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THE BATTALION
THE BATTALION
Published every Friday night by the students of the Agricultural and
Mechanical College of Texas.
Subscription Price $1.75 per Year.
Advertising rates on application.
Member Texas Collegiate Press Association.
ALL ADS RUN UNTIL ORDERED OUT.
Frank L. Bertschler
W. T. Strange
C. R. Wamdof
D. J. Finn
C. C. B. Warden. . ..
M. P. Mims
J. T. Rollins
M. B. Gardner
C. Blumenthal
W. W. Cox
C. W. Thomas
G. A. Denison
STAFF.
Editor-in-Chief.
Associate Editor
Assistant Editor
Assistant Editor
Contributing Editor.
News Editor
Sport Editor.
. Assistant Sports Editor
Exchange Editor.
Social Editor.
. . .Assistant Editor.
Staff Photographer
Mrs. A. T. Potts Campus Editor
Miss Nell Pryor Assistant Campus Editor
Bill Ring Business Manager.
F. P. Buie Circulation Manager.
S. C. Evans Assistant Circulation Manager.
Entered as second-class matter at College Station, Texas, Feb. 17, 1905.
POWDER PUFF STAFF
MISS FRANCES FOOTE. MISS LOIS PIPKIN.
MISS NOVA LOVELL.
THE GIRLS FROM EVERYWHERE.
AN ESSAY ON THE,AVERAGE A. AND M. MAN.
Once upon a time I thought I understood man, and I thought I could
marry an A. and M. man with one hand and my eyes closed. But alas! I
have discovered that if you flatter an A. and M, man it frightens him to
death, and if you don’t flatter him he is bored to death. If you permit him
to make love to you he gets tired after a while and if you don’t he thinks
you are a cinic. If you agree with him in everything he says you soon cease
to charm him. If you wear gay colors, rough and startling hats he hesi
tates to take you out, and if you wear a little brown toque he takes you out
and gazes all evening at some other woman in gay colors, rouge, ’n every
thing. If you are jealous he can’t endure it, and if you are not he can’t un
derstand you. If you join in his gaieties and approve of his smoking he
vows you are leading him to the devil. If you disapprove of his gaieties and
urge him to give up smoking he vows you are leading him .to the divine.
If you are affectionate he tires of your kisses. If you are cold he seeks
consolation in some other woman’s kisses. If you are a sweet old fashioned
clinging vine, he doubts .that you have any brain, and if you are modern,
advanced and independent he doubts that you have a heart sample If you
are cute and boyish he longs for a soul mate. If you are brilliant and in-
tellibent he longs for a play-mate. If you are temperamental andpathetic
he longs for a help mate and all the time he is falling in love with you for
what you are, he is spending his days trying to remodel you into what you
are not and can never be.
Now please don’t ask me how I discovered all these things about the
A. and M. man.
FOUR GENERATIONS.
“When I was a girl,” said great grand
ma.
With a shake of her white head,
“A girl who used cosmetics
Was much worse off than dead.
The commonest of chorus girls
Were all that ever dared
Put powder on their noses,
And even they were scared.”
“Well, things were not as good as that
When I was young, I know,”
Said grandma to her mother.
“And I am glad it wasn’t so.
When our noses they got shiny
As all folks noses do,
We’d rub them with Old Quaker Oats
And that was plenty too.”
Then mother with a little sigh
Spoke up and said her say,
“Well, things were not as tame as
that
When my crowd had our day.
I used to have real powder
To dust upon my nose,
And I’d pat and pinch my cheeks
As bright as any rose.”
Then daughter fair came prancing in,
And wildly looked about.
“Where is my eyebrow pencil?
Mother, I’m going out.
Grandma, find my lipstick,
Greatgrandma, where’s my paint?
If I don’t get some color on
They’ll think I’m going to faint.”
YE OLDEN TIMES.
He used to hold her little hand
And squeeze it now and then,
But since she’s been to C. I. A.,
She wants lots wilder men.
He used to kiss her little cheek
And otften times her brow;
But since she studied germs and such,
She wants no kissing now.
He used to put his strong right arm
Around her little waist;
But when he tries such rough stuff
now.
She says it is misplaced.
She used to sit upon his lap
As happy as could be; ;
But now it makes her seasick,
For he’s water on the knee.
Oh, times have changed for the poor
boys,
And girls are far too queer,
Some rave if you don’t love ’em lots,
When everyone is near.
While other lassies just as sweet
Won’t let you touch ’em ever;
I think I’ll let them all alone,
I’ll understand them—never!
He stood on the bridge at midnight,
Interrupting my sweet repose;
“He”—was a big mosquito,
And he stood on the bridge of my
nose.
TO BE OR NOT TO BE.
(Apologies to Shakespeare).
To be or not to be, that is the ques
tion,
We meet in every day of our poor
lives.
To be or not to be sure, is the ques
tion
That can be answered only by your
wives.
To be or not to be, quoth our dear
old Commandant,
As fondly he gazed into Beulah’s blue
eyes.
To be or not to be, is not the question;
But will she have me and will she be
surprised ?
Surprised if I asker her the simple
question.
That can be answered by her “yes”
or “no”.
To be or not to be, sure is the ques
tion;
But I think that Beulah knows that
I’m too slow.
To be ,or not to be sighed Cape, Lt.
Col.,
How would it be to have a little wife ?
O, fudge, qouth C. B. Warden, I tried
to rent a house and take one.
So I would be satisfied for life.
I’ll tell you what, spake Gaddis from
his corner,
Let Horn tell of his black haired Var
sity girl,
The one he stole from an innocent
Freshman
And who is keeping his head in a
whirl.
When Pierce would have spoken he
was silenced
By Mowery, who really knows it all.
He cried aloud, “All hear me, let me
answer.
For I have, suffered thwarted love’s
most bitter gall!
I am a Senior and right well you
know it,
Brinkman stole my girl and cruelly let
me fall.
If Pierce has suffered as I have, don’t
make him tell it,
For cruel fate said ‘not to be’ that’s
all!”
And then I think of Robinson, Barnes
and Willis,
King, Blumenthal, Legg, Vinther and
Edwards, too,
Bowie, Cox, Bloodworth, Evans and
Mahan,
I sometimes wonder what they all will
do.
For each of them must come to the
eternal question
To be or not to be, it is not new.
But the same that has been asked
through all the ages, ^
Really, what will this bunch of wise
old Seniors do ?
Will Robinson be a statesman good
and true ?
Will Barnes be a Second Lieut, in the
U. S. Army?
Will Willis sail upon the ocean blue?
Will King drum with the Aggieland
Six for a living?
Will Blumenthal black the other fel
low’s shoe ?
Will TIMID Aubrey Legg a wise pro
fessor be
And teach the “young ideas” how to
spoon ?
Will Vinther head a corps of engineers
And build a railroad to the moon ?
Will Clyde Edwards be a scientific
farmer ?
Will Cox of Smithville ever get a
wife ?
Will Bloodworth always be a presi
dent ?
Will Sterling Evans settle down in
life ?
Will Bowie preach the glad good tid
ings
That have brought happiness to many
a mind ?
Will Mahan coach football or be a
ranchman
And grace the home as some woman’s
lucky find.
To be or not to be, they all must meet
it,
As on commencement shores they
stand,
Ready to step out upon life’s ocean
To explore, to them, a strange and un
known land.
To be or not to be, oft will they
think it,
Oft will they ask the question of
themselves,
To be or not to be, to do or not to do,
May they all choose wisely and choose
well.
D.M. & E.H.
Said one powder puff to the other one
day,
“I belong to some keen dame.”
She doesn’t have to use powder or
paint.
But the boys love her just the same.
She knows just where lots of rabbits
live,
And now that it’s near Easter sea
son,
She goes out hunting neath the pale
moonlight—
Killing rabbits—there’s a reason.
—“PETE.”
WHAT ONE GIRLIE
THINKS OF HER
A. AND M. KAYDET.
“On the Shores of Tripoli”,
“In the Gloaming.”
“Dear Little Boy of Mine:”
“Last Night” I went to “Simple Si-
Mon’s Party” with “Jerry”, dressed
as “Pretty Little Cinderella.” I
looked so “Sweet and Pretty,” “They
Went Wild, Simply Wild Over Me!”
and “Jerry” was some “Jazz Baby.”
“At That Jazz Band Ball” we saw
“Margie” dressed as “The Bohemian
Girl” with .“Monte Cristo Jr.”, also
“Peggy” who had borrowed “My
Sweet Little Alice Blue Gown” for the
occasion. She was with “Chong” and
they surely were “Tackin’ ’Ew Down.”
“O, Johnny O” mistook me for “A
Vamp” and said, “Oh You Beautiful
Doll’, “I’ll Get You Yet.” I said,
“What Do You Want to Make Those
Eyes at Me For?” he said, “Follow
Me” and we went out to the “Old
Fashioned Garden an sat “In the
Shade of the Old Apple Tree” undei’-
neath “The Venetian Moon,” then he
told me “The Sweetest Story Ever
Told,” and he said, “All That I Want
Is You” “To Have, to Hold, to Love.”
I kinda think he had “The Homesick
ness Blues” from the way he acted,
and you know “Every Laddie Loves a
Lassie”. He asked me for “Just a
Little Love, a Little Kiss’ ’and you
know “There’s a Little Bad in Every
Good Little Girl” and he had me “Al
most Persuaded” when I remembered
about “A Young Man’s Fancy” “ ’N
Everything” and then I started “Won-
d’ring” about my “Chocolate Soldier”
in “Aggieland,” “The Land Where the
Sweet Daddies Grow” and I remem
bered that “He’s Had no Lovin’ for a
Long, Long Time” and I started
“Yearning” and “Just A Wearin’ for
You”, “My Sweetie” and I knew I had
been acting “Naughty, Naughty
Naughty.” Just then he said, “Old
Pal, Why Don’t You Answer Me,”
“But I Was Blue, “Just Blue”, so I
said: “Oh, How I Wish I Could
Sleep ’Til My Daddy Comes Home.”
“Whispering” he said, “Tell Me”,
“Whose Pretty Baby Are You?” I
said, “You Ain’t Heard Nothin’ Yet!”
“Cause I’m in Love With a Wonderful
Man.” He said, “Oh” and “I Hate to
Lose You” and “I’m Always Falling
in Love With Some Other Fellow’s
Girl,” so I’m going back to “Dixie
Land” to the “Girl I Left Behind me”,
“So Long O Long.” We,went back to
“That Land of Jazz” and ate “Chili
Beans” and “Razzberries” and the
combination made us say, “O By Jin
go.” Then “Rose of Washington
Square” yelled “For de Lawd’s Sake
Play a Waltz” and “Alexander’s Rag
time Band” played “That Naughty
Waltz.” Pretty soon “The Japanese
Sand Man Came Creeping Along”; so
they played “Home, Sweet Home” and
that was “The End of a Perfect Day.”
Now “Dearie”, “Don’t Turn My Pic
ture to the Wall” and please don’t get
those “Dallas Blues” ’cause “I Love
You Truly” and “Dear Heai't” “I’m
Tired of Livin’ Alone” and I want to
sail down the “Beautiful Ohio” and
stop off at “My Isle of Golden
Dreams” and go to “That Tumble
Down Shack in Athlone” and “Let the
Rest of the World Go by”, ’cause when
I’m in “My Baby’s Arms” it’s “Just a
Bit of Heaven”; so I’ll be “Waiting”
for “Nobody But You” ’til you come
“Walkin the Dog” “Down the Road to
Home Sweet Home.”
Yours “Til the Sands of the Desert
Grow cold.”
“Irene.”
“Dimp.”
WHEN*?
When blue serge becomes not uniform
and skirts are above nine inches,
When square tops are no longer square
and nifty hats replace them.
When H 4 S0„ has furnished our chow-
bags and HCL becomes cologne,
When Seniors have no privileges and
Fish do all the ruling.
When Juniors are not stuck up and
Sophs forget their importance,
When classes are a pleasui’e and chem
istry has departed,
When “exams” are but an antique
dream and students do the teaching,
When no one gets a flunk slip and
everyone makes “A”s,
When meal atendance is not required
and sleeping late is the vogue,
When rumors on the campus have
ceased and all is true you hear,
When mail comes forty times a day
and everyone gets plenty,
When men upon this C.I.A. camups
lose their charm and girls quit
wanting dates,
Then we wonder if A. and M. will be
our brother college ?
P. S.—Boys, what do you think about
it ? C. I. A. expects to be your co-ed
then.
—Susie Thompson, C.I.A.
First Young Man—“Most girls I
have found, don’t seem to appreciate
real music.”
Second Young Man—“Why do you
say that?”
First Young Man—“Well, you may
pick beautiful strains on a mandolin
for an hour and she won’t even look
out of the window; but one honk of a
horn, and—out she comes.
—Exchange.
SPALDING’S
ATHLETIC GOODS
are agents for Spalding’s Official
▼ ▼ Athletic Goods, and carry a com
plete stock of everything you will need
FOR
BASKET BALL
BASE BALL
TRACK
TENNIS
SWIMMING
GOLF, ETC.
TENNIS RACKETS RESTRUNG
PROMPTLY
A. M. Waldrop & Co
Headquarters for College Trade
The Elite Confectionery
—FOR—
COLD DRINKS, CANDY,
CIGARS, ETC.
When in Bryan the Boys Are Invited to Visit Us
Haswell’s Book Store
WE SELL
EASTMAN KODAKS AND SUPJP
ATHLETIC GOODS
Cadets Are Invited to Call
*. ❖
KING’S AND NUNNELLY’S
FINE CANDIES, FOUNTAIN DRINKS, CIGARS
HOLMES BROS.
CONFECTIONERY
THE HOME OF THE BEST MALTED MILK
• •
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C. S. Martin
MEAT MARKET
Fresh Meats, Fish, Oysters,
Eggs, Butter. Delivery
leaves for College every
morning at 9 o’clock except J
Sunday.
2—PHONES—471
Us
H. G. Umland, Prop.
Tires, Tubes, Gasoline, Oils
and All Kinds of Vul
canizing
• ■
BRYAN TIRE & REPAIR -
COMPANY
CALL ON
F. R. HANUS
At Boyett’s Store for
HAMBURGERS—The Juicy Kind
DLD BRINGS, CHEWING GUM,
CANDY, ETC.
Come Down, Boys, and Get
Acquainted
i. ^
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V
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*
a. McKenzie
WATCHES and JEWELRY
Pathe and Claxtonola Talking
Machines
Cadets are invited to call and '
see our lines
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tfr i|i .|i »j, ■!, .ft ■ J. .|i .ft i|, >|i i|. .|t
•|> 4*
«*
•ii
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* JAMES W. JAMES
REAL ESTATE
Post Office Block, Bryan