opinion
Battalion/Pi
Septembers
Slouch
By Jim Earle
GOODBYE
AMD
THANK YOU
COL. JAMES WOODALL
COMMANDANT 1977-/932
Weinberger keeps
constant humor
by Art Buchwald
People are constantly asking me,
“Who is the man with the most humor in
the Reagan administration?” They are
surprised when my response is “Cap”
Weinberger, our secretary of Defense.
“Cap” says things with a straight face that
make you want to roll on the floor.
Just the other day he told newspaper
men he is for a “protracted nuclear war.”
He doesn’t want one of these hair-trigger
wars which last 30 or 40 minutes. “Cap”
said he has ordered everyone at the Pen
tagon to figure not only how to keep a
nuclear war going, but how to make sure
the U.S. wins one when the missiles start
flying.
Half the people in the Pentagon took
“Cap” seriously. But those who knew
what a deadpan comic “Cap” is just
laughed and went back to doing the
crossword puzzle.
The material for “Cap’s “prolonged
nuclear war” came out of a routine he did
when he first took charge of the Defense
Department and came up with a comic
routine on “limited nuclear war.”
He tried this one out in front of an
armed services committee last year and
had everyone in stiches. “Cap,” without
cracking a smile, said he thought a “li
mited nuclear war” with the Soviets was
not only feasible, but essential so the U.S.
would have time to fight a conventional
war.
Cap said if we let the Russians know
that we were only going to fight a “limited
nuclear war” then they would agree not
to use their big stuff to attack us.
The only ones who didn’t laugh were
our NATO allies who figured out if a
“limited nuclear war was going to be
waged it would be on their turf,” and
The Battalion
USPS 045 360
Member of
Texas Press Association
Southwest Journalism Conference
Letters Policy
Editor Diana Sultenfuss
Managing Editor Phyllis Henderson
Associate Editor Denise Richter
City Editor Bernie Fette
Assistant City Editor Gary Barker
Sports Editor Frank L. Christlieb
Entertainment Editor Nancy Floeck
Assistant Entertainment Editor Colette
Hutchings
News Editors Rachel Bostwick, Cathy
Capps, Daniel Puckett, Todd
Woodard
Staff Writers Jennifer Carr, Susan
Dittman, Beverly Hamilton,
John Lopez, Bob R. McGlohon
Hope E. Paasch, Bill Robinson,
Dana Smelser, Joe Tindel, John
Wagner, Rebeca Zimmermann
Cartoonists John Groce, Scott McCullar
Graphic Artist Pam Starasinic
Photographers . . . David Fisher, Octavio Garcia,
Jane Hollingsworth, Janet Joyce,
Peter Rocha, John Ryan, Colin
Valentine
Editorial Policy
The Battalion is a non-profit, self-supporting news
paper operated as a community service to Texas A&M
University and Bryan-College Station. Opinions ex
pressed in The Battalion are those of the editor or the
author, and do not necessarily represent the opinions of
Texas A&M University administrators or faculty mem
bers, or of the Board of Regents.
The Battalion also serves as a laboratory newspaper
The Battalion is published daily during Texas A&M's
fall and spring semesters, except for holiday and exami
nation periods. Mail subscriptions are $16.75 per semes
ter, $33.25 per school year and $35 per full year. Adver
tising rates furnished on request.
Our address: The Battalion, 216 Reed McDonald
Building, Texas A&M University, College Station, TX
77843.
United Press International is entitled exclusively to
the use for reproduction of all news dispatches credited
to it. Rights of reproduction of all other matter herein
reserved.
Second class postage paid at College Station, TX
77843.
r~T
Meanwhile, back at the ranclu 1
l O
even after A1 Haig tried to explain to the
Europeans “Cap” was only joking, they
still didn’t find the secretary of Defense’s
war routine very funny.
So Cap got his writers together and
said: “I think my jokes are losing some
thing in the translation. We’re going to
have to come up with a new monologue,
and throw the ‘limited nuclear war’ stuff
out.”
One of the writers said: “I got it! What
if you just stand up at the microphone
and say you’re no longer for a ‘limited
nuclear war,’ but you’ve opted for a ‘prot
racted’ one instead? Say we’re going to
build offensive weapons that will make
the U.S. prevail no matter what the Rus
sians throw at us.”
“That’s pretty funny,” Cap said. “Let’s
work on it. But keep it quiet or Johnny
Carson will hear about it, and use it on his
Tonight Show first.
for students in reporting, editing and photography clas
ses within the Department of COMMUNICATIONS.
Questions or comments concerning any editorial
matter should be directed to the editor.
Letters to the Editor should not exceed 300 words in
length, and are subject to being cut if they are longer.
The editorial staff reserves the right to edit letters for
style and length, but will make every effort to maintain
the author’s intent. Each letter must also be signed, show
the address and phone number of the writer.
Columns and guest editorials are also welcome, and
are not subject to the same length constraints as letters.
Address all inquiries and correspondence to: Editor,
The Battalion, 216 Reed McDonald. Texas A&M Uni
versity, College Station, TX 77843, or phone (713) 845-
2611.
United Press International is entitled exclusively to
the use for reproduction of all news dispatches credited
to it. Rights of reproduction of all other matter herein
reserved.
Second class postage paid at College Station, TX
77843.
by Dick West
United Press International
WASHINGTON — After a few days
on the campaign trail, President Reagan
has returned to his California ranch for
the final phase of his current vacation.
I don’t know how he intends to spend
the time other than riding horses, but all
of us could have a stake in his plans.
“Leisure should be relaxing,” the
noted psychologist B. F. Skinner told a
group of his colleagues last week.
He recommended that older people
give their brains a lot of rest. Putting the
brain in netural between mental exer
cises helps make up for the loss of intel
lectual power in old age, said Skinner,
who is 78.
The idle brain theory is one vacation
practice Reagan might do well to consid
er. But there are, as we know, a number
of other ways to go about mitigating the
ravages of time.
At the opposite end of the pole stands,
or jogs, Edwin Paget, a retired speech
professor who also is approaching 80.
He advocates keeping mentally Fit by
running up and down Pikes Peak.
The problem, according to Paget, who
this summer made his 9b0th ascent of t he
Colorado mountain, is that most brain
cells don’t get enough oxygen to keep
them percolating properly.
It takes vigorous and prolonged exer
cise by the rest of the body to maintain
one’s brain in good working oder, Paget
contends.
After a summer of scampering to the
summit, Paget, his brain awash with ox
ygen, suggested that Reagan “jump
down from his ranch horse and start run
ning up steps for at least two hours every
day.
“His administration needs new, lx>ld
ideas,” the aerated septuagenarian
opined. “More oxygen to his brain will
help.”
But Paget now concedes it is unlikely
the president will act on his suggestion.
“Reagan is increasing the oxygen to his
horses’ brains rather than to his own,” he
laments.
take comfort:'
president isav
cu;
At least we can
fact that while the
Washington he will be assot
smart horses.
That is more than onecansa
environment he left behind.
Skinner did not indicate
keeping company with smart!
duces the desired stage of re
However, from the pictures I!
of Reagan’s equestrain outings
we can put our minds to rest oftl
Reagan’s c
breathing mount appear to lea
ed to the ix>int of intellect!!
by
u;s.
iramm,
ay he
residei
f a 1
pendin
budget
Gram
nswer i
laxe'
non
ing
w
I
> rest of Iraudget
on somelometo'
leave* jprai
gainst
doubt a c
ig up and dow
rould Ik
a:
er
►uple o
i the R
brally
* exp<
of hours (
nchoC
timulat
sen
Moreover, 1
amount of hor
the oxygenation of his s
be a plus for the entire
But if he continues to
the campaign trail
periods, his brain cells
cover.
ure to i
wrought
country
venture
during
may n
ecenth
& “H
vith a
veeks c
ery set
he fed
>udget.
Gran
M
The writers all went to work and came
up with some memorable lines.
One was: “you show me a secretary of
Defense who is not preparing to win a
nuclear war, and I’ll show you a secretary
of Defense who should be impeached.”
Another one which was a real crowd
pleaser: When he was asked if a nuclear
war was winnable, Cap replied, again
with a straight face “I just don’t have any
idea; I don’t know that anybody has any
idea. But we’re certainly going to give the
armed forces everything they need to win
one.”
These are just a few samples of “Cap”
Weinberger’s humor. They may not
sound as funny on paper, but when you
see him standing up in front of the mike,
looking like Woody Allen, delivering
them, you could die laughing.
RftGISTCR I8Y6AR0LDS
NOTHANDGUNS
Letters: Student praises professor
Editor:
Most of the time people are complain
ing around here. I have certainly done
my share of complaining. Texas A&M is
neither all bad nor all good. However, I
have a point of praise today (let’s try a
little positive reinforcement for a
change).
few). If this University had more faculty
like Dr. Alter, it would do such a good job
of educating its students that Texas A&M
would be pre-eminent in every field fas
ter than if it did a hundred times more
research. Thanks for a job well done Dr.
Alter.
John R. Turner
Hart Hall
Everyone who has been in college for a
while knows that some professors are bet
ter than others. In fact, the differences in
the quality of some professors over
others is sometimes unbelievable. Some
professors can be downright clods at
times. On the other hand, some can be
excellent (for instance Dr. O’Connor).
The same goes for administrative mem
bers of the faculty.
There is one professor in the Depart
ment of Mechanical Engineering who I
would like to call attention to. This man
has never been anything but the most fair
in dealing with me. He has more faith in
me than I do sometimes. He always treats
me like an adult and with respect. In
doing so, he commands my respect for
him also.
Even when I have waited through a
long line to see him, which happens a lot
because he sees many students, I never
felt that I was getting the rush treatment,
or less than adequate consideration of
what I needed. He has never treated me
like a number, but more like an equal,
even though he is a much greater man
than I, and the kind of man I aspire to be.
I have never seen him put off a stu
dent because of being too busy with re
search. He has made a vast impression on
me and a big difference in my life. Any
success I have is partially due him be
cause he believed in me enough to give
a chance when the chips were down.
Sure, he’s no superman, but he tries
hard and that’s good enough for me. He
simply treats students as his main objec
tive for being here, rather than a neces
sary bother. When you speak to him you
get the idea that his concern comes more
from the heart as a father than of the
head like an administrator.
The man I am refering to (if you ha
ven’t already guessed) is Dr. A.B. Alter of
the Department of mechanical engineer
ing. This school needs more faculty like
Dr. Alter. There are a few around (too
Dorm yell complaints
Editor:
Wednesday night the women of
Mosher and Krueger Halls were “enter
tained” by the residents of Dunn Hall. As
they crowded between our dorms, they
graced us with one of their donut
its. This outburst contained undoii!
the most vile phrases and words!
some of us had ever heard. “Pantv
may be good bull, but this displays
garity definitely was not. Languay
this is not fit for any Aggie, andaij
who engages in this sort of unnec
grossness and calling himself aG
certainly needs to learn something
that name. “Get grody” has gonet#
Come on, guys; A&M once spoke
valry and consideration. Haveth
ditions died? We hope not.
Kelli J. Clem
Sally
469 Moshei
Das?
Berry s World
PO!
Si
Tl
“It’s a protest against nuclear proliferation and
littering. ’’
Ha