Battalion/Page 2
September 22,1982
—opimonp
Berry's World
"Never mind where we got the idea! \Ne want
55 PERCENT of your GROSS REVENUES. ’’
Has anyone seen
vice president Bush?
by Art Buchwald
The season for guessing who the Democra
tic candidate for President in 1984 will be has
started. But there has been little speculation
as to the Republican candidate.
The reason is that until he says otherwise,
Ronald Reagan has the spot. This is very
tough on George Bush, who wants to be
Reagan’s successor.
But Bush has a problem. He has been vice
president of the United States for two years,
so nobody knows who he is. In fact, people
haven’t heard from him in so long that many
who supported him think he’s dropped out of
public life.
One of George’s loyal supporters admits
Bush has a recognition problem, and that it is
impossible to keep his name in the public eye.
“But,” he told me, “he won’t be the first vice
president of the United States we will have to
bring back fron obscurity.”
“Does George think Reagan will run
again?” I asked.
“George doesn’t know, and he would be
the last person to ask the President.”
• “Has the President indicated if he didn’t
run, George could go for his job?”
“To my knowlege George and Ronnie have
never discussed politics. After all, they’re not
that close.”
“I would think it’s only fair to George that
Ronnie give some kind of hint whether he
wanted another term, so George could get
some exposure,” I said.
“If Ronnie tells anyone he isn’t going to
run again, he’ll be considered a lame duck
President and no one will pay any attention
to him. He has to have everyone believing
he’s going for a second term, whether he is or
not.”
“And George has to have everyone believe
he isn’t.
“George is a team player. I’ve never known
him since he’s been vice president to hint he’d
ever do anything different if he was in the
Oval Office.”
“Maybe that’s why no one ever hears from
him,” I said, '‘But that must put you in a spot. ,
You can’t very well get an organization
together by 1984 without tipping George’s
hand that he has presidential ambitions.”
The Bush man said: “It is a Catch-22 situa
tion. If I try to raise the word that Reagan
won’t run again. But if I say George hasn’t got
the word, no one will give me any money.”
“Why do you need money now?”
“To start getting Bush some name recogni
tion. If he is going to run against a Teddy
Kennedy or a John Glenn, people are going to
have to know who he is. I’ll tell you one thing.
Being vice president of the United States
doesn’t do anything for a person’s political
image.”
“Why doesn’t Bush announce that he hopes
Ronald Reagan runs for another term, be
cause he feels he’s the best President we’ve
ever had. That way Bush won’t look ambiti
ous but he’ll get his name in the papers.”
“That’s all well and good if we were sure
Reagan would run again. But if he doesn’t,
the reason will be that things in the country
are in terrible shape, and if they are, Bush
doesn’t want to be associated that closely with
the President.”
“So if Bush just remains vice president and
doesn’t say anything right now he’s covered in
case the country goes belly-up?”
“Every vice president who has run for Pres
ident has been in trouble because he was too
closely associated with his boss. We’s like to
avoid that with Bush if we could.”
“I can see what you’re up against. But sure
ly George knew by becoming the vice presi
dent of the United States he was in a no-win
situation.”
“Yes, but at the time, if you remember, he
called Reagan’t plans for the country ‘voodoo
economics,’ and the Reagan people don’t
forget easily.”
“So they made him vice president?”
“Well they certainly weren’t going to make
him an ambassador after that.”
The Battalion
USPS 045 360
Member of
Texas Press Association
Southwest JoumaliSta Conference
Editor Diana Sultenfuss
Managing Editor Phyllis Henderson
Associate Editor Denise Richter
City Editor Bernie Fette
Assistant City Editor Gary Barker
Sports Editor Frank L. Christlieb
Entertainment Editor Nancy Floeck
Assistant Entertainment Editor Colette
Hutchings
News Editors Rachel Bostwick, Cathy
Capps, Daniel Puckett, Jan Werner,
Todd Woodard
Staff Writers Jennifer Carr, Susan
Dittman, Beverly Hamilton,
John Lopez, Robert McGlohon
Hope E. Paasch, Bill Robinson,
Dana Smelser, Joe Tindel, John
Wagner, Rebeca Zimmermann
Copy editor Elaine Engstrom
Cartoonist Scott McCullar
Graphic Artist Pam Starasinic
Photographers ... David Fisher, Octavio Garcia,
Jane Hollingsworth, John Ryan,
Editorial Policy
The Battalion is a non-profit, self-supporting news
paper operated as a community service to Texas A&M
r diversity and Bryan-College Station. Opinions ex
pressed in The Battalion are those of the editor or the
author, and do not necessarily represent the opinions of
Texas A&M University administrators or faculty mem
bers, or of the Board of Regents.
The Battalion also serves as a laboratory newspaper
for students in reporting, editing and photography clas
ses within the Department of Communications.
Questions or comments concerning any editorial
matter should be directed to the editor.
United Press Intemadonal is entitled exclusively to
the use for reproduction of all news dispatches credited
to it. Rights of reproduction of all other matter herein
reserved.
Second class postage paid at College Station, TX
77843.
Lists of the Real real woman
by Marilyn Richardson
Battalion Staff
It cuts the ground right out from under you
when you’ve been schlumping along all these
years thinking you’re pretty much okay, and
then find out you’re not “real.”
I’ve seen a couple of lists lately that purport
to be characteristics of the “Real Woman” —
and I’m not on the lists.
I stomped around for a couple of days,
muttering, “Sez who?”, “Oh, yeah?” and other
intelligent rebuttals. (I’ve had lots of practice
with debate. My daughter argues with me all
the time).
When I finished being mad, I moped
around a bit, and then it hit me: “Sez who?” is
a legitimate question. Just what are the qual
ifications of these so-called experts who ques
tion my reality? Without bothering to check
their qualifications in any standard reference
works, I decided that if they made such stupid
lists, they were obviously unqualified. Shoot,
I’m more qualified than they are — I’ve been a
woman most of my life and I know I’m real.
So I decided to compile my own list. Here,
then, the results of several minutes’ thought
on the subject:
The Real Real Woman:
—Polishes her toenails if she happens to
feel like doing so, or if she has time, or if her
nail polish didn’t tip over and weld her cosme
tics into an indissoluble mass.
—Wears comfortable, practical clothing
(usually no-iron shirts and slacks) unless she
wants to wear something frilly and feminine,
or unless she forgot to do the laundry.
—Does not own an iron, and wouldn’t iron
clothes if she did.
—Runs the dishwasher twice a semester
(during the midterm and finals houseclean
ing frenzy, the purpose of which is to post
pone studying, not to perpetuate a neatness
neurosis) or when all the spoons are dirty.
—Vacuums the carpet twice a semester (see
above) unless she plans to shave her legs.
—Shaves her legs whenever she has to wear
a dress or someone compliments her furry
socks.
—Doesn’t stick her feet into panty hose
until she locks the door, takes the phone off
the hook and disconnects the smoke alarm
(panty hose have been used successfully to
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replace fan belts in vehicles—they also null
excellent horse hobbles).
—Owns one dog and 0.5 cat (my 0.5 a
seems to have a second home).
—Has 2.5 children or plans to do soi f a tof s
doesn’t want kids at all but prefers a careert [, e
spending someone else’s money, oranycoa nV ol V|Q
bination of the above. (It’s up to you tofigmiQ^l
out how to have half a kid, but I thint^jg^ <
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done, same as with the cat, by letting theliM 0 ij c y 1
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spend half of his or her time with the neijlM r g a riiz
bors — that’s how my neighbors did it.) guc
—Has earned or plans to earn at least
college degree, although we give credit:
attending the School of Hard Knocks or
ing night classes in anything except “How
be a Total Woman.”
—Believes in equal rights for all, even mi
fc—Can whip up a well-balanced, nourisl
meal from two vending machines and a
phone call to the pizza parlour. (Ifyouoi
broccoli and orange juice on your pizza,
got to be nourishing.)
—Wears blue eyeshadow if she isweari 0 hn K
blue clothes or if she didn’t remember toli| tuc [eni
some new cosmetics — or if she wants to. Ef c om
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Letters: Response to Tip O’Neill
Editor:
I have some questions for our United
States House of Representatives Speak
er, Thomas P. O’Neill. In a recent United
Press International article, he states that
he cannot “accept in good conscience the
President’s plea for patience” with re
gard to the national unemployment rate.
O’Neill says “the American people need
to see action before it’s too late.”
O’Neill proposed to act by spending
more government funds on a new jobs
program, funds which were “saved”
from a previous congressional bill.
All right, O’Neill, let’s assume first of
all that everything in your press state
ments is correct. Then, let’s answer some
questions:
1. Who pays for government funding?
Does the government in any way, shape
or form create wealth, not money,
wealth?
2. Since it does not, I answer your prop
osal with a question: “At whose ex
pense?”
3. Why are businesses not able to invest
in new production? Certainly a major
factor in the answer is government ex
penditures.
“Redistribution” of wealth through
taxation programs then spending pro
grams amounts to sucking from the pro
ductive members of society so that the
“new jobs” which are “created” by gov
ernment are in fact imposed state dic
tates that tell individuals how their
wealth should be spent. In the process,
the job opportunities lost through unin
vested but taxed wealth dwarf the feeble
offering of a new spending program.
After years of this type of action, cou
pled with poor administrators who
attempt to “hide” their spending sprees
by printing more money, (thereby only
buying time until in fact wealth is confis
cated through inflation) is it any wonder
that production (and therefore jobs) is
down? ... And in answer to the situation,
all you have to offer from your “conscien
ce” is more government spending?
O’Neill, I suggest you fully evaluate
your conscience and ask it why it lets you
continue to keep offering quick-fixes in
ignorance of reality.
Fish Camp thanks
Editor:
This letter is not a gripe, but an ex
pression of appreciation to some very
special people.
Fish Camp happens only once each
year, and I have been fortunate enough
to be a part of it for the last five summers.
One might think that it would get boring
after a couple of years, but it’s just the
opposite; it gets more exciting. I’ve seen
four classes go through Fish Camp, and
each year I come back to school more in
awe of Aggie spirit than ever. The “Spirit
of Aggieland” may reside in the Twelfth
Man, but it begins at Fish Camp.
I would like to thank a lot of people for
what they’ve given me at Fish Camp.
First, I would like to thank this year’s
Directors, assistant directors, and recrea
tion coordinators for their year-round
work on Camp. Thanks also to all the
speakers who gave their time to share
their knowledge and experiences. A very
special thank-you to Dean Clifford Rans-
dell for is inspiring talks on individuality.
Fish Camp wouldn’t be the same without
you Dean Ransdell - God bless you.
To the Fightin’ Camp Halbouty
Cooties: Y’all made my last camp the best
I’ve ever been to. Jackie and Brent, you
two are the greatest, what more can I say?
To my fellow counselors: you were awe
some; I can’t express what you mean to
me - you’re the best I’ve ever worked
with. Last, and most importantly, thanks
goes to the Class of’86, especially those in
Camp Halbouty. In four short days, you
became the best group of Aggies I’ve ever
seen at Camp. As someone once said be
fore, thanks for the memories.
networks give almost as much airtimet
the slaughter of women and children;
they did to grinning Dorsett and li
heartbreaking story of his financial abJ
ity to handle a long strike.
There are times, when I see
screwed up priorities of the America:
people, I have to sit down and cry.
To all my fellow Aggies who
spent the last few weeks tormented bytlif
thoughts of no football season, the idiots
who won’t take their hats off in
Field, and how Reagan’s policies art
going to affect your post-A&M salaried
just have one thing to say - there’s a apt
cial place waiting for you in your aftei
life.
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fic in tl
Nabil Al-Khowaiter, wise up. Wedom
need the Arabs or the Israelis. Give®
our football, our “traditions”, oH
money, cars, wardrobes and Big Macs,
and the rest of the world can go to hell
Mark O’Connc:
Must be an Aggie
Editor:
Last Friday night, my date and I wert
involved in an automobile accident it
which my car was destroyed. Immediate
ly we were being calmed by a man wh 1
had rushed to our aid. Since we wert
Walt Culpepper ’82
trapped, he kept talking to us and in
formed us as to what had happened
What about NFL stike?
Editor:
Nancy, my date, had strained her necktf
that we had to go to the hospital in tltf
ambulance. The man said that he would
follow us in his truck. Then he said th®
he would get a. friend to follow him so
that he could “give me his truck". He said
that he “didn’t need it” that weekend 1
shook his hand and said “John Freeman
jyou must be an Aggie!”
Frank Knickerbocker
306 Redmund
How dare you give half of the editorial
page to the Beirut issue, with no mention
of the NFL strike! How dare the major
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