, November 12, 1982
Campus
Which directory should you use 1
by Gary Barker
Battalion Staff
The new phone books are here!
The new phone books are here!
Tm somebody now! This is the
kind of spontaneous publicity
that makes people!
But this year there are two
new city phone books — two
chances for spontaneous public
ity. One of the new phone books
is the GTE book with the tradi
tional pastoral picture on the
cover. The other is the promo
tional Bryan Metro Telephone
Directory, a gawdy bright red
book with an advertisement on
the front and back covers and on
every page in between.
Will the real Bryan-College
Station phone book please stand
up?
For my money, I recommend
the standby GTE phone book. It
has better yellow pages and bet
ter graphics. Also, numbers for
Bryan and College Station are
mixed, so if you don't know
what city your friend Joe lives
in, you don't have to look in two
sections of the book. And be
sides, my name is in it. '
Imagine this phone book re
viewer's horror when he found
the unappealing Bryan Metro
book on his porch — and his
name wasn't in it!
The publishers of the Metro
book also made the mistake of
separating numbers for Bryan
and College Station, so if you
don't know what city Billy Bob's
Barbecue is in, you have to flip
back and forth. If you used the
phone book 10 times a day, you
could spend up to 5 minutes a
day flipping back and forth —
that's almost 15 hours a year. At
$5 an hour that's $45.
And for that elite group that
was lucky enough to pay $2.50
for their phone book, the new
campus directory is truly a joy.
Surrounded in a sea of ma
roon on the front cover is Reveil
le IV, barking the Aggie War
Hymn and silhouetted by last
year's yell leaders.
With a cover like that, how
could it go wrong?
Well to begin with, a large
number of the on-campus stu
dents' numbers have been
changed due to the yearly play
ing of musical dorm rooms. And
forget about local addresses, all
this book has is home addresses.
Somehow having your friend's
Illinois address doesn't make it
any easier to find him on a
Thursday night.
And even if you find the right
number, the campus phone sys
tem is not known for its relia-
Who
cares about egg pie, anyway?
by Gary Barker
Battalion Staff
Quiche! Quiche? Who cares
about egg and cheese pie
anyway?
What's all this talk about
real men not eating quiche.
Real men not only eat quiche,
they can cook it better than
most French chefs — and they
know the chemical content
down to the last molecule of
protein.
The latest in the macho
man quiche books is out and if
you thought the first one was
moronic, this one will really
make you sing and dance.
The new quiche book is
“Real Men Don't Cook
Quiche." The book was writ
ten by Scott Redman and
edited by Bruce Feirstein, au
thor of "Real Men Don't Eat
Quiche."
The title of the book should
give the first indication that
these guys have quiche for
brains. Obviously if real men
don't eat quiche, they don't
cook it.
Then what do real men
cook? That's exactly what this
book serves to tell us. It's a
boring tongue-in-cheek cook
book for "real" men.
According to the book, reak^
men consume only steak,
beer, more steak and more
Real Men
Scott Redman
Edited by BmeeFeirstein
author of Real MenBottt&iSy She *-
Illustrated by Lee Lorenz
beer. And for dessert they
have more steak and after that
some after-dinner beer.
After all, the book says,
beer can be used for almost
anything. For an appetizer,
the book provides a recipe for
"Cream of Beer Soup."
But the book admits that
real men do get tired of steak
and beer. So the book offers
recipes so real men can con
coct "China Syndrome Chili,"
"United Auto Worker
Donuts," "The Battle of
Atlanta Fried Chicken," and
several other bushy-hair-on-
their-chest delicacies.
The recipes are all genuine
— genuinely guaranteed to
give you heartburn. The in
structions for cooking the re
cipes all sound valid enough,
but all recipes are extremely
heavy on the hot spices.
In short, all the recipes here
are stripped of any frills — no
whip cream in the coffee, no
guacamole on the hambur
gers, no frozen fruit to dilute
their drinks.
The book also makes it clear
that real men have no concern
for nutrition, calories or
vegetables — and no concern
for their digestive tract.
If this book is true, then real
men must be overweight,
have ulcers and eat hubcaps
for snacks. Perhaps that ex
plains why most of the real
men depicted in drawings in
the book look more like Nean-
dertal men.
But as silly as it is, the book
has a few amusing, though
silly, passages. "What does a
real man use a wok for?" "Oil
changes."
So these guys must not be
all the dim-witted, both of the
books have been selling well
in the trade book market. The
joke's on the "real" dumb
people who bought the book.
Literature by mail
by Dana Smelser
Battalion Staff
If you find yourself rummaging
through the house looking for a
juicy novel, maybe you should
join the club.
Book clubs can be an econo
mic way to start a library of
books and fill an empty mailbox.
This is how most book clubs
work:
First, you become a member
of the club when you buy the
introductory specials for one,
low, eye-catching price. Double
day Book Club will sell you six
books for 99c and throw in a tote
bag. The Quality Paperback
Book Club will let you join if you
buy three books for $3.
After you join, the club sends
you a catalogue of available
books and a card describing the
selection of the month. If you
don't return the card within a
certain amount of time, you will
receive the choice book in the
mail, along with a bill. If you
don't want the book of the
month, you can order your
choice from the catalogue or
skip a purchase that month.
But you can't constantly skip
purchases. Most clubs require
you to buy a number of books
during a certain amount of time.
The Book-of-the Month Club re
quires its members to buy four
books within a two-year period
and the Literary Guild has a four
book requirement with no time
limit.
After you make your mini
mum purchase, you can cancel
membership.
The type of book clubs are as
diversified as the number of
books offered. The most popu
lar book clubs are the Book-of-
the-Month, Doubleday and the
Literary Guild which offer the
basic fiction, non-fiction, clas
sics, self-help and best sellers.
For the discriminate taste,
however, one can join a more
specialized club. The Aquarian
Agent Book Club allows it's
member to choose from a selec
tion of astrology, multi
dimensional healing and new
age consciousness books. The
Erotic Book Society offers illus
trated books on love and sex.
Other specialized book clubs
include the Get Rich Book Club,
the Adventure Book Club and
the Self-Sufficiency Book Club.
So, pick one to suit your style
and join the (book) club.