f,
THE BATT/LION
THE PROTEST OF A
POWDER PUFF
Toiling under the burden of an un
finished evening dress that was re
quired—by the teacher, not the oc
casion— by 7:45 the next morning, and
a trial balance that tried bravely but
didn’t balance, I was disturbed by a
wee, powdery voice:
“Thou art a hard mistress,” it said
reprovingly. “When I was first pre
sented to thee by the very best friend,
Anabel, I was the envy of all the other
powder puffs on thy dressing table.
I was bedecked with ribbons, pink and
yellow. My face was as smooth and
white as thine own after thou hast
appropriated my services.
“I was placed in thy ivory powder
box where I was seen and admired by
all thy friends. Then thou didst re
turn to school.
“Since thou wouldst powder thy nose
at least three times while thou wast
in Fort Worth with Ahem-m-m-Him,
thou must have a handsome puff. So
thou didst cram my fluffy dimensions
into an inch space between thy gloves
on the one hand and the letter telling
just how he looked and what he would
wear, on the other hand.
“When we reached our destination,
thou didst give thy face a thorough
ablution with hot water and soap but
my own beautiful countenance was left
grimy and soiled.
“Next day thou didst thrust me into
a mighty cavern called a pocket, where
my once beautiful pink and yellow rib
bons were placed but little above the
common masses of pencils, erasers,
thimbles and the like. And last and
worst of all my humiliation thou didst
thrust a vile fountain pen in upon me.
The pen was weary of the hard life
thou didst lead it, and it wept great
tears of violet ink upon my once im
maculate ribbons.
“Later, when Prof. Jackson had
looked in thy direction twice, thou
didst sieze me and wipe me across thy
nose, and wondered why people turned
their heads after they had taken one
peep at thy countenance. Do not
wince. Prof, did look at thee. I saw
him through that aperture in thy
pocket where the acid was spilled. I
also saw him turn his head and for
some strange reason his shoulders be
came somewhat unsteady for a mo
ment. He looked again and his
shoulders shook again and his face be
came strangely contorted.
“That night, thou didst painfully re
move my ribbons and laboriously wash
out the ink spots. Then I was con
signed to the ignoble task of keeping
thy nose powdered through Prof.’s
history class and through chapel.
“And now, I am lying here, my once
beautiful complexion all covered with
marks, and giving forth odors gathered
from soda fountains, from the onions
of the dining room, and from a small
cut glass bottle in thine own room.
“Many times I have wept powdry
tears and sighed fragrant sighs into
the air thick with needles, paint
brushes, and queer little notebooks
with GREGG written on the front side
of them, but thou, hard-hearted human
that thou art—didst not heed me. And
now I am worn out and helpless and
cannot serve thee any more, and thou
hast cast me into thy waste-basket.
“I cannot save myslef, but I can and
will rise up and save my kinspeople. I
shall send them a message fraught
with all the earnestness of a dying
powder puff, warning them never to
fall into the hands of an unscrupu
lous C. I. A., girl, but rather to go to
College Station among the kind-heart
ed and tender young men of A. and M.
where they will be honored each year
of their luxurious lives with a special
issue of their paper.
“I can gay and do no more, but thke
this, the last words of a powder puff
as it finishes an abused and down
trodden life: May thy powder box be
forever vacant and thy nose forever
shiny.”
A SOPH WROTE—
AIN’T IT AWFUL?
The habit of chewing gum is a ter-
magent, cacoplhomus, calorifacient,
stentorian, manifestation of redun
dant, rampant muscular activity ter
minating in pertinacious thralldom to
the obnoxious commodity designated
in peremptory jargon as gum! The
oneroqs circumvolution of penurious
allotments of the said opprobrious
commodity is frequently capricious
and pusillanimous. It manifests
egregarious bumptiousness. This is
a circumlocutionary expression of con
temptuous intolerance of an obsoles
cent habitude. Consequently, since
this is an incomprehensible conglom
eration of superfluous eccentricities
—the orchestra is requested to change
the air.
T. P. C., ’21.
HARD LUCK!
“Meet me” she said, “by the garden
wall, \
Tomorrow night as the sun goes
down.”
“But THIS is tomorrow, and here am I
And there’s the wall, and the sun’s
gone down!”
To prevent a cold take 666.
Dear Mother:—
You saw in the Bat about the
Powder Puff edition which will come
out on March 11th. Won’t you write
something for that issue ? Something
for me, I don’t know what, but you do.
You know my sentiments and views,
also just where my organ of circu
lation is located. Don’t fail me.
Worlds of love
* ❖ *
Mother Wrote:—
“There’s a Reason.”
Of all the schools away up north,
Or down here in our Dixie,
They’ve naught about which they can
boast
Like we can ’bout our Prexie.
Of course he is no perfect man—
Does things he had’nt orter,
But we’ve in our hearts to pardon him,
Because he’s got a daughter.
Sometimes his edicts are severe—
Proclaims we sha’nt and shouldn’t,
Then goes ahead and fixes things
So’f we wanted to we couldn’t.
But the corps will fight for Prex—
Raze walls of brick and mortar,
Engage in conflict hand to hand,
Because he’s got a daughter.
Prexie’s like most pedagogues,
It’s hard to put things by him.
We all know whereof we speak,
At A. and M. we try him.
He shows us who is boss down here,
And drives that truth home, sorter,
But there are sins we will forgive,
Because he’s got a daughter.
THE LIP STICK AND
THE POWDER PUFF
The lip stick and the powder puff
Were walking hand in hand,
Upon my lady’s dresser
Where everything was grand.
Said the lip stick to his comrade:
“The time has come at last
When we are more respected
Than in days of the past.
For where is there a woman
In all this world’s collection,
Who doesn’t use us one and all,
To make up her complexion.”
Then said the fluffy little puff:
“But we always get a grin
Whenever we are gazed at.
By some of those hateful men.
They can never be made to learn
Not until creation ends
That we are not mere fripperies
But womans’ truest friends.”
“Those men, oh, I pity them,”
Said the lip stick with a sigh.
The powder puff said nothing
—But-a tear was in her eye.
“When will they ever learn that we
Hold a most important place
In every womans’ wardrobe
As well as on her face.”
Now any girl can tell you,
Her face would feel so rough,
In fact she could do nothing
Without a powder puff!
JEALOUS?
GREGGILY SPEAKING.
English Teacher: “Can you give
me a clear, concise definition of the
word husband?”
Commercial Fish: “In shorthand its
a question mark!”
AT THE TABLE.
Ivy Marie: “Why didn’t you take
your piece of cake?’
Peggy: “I forgot my microscope so
I couldn’t find it!”
IN LATIN CLASS.
Dana: “Why do they always have
‘Plaudite’ at the end of every play ? ”
Jewel: “I supose that is latin for
‘kiss’! ”
IN HISTORY CLASS.
Prof.: “Miss Carlisle, give a sketch
of the work of Queen Elizabeth.
Adelaide: “Well, Queen Elizabeth
was the begt woman king England has
ever had!”
Summer.
They stood beneath the sheltering tree
And talked as lovers should,
And then, to seal the compact.
He cut “Mary” on the wood.
Autumn.
Now back to town they both have
strayed;
One day they chance to meet,
And then and there that self-same
maid—
Cut “Charlie”’ on the street!
★ -sr jst JE3 ’ ss. J
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★ Conveniently Located in Masonic Jjt
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WM. B. CLINE, M. D.
Eye, Ear, Nose and Throat
Specialist
4th Floor City National Bank
Building, Bryan, Texas
Little Curly Headed Blonde: “Some
of the boys seem to disapprove of the
publicity T. Hall is getting. It isn’t
hardly fair, but they, could have the
very same thing if they would come
up every two weeks, too!”
Austin, Texas, Feb. 28, 1921.
Attention Battalion:
Parade rest! We’re goin’ to tell
you something. Every week we read
cetra, ad infinitum. And don’t men-
this Aggieland paper, and sit up and
discuss everything that’s in it. Just
a couple of comments, as it were,
“don’t ya know?”
Well, you know, you aren’t the only
ones getting knocked. You see I have
reference to hazing in your case. We
get knocked for “knees”. I guess you
might call it “knock-knees.”
To come to the point, we’re rather
fond of your paper—especially “With
the College Wits,” and we enjoyed the
“Freshman’s Letter Home.” We’re
just a pair of ’Varsity co-eds, and
thought you might apfeciate our tell
ing you that we liked the Battalion,
even though our schools are famous
rivals.
We wish you could see our room.
We have a picture of the Aggie Foot
ball Squad, one of the basket stars, a
couple of “Bo” McMillan, the ’Varsity
Squad, a “Hall of Fame,” made up of
pictures forming a “T”, a raft of base
ball “snaps” showing Bib Falk knock
ing a “homer”, Gus Gillett on the
mound, Geo. McCulloch on second, etc.
Track heroes, boxers, tennis sharks, et
ived. Thank yer so much for gittin’
tion our souvenirs! We swipe a spoon
“er sumpthin” everywhere we go.
Where the wall space will permit we
have pennants: Texas A. and M.,
Texas U., Louisiana, Southwestern,
Army, Navy, Monterey, San Francisco,
Winnipeg and others.
Guess we’d better “halt”—wishing
your paper “oodles” of success, we are
TWO TEXAS GIRLS.
THE MOTHER’S WAIL.
When there’s mourning in his letters
And he says he’s feeling blue,
I send him a box of candy,
That’s what he wants me to.
And when he says he’s lonesome
And misses me a lot,
I send him a dose of tonic,
And it cures him, like as not.
When he says he’s studying hard.
And he’s made a master stroke,
I send him twenty dollars —
For I know that he is broke.
But when he starts to raving
’Bout the flowers in the spring,
And sends me junky poetry,
I don’t send anything.
For I am just his mother
And not a turtle dove,
So there’s nothing I can send him
When I find that he’s in love.
Ellen.
♦J*
❖ POWDER PUFFS. ❖
* *
♦I* +%+ *2+ <$*• ♦J* -*$*■ ♦$*- -*$+ ♦£*■»$*■*$* ♦J* ■*$+ ♦!♦■
Baylor C. Girl—“Do you believe
that dogs are used in making the
sausages ?”
A. and M. Guy—“No, but I believe
they are an important ingredient in
hash.”
Baylor Girl—“Why do you think
that ?”
A. and M. Man—“ ’Cause when the
fellows are fed on it a few days they
begin to growl.”
* * *
George: “Why is an empty cham
pagne bottle like an orphan ? ”
James: “‘Cause it’s lost its pop.”
* * *
The motto of the Baylor College is:
“Eat, Wink and be Wary.”
* ❖ *
A Burt Hall girl was offended the
other day when an insurance agent re
fused her a policy saying that the
risk was too great on a powder house.
—United Statements.
* *
Dot: You know, A. and M. boys
remind me of a page in a new book.
Because they are so clever?
No. Because you have to turn them
down so often to keep them in their
place.
* ❖ *
Is Mary an athletic girl ?
I should say so. She threw over
one of the heavy weights of the fam
ous A. and M. football team!
* * *
The Strongest and the Weakest.
Last week the butter was so strong
that it upset the coffee, but the cof
fee was too weak to run.
A LOCK OF GOLDEN HAIR.
“Only a lock of golden hair,”
The lover fondly said,
“But tonight it makes a hale fair
Around your golden head.”
“Only a lock of golden hair,”
The maiden laughed and said—
As she hung it over the back of a chair
And quietly went to bed.
FIDELITY!
“You must leave at once!” Her
voice was low and tense, but there
was no reply. “Dinner will be serv
ed in a minute, and he must not find
you here!” She went on in anguish:
“You know how my husband hates
you and all your kind!” She pleaded,
glancing nervously towards the door.
“Please go! if you don’t, I’ll have—
I’ll have—I’ll have to—to kill you!”
And she reached for the FLY
SWATTER.
666 quickly relieves a cold.
A few doses 666 break a cold.
Rub-My-Tism cures bruises, cuts,
sores, tetter, etc.
To break a cold take 666.
UNIFORM TAILOR SHOP
CLEANING, PRESSING, REPAIRING
AND SUITS MADE TO ORDER.
WE MAKE BOTH UNIFORMS AND CIVILIAN SUITS
Located one block east of Boyett.
JOH3NT
W.E. CLOUD
MARKET
BUTCHERS AND LIVE
STOCK DEALERS
• ■ Call and See Us When in
• ! Need of Our Pro-
11 ducts
i ■
Ollie Emmel
Rear City National Bank
Magazines
j Periodicals, Sundries,
I Etc.
|
| Box Candies
*2/6// mil Undo
JfSuUahle§iIl
Joruter- Jtere *
kilfii's
miMlIliilBl
WE WILL BE GLAD TO SUPPLY YOUR NEEDS IN
JEWELRY, WATCHES AND
DIAMONDS
We are headquarters for all kinds of Col
lege Jewelry, R. V. Pins, T. Pins, Junior
Pins, Senior Rings, Two Year Rings, and
all kinds of Class Pins.
FINE WATCH REPAIRING A SPECIALTY
J. M. CALDWELL, Jeweler BRYAN, TEX.
Our
Special Prices
Continue
—j*
!
All Woolen Regulation Shirts are Reduced
BELOW COST. All Army Shoes at
the one price :
$7.15
Then too, your Civilian Dress needs will re
ceive especial attention at prices far lower than
you expect.
Remember, you can’t pay us more than
$10.00 for any shoe in our store.
A pleasure to show you.
Brandon
& Lawrence
4
We are Now Showing our
beautiful line of
SPRING SUITS
GET YOUR ORDERS IN NOW.
Cleaning, Pressing and
Alterations.
CHAS. NITCH
The Campus Tailor
^ wil
f
4
E. F. PARKS & CO.
BRYAN’S BIG FURNITURE STORE
We carry an unusually large stock of high class fur
niture, rugs, draperies and household novelties.
We are large buyers of second hand furniture, such
as is used by the boys at A. and M.—desks, dressers, chif-
foneers, chifforobes, etc. If you have anything you want
to dispose of see us.
WE ARE ALSO PHONOGRAPH HEADQUARTERS
Styleplus Clothes
Edwin Clapp Shoes
Bostonian Shoes
Stetson Hats
Webb Bros
BRYAN, TEXAS
The EXCHANGE STORE
In the Main Building.
EVERYTHING REQUIRED
BY THE CADET
“At a Little more than cost”
R. K. CHATHAM, Manager.