Page 8 College Station, Texas Thursday, December 2, 1965
THE BATTALION
Stallings Show Peps You Up
By JOHN HOTARD
Special Writer
Friends, do you have that
tired, run-down feeling?
Do you wake up in the morn
ing and find that your get-up-
and-go has gotten up and went?
Well, it’s too late now, but I
could have solved your problem.
A recent survey just completed
by KTRK-TV in Houston showed
that nine out of ten doctors would
have recommended The Gene
Stallings Show to perk you up.
Why the Gene Stallings Show?
Here’s why:
Brand “X” is composed of Diz
zy Dean and all of his “pod-nuhs
and good folk down in Mo-beel.”
It takes care of the baseball
blues.
Brand “Z”, sold only in the
SWC, contains Kern Tips, which
is good for that fast, fast, FAST
relief of boring football games.
Well, we have combined these
two ingredients and added a third
— that new, exhilerating won
der - drug, STALLINGSESE!,
WHICH works at its best when
describing football films. Read
what Mr. Herky Pressingmetal,
III, said about the show:
“Well, I’ve seen quite a few
Coach’s - Post - Game - Review-
With - Comments - On - Sunday-
Afterhoon shows, or whatever
they’re called, but they don’t hold
a first-down marker to Coach
Stallings.”
“I think it’s great. Most other
coaches give you a lot of dull
mumbo-jumbo when they describe
or analyze a play on the films,
which impresses me none in the
least, mainly because I don’t un
derstand them. For example:
“ ‘Now our middle linebacker
is positioned off guard to the
right. Their quarterback hands
off to the halfback in the slot
who runs over strong side right.
Meanwhile our middle linebacker
has moved to offset the move
ment by the tailback who has
come up to the fullback slot and
then he, the middle linebacker,
readjusts again to offset this
movement by the tailback who
reverses his field, gets the ball,
and turns to the left, but our
middle linebacker is there and
gets him for a two-yard loss —
as you just saw on your screen
two plays back.’
“But Coach Stallings, who is
so keyed up at this point that it
would take four weeks at the
Sheraton to unwind him, des
cribes the play in his Texas drawl
with a small bit of Alabama ac
cent thrown in for color.
“Example:
“ ‘Now there’s ol’ Joe, who
plays middle linebacker for us.
He can smell a play before the
coach sends it in from the bench.
Now see the quarterback hand
off to the guy on the right?
Watch Joe move. MOVE, JOE;
ATTABOY! oops . . . forget
about him, Joe, Jerry’s blocked
him out. Right! Get the tailback
. . . good! He’s got the ball, Joe!
Hit him low, Joe. Great! Here
comes Nilson to assist. You got
’im, Boys! Two yard loss . . .
NOW DON’T PILE ON HIM,
BOYS, THAT’S FIFTEEN
YARDS! GOODNESS GRA
CIOUS! Don’t scare me like that!
You’ll make me an old coach be
fore my time.’
(Meanwhile, Mickey Hersko-
witz and the rest of the viewers
are crouched on the edge of their
seats and hanging on for dear
life.)
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“ ‘Joe’s been a terrific . . . now
here’s Lindsey on the kickoff . . .
old Glenn can boot that ball when
he gets under it — there it goes
to the five yard line . . . my
lands! Would you look at all
those maroon jerseys standing
around that ballcarrier — better
get that arm up, son, or you’ll
see stars in a maroon sky. Now,
Mickey, that’s what I mean by
down-the-field coverage — when
we get there five minutes before
the ball. Now here’s Ledbetter,
our quarterback. Now Harry’s
not the best passer in the world
and he’ll be the first to admit it.
But all you have to do is get the
ball in the air and old Dude will
take care of the rest. Of course,
I’m not taking anything away
from Harry, he is a real good
little passer . . . THERE GOES
DUDE! Get behind your man,
Dude! Throw the ball, Harry.
ATTABOY! There it goes . . .
beautiful!!!. Look at him chunk
that ball. Get the ball, Dude.
Dude is our No. 1 pass receiver
. . . he’s caught more passes this
year than the KK’s have parking
tickets. Up he goes! He’s got it.
L e m m e tell you about the
Dude. . . .
“ ‘Now here we were forced to
punt, which is no real problem
with us . . . not with Scoggin in
there. Of course, he’s gotten a
lot of practice this year and he’s
booted us out of a lotta tight cor
ners. His last one went 72 yards.
72 yards! Man, do you realize
how far 72 yards is ... on a
football field ? ? This boy is
tremen . . . OH! OH! there’s a
low hike from center . . . get the
ball, Phil. Kick it, Phil! BOOM!
I saw that!! ROUGHING THE
KICKER!! . . . there it goes
downfield . . . get down there
boys . . . great . . . get him . . .
you missed him. . . . Don’t CLIP!!
We don’t need any more penal
ties. You got him. TREMEND
OUS!!”’
Yes, friends, Tremendous is
the word for it. After taking in
the Gene Stallings Show — only
one-half hour needed every week,
— you too will walk away feeling
refreshed and full of pep and en-
etrgy. But due to a limited sup
ply, no more shows are available
at this time. However, The Gene
Stallings Show will re-appear on
the market next S ^ptember.
Watch for it on your favorite
television.
Astronomers do not yet knot
how the moon came into being,
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