2
THE BATTALION
that honor quite frequently, especially
i nnewspaper interviews.
“Sir Walter Raleigh? I hardly
could be called that, but I do admit
having saved a young lady from
drowning in a recent flood. Yes, I am
a Baptist, therefore well qualified for
such undertakings. But then too, I
adhere to some of the teachings of
Mary Baker Eddy. In fact I attri
bute my remarkable success in ath
letics to ‘holding the right thought’
for the teams which I coach.
“Oh, yes. I have one other claim
to distinction. I have concocted a new
hair tonic. It will work wonders. I
shall be glad to give my recipe to any
one interested.
“Well, good-bye. I must go now
and write another article for the press
under the caption of ‘Member of Na
tional Football Rules Committee.’ ”
“My Function at the College? Oh,
yes, I add weight to the Faculty.
Then, too, I serve as Commandant in
absentia. Oh, yes, I usually spend my
days here.
“My titles? I bear the name of the
Human Silo, Balanced Ration, and va
rious other tidbits. I also serve as
dog catcher, fire chief, chief of po
lice and in countless other capacities,
too numerous to mention.
“Can’t talk long. Here comes the
5:16 train now.”
IV.
“Hello, Professor, Let’s stand
and Sing that masterpiece composed
by Cecil Rhodes, of Oxford fame,,
T didn’t raise my students to be pool
hall operators.’ That’s the lament
of my song, the outcry of my enraged
soul. Selah. Ah I not occupying the
unusual and distinctive position of
professor of English' literature, 'li
brarian extraordinaire, and proprietor
^ of tj^e College pool hall?
jMe,, a judge of masterpieces, critic
of art, iover of music, an idealist in
p^y every yearning, a pool hall opera-
tor.
IV ,.“My ideas on fugitive verse? Oh,
^<js, I have many. Wait, I hear them
them calling me to rack up the balls.
Good-bye, Professor.”
“Good-bye, Mr. Mayo.”
THE OPERATION.
“Bring in the next patient,” ordered
the Most Famous Surgeon in the
World, and presently orderlies bore
into the operating room a limp figure
which they deposited upon the snow-
white table.
“Strange case of A. and M. Senior,”
recited the nurse. “Fractured skull
with no evidence of external blow;
judgment of consulting physicians
that crack is caused by internal pres
sure.”
Grunting, “Most peculiar,” the Most
Famous Surgeon bent over the un
conscious figure. “Calking with pitch
inadvisable, would probably soften un
der high mental temperaturse. Best
remove a section of coronal suture,
sort over brain cells, and discard non-
essentials.”
But ten minutes work with a keen
rotating core drill was required to
pierce the cranial armor plate. A
quick jerk on the thick black hair re
moved the loosened section and expos
ed the crowded seat of thought, the
released cells of which, taking imme
diate advantage of the breach in the
restricting barrier, flowed like grain
from a broken sack in a kaleidoscopic
stream over the erstwhile stainless
surface of the table.
“ ‘Pon my word,” gasped the Sur
geon as, now free to obey their na
tural tendencies, word sprang to word
and thought to thought, forming ideas
whose meanings, in the main, were
clearly decipherable.
With the sure precision of the train
ed mental analyst he ran over the
heterogeneous conglomeration:
“List of holidays demanded by Sen
ior Class.”
“Meet Alice at the Pink Parrot.”
“Excuses (mostly worn out) to
Mother for not writing, to Dad for
more cash, to Prof, for being late.”
A solitary remnant of French,
“Je vous aime.”
“Gripes against the food, the fiscal
office, Cue-Ball, Clara, Jane and Dor
othy (reasons blurred by tears of self
pity).
“Accurate record of 37 poker
hands.”
“Railroad fare to Austin—end and
side-door trains.”
“Answers to 276 probable quizz
questions.”
All of these he sorted out, with
ruthless impatience relegating them
to the trash can, where they floated
like bubbles on the surface of ail
ethereal liquid disinfectant.
But a few thoughts remained un
examined and to these he now turned
with solicitude, returning them one by
one to the yawning cavity of the pa
tient. An error-spotted solution of a
complex problem carried the germ of
self reliant thought and technical
analysis; the opening paragraph of a
letter home bore that of filial love and
respect; a small group, even now
slightly tarnished from non-use, indi
cated the presence of a few funda
mental facts of science, government
and society.
“Used Thompson’s roses instead of
American^^Beauties for Eleanor’s
birthday.” “Ha,” he exclaimed, “Evi
dence of thrift, Eleanor apparently be
ing his sister.”
Over a fairly complete fragment
upon which was graven,.“Speech for
Brackett,” the Surgeon paused for a
moment in profound meditation. Fin
ally, with a determined motion he
hollowed out a niche and carefully re
placed it, “for without bunk no man
may long prosper.”
A slight movement on the part of
the recumbent figure warned the Sur
geon that the practical problem of
saving life still confronted him. With
deft swiftness he stripped the wrap
pings from their packages and filled
the gaping cavern with fresh, pure
antiseptic thought cells. A single ac
curate stroke of the mall bedded the
circle of bone firmly in place, six
teen rivets of non-corrosive metal
were driven to insure permanency,
and the operation which so many are
dying for and so few dare face was
complete.
The challenging voice of the world
awoke the youth to consciousness and
as he rose to his feet, tottering yet
with the air of one who will conquer,
the Most Famous Surgeon placed his
hand on his shoulder and said kindly:
“Courage my lad, and be of cheer.
That which thou shouldst have, I have
given thee; that which thou shouldst
not have, I have taken away. Men
call me EXPERIENCE.”
DRS. LAWRENCE & ZACHRY
DENTISTS
4th Floor City Natl. Bank Bldg.
Phones—Office 348 Res. 558
BRYAN, TEXAS
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