opinion
Slouch
By Jim Earle
“Will you promise to not try any more indoor barbe
cuing?"
“I love a parade”
for anti-nuke group
by Art Buchwald
“Do you know what the trouble with
the anti-nuke war movement is?” David
Emge asked me.
“I have no idea,” I said.
“They lack discipline.”
“How so?”
“Well, for one thing, when they’re pa
rading down an avenue, they never keep
in step. They straggle along, as if they’re
all marching to a different drummer. Do
you know why they march like that?”
I said I didn’t.
“Because they don’t have any drum
mers. You can’t have a decent parade if
you don’t have a band playing martial
music for you.”
“But they have guitars.”
“No one can keep in step to guitar
music. I’ll tell you what else is wrong with
their demonstrations. They don’t have
uniforms. Everyone wears anything he
damn pleases. When people come out for
a parade, they want to see a plethora of
uniforms.”
“Probably the reason they don’t wear
uniforms,” I suggested, “Is they have to
sit on the ground a lot. If they wore uni
forms, they’d get them all dirty.”
“That’s not good enough,” said David.
“Nobody enjoys watching scruffy people
in a parade.”
“What kind of uniforms would you
suggest?”
“Real sharp military ones with shiny
boots, snappy headgear, brass buttons
and lots of gold on the epaulets.”
“But if it’s an anti-war parade,
wouldn’t uniforms make the participants
look militaristic?”
“So what? The main purpose of a de
monstration is to win over people to your
cause. What better way than to put on a
good show with bands, uniforms, flags
flying and thousands of people on the
sidewalks cheering them on?”
“I’ll admit your idea has merit, but
what you’re describing is against every
thing the anti-nuclear war people stand
for.”
“I may not know anything about nuc
lear war, but I do know what makes a
good parade,” he assured me.
“But, there’s more to an anti-nuke
rally than a parade. There are speeches,
and protest songs, and praying,” I said.
“Right. But without a good parade, all
the people are doing is talking to the con
verted. The ones you want to reach won’t
follow your parade if you don’t give them
a decent show. And the only way you’re
going to do that is by slapping your rifles
sharply when you pass the reviewing
stand.”
“You’re suggesting the anti-nuclear
protestors carry rifles?”
“With naked bayonets attached,
gleaming off the sun. If you do it right,
you’ll have everyone on the sidelines wav
ing an American flag, from the first color
guard that goes by to the last tank bring
ing up the rear.”
“It would be a different anti-nuclear
protest,” I admitted.
“And a peaceful one, because the
police would never arrest a person in uni
form.”
Battalion/Pf
June 15,
The Battalion
USPS 045 360
Member of
Texas Press Association
Southwest Journalism Conference
Letters Policy
Editor Diana Sultenfuss
City Editor BernieFette
Sports Editor Frank L. Christlieb
News Editors
Tracey Buchanan, Daniel Puckett
Diane Yount
Staff Writers Cyndy Davis, Susan Dittman,
Terry Duran, Colette Hutchings,
Hope E. Paasch, Joe Tindel Jr.,
Rebeca Zimmermann
Copy Editors Gary Barker, Carol Templin
Cartoonist Scott McCullar
Photographers David Fisher, Peter Rocha,
John Ryan,
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77843.
The “Dragonflies
mostly
malcontents who dragged fe
Dr.Jos
ber of
by Dick West
United Press International
WASHINGTON — If you got the
impression this year’s budget battle be
came a bit buggy at times, take that as a
sign your perceptive faculties were in
good working order.
The next time there is a budget stale
mate in Congress, it may be necessary to
call in the Orkin man.
Factions influencing all or part of the
1982 House proceedings included:
The “Boll Weevils” — Mostly South
ern Democrats who generally supported
President Reagan’s position.
The “Gypsy Moths” — Mostly North
ern Republicans who favored changes in
the administration’s budget.
The “Yellow Jackets” — Mostly liber
als and conservatives who voted “pre
sent” on crucial ballots, thus causing
lights on the electronic scoreboard to
flash yellow rather than red or green.
The “Honey Bees” — A bipartisan
faction that sought to sweeten revenue
receipts.
There was even talk of calling one
faction the “Tsetse Flies” because the
somnolent effect they had on their col
leagues was nearly as powerful as sleep
ing sickness.
As conspicuous as they were, however,
the bug caucuses by no means pre
empted the field. At last count, there
were between 150,000 and 200,000 diffe
rent kinds of insects in the United States,
give or take Japanese beetles.
Any new factions that may be formed
before the next stalemate should be able
to find appropriate nicknames.
Here are a few bugs future budget
factions might wish to latch onto as sym
bolic of their philosophies:
found in nine Southern states,are» iiemist
for building nesting mounds r I N atl
enough to wreck farm machinen dutiesJ
comes in contact with them. If than 1
reminds you of what happened toil |L L j
dozen or so of this year’s budgett w
promises, you can see a bright futun
this faction.
P Te>
brograi
m botl
The “Grasshoppers” — Most!) Ibtandin
westerners who keep hopping from jfcsearc:
budget plan to another rather thanl liUion
their own compromise proposals. I
The “Termites” — Mostly Norti P 1 ^
terners who undermine budget a
promises with masticatory amendB ,
The “Fireflies” — Mostly border;
equivocators who keep changingi
votes before the total is announced,
E
en nr
Veterin;
rgesi
rograi
Gaj
causing the lights on the scoreboan PF 0V
The “Medflies” — Mostly Westerners
who favor a federal tax revolt in the pat
tern of California’s famous Proposition
13.
The “Fire Ants” — Fire ants, now
mver
legent
keep flashing after the ballotinga|
finished. _,
The “Butterflies” — Mostly Farm: F n l ut t
urbanites who flit about with ai
ments to add more butter to dain
plus giveaway programs
Dear
® lid Ga
“It’s the end results that count. Once
you’ve got the people in a pariotic fervor,
they’ll go along with anything you sug
gest. Right now, no one comes out for an
anti-nuclear parade because there is no
thing to see. What attracts people to a
parade is they never know what’s coming
next.”
“You’re not suggesting the protestors
also pass by with missiles, are you?”
“Why not? They could have mockups
of nuclear weapons, and drive them past,
pointing them toward the sky. Kids love
that.”
“The next thing I know, you’re going
to suggest a flyby with airplanes.”
“That’s not bad. All you need is twojets
with colored smoke coming out of their
tails.”
“I can’t put my finger on it, David, but
there is something crazy about your
whole idea.”
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Letters: Reagan and school prayer
Editor:
President Ronald Reagan has prop
osed a constitutional amendment which
would be worded in this way: “Nothing in
this constitution shall be construed to
prohibit individual or group prayer in
public schools or other public institu
tions. No person shall be required by the
United States or by any state to partici
pate in prayer.”
There are several things wrong with
this amendment. First, there has NEVER
been a law which prohibits a school child
from bowing his head over his desk and
saying a prayer whenever he so chooses.
Prayers are also said prior to many public
events such as athletic games, meetings of
Congress and state legislatures. This
amendment seeks to dissolve prohibition
where no prohibition exists, so it is simply
unnecessary.
The only issue involved is governmen
tal organization of group prayer in public
schools. Since school attendance is man
datory, the issue of voluntarism is mean
ingless. Few young children would risk
embarrassment by not conforming to
peer pressure. Also, group prayer im
plies some kind of structure and organi
zation. But, who is to decide its content?
Since many religions are represented in
the school system, the prayer must be
representative of (but not violating) the
beliefs of Catholics, Southern Baptists,
Methodists, Jews, Mormons, Muslims,
etc. ad nauseum. A true impossibility.
The most important point is that this
amendment violates the principle that is
the basis of every American’s freedom:
the separation of church and state.
Schools are a tax supported institution
and should not be used to espouse reli
gious dogma. It is a clear contradiction of
the First Amendment which states that
there shall be no law respecting an estab
lishment of religion. Faith in some
creator is a matter of personal opinion,
not governmental policy.
The Bible-thumping fundamentalists
have often attempted to violate our free
dom by legislating their dogmatic beliefs
into law. Only by keeping religion at an
individual and not a governmental level
can we hope to preserve the greatness of
this nation, where its citizens have the
freedom to believe as they so choose.
James W. Lane
3900 Old College Road
with its own rear damage and
the license number of any suspect
cle. All information will be kept! I ^
fidential and a reward is being offo f t monsl
It is an extremely cowardly act tot I ,
someone else’s property and notha't | st ° ri ^
honor or maturity to face up toitipon ke
stri
involved party will own up to
dent, it will be resolved and forgotter L
the future, please be big enough tolt
a note on the car.
Thank you.
Who saw smashed car?
Catherine Holt ^
Secretary/Theater! ^
Editor:
I was very upset last Thursday when I
arrived at my car after work and found a
smashed backend. At 8 that morning, I
had parked my bronzed Mazda GLC in
the angle spaces across from Zachary on
Spence Street. On my left was an old,
light blue, medium sized car with a dull
finish parked with its rear end jutting
towards my space. This individual ob
viously backed right into my car; blue
paint was also found in the damage.
I believe someone saw the wreck occur
between 8 a.m. and 5 p.m. Please be kind
enough to give me a call at 845-2621 if
you have any information about the acci
dent. I would also appreciate all Aggies
keeping their eyes open for this blue car
Israeli solution
n g-
Editor:
The state of Israel is showing
“Final Solution” in Lebanon. If
what God asks of His “chosen pi
then perhaps we need a new God'
one seems to enjoy holocausts.
Chad P. McHt
Luther Stf
Martin C. ^
Highland
the small society
by
Brickmoii.
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