opinion
Battalion/Page 2
February 25,
Slouch
By Jim Earle
“It’s my plan for making the maximum use of solar
energy!”
Increasing our net worth
■
Imagine a picture of a Texas A&M
student, her white silk blouse in tatters,
looking forlornly at you from a stark
black and white photograph. Under the
photo runs a one-line appeal for money:
This Aggie needs your help — Give.
Hardly within the bounds of reason,
huh? Well, with the increasing drain on
the financial resources of Texas A&M,
we could use the money, says President
Frank “Please Help” Vandiver.
He says our outlays are outrunning
our inlays, and he is willing to lay odds
that our school colors will shift from ma
roon and white to red and white if we
don’t get the green to move our credits
toward the black.
Our ledger balance is sinking, or will
have the appearance of sinking, for a
variety of reasons, such as more construc
tion, a larger, faster computer system
and more books in the library.
Of car designs
and romance
I thought because of immense amount
of brain power oftentimes lying fallow
here, finding a solution to our money
woes would be as easy as taking PUF from
other state universities.
So, after picking some of the best
brains on campus, I put together a prop
osal for increasing our net worth:
Kyle Field Heat Stroke Rokkoncert
(or Shindig)
To be held in the dead of summer,
when nary a wind blows and the sun bare
ly burns the 90 percent humidity off by 9
p.m. The idea of a concert that would
draw fellow travelers from Houston, Dal
las, Austin and Waco has been bandied
around since time immemorial, but one
stumbling block has always been the pro
hibition of alcohol on the forever green
football turf of Kyle Field.
The solution to that block is simple.
Keep intact the prohibition on beer and
whiskey and tequila, but allow Percodan,
PCP and pot. With generous amounts of
cool water supplied by hoses and firemen
from the nearby fireman’s school, the
drugs could be ingested with no prob
lems, and for those people about to rock
(or two-step), the water would help them
salivate to new heights of debauchery.
The financial benefits are gainfully
obvious. Since College Station is close to
everything, everything must be close to
College Station. The potential crowd
would far outstrip the 70,000+ seating
capacity of Kyle, probably running near
250,000. At $5 a ticket, my between-the-
ears calculator says that gross would be
11.25 million, not to mention the massive
tangential business pharmacies mi
food places would do.
Subtracting $100,000 topsapn
five bands, another $200,000 [on;
tising, staff and security, and:
$50,000 for sun screen and;
$50,000 in miscellaneous expense;|
es out to $450,000 for more.)
computer system memory,oram
leather-bound editions of the (
English Dictionary (unabridged),
The field itself would beputtoil
and higher use since, like
brains who helped with thisproM
it lies fallow during the summer.
Would you like to talk expost
kind of exposure would put usi
above sunburned shoulders o\e
other southwest school, even the!]
sity of Texas.
And we’re talking fun. Imagine]
up near the top of the third dedii
setting on the lights of the Small
Clinic, you leaning back with ap
filled with cool water, yourpinM
flabby legs radiating heat, yo
throbbing from inhaling a Head
sulfuric acid blend, listeningtoeitk
sultry tones of Crystal Gayle onkaL p r i ce 0 f
Iv power of Rush. Hey, baby.noillL f e w we<
livin’. ''M
And if we didn’t spend ourmJ
books or memory or newly ton|
blouses, we could have patedefe
with our cool water the next year
baby, that’s livin’ it up.
By DICK WEST
United Press International
WASHINGTON — Despite revved up re
bates, improved warranty mileage and other
promotions, auto sales continue on the dire
side.
All sorts of explanations for the slump
have been advanced, some of them pretty fan
ciful. For example, auto engineers participat
ing in a recent survey blamed lagging produc
tion on such factors as management, govern
ment and unions.
Note, if you please, the engineers blamed
engineering hardly at all. Yet a motorist may
wonder if auto designers are really as blame
less as the survey would indicate.
One of the scholarly papers prepared for
an auto show in New York this month traced
the impact of motor vehicles on love relations.
“Cars helped revolutionize American ro
mance,” wrote sociologist Lynn Atwater.
“They moved courtship off the front porch
and into the front and back seats of the car
and then to motels.”
Atwater must have been referring to older
models.
Despite the introduction of reclining seats,
many contemporary cars definitely have lost
something insofar as abetting lovers is con
cerned. Bucket seats alone have cooled
enough ardor to keep a Playboy club running
six months. Perhaps that helps explain why
new car sales have been falling off.
Lovers can, after all, always catch a bus to a
motel.
It may be persuasively argued that Detroit’s
single most effective contribution to romance
was the rumble seat.
“Rumble” nowadays usually means a con
frontation between street gangs. But in the
infancy of the automobile it meant something
a lot different.
Moonlight uninhibited by vinyl roofing.
The wind and the rain in her hair. Believe me,
neither the convertible, now all but gone the
way of the manual crank, nor the sun roof
favored by today’s designers could ever re
place the rumble seat as a passion pit.
Another heavy blow to motorized romance
was the disappearance of a gear shift lever
emerging from the floorboard.
Millions of romances began when a driver
reaching for the gear shift knob accidentally
grabbed his companion’s knee instead. And
then Detroit had to go and spoil it all by de
signing something stupid — like the automa
tic clutch.
Still another engineering impediment is
the precision fuel gauge.
Time was that a motorist taking a date
home could count on running out of gas at
some convenient spot — namely, one lovers’
lane.
Accurate measurement has ruined that
ploy, and many a love has gone unrequited as
a result.
While these design mistakes may have
brought on heavy unemployment among
auto workers, it isn’t too late for the industry
to accommodate courtship trends.
The first U.S. company to introduce a mod
el with a candlelit dashboard can send the
Japanese reeling back to the drawing board.
by Davii
15 at tali
Tlhe Off-Can
week-ion
jn drive with
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:&M students
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Sates in Bra
Letter: A&M’s integrity seems doubtful
Editor:
Attention: Board of Regents and Presi
dent Vandiver:
I was recently sickened by the publicity
which arose concerning the inexcusable
and distasteful conduct of the Texas
A&M Board of Regents.
I am insignificant compared to the
more wealthy and influential alumni. But
last year, in the tradition of A&M gradu
ates, I started my own business, and this
year I will enjoy my first significant pro
fits. It is with great pleasure that I have
pledged contributions of 10 percent of
my profits throughout my lifetime to
those institutions, which helped me get
my start. I have planned gifts this year to
my church, my high school and North
Carolina State University, where I re
ceived my master’s degree.
It is with sadness that I have planned
no contributions to Texas A&M. I love
my school, but I can not and will not
under any circumstances support admi
nistrative policies which deal with em
ployees in an unprofessional way. You
have cast doubt on the integrity of our
school, and you have opened to question
the merit of every diploma received by all
former
who is interested, let me go on record
now as a supporter of the recent Christ
ian speakers who have been tearing up
Mr. Moore’s beautiful days on campus.
I have no intention of opening the
proverbial can of freedom of speech
worms. Instead, if you, Mr. Moore, had
the courage and nerve of these obno
xious zealots to publicly preach your con
trary convictions, I would defend your
right and encourage your commitment
to do so. The questions of life after death
are very serious in consequence, and con
sequently deserve more consideration
than most of us ever give them.
Can I look forward to hearing you
blow your horn, Gabriel?
D.S. Zimmerman ’83
More abortion debate
Editor:
Faber F. McMullen, President
Drilcon International Inc.
Class of ’77
Freedom of speech
Editor:
For Mr. G.D. Moore and anyone else
I sincerely hope that this letter will be
printed because I believe that it is vitally
pertinent to the issue of abortion and I
also teei that many students share my
views as well.
I am by no stretch of the imagination a
“self-righteous Christian.” Ask any of the
people who know me and this will be
quickly confirmed. However, being a
Christian, I was disturbed by Bonnie B.
Langford’s letter of February 16 and
more specifically I was puzzled by the last
paragraph of this same letter.
Although it is true Jesus never forced
his beliefs on anyone, as Bonnie Lang
ford has pointed out, he was an opinion
ated man who was not afraid to speak out
against all forms of evil and wickedness.
Nothing better exemplifies this than His
constant warning of repentance to those
who sin. In regards to Jesus’ love and
concern for children I offer these verses
from the Bible:
“Whoever then humbles himself as a
child, he is the greatest in the kingdom of
heaven. And whoever receives one such
child in My name receives Me; but who
ever causes one of these little ones who
believe in Me to stumble, it is better for
him that a heavy millstone be hung
around his neck, and that he be drowned
in the depth of the sea ...”
Matthew 18:4-6
“Permit the children to come to Me
(Jesus), and do not hinder them, for the
kingdom of God belongs to such as these.
Truly I say to you, whoever does not re
ceive the kingdom of God like a child
shall not enter it at all.”
Luke 18:16-17
I ask you, Bonnie Langford and the rest
of you Christians, is there any doubt that
preventing the birth of a child would
keep it from realizing its potential in
God’s eyes? Finally, concerning the ques
tion of when human life actually begins,
which is the fuel for all abortion debate, it
is a problem with a solution that is incom
prehensible to mortal man. Since God
only knows the answer to this question, I
will leave you with this scripture from the
book of the prophet Jeremiah:
“Now the word of the Lord came to me
(Jeremiah) saying,
‘Before I formed you in the womb I
knew you,
And before you were born I conse
crated you...’”
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