Viewpoint The Battalion Texas A&M University Tuesday September 9, 1980 \n assorl students wl A&.V1 Univ pamphlets, afire is no H}ne of th Slouch By Jim Earle Political straight talk unlike! Hir is a ■0-81,†d “Wasn't it just yesterday that we were complaining about there not being enough rain?'’ Church report calls nukes ‘false religion ’ By DAVID E. ANDERSON United Press International The Theological Commission of the Re formed Church in America has taken a long look at the world’s nuclear arms race and pro nounced it an idolatrous, false religion that must be opposed at every step. The denomination, which grew out of the Dutch migration to the United States, traces its history in this nation back to as early as 1628 and is the oldest Protestant denomination with a continuous ministry in the United States. It takes its theological lead from the Refor mers Zwingli and Calvin and is not a pacifist denomination such as the Friends or Church of the Brethren. But on the issue of the arms race and the potential for nuclear war, the Theolical Com mission, in a lengthy report to the church’s General Synod, criticized what it called the “modern church’s easy conscience†in the face of war. “The fundamental religious character of the nuclear arms race is seen first in its appeal to the human longing for security, †the study said, “or more precisely, its manipulation of that longing. †“The nuclear arms race and the widespread support or acquiescence it enjoys are founded on the illusion that security can be guaranteed by ‘strategic superiority,’ that is, that salvation belongs to the strong.†“The certain sign of a false security, a false god, is the greater insecurity which inevitably results from its religious pretensions,†the arms race. “The nuclear arms race has taken on a life of its own, compelled by superhuman powers of evil that seem to defy the best human inten tions,†the report said. It’s Your turn Editor: Every fall, students write letters to the Batt discussing the subject I am about to address. I usually take it with a grain of salt, thinking the problem is not that bad, or it will alleviate itself by the end of the first week of school. Well, here it is, the end of the first week and the “problem†still exists. As you have probably guessed by now, I am concerned that students are not saying “howdy†like they used to. Understandably, the campus is much more crowded and the weather is much hotter than it has been in the past. But we have freshmen to impress upon and each other to keep sane. I guarantee by the end of September if the situation is not corrected, we will all be turning into zombie-like creatures — long before finals week. Yes, I believe that a good semester — in every respect — is partly a product of good cheer among Aggies on the campus. It is the sort of thing that gets communicated to every one, directly and indirectly. And it isn’t hard to do. Just say “howdy, †and say it with “feeling.†And before you know it, the whole campus seems friendlier. If you need a little “booster†now and then, think how good it felt to beat the hell outa’ t.u. last year. And think what an experience your college career has been so far. And most importantly, “Howdy!†Dwain Handley ’82 Warped By ARNOLD SAWISLAK United Press International WASHINGTON — A campaign device that seems to be gaining popularity is the “town meeting,†at which a candidate responds to questions from plain citizens instead of from smart aleck reporters. Questions from salesmen and housewives frequently are more to the point than those propounded by professional journalists, who often seem to be more intent on fine points than on central issues. But blunt and pithy questions do not necessarily elicit answers of the same sort from the candidates. Herewith, a list of questions that might be asked by citizens with both the probable answers and those most likely not to be given by the candidates: — Question: Why don’t we use nuclear weapons to get our hostages out of Iran? Probable answer: We are exploring all op tions in our effort to get our people freed from their illegal imprisonment. Unlikely answer: First, that probably would kill the hostages as well as Iranians. Second, that probably would start World War III, which probably would kill everybody. — Question: Why can’t we have a 50 percent tax cut right now? Probable answer: We will do everything we can to relieve the burden of taxation without fueling the fires of inflation. By cutting waste and bureaucratic boondoggling, we should be able to reduce taxes. Unlikely answer: We can have a big tax cut. You can start by naming a federal program or subsidy that benefits you that you are willing to see eliminated. — Question: How can we stop politicians from taking bribes? Probable answer: Political corruption is a crime that eats at the vitals of democracy, but it should be remembered that the overwhelming number of people in public life are scrupulously honest. Unlikely answer: If you nonpoliticians would stop offering bribes, the problem would be solved. — Question: The newspapers are full of help wanted ads. Why can’t we make people on welfare go to work? Probable answer: Work is the answer to wel- by the Me committee. Kara Mor the Calend tthich was i fare. With a healthy economy and as fe debut resort with the government providingjt auW -" 1 ' 1 ' will transform tax eaters into taxpayersB"' 11 *' 1 ’†1 Unlikely answer: Because we’ve lousy job of education a lot of people omB^g so id can’t do the jobs that are available. Som sei V ice to others are just too lazy to go to work Mhrcie Mm parf'e of s< ■Lib isi — Question: If you are elected, whats going to do about crime in the streets? Probable answer: The full resources government must be marshaled to figlt Police must be permitted toenforcethel judges must not be soft on criminals. Unlikely answer: Nothing, streetcrimtiB my job. Your mayor and your policectB the ones who are responsible for that avn — Question: Have you made any camJLpp r0X ii promises you aren’t going to be abletol||j(. t i j n si Probable answer: My word is myboiqan availab do not keep my word, I cannot expertBcognized support in the future. || and pul Unlikely answer: Some of these tliiisy usan ' impossible, but if you don’t promisetodoi™' your opponent says you are confessing ays 1 Brhe upri 173 inches petence Jses are 4f Hies. Ca I six weel ■For mo Middleton . Monc acument flom of th 5-2551. study said, adding that each advance in the arms race “carries us not nearer the gates of Heaven but closer to the abyss.†It invoked Isaiah’s word of judgment on the quest for national security: “Woe to those who go down toEgypt for help and rely on horses, who trust in chariots becuse they are many and in horesmen because they are very strong, but do not look to the Holy One of Israel or consult the Lord.†(Is. 31:1) “While a measure of defense is necessary in a fallen world, that nation is most secure whose citizens are adequately fed, housed, educated, employed and cared for,†the commission said. It said that while there were many reasons to oppose the arms race, the chief reason for the church’s opposition is that nuclear weapons “are idolatrous — an affront to God. †“Reformed theology emphasizes both the majesty of God and the ever-present human propensity toward idolatry,†it said. “Ultimate weapons, ultimate enemies, ultimate ends that justify any means require a false god to sanction them.†The report used the Apostle Paul’s category of “principalities and powers†— superhuman, transpersonal realities that condition earthly life — to categorize the driving force behind the The case of the ‘two-syringe’ man Cola agents search for real thin) By DICK WEST United Press International WASHINGTON — It was reported the other day that the Coca-Cola Co. had filed suit to stop a Pennsylvania hotel from “passing off†other kinds of colas as Cokes. This case sounds like it might have been the work of a soft drink secret agent. with Coke on the side. When the bartender wasn’t looking, he would whip out a small syringe and suction off a portion of the chaser. For a time, I was told, Coke agents customar ily tossed down the hard stuff so as to avoid suspicion. But legal complications arose. I used to know one of Coca Cola’s undercover operators and envied him mightily. He had what I still regard as the most glamorous, excit ing and fascinating job I ever heard tell of. His assignment was to travel about the coun try ordering Cokes in establishments where soft drinks were sold. Then he surreptitiously col lected specimens of whatever he was served and sent them back to the home office for analysis. Coke agents occasionally had to give evi dence in court and attorneys advised that if the defense could prove they had been drinking on the job it might discredit their testimony. So my friend became a two-syringe drinker. Many’s the evening I have spent sipfl “Old Syringe†and listening spellboundi recounted his adventures. After a fewki his thrall it was tough going back to the* aday world I then, as now, inhabited. As to whether Coca-Cola still employssej agents who stock their liquor cabinets inf manner, I cannot say. But if ever you atle| private party at which the host serves r flavored scotch laced with bourbon tequila after-taste, you’ll know it’s the| thing. If the boys in the lab determined a sample was something other than pure Coke, the com pany would have a basic for legal action, if it came to that, to stop the deception and protect its trademark. My friend specialized in collecting speci mens in bar rooms. Or at least that was the only aspect of his job he talked about when I was around. His modus operandi, he once confided, was to belly up to a bar and order a shot of hooch With one syringe he would suck up enough cola for testing against the secret Coke formula. With the other syringe he could drain the shot glass, thus being in a position to swear under oath that no liquor had touched his lips. Once back in his hotel room, my friend would empty the booze syringe into a bottle that already contained various brands of spirits from other parts of the country. He even gave it his own private label — “Old Syringe.†Correction Friday’s Battalion incorrectly report®! that Friday was the last day to classes with no record. Tuesday, Sept. 16, is the last day drop classes with no record. The Battalion regrets the error. By Scott McCullar The Battalion U S P S 045 360 MEMBER Questions or comments concerning any editorish Texas Press Association should be directed to the editor. Southwest Journalism Congress LETTERS POLICY Editor Dillard Stone _ Managing Editor Rhonda Watters Letters to the Editor should not exceed 300 wordsM City Editor Becky Swanson and are sul j ect fo being cut it they are longer. The Mom Snorts Editor Richard Oliver reserves the right to edit letters for style and length, M r-j-x c . . e, make every effort to maintain the authors intent, tx ocus ci or • ‘ must also he signed, show the address and phone nmixr^' News Editors Lynn Blanco, Gwen Ham, vvnf( , r ' a Scott Haring, Todd Woodard Columns and guest editorials are also welcome, Staff Writers Kurt Allen, Nancy Andersen, subjecf fo f/)e same , ength constraints as letters . Marcy Boyce Mike Burnchter, inquiries and correspon dence to: Editor, The Batttliv Pat Davidson, Jon Heidtke, Heed McDonald, Texas A&M University, College Static 11 Uschi Michel-Howell, Kathleen McElroy, 77843. Debbie Nelson, Liz Newlin, Cathy Saathoff, Jana Sims, Rick Stolle The Battalion is published daily during Texas A&Ms Cartoonist Scott McCullar spring semesters, except for holiday and examination Photo Editor Pat O’Malley Mail subscriptions are $16.75 per semester, $33.25p« st year and $35 per full year. Advertising rates furnished® EDITORIAL POLICY quest Our address: The Battalion, 216 Reed McDonald 1 The Battalion is a non-profit, self-supporting newspaper op- Texas A&M University, College Station, TX7i843. erated as a community service to Texas A&M University and i nilirrt Bryan-College Station. Opinions expressed in The Battalion are United Press International is entit i txiusiu) 1 j those of the editor or the author, and do not necessarily repre- * or reproduction of all news dispatches ui i itu to' sent the opinions of Texas A&M University administrators or reproduction of all other matter herein resinci. faculty members, or of the Board of Regents. Second dass P osta «° P aitl at ColU '^ ‘ '