THE BATTALION Page 9
THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 8, 1979
xtra family closes generation gap
By MERIL EDWARDS
Battalion Staff
Elmer Blaine walked in the den,
off his cowboy hat, dropped on
uch and propped his boots up
e coffee table.
“So, you want to know what it’s
live in a household like ours,”
id. “Let me tell you, we’ve had
ake adjustments since mother
of the reasons older pa-
nts live with their children are
HffiOS e faath of a spouse, divorce,
m 'ional dependence, physical
s or to pool finances in one
ehold.
to live with us. But it’s no
We adjust because we love
!}mer and Mildred Blaine and
e’s mother, Willa Johnson, 85,
liege Station are classified with
percent of Americans who live
o or three-generation family.
:ging,” a magazine published by
.S. government, reports 28
nt of Americans live with one of
children. Another 33 percent
thin 10 minutes’ travel of at
one child and another 16 per-
d in'l93hM are not more than 30 minutes
:ing foul pi at least one son or daughter,
likoyan S oine °f the reasons older parents
Vasily yfr’th their children are the death
; d in 1973®P 0Use ’ divorce, emotional de-
ug over ^ ycnce, physical illness or to pool
pees in one household.
Mrs. Blaine said Johnson became
d couldn’t live alone.
Hinson said she knew she would
e to give up some of her inde-
ence. “I don’t want to do any-
they don’t want me to,” she
“I’m living in their home.”
In her book, “Aging with Honor
[Dignity,” Minna Field says one
*e most difficult adjustments fac-
s uch as tl
not open
roll throni
J grave of!i
whose dei
ns of the &
Showwk
144 expli
are buried 1 r^ e °^ er P aren t is the accept-
lr e depicts
^ne onaf
| of dependence on the adult
I and his family in meeting the
Buirements of everyday living.
Bl rine said his mother has de-
ame theairBlded from independence grace-
)le, lies nil' “It takes a great amount of
inns. He ifl'^tending to shift from inde-
5 of the pi plcnce back to dependence. W{e
industry #1° tat momma make as many deci-
lould easiP ns as P oss ibl e to make this as easy
issible for her.
r e have to practice intelligence
|er than stubbornness,” Blaine
m very happy here,” Johnson
“It’s home to me. They make
eel a part of everything. ”
ildred Blaine said she learns
her mother-in-law’s experi-
. “It takes an extra amount of
rstanding, patience and love in
situation, but it’s very rewarding
ie end. ”
llaine said it’s a matter of give and
“Mother is just like one of my
dren,” he said. “I can’t see put-
her in a home. I’ve seen too
hy women vegetate there. Then
nave to go and visit her, and this
Bilies are as harmonious as the
Marie Loveless, 65, lived with her
daughter’s family in Bryan from May
to September.
Her daughter, Carole Ramsey,
said her mother was depressed to the
point of being non-functional. “She
didn’t feel like cooking, eating or
doing anything,” Ramsey said. “She
stayed in bed constantly. I brought
her here as a last resort.”
Ramsey said her mother was as
dependent as a toddler. “She de
pended on me emotionally 100 per
cent,” she said. “Whatever I did, she
was right in the middle of it, never
two feet away.”
Ramsey said her husband and two
teen-agers were supportive and
helpful. “But they resented mom’s
total consumption of my time.
“I tried to go to bed early because
my ears had had it by the end of the
day,” Ramsey said. “Mother would
ask me questions all day long like a
small child.”
Ramsey said she tried not to get
emotionally involved and rarely
cried. “I had to be stable, I had to be
strong,” she said.
Loveless is back in her home now
and functioning on her own.
Ramsey said her mother would
five with her again if necessary. “If
One woman said her mother was
as dependent as a toddler. “She
depended on me emotionally 100
percent,” she said. “Whatever I
did, she was right in the middle
of it, never two feet away. ”
mom became totally disoriented or
physically and mentally unable to
cope then I would put her in a home
for the aged, but otherwise I’d rather
have her here,” she said.
From this experience Ramsey said
she learned to trust God more. “I’m
asking God to make me adaptable,”
she said. “Also, it made me realize
it’s necessary to prepare for old age. ”
Another family in Bryan finds
sharing a home an economical
advantage.
Lenora Finche, 62, and her
daughter, Nedra Sneed, recently
decided to buy a house together in
stead of running back and forth be
tween each other’s apartments.
Finche and Sneed share finances.
“We don’t keep tabs,” Finche said.
“It’s nice to have a third parent
to come home to,” he said. “She
tells me what it was like in the
past and shows me her antiques.
Then I play my rock and roll for
her. It’s kind of like a cultural
exchange. ”
“Our money goes into a household
fund. It all works out equitably, so
it’s no big deal.”
Communication in this house is
free and open. Nobody hesitates to
say what they think. Usually every
one talks at once including Sneed’s
son Tim, 15.
“Mom and grandma are an exam
ple to me,” Tim said. “I tend to set
them up on a pedestal. It’s good to
see their different viewpoints, moral
codes and ethics.”
Finche said they respect each
other’s privacies. “I do what I want,
so do Nedra and Tim,” she said. “I
think it’s important to be compati
ble. Also, we’re not dependent on
each other emotionally.”
Sneed says a sense of humor and a
lot of love are essential elements for a
three-generation family to work.
“We are renewing ties that have
always been there,” Sneed said.
“We’re getting the chance to be
together again.”
Families beginning two- or three-
generation households or ones with
problems can benefit from advice
given by those in harmonious situa
tions.
Mind your own business and try
not to interfere in family discussions
by jumping in with your own opinion
is Florice Weaver’s advice to making
a three-generation family work.
Weaver, 80, lives with her daugh
ter, son-in-law and two grandsons in
Bryan.
“It’s more of an advantage than a
disadvantage to have mother here,”
Shirley Yates said. “If we go on a
trip, mother is here to cook for the
boys and look after the house.”
Yates said there have been adjust
ments on both ends and a certain
lack of privacy but it’s not too bad.
“We’ve all seemed to get along so
well,” Weaver said. “The boys are
wonderful to me. They’re always
willing to do anything I ask.”
Jim, 15, said he enjoys having his
grandma live with them. “Since
grandma’s here, it’s easier when
mom and I get in a fight because it
gives me someone else to talk to.
“It’s nice to have a third parent to
come home to,” he said. “She tells
me what it was like in the past and
shows me her antiques. Then I play
my rock and roll for her. It’s kind of
like a cultural exchange.”
These families show a lot of love
for each other, they sacrifice and
compromise and put others first and
give, give and give some more. But,
like Mrs. Blaine said, it’s very re
warding in the end.
I
I
ui
<
to
o
I’m gonna be
thinner by
Thanksgiving
. . . and skinny
by Christmas!
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