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Slouch
By Jim Earle
‘How do you keep the candle lit?”
The ghost speaks
for himself
by Dick West
United Press International
WASHINGTON — Calvin Hoffman, au
thor of “The Murder of the Man Who Was
Shakespeare,” claims new evidence unco
vered in England supports his thesis that
Shakespeare’s plays actually were written by
Christopher Marlowe.
I’m not enough of a student of Elizabethan
drama to evaluate Hof f man’s suspicions. On a
pop quiz, I would have identified Christopher
Marlowe as a fictional private eye created by
Raymond Chandler.
Tom’s a-cold. So may he rest. Vex not his
ghost.”
Q. Is there any connection at all between
you and Marlowe?
A. “They say we are almost as like as eggs.
He does it with better grace, but I do it more
naturally.”
Q. What about Francis Bacon, Edmund
Spenser and all those other English authors
who have been mentioned as your ghostwri
ters?
It occurred to me, however, that expert
testimony on the subject could be found in the
disputed works themselves. Here is how an
interrogation of the Immortal Bard might
read:
Q. Come now, Mr. Shakespeare, less up.
Did you really write those plays yourself?
A. “An ill-favoured thing, sir, but mine
own. I call the gods to witness.”
Q r What about the claim that Marlowe was
the author?
A. “This is a very false gallop of verses.
Falser than vows made in wine. Stands not
within the prospect of belief. What imports
the nomination of this gentleman?”
A. “Mechanic slaves with greasy aprons,
rules and hammers. Cudgel thy brains no
more about it. Nothing will come to nothing.”
Q. Yeah, but where will it all end?
A. “Things at worse will cease, or else climb
upward to what they were before.”
Q. 1 didn’t ask for a stock market predic
tion, sir. 1 wanted to know what your personal
reaction would be.
A. “I am tied to the stake, and I must stand
the course.”
Q. Well, Hoffman says it has been disco
vered that Marlowe was still alive five years
after his reputed murder in 1583. That would
at least physically place him in the time frame
of some of the later manuscripts.
A. “But this denoted a foregone conclu
sion. Give me the ocular proof.”
Q. Hoffman also wants to reopen the tomb
of Marlowe’s patron, Sir Thomas Walsing-
ham, to locate a box that might contain con
clusive evidence of Marlowe’s authorship.
A. “That takes the reason prisoner. Poor
Q. I wasn’t asking you about Reaganomics,
either. Is there anything else you wish to say in
rebuttal?
A. “Little shall I grace my cause in speing
for myself. Reputation is an idle and most
false imposition; often got without merit, and
lost without deserving. He that filches from
me my good name robs me of that which not
enriches him, and makes me poor indeed.”
Q. That certainly is one way of looking at it.
Shall I put you down as insisting you wrote the
plays?
A. “No hinge nor loop to hang a doubt on.”
Q. Thank you, Mr. Shakespeare. Your wit
ness, Mr. Hoffman.
A. “Bid me discourse, I will enchant thine
The Battalion
USPS 045 360
Member of
Texas Press Association
Southwest Journalism Conference
Editor Diana Sultenfuss
Managing Editor Phyllis Henderson
Associate Editor Denise Richter
City Editor Gary Barker
Assistant City Editor HopeE. Paasch
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Entertainment Editor Nancy Floeck
Assistant Entertainment Editor Colette
Hutchings
News Editors Rachel Bostwick, Cathy
Capps, Johna Jo Maurer, Daniel Puckett,
Jan Werner, Todd Woodard
Staff Writers Jennifer Carr, Susan
Dittman, Beverly Hamilton,
David Johnson, John Lopez,
Robert McGlohon, Carol Smith,
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Wagner, Rebeca Zimmermann
Copyeditor Elaine Engstrom,
Cartoonist Scott McCullar
Graphic Artist Pam Starasinic
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Ronald W. Emerson, Octavio Garcia,
Michael D. Johnson, Irene Mees,
John Ryan, Robert Snider
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77843.
Big spenders squash Dream T
by Art Buchwald
“Okay, Sir, here is your quiz for ihe
next stop. The people are mad as hell out
there because they have an 18 percent
unemployment rate. Where does your
heart go?”
“Out to them. As long as one person in
this country is jobless, 1 will not be satis
fied.”
,“Good. Who is to blame for the high
unemployment rate?”
“There is enough blame to go around
for everybody. But we are at least doing
something about it, unlike those big
spenders in Congress who got us into this
mess in the first place.”
“Where is the recession?”
“It’s bottomed out, and we are recov
ery-bound, thanks to lower interest rates,
lower inflation and confidence by the
people on Wall Street who are willing to
back our programs by investing in the
great American f ree enterprise system."
“What must we avoid to get people
back to work again?”
“A quick fix, which may temporarily
put people back to work, but will never
solve the severe economic problems that
I inherited from an irresponsible opposi
tion party that has been on a drunken
spending binge for four decades.”
“Why did they spend this money?"
“Because it wasn’t theirs, li was the
American taxpayers'."
“What do you believe in more titan
anything else?”
“ The American dream.”
“And how can we achieve the Amer
ican dream?"
“By staying on the course which I have
set, and by passing a constitutional
amendment guaranteeing a balanced
budget which will permit us to live within
our means.”
“Who is preventing us from having a
balanced budget?"
“A small group of selfish men in Con
gress who are willing to sell our bin bright
to satisfy t he greedy pressure groups who
feel the federal government must solve
all their problems."
“What will put people back to work.'
“My tax program which encourages
business to invest in new plants, expand
production and give theconsumei more
money in his pocket to spend on goods."
“What have you done to address the
double-digit unemployment rate?”
“I have just signed a job-training bill
which will make it possible for a million
people to learn new trades and skills to
prepare them for the prosperity which is
just over the horizon.”
“What will they have to do until they
find a job?”
“Show patience and fotcbcaiante. I
can't turn around overnight what the
opposition has done in the past It) years
to put the country in the shape it is in
today."
^^TIownnuToftheunemplovment^^in^
.... H by Tom
the coumn are you willing to iH
. 1 ^ W Battalion 1
blame for.' vr recent poj
“When I came into office H j eintinue, it wou’i
percent. Now it’s 10.1 percentij®xas passes Ne
ing to take the blame for2.6pen tines the secom
Can 1 read a letter from a country, ad
m Madison, Wisconsin?” V 11 '
■ Dr. R.I.. Skra
gy professor he
1<
plans
"Sm e, go ahead.”
'Deal Mr. President:
‘M\ father doesn’t have
neilhei does my molher. Builf
one .of those who inarches toll
beat of doom and gloom. 1 lw|
sour fault that the darkdoudoi
plo\ meut lies over the land.Pica
let Congress spend any morem
wasteful pingr.tins (lull willonliB by Connie
us to big spending and biguvS Battalion r
double-digit inflation which taHfexas A&M l
i lie pounding economichangow ^f m . povei nine
it a is now suffering. « y Group anc
lea lers will be u
Siimcd. Donm Schnuddli®'T T l u “ da >' ,llc
"And ulial dovnusavtoS ,
UWAs part of die i
I say. Donny, I hear you.lootJ th £ Assoc j at j
you were old enough to vote. Sndents, the g
“\\ ell, that takescareofthe alending the v
meut issue. One more questionai da :s’ victory celt
we ll let vou take a nap. WhatdiBThe group, f t
come It) Washington to pbyp Hthe Student S
Pans pi »lu it s. .is usual. And® 1 ' '" l l’ 11
all. I did not come here to fimhi®^ s llUcl esls 1
gage die f uture of the American« Studenl lea(le]
just to buy a short-term political^ Fred Bi u ing
ii\. In sweeping our problems^
table.”
HJnive
to Uni
M
AS 1
I by Angi
Battalion 1
Vith one week
to go, Texas A&
; hallway to its SI
Way goal.
■ Dr. Malon Sou
lam vice preside
smites. said i
■)uld reach its y
■ “I feel that we
outstanding begi
dk period to the
said. "The key t
this nature will I
iftgefforts by all <
assisting, and in
individuals wht
plans to particip.
gill."
JSo far, Texas
letted $51,260.:
have been surp
oils, Southerlaiu
lege of Business
\fVfU
wrrfrp F&wv/tes M
ITS IN THE MAIL
f I I
Letters: Corps foundation of A&M
Editor:
In defense of art
In response to Bill Robinson’s article
referring to the “immaturity of the
Corps”, perhaps “Mr. Mature and Com
mitted” would be interested in a few
additional facts — not biased opinion.
The Corps scholastic average is higher
than the overall Texas A&M University
average. The Corps is the foundation of
our University, upholding honor, integ
rity and pride. In addition to being the
mainstay of many respected traditions —
Bonfire, Ross Volunteers, Silver Taps —
most cadets are actively involved in every
phase of campus life from student gov
ernment to hospitality.
In my opinion, the Corps turns boys
into responsible, well-mannered, well-
disciplined gentlemen, which Bill Robin
son obviously is not. It is said that achiev
ers need to set their own goals, so in the
future Mr. Robinson, rather than setting
our goals for us so we can ultimately be
come the “Cambridge of the South”,
pefhaps you should be so kind as to let
each set their own goals. After all, why
can’t Cambridge someday be the “Texas
A&M of the East“?
Editor:
Today, there exists a battle wherein a
basic and critical issue is being brought to
the forefront of newsmaking propor
tions. This issue is whether or not an au
thor, artist, student of originality or other
such creator has the right of determina
tion for his/her work.
Peripheral elements in the battle are
such issues as integrity, special interest
bodies, academic purity and the interface
of all of these elements.
The battle I have reference to is that of
Maya Ying Lin, a student of Architecture
at a noted American University who’s de
sign for the Vietnam Veterans Memorial
in Washington, D.C. was selected l or con
struction. This student has been sudden
ly thrust into the mainstream of reality
wherein she must consider and come to
grips with the peripheral elements, plus
others, which I have mentioned above.
Her ethnic origins have been men
tioned, by some small thinkinjl
without mention of the lad tlr
people of that same origin were®
in the conflict for which theMeiif
being constructed.
A courageous defender
cept, Ms. Lin has presented herp
phy and, at least publicly,has-iiolj
upon the fact that herdesignwaii
upon standard, accepted and
competition guidelines,
alt hough f ar too few, have pm
fended her right of authorship^
termination but yet are ready li
promise her stand and legitinrfl
tion.
In the interest of the issues*]
perceive to be present in this in*
invite your investigation of the pi
ings, as students and educators,!
take a position in support of ihl
elements.
He* Vc t
(
John fI
Assistant Ptf
Department of Environmental i
Angie Scruggs ’85
Hiding behind rhetoric
Editor:
I have a question for Mr. Bill Robin
son: Mr. Robinson, your indictments
against the Corps are very explicit in your
October 26 article. What I’m interested
in is exactly what action you deem neces
sary to correct the situation. Your calls
for change are both obscure and easy to
hide behind. I would be interested in lis
tening to your suggestions, not your
vague rhetoric.
Frank Knickerbocker
306 Redmund
Berry’s World
by Jim Ber|
Speciu
Al
moi
T,
*1
It
©1982 by NEA. Inc.
“Your ignorance is a big turn-off, but your arro
gance is utterly fascinating!’’