THE B AT T A LIO N
3
HEARTICULTURE.*
Of all the branches of Science—
there is none that offers more varied
delights than Hearticulture.
Knowing how successful the stu
dents of A. and M. Colege are in this
science—perhaps a few of the latent
improvements in that Science might
be given.
1. The Puff Blossom. (Powder-
minosia Delicatea).
This dainty flower bears . a win-
tery-looking blossom of snowy white,
with rare fragrance. It is an ex
quisitely feminine flower. Flour
ishes in ornamental pots an boudoirs
or on dressing tables. Eagerly
sought after by ladies at balls or
other gay functions.
2. The Proposal Plant. (Heartis
Throbolae) Loveyoulia Family.
This must not be confused with
the Wild Popper weed (Paterfam
ilias Furiosis), which if not kept in
its bed, often chokes off the Proposal
Plant, and prevents its blooming.
3. The Blush Rose. (Delicatia
Varia) Mostany Family.
This is the most delicate and sen
sitive of all the flowers in Loves
Garden and has the astonishing pow
er of changing color. Care should
be taken in the selection of this va
riety of roses, as unscrupulous nur
serymen often palm off on inexper
ienced customers a rank imitation,
little better than a weed known as
the Common Roug or Make-up
Plant. (Pigmentia Artificialis) a
variety of Puff Blossom. This im
posture can easily be detected by ap
plication of the water test, a spray
of water causing the false rose to
turn a chalky white with red streaks.
4. The Newflamea.
Requires a good deal of attenti >n
but is usually a t^ery satisfactory
plant to cultivate. ^It has a wonder-
fulTy stimulating effect on its ad
mirers.
5. Aspira Poetica.
A spring variety of the Aspiration
vine. This plant speaks for itself.
It is in no way related to the Com
mon Asparagus, as the name may
suggest. It is a very capricious plant
and few can bring it to perfection.
For those who are unsuccessful in its
cultivation a substitute may be found
in the familiar Quotation Plant
(Bartlettia Familiaris). Young gard
eners should be cautioned against a
too great display of these plants.
6. The Check W^eed. (Mostany
Family).
An uncertain plant. Don’t try to
raise them unless you have had ex
perience. With this may be mention
ed the Overdue Billberry Plant
(Creditoria Hauntia). This is a
persistant plant and a knoxious which
should be stamped out as soon as it
makes its appearance. Then there
is the Poker Plant (Gardenia) a
showy plant. A great deal of time
and money has been spent in perfect
ing this plant. Grows in very large
pots. It is seldom a grower can
show three alike and if an enthussiast
can show four of a kind it is some
thing to be remembered—sometimes
with sorrow.
7. The Policia.
One of the finest. A great graft
er. Follows the Porch Climber but
seldom appears until it has gone.
8. The Porch Climber or Sec
ond Story Vine.
(Note the size of the pistils.
To illustrate all of the most re
cent improvements in Hearticulture
would take much time and space, so
here is a prepared list of many
others. Anyone can get a complete
catalogue by writing to the author,
H. Puff—ask the Editor?
Lingerie Plant (Frillia Fluffylacea)
Engagement Vines.
Cosy Cornia.
Parasolia.
Hammock Vine.
Sitclosia Vine.
Serenade Vine.
Evening Chaperone.
Wallflower.
Social Climber.
Actordnes.
Spaghettmenot.
Matrimony.
H. Puff.
^Editor’s Note:—Excellent drawings
and paintings of above varieties ac-
compained this article but arrived
too late for use.
Just think how funny things would
be
If all the girls were twins;
With eyes and nose and hair and
clothes
As much alike as pins;
You couldn’t tell Louise from Nell
Or Mary Jane from Lizz,
Just think a bit and you’ll admit,
It’s better as it is.
For some like ’em big
And .some like ’em small.
And now and then you find a hen
That no one likes at all.
You know some fellows fall for this,
While others fancy that;
Some love the ladies when they’re
thin
And others like ’em fat;
Some chaps will rave and work and
slave
To win a slender miss,
And all the while their brothers smile
On beauty such as this!
For some like ’em plump
And some like ’em lean
And now and then you find a peach
That’s sort ’o in between.
Now Tommy’s strong for all the
blondes,
They’ve g-ot him on the run.
And Bill, he likes the dark brunettes
In fact, he married one.
Bob likes a head that’s painted red,
You know, the Henna kind,
While Gus will fall for any doll
That bobs her hair behind.
For some like ’em dark,
And some like ’em fair,
And now and then you find a chap
Who doesn’t seem to care.
A violin improves with age,
Or so the critic state,
The tunes we play are soon passe
They must be up-to-date.
Wte gather daises in the spring
And chestnuts in the fall,
But when it comes to picking girls.
The rule don’t work at all.
For some like ’em young
And some like ’em late,
And now and then you find a wren
Who’s young at sixty eight.
You know what sort ’O girl I like?
What color eyes and hair?
What shoes and hose and hat and
clothes
I like to see her wear?
About how tall with weight and all?
You want to know the kind?
I hate to say because some day
I’m apt to change my mind.
For some like ’em short
And some like ’em tall
And now and then you find a chap
Who seems to like ’em all.
—Bettie.
Pineneedles, Texas. March 1, 1921
Here Son:—
Yer letter of the 15th has just ar-
ived. Thank yer so much for gittin’
yer Ma and me straight on that haz
in’ business. Yer Ma waz well nigh
worried ter death, but I sez, sez I:
“Ef that boy ain’t got spunk enough
ter stand a little bossin’ around and
havin’ ter call them upper—upper—
yis! them upperclassmen “Sir”, fer a
year, why Elvirie, he ain’t fitten ter
git no edication.” And she sez, sez
she: “I kaint bear ter think of them
big boys ahurtin’ my Baby!” And I
sez: “Baby! Huh! That six-footer
ain’t my idear of a baby! And be-
cides—he’ll git it back on some poor
Freshman next year,” sez I.
Son yer oughter be more carefuller
of what yer write in black and white.
Yer Ma seen that letter an’ she wunt-
ed ter know all ’bout thet carnival and
how I was crazy about pink. I’ll fer-
give yer tho, seein’ as how yer never
knowed no better. But do be kerful
what yer say next time.
Speaking of hazin’, that feller Ogle
shore handed it straight ter that Sen
ator Parr. But I b’lieve thet boy, C.
H. Schwaner, done even nobler than
he done. I’ll say I felt like slapping
the ole boy on the back and sayin’ “Go
to it Buddy.” Them is my senterments
exactily.
I am sendin’ yer a dollar. Yer Ma
sez yer are ter buy a teeth-bresh and
a shinin’ bresh too. It aint sani-sani-
sanitary fer yer and Bill ter use one
bresh fer both of them things. Them
upper classment oughter learn yer bet
ter.
I had a letter frum yer sister Aggie
at T. W. C. She is still playin’ in
thet orchestrie or what ever it is. They
jest been odt to Weatherford and
Strawn ter play fer ’em. Sed they
had a dandy time. She sed she nearly
laughed herself sick at Weatherford.
Some boys took a bunch of them ter
get some sundies (I never knowed ther
wuz but one kind b’fore) and a rat ran
out from under a’ table and caused
havoc (I don’t know what that means)
with them gals. She sed them gals
got on them tables and chairs and
things so quick thet she near laughed
her shilly self ter death. She sed one
leetle gal named Sarah Jane hopped
on top of a desk about twiced as tall
as she was. Aggie sed she was so
tickled thet she jest stood there and
yelled at ’em ter run! Sed they had
a shary—no, keen is th’ word—time
at Strawn, too. Went ridin’ in
Primers and things to Mingus an’ Gor
don and Therba. I don’t know whut
them big words means. I looked in
th’ dictionary but they aint there.
My boy I’m glad yer loyal to yer
school. As I have sed before—you
wouldn’t be fitten ter be there if yer
wuzzent. Tricks ain’t hazin’. Every
boy has ter have his fun. But I’m
glad yer wuz willin’ ter tell yer Pa
an’ Ma ’bout it. Yer know, we’re
kinder spectin’ our boy ter be a lettle
mite better’n other folks’ boys. Be a
Engineer, son, but 'member yer Pa and
Ma is expectin’ yet ter be the best man
in this hear country.
Yer lovin’
Pa.
P. S. 1—Thet gal yer was so stuck
on Christmas is avisitin’ Farmer
Jones’ gal agin. She shore is a pret
ty gal.
P. S. 2—I reckin, on 2nd thot, yer
might as well come home ter spend
next Sunday. Here is a check for rail
road fare.
P. S. 3—Yer Ma sez Farmer Jones’
gal told Mis’ Lendy and Mis’ Lendy
told Mis’ King, and Mis’ King told
Aunt Hilda, and Aunt Hilda told Gran
ny Gray and Granny Gray told her
thet thet gal whut is avisitin’ her told
her she wuz so sorry you weren’t t’
hum.
P. S. 4—I heerd tell thet thet gal
avisitin’ Farmer Jones would be hear
fer a nuther week.
P. S. 5—Thet gal thet’s avisitin
thet Jones gal has been ridin with
Tim Watson’s boy twict! He has a
new Ford roadster.
P. S. 6—Our new Catterlack has
jest come. Yer can drive it when yer
come.
P. S. 7—I’ll meet the shoeshine
special Saturday night.
Pa.
—Signed: ED, T. W. C.
To the Powder Puff:
If the four young men whom we
had the pleasure of entertaining one
Sunday last fall, are a sample of the
physical and moral stamina of Texas
A. and M. may justly well be proud
of her boys.
MRS. FRED M. HILL,
MRS. C. C. CAPNER,
Chicago, 111.
WOMEN.
A woman is queer, there’s no doubt
about that.
She hates to be thin, and she hates
to be fat.
One minute it’s laughter, the next
it’s a cry
You can’t understand her, however
you try.
But there is one thing about her
which everybody knows—
A woman’s not dressed till she powd
ers her nose.
—S. W. T. N.
KISMET.
There was a young lady from Siam
Who had a lover from Priam;
I don’t want to be kissed,
Eut if you insist,
Lord knows you are stronger than
I r m.
—S. W. T. N.
PAST AND PRESENT.
A thousand years ago today,
This was a wilderness here—
A man with a little powder in his gun
Went out to hunt a deer.
But now things have changed a bit,
And by a different plan;
A dear with a little powder on her face
Goes out to hunt a man.
— mi
Mary was a prudent miss,
So modest and refined—
She always got behind the bed
Whenever she changed—her mind.
Mary loved her garden once,
But now all joys have fled—
She saw a Bachelor’s Button,
In a Black-Eyed Susan’s bed!
—FINALE.
A BALLAD OF THE POWDER
PUFF.
(Apologies to Kipling).
Oh, a man is a man, and
A maid is a maid, and
Wherever the twain shall meet,
T’will be a bit of fluff a powder puff
A moon and a garden seat.
There’s never a man what ere
His birth, no matter how
Refined or rough, •
That will not turn from
The “home-grown face” to the
Maid with the “powder puff.”
—Nina Peeples.
Where is love, health and wealth
always to be found ? In the diction
ary.
KIDD KEY SECRETS.
One morning Dr. Moore, our very
absent-minded doctor of literature,
came into her room, put her umbrel
la on the bed and stood behing the door
all night.
Next morning at breakfast she
poured syrup on her ankle and scratch
ed her pan-cake.
* * *
PLATO NICKLEWARE’S
LOVE EPISODE.
(By Sadie Novich).
Ma Deah Pleasant:
Heah I is, honey, done landed dis
job down at the College. Now, gal,
to de common populace like yo’self,
dis place am known as A. and M. Col
lege, but to those like me what am
prominently connected with the insti
tution, it am de Agricultural and Ma-
kinikal College ob de State ob Texas,
United States ob America. I might
’form you here, hon, that my love fo’
you am still as strong as de A. and M.
Boys is for dere football teem and be-
leeve me, woman, dat am goin’ some.
Gal, I sho likes yo’.
Well, I supposen dat you would likes
to know sumthin’ ob de inner workin’s
and life out hear. Now, dear heart,
you needen’t be ’fraid ob no gal al-
yunating yo’ boy’s ’fections, cause
ladies is as scarce out here as offend
ers was in de hazin’ vestigation. Hon
ey, the rustle ob a skirt rouh’ hear is
as welcome as a bottle of likker to a
’foretime drunkard, or waffles at an A.
and M. breakfast. But de boys out
heah keeps pictures of most ebery
pretty gal in de country stuck ’roun
on de walls ob dere rooms. Say,
Pleasant, if yo’ has a nice picture ob
yo’self, youse might send it to yo’se
truly. Ob course, if you can find a
picture of a gal what is most more
’tractive than yo’, yo’ can just sent it,
and I will ’preciate it as well, ’cause
I can claim , it is you an’ no one will
know the difference. From "what I
percieves, the boys out hear all does
that way.
On las’ week some ob de boys frum
de school went out to what they terms
a ’spectin tour. From wat I heahs dey
must hab visited mostly chicken farms,
’cause since dey returned all I’se hud
dem speaks ’bout is de “chickens in
Fote Worth, and de chickens in Dal
las.” Wat Kemistry and Engineers
has to do wid poultry farms I just
naturally can’t see.
Near dis place am a town wat am
known as Bryan, an’ some ob de A.
and M. boys has gals there an’ some
ob ’em hasn’t, but it ain’t couse dey
don’t all wants ’em. Trouble is, dei’e
ain’t nuf gals dere to goes ’round. De
oder day I has ’casion to be in dat
town, and chile, I done seen de reason
why de boys here don always just na
turally be crazy to jazz off to dat
place. Honey, nex’ to you, dere am
some ob de likliest gals dere I don’
eber cast my eyes over my shoulder
at, and believe me, dey am de last
word in fashion. Why, dem gals
dresses am so short dat you can’t tell
whether dey is ment fo’ dresses or is
over-grown middy blouses. Yo’ tell
’em, soda, i’ cream (dis am one of de
sayings de boys brings back from de
city). Dey brought back lots ob ’em
but you’se not bein’ a college person,
yo’ wouldn’t quite understand ’em.
Well, hon, I has more work to do,
so I ain’t got much time fo* to cor
respond wid lady ’quaintances, but ob
course you bein’ you makes diffunce.
Dese boys out here has an appetite
what am first cousin to the Tape
Worm, an’ it just natully takes food to
keep ’em in good spirits. Nex’ to de
ladies and holidays, I thinks they likes
food most csrumptiously.
Be sho’ to writes we away an’ I’se
will respond most punctiliously. Ad
dress me: Mr. Plato Nickleware, C. C.
and B. W., College Station, Texas. (C.
C. and B. W. spells Chief Cook and
Bottle Washer) and not Cranford
Crawford, Bryan and Warden).
Yo’s till death or some other gal do
us separate,
PLATO.
P. S.—I forgets to tell yo’ dat las’
week I became married to a preacher’s
daughter ober in Bryan and so am now
her husband. Write soon.
You’se truly,
Plato.
ROOMS PROVIDED VISITING
GIRLS AND MOTHERS.
We are very glad to announce to
the mothers, sisters, and sweethearts
of A. and M. men.that at last there
is a suitable place on the campus
where visiting ladies may be enter
tained. A third story, consisting of
nicely furnished rooms, has been
added to the “Y” building, and a
charming lady has been placed in
charge as hostess and chaperon. The
“Y” can now take care of as many
ladies as are fortunate enough to
receive bids to the dances or other
festivities.
Skinney Strange: “It’s a shame
for such young girls to be allowed to
attend public dances?”
Another Stag: “How’s that? I
haven’t noticed any.”
Skinney: “Why, man, half of
them can’t even toddle.”
Bertschler: “Most of the girls
who contributed poetry to the
“Powder Puff” remind me of Lefty
Matthews.”
King: “How’s that?”
Bertschler: “They get their feet
mixed up.”
Fish: “I am trying to get ahead.”
Soph: “You need one, allright.”
A BILLET-DOUX.
Beth was a winsome country lass
And William on a brief vacation
The time more pleasantly to pass
Essayed flirtation.
And while they strolled in twilight
dim,
And as the time for parting drew,
He asked if she would have from him
A billet-Doux.
Now this country lass of French knew
naught,
But doubting not t’was something nice,
Shyly raised her pretty head
Her rosy lips together drew and coyly
said:
“Yes, Bill, do”—And Billy DID!
He: “How some of these old songs
do haunt me.”
She: “Well, you’ve often murdered
them!”
Heard
of Bryan-College Interurban
En Route to College.
Cleo (Running for Car) : “Dear
me! I forgot my purse, now I’ll have
to carry money in my hand”.
Patra: “Why don’t you put it in
your stocking?”
Cleo: “I would but it is already
filled up.”
—Kaveda.
Ada—“No man can kiss me by
force.”
Helen—“No, you’re always willing.”
What is the best color for a bride ?
I prefer a white one!!!
DR. A. BENBOW !!
dentist : *
Phones: Office 275, Res. 635 ||
2nd Floor City National Bank •»
Building, Bryan, Texas ] |
lllll!llllllll!llllll!l!!n!!!!lll!«>l!!l!!llllll!iHI!lll!IIIH!!IU!HU!!llUll!
Did you know we have
the best Box Candy made?
We carry a full line of
Adolphus Chocolates
Jacobs’ Made Last Night
California Brown’s Choc.
Lowney’s Chocolates.
Texas Girl.
Summer is coming and a box of
Choice Chocolates to that “Miss” will
probably “axe” the local talent, who
has reigned during your absence.
Casey’s
Confectionery
*
Closing Number of the Lyceum
Course.
HARRY LEITER
Light Opera Co.
In “Costumed Classics” and ‘The
Philosopher and Lady.”
GUION HALL
Thursday, March 17
7:45
Seats can be reserved Monday
8 a. m. at the Y.
❖
, »X i
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