Friday, February 24,1966
THE BATTALION
Page 3
Report on the University
UT Diary, Confidential
By The Austin Correspondent
“Hey, can you’ll hear me back
there in College Station ? I’m
stuck in the orange tower, rather
chased up here by a mob of frat
men. Seems I was found out to
be an Aggie spy. Derned city-
slicker clothes didn’t fool these
sippers at all.
“But I got what I came after,
or at least a page of a diary. Be-
foi-e they get me, I’ll send you’ll
what I’ve got:”
May Bell’s Diary
‘Friday. Breakfast tray about
noon; didn’t want it. Ah, that
champagne at the party last night
was just too too I’evolting. But
what’s a girl to do? Dahling, you
can’t stay ’till six a.m. on just
nothing. And they had those just
utterly divine frat men there with
their utterly divine little jokes.
Oh, you should have seen Stewart,
he is just the most wittiest divine
number in all the campus. And
just scads of money. Oil, you
know. He says the funniest things.
Ca n’t remember a word he said,
but he says the most utterly divine
things. But naturally. Oil, you
know.
‘That Kathy—! She won’t let
him out of her sight for a minute.
Oil, you know. She hangs on to
him like a brazen hussy. And all
the time she has been dating Cart
wright—. Of course, she’s got to
pass her courses somehow. I’m a
little weak myself ... in my
courses, I mean. But, gad, what a
spectacle she makes of herself, she
and her fancy manners. And she
attempts to impress people. It’s
“Daddy has this,” and “Daddy is
going to buy me that,” and . .
But all the time, she’s just planning
to . . . the little oil-digger. I
don’t know why I room with her,
the way she acts. But what’s a
girl to do? Oil, you know.
‘The most utterly terrible thing
. has happened just this very min
ute. I broke one of my beautiful
fingernails. Awful, just too too
awful. I’ll get Kathy to shape it
*2: lx ^
( iws o>»
Reports on A&M
FRIDAY
SHOWDOWN AT SUNUP!
RANDOLPH SCOTT
SATURDAY
Helple^ B'»“ at e ® ea 0 “X s !
Bait for
The above cartoon is made
available for all through the
courtesy of the Texas Ranger,
UT magazine. It was run as
part of the story “Pity The Poor
Aggies”—and we swiped it.
/VAat} 1 ...
yowr fva'Y V\cct" f
for me; she’s such a talented girl
about things like that. Why, I was
just telling Stewar-t what a wonder
ful gh*l she was; really I was. Just
too too utterly . . . ooh, I’d like to
scratch her eyes out!
‘Simply collapsing fi'om exhaus
tion. That party last night was
just too too much. Except that
Kathy was wearihg that loathsome
dress. Awful. How can a girl
have such tenable taste in every
thing she does and wears. And
the utter children that attend the
school . . . but what can a girl do?
Oil, you know.
‘I really must get out of bed.
I’m supposed to call Ollie or
Charles or someone. Theater to
night, of course. The nerve of
those people—two dollar seats were
all they could give me. Absolutely
stinking, utterly repulsive. I’ll sim
ply die if anyone sees me sitting
in the balcony. At this, the richest
university in the world, you’ve just
got to keep up your reputation,
mean, really. But what’s a girl
to do. Oil, you know.
‘Absolutely sunk; nothing could
be worse. That party last night
was too absolutely deadly, too di
vinely, utterly wonderful. But '
promised him a date—him of all
people. I couldn’t feel any abso
lutely worse. I’m immobiled, ut
terly. And what is Kathy going
to say ? Why he doesn’t even
drink! Ooh, I feel sick. Really,
the most absolutely utterly horrible
things happen to me. I’ll never
go anywhere near champagne and
scotch and whatever else I had at
that utterly divine pai‘ty. But I’ll
go. I mean, after all, what can a
girl do ? Oil, you know.’
-—with apologies to D. P
ONE WEEK
Health Reports
Show Measles Lead
Measles led all other diseases
in Bryan-Brazos County with 42
cases reported as of Fob. 18.
Influenza was second with 22
cases reported and Strept throat
was third with 16 cases.
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When the West
was a shameless
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w? BENEDICT BOGEAUS
JOHN PAVME • RONALD REAGAN
RHONDA FLEMING • COLEEN GRAY
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To balance the scales of jus
tice, to preserve the integrity of
the press by presenting both
sides of all questions* and to
show how others see A&M
“through a glass darkly” (those
sunglasses are ruining lots of
eyes there at Austin), we are
bringing for all the world to see,
the following article by a staff
writer of The Texas Ranger,
campus magazine of UT, which
appeared in this month’s issue
bearing the title of “Pity The
Poor Aggies.”—The Editors
By ANN LESLIE
We have noticed recently that
many UT students tend to poke
fun at the students of a lesser-
known institution called the Agri-
cultm-al and Mechanical College of
Texas. They say that the Aggies
are nothing but rustic, rowdy,
cotton-pickin’, tobacco-chewin’, ill-
bred, uncultivated, sex-starved,
small-town hicks. Actually this is
not true. Many Aggies come from
large cities.
The University of Texas student
doesn’t seem to realize that it is
not the Aggie’s fault he is so re
tarded. He is the helpless victim
of an institution known as “that
good old Aggie spirit.”
In the early 1900’s, this spirit
was particularly noticeable at the
Texas vs. A&M football games.
Indeed, sometimes the Aggies
seemed to be a little over-zealous.
For instance, reports wired back
to the University from the Daily
Texan’s sports coi-respondent at
College Station during the 1911
game went like this:
“A&M rootei-s throw lemons at
Texas team as Kirk scoi-es TD.”
“Puett of UT makes fine end
run and gets slugged.”
But this all took place when both
A&M and Texas were still in the
raw, embryo stage. Times have
changed, bringing many innova
tions to the way of college life.
The University has adapted itself
to the modem customs and stan
dards quite thoroughly. But un
fortunately, A&M has been retard
ed somewhei-e along the way.
While UT classes have become
more informal, A&M students still
line up and mai-ch to the mess hall
like third graders. T-sippers have
adopted the comfortable, casual
method of dress, while Aggies still
wear identical uniforms — Boy
Scout style. The University is
now working with experimental
i-ockets, but A&M is still studying
the horse. It is disheartening in
deed to have to stand by and
watch a once-powerful rival drop
out of the running.
There is only one chance for
A&M to pull out of this state of
lethargy. The Constitution of the
State of Texas, Article VIII, Sec
tion 13, states:
The Agricultural and Mechani
cal College of Texas, established
by an act of the Legislature
passed April 17, 1871, located in
the county of Brazos, is hereby
made and constituted a branch
of The University of Texas for
instruction in agriculture, the
mechanic arts and the natural
sciences connected therewith.
And not only that, but Section 5
of An Act Establishing the Agri
cultural and Mechanical College of
Texas states:
The control, management, and
supervision of said college, and
the care and preservation of its
property, shall be subject to the
laws governing what is known as
“An Act to Establish the Uni
versity of Texas.”
LET THE AGCIES TAKE
HEART! They come from noble
stock, however they may have pi-o-
stituted themselves.
It is because of this that we
cannot help wondering how the
Aggies overlooked the fact they
are a part of the University. Of
course, there was one instance—
when the question of distribution
of income from the University’s
land grants was brought up—that
the Aggies immediately claimed
membership in the family, but oth-
ceming penalties for violations of
the Articles of the Cadet Corps.
Crime and Punishment
(1) gazing 4 demerits
(2) hands in pockets
of uniform 4 demerits
(3) slovenly
bearing 6 demerits
(4) dirty ashtrays ....2 demerits
((>) dirty
wastebaskets .... 2 demerits
(6) oh bed between
0800 and 1200 4 hours
(7) smoking outside
building 2 hours
(8) failure to speak 1 hour
(9) short stopping 1 hour
(10) failure to wear
napkin at table 1 hour
As you see, demei-its and “hom-s”
er than that they have persisted
in remaining as independent as
possible.
As students of what has been
called the richest university in the
country, it is our duty to see that
every branch of Texas University
maintains the high standards set
up by the Main University here
in Austin. We cannot ignore the
facts. Since A&M—remote though
it is—is really a part of the Uni
versity, it will never do to poke
fun at it. It is our belief that
most students mock A&M because
they don’t know anything good to
say about it. Therefore, after ex
tensive research, we have compiled
the following list of A&M’s better
qualities.
DISCIPLINE
•Discipline is one of the most im
portant phases of the A&M system.
Aggies are taught discipline
through a series of rules of con
duct. These rules, if disobeyed,
cost the offender a certain number
of demertts or a certain number of
hours walking in the “bull-ring.”
We here reproduce a portion of a
report from Headquarters, Fh-st
Composite Regiment of A&M, con-
are given only for the most heinous
crimes.
UNITY
The basis for the Aggie system
is the belief in the old saying, “A
house divided cannot stand.” They
say that a group of people sub
jected to a common set of hard
ships will become united into a
strong, indivisible foi*ce. For this
reason there is at A&M an elab
orate system of initiation known
as hazing. (Hazing is absolutely
forbidden by A&M officials, but
this is a minor detail.) There are
various practices employed in the
ax’t of hazing. All ai'e designed
to tear the Aggie away fi'om what
he is doing and make him do some
thing else. (This teaches the Ag
gie unquestioning obedience to
command.) For instance, at meal
times, a fi’eshman Aggie is always
asked numexxms “cush,” or dessert,
questions, such as “What is the
inscription at the base of such and
such statue?” or “How many
boax-ds ax-e on the floor of So-and-
So Hall?” (This enables A&M to
make tremendous savings in the
most of food—only half as many
dessex*ts are ever eaten.)
TNNER-DTRECTED CHOICE
Fi-eedom of choice is one of the ~
Aggies’ standards. Evex'y Aggie,
upon enrollment, is given a choice
by the upperclassmen. “Fish
Jones,” he is asked, “which would
you pi'efer—being hazed or jump
ing off Gathwright Tower?” (It
is significant that the choice is
always for the hazing—we may
thus assume that the Aggie doesn’t
x'eally mind it after all.) Of
coui’se, after this choice is made,
the upperclassmen are only too
happy to tell the “fish” that Gath-
wright Tower is just a two-foot
high monument to the i-emains of
an old campus building.
CLEANLINESS
Aggies insist upon cleanliness
among their men. For this pux--
pose a group of Aggies will often
enter a fellow-student’s room while
he is gone, stack all his furniture
in the middle of the floor, dump all
his clothes on top of the heap, and
pour water over the whole thing.
If this doesn’t woxk, a seniox* will
enter a room wearing white gloves,
run his hands over the walls, vm-
der the bed, and in other such dirt-
catching places to see if any dust
x-ubs off.
ALERTNESS
An Aggie is taught to be alei't at
all times. Sometimes, just for fun,
several Aggies will take an old
innertube, tie sti-ong rope to each
side, take it to an absent stxident’s
x’oom, and sti’etch it as far as it
will go, tying one end to the win
dow and the other to the handle
of the door. Then they will pull
the door shut and disappear. When
the unsuspecting inhabitant of the
x’oom comes home, he naively turns
the doox-knob and finds himself
jex-ked across the x’oom and flung
into the opposite wall. “Ha!” say
the others. “That will teach old
Murph to be moi’e alei’t!”
A LARGE VOCABULARY
“Toward a bigger and bettei' vo-
cabulai’y” is one of the populat
Aggie slogans. Uppei-classmen ti’jl
to impi-ess upon the fish the im-
poi’tance of inci'easing their word
power. Therefoi’e, they are con
stantly thinking up synonyms fox’
common, evei’yday woixls. This is
especially appai’ent at meals. A
typical Aggie meal might consist of
bullneck, shot, waddin’, grease, and
sand-and. This, to the uninitiated
is meat, peas, bread, butter, and
salt and peppei’.
CREATIVENESS
Aggies ax-e always tx-ying to bet
ter their artistic ability. During
the past sevei’al years the follow
ing locations on the UT campus
have been gi-aced with the won
drous, contempoi’ai'y ax-tistic talent
of A&M: the Band Hall, Gregoi’y
Gym, the Health Center, Memoi-ial
Stadium, Littlefield Fountain,
Hogg Auditorium, a frat house or
two, and various and sundiy stat
ues and benches ax-ound the cam
pus. And then one year the Aggiea
expressed their ci'eative ui’ges by
sowing a huge “A&M” in xye grasa
on the tui’f of Memoi’ial Stadium.
So you see, the Aggies ai'e i-eally
trying to improve themselves.
Their basic px’inciples ax-e good, but
somehow, somewhei-e, they seem to
lose sight of their goal. It is up
to us, as forwai’d-looking Universi
ty students, to help them all we
can, by spreading the word that
A&M isn’t as bad as it seems.
It couldn’t be.
LI’L ABNER
By A1 Capp
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Clifton Webb
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Richard Widmark
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