8
THE BATTALION
Love Letters Of A
Sophomore
Monday Morn.
Hi Sweethart,
How’s sa little gal? All Oke, as
usual? I sure miss you tonight honey,
I miss you like the dickens. Honest,
no kidding. You know, honey, I sure
am havin’ a good time this year at
college. I didn’t know what fun was
’til this year. I thought I was happy
last year but this year, oh boy.
I got a pretty easy schedule, pretty
easy. Two crip courses under a cou-
pla ole nuts who think the only good
cadet is a sleeping cadet so I sleep
all the time in their class. Then I got
a couple of courses that I call bread
and butter courses. You know what
I mean. A fella’s got to learn some
thing to make a livin’ with while he’s
in college; if he didn’t — well if I
don’t you and I can’t ever have that
little cottage you know. Yeah!
But talk about fun. How we sophs
do rag these dumb freshmen. It’s a
scream. Honest it is. You’d die laugh
ing. Yeah. Why last night me and
Jake, you remember that red headed
fellow who was with me in the auto
mobile last summer when we drove
over to your house and tried to get
you to go to that dance in Sommer-
ville, that’s Jake. I have always been
glad you didn’t go to that dance
’cause that was the one I had the fight
at because I put chewing gum in
that stuck up gal’s hair. I had almost
two packages of chewed gum in her
hair before she found it out and she
never would have known who did it
if I hadn’t laughed so. Her date tried
to get rough when she cried but Jake
crowned him with a chair rung and
we lit out. I sure was glad you were
not there then. Well me and Jake
goes into a freshman’s room and
gives him the water test. We took
a great big paddle along with us you
know, to kinda impress him. I won’t
say where. . . .
This water test of ours is a hot
one. We take a glass of ice water and
a glass of hot water and a score pad.
We tell the freshman that we are
going to pour a little water down his
back and he must tell us whether it’s
hot or cold. Every time he gets it
right we give him a plus and every
time he gets it wrong we give him
a minus on his score card. You’d think
off hand he could tell whether his
back was hot or cold, but if you have
your hot water not too hot and your
cold water as cold as you can get
it he can’t always tell. It doesn’t mat
ter anyway whether he can or can’t.
We pour a little at a time until we’ve
used up bother glasses of water, then
we count up his score. His score does
n’t make any difference though cause
we look him over and decide he needs
drying out. We dry him out with the
paddle. Jake can dry better than I
can, but he’s heavier than me.
It’s a lot of fun to watch the fresh
man’s face while Jake pours the wa
ter down his back.
We are going to have some fun
soon that will be real fun ’cause Jake
found a magazine that advertised
salesman’s kits of bathing beauties.
We sat down and ordered one for
every freshman in the company. They
come COD.
I’ll tell you about what happens
when those kits come.
Lots of love ’til then,
ALBERT
* * *
Sunday afternoon
Hello Honey,
How’s my little sugar today? Fine
and dandy and full of pep ? I saw a
girl the other night at the picture
show who reminded me of you a great
deal. Yeah, a whole lot. Honest. Her
name was Joan Crawford. Now that’s
a compliment. You’re welcome.
Say, do you remember my telling
you about those bathing picture post
cards that Jake ordered for all the
freshmen in the Company? Well that
scheme sure backfired on us. We
ought to have ordered Bibles or cook
books. All those sales kits full of pic
tures came the same day. A couple
of the freshmen sucked under and
paid the five-dollar COD charge at
the post office. Yeah, they really did.
That’s how dumb a freshman is. But
listen to this. Those pictures were
about as big as . . . as . . . about as
big as a theme tablet and good look
ing . . . say, they were handsome.
There were twenty in each kit and
they sold for fifty cents a piece. Those
freshmen got busy and sold those
pictures. Everyone of them. Jake
brought one himself. Every freshman
in the company went down and got
his pictures out and now the college
is full of the darned things. Every
where you go you see Dolores Del
Something-or-Other smiling at you
sweetly. Why some of the Proffs
bought ’em. Honest. I didn’t get one
’cause I didn’t think it would be right
to sit one of those pictures on my
desk beside the picture of the girl I
loved. You’re welcome.
I guess you know Jake and I was
disgusted when the freshmen each
made five dollars out of our scheme,
but Jake came right back with -an
other good idea. He’s ordering cook
books this time for them and since
they made money off these picture
they’ll run right down and take these
cook-books out when they come and
then they will be stuck. Jake and I
have another scheme we are going
to pull sometime soon, I’ll tell you
about it when it happens. You know
that top-kick of ours that’s been mak
ing me and Jake get up every morn
ing to make revelee, we are going to
fix him up. I’ll tell you about it when
it happens.
Give my love to your Mother and
Sister and tell everybody hello for
me, Love,
ALBERT
Says Students Should
Be Free On Week-Ends
NEW YORK—(IP)—Freeing of
students of campus rules on week
ends is favored in an editorial appear
ing in Liberty Magazine for Nov. 15.
“We get more out of life,” the edi
torial says in part, “during any peri
od of it, when we live in accordance
with our own will. It is fair to as
sume that a young man at college
wants the education the college of
fers, and this will be chiefly book
education. But, having obtained that
for which he went to college, won’t
the enlargement of his horizon be
greater if he decides for himself
what he shall do with his week-ends,
than if he is forced to sit on a fence
or look (not play) at a football
game ? . . .
“ . . . we think it would be better
for college boys generally to be away
from the campus more than they us
ually are—always assuming that they
keep up in their studies, and that
those who don’t will be dropped from
classes.”
NEW RELIGIOUS SECT
BUDAPEST—(IP)—A new religi
ous sect founded by a Hungarian wi
dow here is based on a creed which
can be freely translated in English
best by the phrase, “Laugh and the
world laughs with you.’
Mme. Fuelop, the founder of the
new religion, declares that “purifica
tion of the soul is possible by merri
ment alone.”
She claims Biblical authority for
her new gospel, declaring that Jesus
never ordered mankind to be mourn
ful.
She gathers her disciples about her
every evening, and together they
dance “in the name of salvation,
laughing, singing, and from time to
time kissing the Bible.”
The police are watching the new
sect, but so far have found no grounds
for interfering with their form of
worship.
SHOW TALK
By Fred L. Porter
Thursday, Friday and Saturday—
Palace, “Her Wedding Night.”
Saturday night—Assembly Hall,
“Bulldog Drummond.” Pre-view—
Palace, “War Nurse.”
Sunday and Monday—Palace, “Ani
mal Crackers.”
Tuesday and Wednesday—Palace,
“War Nurse.”
* * *
“Her Wedding Night,” the fast and
funny farce which opens a three day
run at the Palace Theater Thursday
next, might have been written ex
pressly for Clara Bow, for this red-
haired star has a role that fits her
personality and talent unusually well.
“Her Wedding Night” is pure, de
lightful fun, jolly, and pseudo-serious.
The cinema tells of the adventures
of a movie star on vacation in Paris
and of her flight to escape her num
erous suitors.
Ralph Forbes gives full play to his
talent for straight farce in this show.
And Charles Ruggles brings his fresh
humor to an important supporting
role. Also, there’s Skeets Gallagher’s
laugh-provoking seriousness to add
spice to the comedy.
* * *
The world’s four funniest men are
back again with more fun—more fool
ishness than in their first motion pic
ture riot, “The Cocoanuts.” The Marx
Brothers, in “Animal Crackers,” com
ing to the Palace Sunday and Mon
day. Enough foolishness to last until
Christmas.
* * *
The Wednesday night show at the
Assembly Hall offers “Outside the
Law,” a picture that treats of a pair
of crooks—a man and a girl—who
won’t allow themselves to be outwit
ted by a third criminal. They get into
some dirty business, and a prison
term for each proves that crooks can’t
win.
Mary Nolan, in her eagerness to
give a tensely dramatic performance,
works too hard. Edward Robinson is
just a bit too sinister. Of the leading
performers, only Owen Moore is a
thoroughly convincing character.
* * *
“War Nurse,” coming to the Pal
ace Theater’s Saturday night pre-,
view, tells an entirely different story
of the feminine part of the world
war. Heretofore the woman’s part of
the war has been confined to enter-
YOUR FOLKS OR SWEET
HEART WOULD ENJOY
READING
THE BATTALION
See NEUMAN or WINDERS
In Bat Office, 121 Main Bldg.
Them Good Malted Milks
We Still Make Them
King’s, Whitman’s and
Pangburn’s Candies
HOLMES BROTHERS
Confectionery
BULOVA WATCHES EASTMAN KODAKS
Christmas
IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER AND WE HAVE
Presents
For Each Name On Your List
Come In And Let Us Show You
JOE KAPLAN & CO., Inc.
VICTOR RADIOS GIFTS
taining soldiers. “War Nurse” tells
about girls away from home the first
time—girls recruited from small ham
lets who thought they knew right
from wrong. Here women are realiz
ed, rather than idealized.
An exceptional cast, headed by
June Walker, includes Anita Page,
Zazu Pitts, Martha Sleeper, Robert
Montgomery, Robert Ames, Marie
Prevost, and Hedda Hooper.
Your best
GIRL FRIEND
IS EXPECTING
A GIFT THAT
a
LETS HER FRIENDS
KNOWS THAT SHE
GOES WITH AN
AGGIE
AGGIE BELTS — VANITIES
SABERS — RINGS
PINS AND PENNANTS
The Exchange Store
The Official Store of the Colleg'e
The Greater Palace
THURSDAY — FRIDAY — SATURDAY
THE “IT” GIRL IN A
WOW SHOW. CLARA
BOW AT HER BEST,
Also MERMAID TALK
ING COMEDY And FOX
NEWS.
SUNDAY AND MONDAY
THE FOUR MARX BROTHERS IN
“ANIMAL CRACKERS”
WHAT A SHOW — SEE IT
PRE-VIEW 11 P. M. SATURDAY
ROBERT MONTGOMERY IN
“WAR NURSE”
ALSO TO BE SHOWN TUES.—WED.