to
Thf> Battalion College Station (Brazo* County/, Texas
PACE 3 Monday, April 1, 1957
GM; Harpooner Moved Up
NCAA, III Health
Brings Resignation
Head Athletic Proselyter Paul (Cub) Bunyon has re
signed to become public relations director for the Cadillac
Division of General Motors, announced Athletes Congress
Chairman Crisp (The Shadow) Groaningman today.
Moving up into the Big Leader spot is Chuck Euripides
(Where There’s Smoke, There’s Fire) Harpooner, long-time
associate of Bunyon and capable sidekick to Knife (Shake,
Rattle and Roll) Giving. Harpooner will take command to
morrow at 5:30 a.m. with a called inspection of facilities fol
lowed by a three-hour coffee break while he and his staff
view movies of John Kimbrough in action.
Bunyon, the giant Arkansawian who moved from ‘Old
Kaintuck to lead the Athletic
and Military College of Tejas
out of the football tundras, re
signed on the recommendation
of his entourage of physicians
because of poor health and an ex
cess of taxes.
“Mr. Bunyon has been under
severe mental strain since May,
1955,” said Dr. Neuro Sees, spokes
man for the group of 11 doctors,
“And lately he has been suffer
ing with continued attacks of hang
nail and whooping crane.”
Bunyon’s continual decrease ii^
mental and physical condition came
during May, 1955, when the Nomi
nal Committee of Alcoholics
Anonymous, headed by Jesty
Kneeling, head coach of Houston’s
South Main Academy of Nonsense,
slashed the throat of Cub’s Tejas
A-Ayes with a two-year probation
prohibiting them from participat
ing in pre, during or post-season
contests in any sport with any
school, institution or professional
beam in the western hemisphere, to
the unrestrained joy of the other
seven Southern Westmost Conting
ent participants.
“It is to my utter sorrow that I
have to leave such a fine in
stitution as A&M,” murmured the
outspoken procurer of fine athletic
talent, But the growing desire
among ex-A-Gyes to build the
nation’s finest handball teams and
lack of interest among the players
to participate in football, not
withstanding my huge tax obliga
tions that are becoming ever more
burdening, force me to resign and
take a position elsewhere.
“It will'be a blow to my family,
too,” commented the amiable
leader. “The fine cultural facilities
of Bryan and College Station have
been an asset to them, also the
wide streets made turning my new
Caddy much easier.”
Bunyon, whose personal interest
in every phase of athletics and the
student body in general .was out
standing, is considered one of the
most tactful and understanding
public relations men among the
nation’s coaches and should make a
really fine executive for GM.
Football to be De-Empbasized
“We’re going to de-emphasize
this horrid football,” said new
Athletic Proselyter Chuck
Euripides (Where There’s Smoke,
There’s Fire) Harpooner, “And
start emphasizing something
worthwhile—like handball, polo,
Jai Lai and bridge,” immediately
after taking over the reins from
Paul (Cub) Bunyon today.
“My first move as Big Leader
will be to put a roof over Kyle
Field and turn it into 200 regula
tion hand ball courts,” grinned the
handsome new director. “We’ve go
ing to give athletics back to the
students.”
Growing acclaim swept across
the campus of the unprecedented
move by the Athletes • Congress in
their appointment with A-Gye grid-
ders displaying a fine attitude, to
ward the whole thing.
“Personally, I think it’s a great
idea,” said Johan Dandy (Killer)
Blackbird, A&M’s great all-nation
wide runner. “I’ve never really been
interested in foottfell or any con
tact sport. Jai Lai is my game
and I’ll be glad to start working
at it again.”
Champion Klugler, all-everything
tackle from Deepw’ell, was over
joyed at the prospects of quitting
football.
“It’s the greatest thing that’s
ever happened here,” beamed
Klugler, “Now I can go out for
track. I’ve always fancied my
self as quite a pole vaulter, you
know, and once did 7-10 in high
school.”
I 1
NEW HEAD ATHLETIC PROSELYTER—Chuck Euri
pides (Where There’s Smoke, There’s Fire) Harpooner
takes charge tomorrow after being promoted upon the
resignation of Paul (Cub) Bunyon.
CRISP (THE SHADOW) GROANINGMAN —Chairman of
A&M Athletes Congress at work tending his flock.
VOTE TOMORROW!
and when you do . . .
BE SURE TO VOTE
FOR
SEARCY BRACEWELL
1938 A&M Graduate
YOUR CANDIDATE
FOR
U. S. SENATOR
(Paid Political Adv.)
IVIOST
VALUABLE PLAVER
SOME VALUABLE
AOVICE ABOUT
SAV1MQS
Mickey Mantle’s big bat won him the Americai*
League’s Triple Batting Crown last year
and unanimous choice by the nation’s sports
writers as his league’s most valuable player.
This young Oklahoman figures to have many
more great years in the majors, but already
he’s looking beyond his playing days, planning
for his family’s future with regular savings.
Mickey says, “From personal experience, I
know that the guy who comes through
regularly means the most to himself and his
team. I’ve learned the same lesson about
savings. Buying U. S. Bonds regularly helps
win the game of security.
“Millions of sports fans can be star players in
the game of security by joining and staying
on Payroll Savings where they work.”
Good advice for the long haul from a
long ball hitter.
For most of us, Payroll Saving’s offer the easiest,
surest way to save. And the time to start is
now. All you do is sign the application form
in the payroll office where you work. Select
the amount to be set aside for your Bonds
each payday. Then your saving is done for you.
And each time you’ve accumulated enough,
a Bond is purchased in your name.
You keep adding to your Bonds through
Payroll Savings and your Bonds keep earning
interest for you. It’s a sure way to make a
little deduction add up to a lot of security.
So don’t put off saving another day. Sign up
for Payroll Savings where you work—today.
Or start buying Bonds regularly where you bank.
Mickey Mantle’s 1956 Record
Batting Average ,353
Runs Batted In il30
Home Runs 52
Part of every American’s Savings belongs in U. S. ^ortds
The U. S. Government does not pay for this advertisement. The Treasury Department thanks,
for their patriotic donation, the Advertising Council and
The Battalion