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Opinion
AgSpeak defined— finally
Here is a foreigner’s guide to AggieSpeak, a sub-dialect of
Texan spoken only on the Texas A&M University campus.
Each word or phrase is accompanied by the definition fixed
on it by constant obnoxious usage through the years:
Aggie — any student or former student of Texas A&M
University, a large trade school in Brazos County, Texas.
“Aggies neither lie, cheat, nor steal, nor do they tolerate
those who do.” — the world’s oldest Aggie joke.
GoodAg — anyone who agrees with a set of campus social
laws established by no one in particular and practiced by a
vocal minority. Apparently GoodAgs are blessed with amaz
ing stamina, particularly at football games and in bed. Also,
they are never, ever, ever, never wrong.
Good Bull — The tribal religion of Aggies. It sanctifies
anything a GoodAg does or wants to do and includes
threatening anyone who objects to Good Bull.
“Highway 6 runs both ways. ” — An astute observation by
a brilliant A&M engineering student. What he failed to
realize was that all highways run in two directions. This
brilliant young man was struck down while sitting in the
middle of Highway 6 trying to figure out how Aggies got to
College Station since the road apparently only runs to Dallas
and Houston. Amazingly, all GoodAgs seem unable to com
prehend this as well.
“Listen up, Army” — An immediate cue that whatever
follows will be worthless drivel.
Not Good Bull — Heresy. No precise definition is avail
able. But it seems to include questioning anything the Uni
versity has done, is doing, or will ever do.
Quadding — an Aggie tradition that combines felony
assault with kidnapping and medieval forms of sadism.
Tradition — Anything a GoodAg doesn’t want changed.
In the past, this has included racism, sexual discrimination,
and freshman hospitalization.
Two-percenter — Anyone who is not a GoodAg. This
includes, by definition, two percent of the students on cam
pus, as documentated by the census of 1910. It also includes
the rest of the human race.
Yell Practice — the solemn high mass of Good Bull. Rites
include brain-numbing intoxication, explosive vomitting on
oth er worshippers, and the most artless pseudo-
pornographic ravings imaginable.
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Marriage: still a taxing affair
For a society which honors marriage, it seems strange that
current federal tax law has changed the old adage to “two can
live together cheaper than one, that is if they are unmarried
rather than married.”
The tax laws often require married people with two in
comes to pay more taxes than they would if they were single.
By simply living together, many couples can reap consider
able tax savings.
(In) 1948 Congress tried to erase state-by-state inequities
that gave some couples advantages over others. Singles
wound up on the short end, however, with some paying
almost twice as much as a married couple earning the same
income. In 1969 lawmakers reversed the pendulum, but in
so doing threw the onus back onto married couples.
Because only 40 percent of married women were in the
work force then, the problem got little attention. But in
recent years, with many more women taking jobs outside
the home, spouses have learned how severe the penalty is.
In some cases young couples duck the issue by remaining
unmarried although living together.
Rep. Millicent Fenwick, R. N. Jand others have intro
duced legislation to do away with the “marriage tax.” The
measure has 215 cosponsors in the House and 23 in the
Senate.
The catch? The Carter administration’s budget-balancing
drive. The Fenwick proposal would cost the government $5
billion to $10 billion a year and the administration is stand
ing firm.
Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
The Battalion
U S P S 045 360
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Viewpoint
The Battalion
Texas A&M University
Thursday
April 17, 1980
Russian people paying a price
for careless germ warfare project
By JIM ANDERSON
United Press International
WASHINGTON — It has the makings of
a melodramatic spy novel, except that it
lacks two things: a hero and an ending.
The Great Germ War, in which the Un
ited States and Russia traded bitter accusa
tions on an emotional subject both have
preferred to keep quiet, is a puzzling exer
cise in public diplomacy.
What is unexplained is whether it is just a
blast in the New Cold War, another exam
ple of Washington taking every post-
Afghanistan opportunity to be tough on the
Russians, or whether there is something
more chilling or puzzling behind it.
Perhaps a chronology will clarify things:
— April 1979: In Sverdlosk, 1,000 miles
east of Moscow, hundreds of Soviet
citizens, perhaps as many as 1,000, come
down with a deadly form of fast-acting
pneumonia. Soviet doctors recognize it as
anthrax, a disease carried by ruminating
cattle. It also happens to be a favored biolo
gical warfare agent because it is deadly and
fast-acting — but friendly forces can easily
be vaccinated against it.
— October 1979: Rumors have been
leaking out of the sealed-off Sverdlosk area
saying that hundreds of people died follow
ing an explosion or accident at “Military
Installation No. 19” in the Ural Mountains.
In a closed society, where many people
mistrust the official press, such rumors
travel quickly and they are soon picked up
by Western intelligence.
The report is leaked to the West German
tabloid, Bild, but the story is ignored, part
ly because of the newspaper’s sensational
tendencies.
— February 1980: The report is picked
up by two British news magazines, The
Economist and Now. However, the reports
are taken seriously by Washington for the
first time when Tass, the Soviet news agen
cy, publicly denies them as fabrications.
On the theory that if Tass denies it, there
must be something to it, some reporters
begin asking the State Department about
the germ war reports.
— March 1980: The State Department’s
Politico-Military Bureau, which deals with
disarmament questions, among other
things, puts together a statement about
what it calls “disturbing evidence” of the
accidental exposure of some Soviet citizens
to a “biological warfare agent.”
As in every project involving dozens of
people, rumors begin to travel through the
State Department. I hear the rumors and
ask about the reports, on the unlikely
chance there might be an answer.
To everybody’s surprise, including
mine, the spokesman, David Passage,
reads a public statement confirming that
the United States believes something sinis
ter involving biological warfare happened
near Sverdlosk in 1979.
(Some suspicious reporters ask me if my
question was planted by some State De
partment official who wanted the news to
get out. It was not. In fact, I was kicking
myself for asking the question publicly.
Had I known the State Department would
produce some real information, I would
have gotten the information pm
rather than share the story with tlif:
State Department reporters), 1
— March 1980: The Sovietsadmilj
was an incident but they say it wad
“bad food handling.” The Stated
ment politely declines to accept tit
claimer for reasons available iai
medical manual: The anthrax outlnj
Sverdlosk was pulmonary, spreadtll;
the air, and not by eating or handlij
fected meat, which would have beeaj
fected by cooking.
That is the outline of the evidence !
Soviets did, in fact, secretly viol™
1975 agreement to ban germ w?
agents, it would cast doubt on theirrei
ity in adhering to other arms agreei
including SALT II.
And if that is so, the obvious unaasv
question remains: Why did the Statfl
partment, which is about to revm|
SALT II treaty in the Senate, bringocf
germ warfare information and a
guarantee the death of the SALT to
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“we can’
Letters Carter: worthless and incompetent?
not to ge
the leve'
Editor:
As the May 3 primary approaches, I urge
all Aggies to vote because this is the right
given to American citizens. If we vote, we
are engaging in an act which is vital to our
nation’s interests.
Never has there been a time when we
needed strong, competent leaders like in
1980. At the present time the liberal
Democrats control Congress; they overtax
us, overregulate Americans, and are turn
ing this country into a welfare state. The
inflation and energy woes of the past year
are caused by the liberals’ desire to their
giveaway programs. In addition, their
budget deficits are one cause of inflation,
because of their desire to print up money
which is worthless.
In addition, the bureaucracy has become
overbloated because Congress does not
keep a lid on these useless agencies. Final
ly, Congress needs to keep their nose out of
the oil companies and let the companies
discover oil.
So fellow Aggies, vote for a change; vote
Republican (especially Reagan). Remem
ber, a vote for Carter is a vote for an incom-
pentent, worthless president.
Richard Leonardon
The Frats are Okay
Editor:
The MSG Basement Committee would
like to take this opportunity to thank the
Inter-Fraternity Council for helping make
the “Greeks or Geeks?” Talent Night our
most successful amateur show to date. We
were certainly impressed with your will
ingness and cooperation with us in the
planning and production of of the show. We
have not received this from any other group
we have worked with this year. Corps
Night, predicted to be our most successful
show, was a major disappointment due to
the numerous hassles and frustrations en
countered in working with the Corps of
Cadets. We were pleasantly surprised, to
say the least, at your attitude and support in
making the show a success. Your help be
fore, during, and after the show was greatly
appreciated, as it considerably reduced the
Basement members’ workload. Once
again, we thank you, and we look forward to
working with you again in the future.
Steve Schulte
Chairman-elect, MSC Basement
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Rain, rain, go away
Editor:
This past weekend MSC Aggie Cinema
was proud to present the Academy Award
winning film, “The Deer Hunter.” On
Saturday night, however, several hundred
people were turned away from seeing the
film because 701 Rudder was frill. Let me
explain the problems we are faced with
when programming at the Grove. At the
beginning of this semester, for example,
Aggie Cinema knew that both the Auditor
ium and the Theater were not avail®;
show our film on Saturday, April 12
committee decided to show the nic ;: q ,
the Grove, which seats approximately
Because of inclement weather wc' tj Ve m
forced to move the film to 701, whicl’ K
approximately 300. The movie quick! 1 '
out and we unfortunately had to turri-’
several hundred people. To prevent
problem from affecting you in the
may I suggest you buy your tickets in
ance. We will not, however,
than the seating capacity of our rai'L
room (the backup room for Grove n4
in advance. This will guarantee you^ 1
regardless of where the film is slf
Another good suggestion is to real
semester movie calendar for the loci :
where the film will be shown. I hope
aforementioned problem does not
again. Let’s also hope for better weall*
the next several weeks, especially on' '
Henry fr
Chairman, MSC Aggie &■
THOTZ
By Doug Graham
I