2
THE BATTALION
TORO
(By T. Wine)
Having finished a long pleading
missive to the ONE that controls my
present destiny (financially), I think
back (since it might be classed as
a feeble thought I believe it well to
record the event as so few instances
occur), how many times before have
I written such a letter for appro
priations, cunningly bringing out the
salient features of my long, very
long, and successful college career
in order to bring down that shining
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parental praise, upon me, beautiful
silvery praise.
An old friend of mine, and ex-
Shave-tail, one who so sturdily re
fused to have a military education
thrust upon him, and probably the
biggest liar that was ever turned out
of here told me between heart ren
dering sobs that out in the kold
kruel world that same silver beam
penetrated very rarely. This friend
had come down for the game and
believe me he was full of spirit,
in fact so full that he never saw the
game but was contented to let a
Fish bathe his feverish brow with
an iced towel as I related the score
and other particulars.
He is just one of the many Ag
gies that are now at large. He went
to work for a big railroad, not as
a track man, but somehow he got in
a very responsible place. In a few
weeks I read in the papers that this
railroad has discontinued running
certain trains because they somehow
had failed to pay recently. In my
friends own words: “Budda (this
word a translation by the author of
‘Toro’ so’s not to shock the peepul)
I wonder what the world would do if
all us smart men that rule the des
tines of the nation were to die ?
Well, it is a question, but if I were
to answer it I’d say that the said
R. R. would again make money.
But back to that larger subject
of second Its. They should have the
blessing of the Corps for if it were
left up to them there would be no
rams, nor drill, nor non-reg., but
every man for himself and espec
ially the mess hall. They are not of
a warrior class but they are wise.
I recall my experiences as a wor
thy member of the Corps. Them
clothes. Why, I’d like to see a quick
change artist get into a uniform
and still hold his reputation. They
are as bad as trying to put on a
suit of long union suits in an upper
berth of a tourist pullman. I guess
that I’m not brave. I know that
I’m not. If there is another war I’m
going to cultivate flat feet and go
out and sell Liberty Bonds, or get
a Dollar-a-year job in Washington
and save the nation from the Demo
crats. It was back in my child
hood daze and I can recall a few
of the stories of getting bombed
by a German (better, Hun). Zeppelin,
and all peanut butter had glass in
it to kill off the innocent women
and children, so the Kaiser could
eat dinner in Paris. I guess being
a married man he wanted a change
and the resturants in Berlin had
had shady dealings with the dog
catcher.
* * *
Well, that’s over and we have
another conversation to go to, to de
cide which candidate to support. I’m
glad I wasn’t old enough to get
drafted because the least bit of
draft usually give me the worst
colds, and I got hay-fever too. And
I’d probably have been shell-shocked
which wouldn’t have done me any
good since I have a pretty hard time
holding my own now, or maybe
got killed fighting the battle of
Cognac.
* * *
I saw today that, “A man will
take any criticism from a woman
(Continued on Page 6)
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