opinion
Battalion/Page 2
November 2, 1982
Slouch
By Jim Earle
“You mean he changed his name to ‘None of the Above’
just for the election?”
Endorsements
for public office
by Art Buchwald
It is now time for this column to en
dorse certain political candidates for
public office. We have studied all the
issues and arrived at our conclusions by
not only comparing who our choices are
running against, but how they stack up to
what we’ve got already.
For U.S. Senator — Plato Syracuse.
We support Plato because he was the only
political candidate this year who did not
have his picture taken with an unem
ployed automobile worker. When this
was pointed out by his opponent in their
final debate, Syracuse defended himself
by saying, “I couldn’t do anything to get
the man his job back, and he knew it and I
knew it, so why use up a lot of my time for
a lousy two minutes on the evening
news?”
For Congress — Walter Rosebud. Our
reason for choosing Rosebud over his
opponent is that Rosebud, although a
multimillionaire, refused to use a cent of
his own money to finance his election. He
was quoted on “Meet the Press” as saying,
“I worked hard for my fortune, and I
have no intention of blowing it on an
election when I can get 13 percent on
tax-exempt municipal bonds. If the spe
cial interest political action committees
don’t want to buy my vote, then I don’t
think I want the job.”
For Governor— Hayden Dunkerman.
This was a tough choice because Dunker-
man’s opponent has a much prettier wife.
But Dunkerman has two more children
than his rival. Dunkerman also was an
all-state running back in college, while his
opponent, because of a bad knee,
wouldn’t go out for the team. Dunker-
man’s other qualification for making a
better governor is that, in his state, which
has a 20 percent Hispanic population, his
whole family professes to be crazy about
Mexican food.
For Lt. Governor — Ramsay Wilder
gets our nod. Wilder disagrees with
almost every stand Hayden Dunkerman,
the man we support for governor, has
taken. Therefore, since neither one of
them could work together, it’s doubtful
that Dunkerman would dare leave the
state during his four years in office.
The Battalion
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Water the government lawn
Editor:
Although Wilder has no executive ex
perience, we still endorse him because a
lieutenant governor doesn’t need any for
this nothing job.
For State Attorney General — Dallas
Reisling would probably make a better
attorney general than Arnie Burchett.
He has been more forthright in answer
ing the tough questions posed to him by
the media. Last week in a televised debate
with WTWIT’s hard-hitting Reg Smiley
as moderator, Dallas was asked where he
stood on the death penalty and he re
plied, “It’s none of your damn business.”
Smiley’s follow-up question on how Dal
las would deal with white-collar crime
brought this response: “I didn’t come
here to discuss my personal life.” Smiley
then tried to pin Dallas down on what
stand he would take on prayer in public
schools. Dallas replied, “I have made it a
rule never to talk about the Constitution
when appearing on television.”
For making Smiley look like a fool, we
have to endorse Reisling over Arnie Bur
chett, whose make-up on the show made
him look terrible.
For Mayor — the incumbent, Charles
Bledsoe, has done a good job and de
serves another term. The fact that he
gave the garbage contract for the city to
his brother-in-law, and received a free
trip to Tokyo from the company who
sold the city 200 buses that have been
recalled for faulty brakes, does not de
tract from our opinion that Bledsoe is
probably one of the most popular
machine mayors the city has ever had.
We endorse Bledsoe because he is behol
den to no one, thanks to a blind trust
fund in the Bahamas set up by his close
friends in the school contracting busi
ness.
For City Council President — Sarah
Evans gets our overwhelming endorse
ment, because she’s a woman.
As for the various propositions on the
ballot: We favor all the odd-numbered
ones and are against the even ones, with
the exception of Proposition 82, which
reads, “The people of this state believe
that in the event of a nuclear attack no
alternate parking will be permitted at
ground zero.”
The solutions are not easy nor are the
answers clear. The problems are many,
maybe more than any one person can
realize.
It is not the choice of “easy paths” that
we are to choose from. But the path
which will satisfy our intention from the
beginning all the way to the end.
We must set up guidelines and follow
them. We must maintain a course that
will lead us to rectitude.
We must be more decisive. The prob
lems of decades can not be solved in four
years. Nor can those paths which we have
chosen be judged at the “middle of the
road.” Hard times are yet to come, but
they can be resolved, and they will be
resolved.
A strong will, a solid backbone, and the
willingness to endure will determine the
fate of this country and these times.
Quick solutions, the easy way out, and the
illusion of a smooth ride will not prevail;
not this time.
No one man, no one administration
can solve the problems of the American
people. Only the American people can
do this. But in the process we must not
continue on the erratic path that we have
been following. Let us stablize, become
one, stay on course and let it be deter
mined that we can solve our own prob
lems.
America has always stood fast in a state
of crisis. But are we in a state of crisis? I
should think not. Not yet, but if we don’t
follow the straight and narrow and de
cide what it is that we want, then we will
be at a crisis.
This, our government, can no longer
feasibly give away to its people or to the
people of the world. Our businesses are
being undermined by a cheaper Euro-
Reader’s
Forum
pean, Japanese market. The world is in
debt to these United States, and it’s time
that the world start paying back.
Some governments do pay us back. An
even exchange has been worked out. For
example: Israel has pitted our finest
military equipment against what has
been assumed to be the finest military
equipment in the world; produced by the
Soviet Union. And Israel continues to
make the Soviet machinery look silly in
actual combat.
If there is nothing for us to be happy
about under these circumstances; then
the least we can be happy about is the fact
that our military money is being invested
wisely in good/evil projects.
We must put all of this aside for the
time and direct our attention to the real
problem which is indecisiveness. We elect
people to office because of their policies
(I hope). Then, after a year, we lose faith
in those policies and we look for new or
old policies to come back or to be formed,
we put those policies into effect and after
a year we are still not happy so we follow
the same pattern. Chaos takes over. We
live in the illusion that “the grass is or was
always greener on the other side.”
We should realize that the only way to
have green grass is to spread fertilizer,
water and seed, and then maintain those
seeds which will then turn into our
“lawn.”
And then we realize that the only way
to maintain our lawn is by constant care
and determination; that no matter what
the circumstances are, we will have the
greenest lawn. However, we must first
and foremost realize that we mustt|
care of our lawn and that that willalwj
demand hard work.
When Franklin D. Roosevelt
elected president, he spread the ferti
er, watered and planted the seed to
velop a lawn of economic recovery,
first it took some time; but he caredfc
his lawn, and the people gave him timei
care for it. It wasn’t until after Worldl
II that his seeds for a greener “law'
began to grow.
When the war ended his lawn«
firmly planted into the American societi
and way of life. For a while, his lawn gra
green. But as time marched on his lain
began to grow brown and “turn to weed
It was not and is not the workofott
man, one “tenant” of the house on
lawn who can be blamed. It is and was ill
work of many. And some of
“many” are and were that man’s
bors.
Many have tried to “paint the fence’
that surrounds the house, but thislij
been superficial. Many have tried to
the lawn just grow, in hopes thatitwon
at least appear to be green.
Neither has worked. The lawn lias
be cut down. The fertilizer and the seed
all have to be replaced. Then we will
to water and continue to plant new
to make our lawn grow and be g
again.
This will take time and care. Butintfe
meantime, we will have to till thesoilael
work the land. We ruined our on
“lawn”, our neighbors haven’t helpe
either. But basically, it has beenourowi
neglect. Now we must be patient and;
again.
I just hope and pray that when
lawn does grow green again that we
ituart Taj
history ma
better care of it. And that we hiregool
“tenants” to do the same.
Stephen Weiss
by J ei
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ISNT THAT CUTE,PEAR?., JUNIOR SAYS HES QOI
A JOB AS A DEIOREAN P5AIER,,,
New book describes familiar quirks
by Dick West
United Press International
WASHINGTON — Wild-eyed and salivat
ing, most people I know would rattle their
cages in vehement negation at any suggestion
they were lacking mental stability.
Yet there is no gainsaying that many of the
quirks mentioned in “The Neurotic’s Hand
book” will seem hauntingly familiar.
Who among us, for example, is not
squeamish about touching the bottom of a
lake with our bare feet? And who at one time
or another has not become preoccupied with
the welfare of pigeons, developed an irration
al dislike of Brussels sprouts or had guilty
feelings even on those rare occasions when we
were doing things right?
According to Charles Monagan, author of
the handbook, all of the above are tell-tale
signs of neuroses. The fact that they are com
monplace manifestations of anxieties, pho
bias and assorted hang-ups make them no less
revealing in his view.
Monagan’s book is subtitled “The Very
Nervous Person’s Guide to Life in the Modern
your eyes and be unable to uncross them
again?
Do you believe the messages you read on
bumperstickers?
Are you unable to breathe properly if you
start thinking about breathing?
Do you hum or whistle at inappropriate
times or places?
Five or more affirmative answers means
you are beset by what Monagan calls “the basic
building blocks of anxiety” — distrust, fan
tasy, insecurity, persecution and guilt.
I am as aware as you are of the old saying
that ‘just because you’re neurotic doesn’t
mean they really aren’t out to get out.”
I likewise am well aware that anyone rash
enough to touch a lake bottom feet-first
almost 100 percent sure to step onto quid-
sand, poisonous marine life or somethingdis-
gustingly yucky that can only be removei
through surgery.
Nevertheless, as Monagan points out
of us are indeed in need of professionalhttf
in coping with the fads, foibles and populai
delusions of life on this planet, or what part
for life on this planet.
If you can’t afford a shrink, the $5.59 hand
book may be the answer.
I don’t for a minute question Monagan*
assertion that this is “the Era of the Neurotic.
But right now I have to rush home and mah
sure the telephone isn’t ringing.
World,” and I certainly am no one to say it
doesn’t fill a pressing need.
Do you do crossword puzzles in ink, reject
ing all offers of assistance?
Do you collect swizzle sticks, convinced they
will some day be valuable?
Instead of saying “I love you,” do you say,
“I haven’t felt this relaxed in months?”
Do you take books along on blind dates?
Do you regard gin as a security blanket?
Do doctors lie to you?
Do you think every headache is a brain
tumor?
Do you have snakebite remedies in your
first-aid kit?
Are you pretty sure things aren’t going to
work out romantically if your date goes to the
bathroom and doesn’t come out for 23 mi
nutes?
Do you lie in fear that one day you’ll cross
Berry s World
t?
©1982 byNEA,Hc
“Ya know, I think I’m going to miss these Sun
day walks when the football strike is settled. ”
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