(This space without ink is being run as a public service by The Group.)
The Battalion College otauon (Brazos bounty), Texm
PAGE 2 Wednesday, April 1, 1959
GROUP EDITORIALS
. . . If It's Good Enough for Granddaddy, It’s Good
Enough for Me . . . Anon. Aggie
Let Us Know
In the spring, the sap rises not only in the trees but in
the troops as well. And this spring is no different.
As you may have guessed by now, this issue isn’t for
real. In keeping with long-standing tradition, The Group
(that is, The Battalion) is resorting to a little fun-poking
on April 1, the day of fools.
Possibly a little fun is good sometimes—maybe it helps
keep perspective to laugh as well as weep. Certainly we think
so—else this issue wouldn’t have gone to press.
Some of the barbs aren’t very well veiled—but we’ve
tried to be fair and spread them around and not show favorit
ism.
But some, no doubt, will be offended.
So, if the presence of this paper offends . . . please let
us know.
All criticism will be, as in the past, cheerfully ignored.
What’s Cooking
The following clubs and organi
zations will meet tonight
7:15
All spastics will meet in the
street in front of the Sinner to
have pictures made. Uniform will
be class A (straight-jackets with
ties) The street will be blocked off
for jerkers and parking space will
be arranged for wheel chairs.
Land-of-the-Midnight Sun.. Club
members will kill whales tonight
in the basement of the Academic
Bldg.
7:30
The pre-scholastic probation so
ciety will meet on the 2nd floor
of Gathright Hall.
All A&M Ex-Convicts will have
their pictures made. Uniform for
the occasion is stripes with helmet
liners. Meeting is in front of Bol-
lie White Paladium.
ANNOUNCING
NEW A&M COMMEMORATIVE
WEDGWOOD PLATES
JUST IN — DIRECT FROM THE
WEDGWOOD FACTORY IN ENGLAND
Additional scenes everyone has been waiting
and asking for—
The Memorial Student Center
and
The Interfaith Chapel
In famous A&M Commemorative Plates—original
matching designs and color!
This is the “first edition” of these two plates. Col
lectors’ “first-run” symbol is on back of each
plate.
Add these to your collection . . .
$4.95 ea. plus 50c postage & insurance in U.S. Write Today:
MSC Gift Shop
Owned & Operated by Texas A&M
Band Says No
To Playing
War Him Again
The band boys have blown the
War Him for the last time, ac
cording to Jackson Scabbs, lead
er of the biggest drill team on
the campus.
“We’re through competing with
Rev — her show is of a higher
caliber and of more interest to
the TV audiences—she can have
it,” Scabbs said.
The band boys say they will
sit in the stands throughout the
football games in the future and
whistle through their teeth while
Rev goes through her paces.
Smokey Hide-And-Watch seem
ed to be the most upset of them
all on hearing the news.
“And I’d worked out such a
cute routine for the cheerleaders
next year,” he moaned over a
glass of yogurt.
“Can’t you see it now — six
cheerleaders leading the band
boys down the field—each twir
ling a freshman. On dark nights
we could turn out the lights, set
fire to the freshmen’s hair and
really put on a torchlight show,”
Hide-And-Watch said.
SAM HOUSTON ZEPHYR
Lv. N. Zulch 10:08 a.m.
Ar. Dallas . . 12:47 p.m.
Lv. N. Zulch . 7:28 p.m.
Ar. Houston .9:15 p.m.
FORT WORTH and
DENVER RAILWAY
N. L. CRYAR, Agent
Phone 15* NORTH ZULCH
Burlington
Route
If You Have a Cary
A Homey A Family
One man can solve all of
your insurance problems.
He is your friendly State
Farm agent. See him soon.
INSUDANCl
TJ. M. Alexander, Jr., ’40
215 S. Main
Phone TA 3-3616
State Farm Mutual Automobile Insurance Company
State Farm life Insurance Company
State Farm Fire and Casualty Company
MOUE OFFICES—BLOOMINGTON. ILLINOIS
THE GROUP
Only dean-cut, high level opinions ivill he expressed in
The Group. We’re being supported by the college, they pay
our bills, we realize they’re the boss. Like don’t bite the
hand that feeds you, eh, tvhat?
Members of the Student Pub Board are: Mr. Luke Gumball, chief censor: R. J.
Ruby, School of Slide Rule Training; H. W. Shakeskidd, School of Reading Good Books;
Ottmar Koon, School of Plowing; and last but not least (he made us put that in)
Doctor Edward MacAnimal, School of Ret Therapy.
We’re not a member of anything—no one will have us. We’d be glad to mall
(that is, mail) a subscription anywhere. Anywhere at all. Just let us know. Like
write us and send money.
Mail auDscnpUona are $3.50 per semester, $6 per school year, $6.50 per full year.
Advertising rate furnished on request. Address: The Battalion, Room 4, YMCA, Col
lege Station, Texas
The Associated Press is entitled exclusively to the use for republication of all news
dispatches credited to it or not otherwise credited in the paper and local news of
•pontaneous origin published herein. Right* of republication of all other matter here
in are also reserved.
News contribution* may be made by teleplSning VI 6-6618 or VI 6-4910 or at the
(ditorial office. Room 4, YMCA. For advertising or delivery call VI 6-6416.
JOE BUSKER GREAT WHITE LEADER
Fred Meurer Deutscheland Editor
Gayle McNutt Marriage Columnist
Bob Weekley Athletic Supporter
Bill Reed, Johnny Johnson, Lewis Reddell, David
Stoker Hopefuls
And a Cast of Thousands
Look your best at
formal affairs
Look your best on gala occa
sions in formal clothes cleaned
to perfection by us. Your
“audience” will applaud! Try
us soon.
Campus
Cleaners
Letters To The Editor
Editor,
The.Gjoup:
When I was growing up my
daddy and my granddaddy told
me all about A&M. Even when
I was eight I could feel the thrill
of marching with the Core, liv
ing in the dorms, eating in the
messhall.
I grew up longing for the ten
sion that was soon to be mine.
As a high school senior I could
already begin to feel the blisters
my boots would rub on my feet.
Man, this A&M place is the
greatest. Don’t ever say any
thing else knocking it It’s the
greatest.
Mel Smirdley
Littlefield Hall
University of Texas
Editor,
The Group:
I don’t know what to say.
All those bad things they’ve
said about you. I know you must
have a complex.
But let me tell you that I think
you’re doing a fine job. Your
editorials are splendid, your pa
per is just beautiful and the
news is very newsy.
Don’t be discouraged — you’re
our favorite newspaper man.
Keep up the good work. And
write.
Mom
Editor,
The Group:
I know you’ve been getting a
lot of nasty letters but I’ve got
a point to make.
It’s this:
If you don’t like it here, why
don’t you graduate? I mean,
colleges are crowded everywhere
—the last time we sent an editor
“off to school” they sent him
back—collect.
Like be a good guy and hit
the books, huh?
What’ say?
The Boys ’59
1 : :
/
%
STATEMENT OF CONDITION OF
COLLEGE STATION STATE BANK
AT CLOSE OF BUSINESS
March 12, 1959
RESOURCES
Cash
.$1,144,034.73
U. S. Government Bonds
. 817,731.78
Municipal Bonds
. 131,091.32
Stock Federal Reserve Bank
6,000.00
Loans
. 1,740,865.32
Banking House
38,577.00
Furniture and Fixtures
18,000.00
Other Real Estate Owned
1.00
Other Assets
1,360.00
TOTAL RESOURCES
.$3,897,661.15
LIABILITIES
Capital Stock
.$ 100,000.00
Surplus
. 100,000.00
Undivided Profits
38,332.53
Deposits
. 3,644,498.62
Reserves
14,830.00
TOTAL LIABILITIES
.$3,897,661.15
Social Whirl
Aggie Wives Bridge Club wilt
meet tonight at 2400 hours in the v
Sinner to discuss the fine points
of poker.
Special instructor for the ses-'
sion will be Doc Holliday.
Punch and cookies will be sn.
ed to members of the Petroltu
Engineers Wives Club tonightr,
their irregular meeting in the
Sad Room of the YMCA. Special
guests will be Miss Tillie Oat-
water, Aggie Sweetheart.
The A&M Society of Rest nd
Relaxation will meet at the Clt)
Pits immediately after eveninf
mess for a liquid refreshment
bursting. President Smokehouse
Find will serve as keeper ot the
keg.
The black widow spider, whose
poisonous bite is sometimes fatal
to human beings, is found in all
48 states of the union.
Quick Service
HOTAKD’S
Cafeteria
11 a.m. - 2:30 p.m. — S p.m. - 8:30 p d .
On Campus
with
MaxShnJinai]
(By the Author of “Rally Round the Flag, Boys! ’’and
“Barefoot Boy with Cheek.")
HOW TO BE A
THUMPING BIG SUCCESS ON CAMPUS
While up in the attic last week hiding from the tax man, I came
across a letter, yellow with age, that dear old Dad had sent me
when I was a freshman. I reproduce it below in the hope that
it may light your way as it did mine.
“Dear Son, (Dad always called me Son. Tins was short for
Sonnenberg, which used to be my first name. I traded it last
year with a man named Max. He threw in two outfielders and
a left-handed pitcher ... But I digress.)
“Dear Son, (Dad wrote)
“I suppose you are finding college very big and bewildering,
and maybe a little frightening too. Well, it need not be that way
if you will follow a few simple rules.
“First of all, if you have any problems, take them to your
teachers. They want to help you. That’s what they are there for.
Perhaps they seem a little aloof, but that is only because they
are so busy. You will find your teachers warm as toast and
friendly as pups if you will call on them at an hour when they
are not overly busy. Four a.m., for instance.
“Second, learn to budget your time. What with classes, activi*
ties, studying, and social life all competing for your time, it is
easy to fall into sloppy habits. Set upja rigid schedule and stick
to it. Remember, there are only 24 hours a day. Three of thoe
hours must be spent in class. For every hour in class you must,
of course, spend two hours studying. So there go six more
hours. Then, as we all know, for every hour studying, you must
spend two hours sleeping. This accounts for twelve more hours.
Then there are meals—three hours each for breakfast and lunch,
four hours for dinner. Never forget, Sonnenberg, you must
chew each mouthful twelve hundred times. You show me a
backward student, and I’ll show you a man who bolts his food.
\ could wlmmeh..
“But college is more than just sleeping, eating, and studying. |
There are also many interesting activities which you must not *
miss. You’ll want to give at least three hours a day to the campus
newspaper, and, of course, another three hours each to the
dramatic and music clubs. And let’s say a total of eight hours
daily to the stamp club, the debating club, and the foreign
affairs club. Then, of course, nine or ten hours for fencing and
bird-walking, and another ten or twelve for ceramics and three-
card monte.
“Finally we come to the most important part of each day-
what I call ‘The Quiet Time.’ This is a period in which you
renew yourself—just relax and think great thoughts and smoke
Marlboro Cigarettes. Why Marlboro? Because they are the
natural complement to the active life. They have better ‘makin’s’;
the filter filters; the flavor is rich and mellow and a treat to the
tired, a boon to the spent, a safe harbor to the storm-tossed.
That’s why.
“Well, Sonnenberg, I guess that’s about all. Your kindly old
mother sends her love. She has just finished putting up rather
a large batch of pickles—in fact, 350,000 jars. I told her that
with you away at school, we would not need so many, but
kindly old Mother is such a creature of habit that, though I hit
her quite hard several times, I could not dissuade her.
\
Keep ’em flying,
Dad.”
© 1959 Max Shuim&D
Here’s more advice to freshmen—and upperclassmen too.
If non-filter cigarettes are your pleasure, double your pleas
ure with Philip Morris, made by the makers of Marlboro.
PEANUTS
By Charles M. Schulz
aft