4
THE BATTALION
* *
* THE BULLETIN BOARD *
♦ *
Battery B.
Willis to Fish Harpole: “Say, Har-
pole, did you know that you are going
with my girl?”
Fish H.: “No. I didn’t know that
we were rocking the same cradle.”
❖ ❖ *
The Dude of the Battery is Aubrey
L. Moore.
His shoes always shine like a new cus
pidor—
The ladies, they say, for him all fall
flat,
When they see his ice cream breeches
and tea-sipping hat.
Why are Bert Martin and Red Lay
always fussing ? Because he is always
Owen Fay.
:J: ^
Bill Roper: “They tell me that Kit
Carson has been wandering in his
mind lately.”
Red Fay: “He’s safe. He can’t go
far.”
* ❖ *
When Paw uster talk in his sleep he
said the sky is the limit, but since sis
finished boarding school he says the
knee is the limit.
* * *
Preacher to Congregation: “Young
people, Hell is full of beautiful women,
flippy songs, fast automobiles and the
like!”
Bill Roper: “My girl didn’t know
that or she wouldn’t have told me to
go there.”
-k 'i* 'k
Sophomores are vexations
Juniors are just as bad—
Seniors aggrevate me;;
But cush-hounds drive me mad.
, —A. Fish.
* * ❖
Shorty Sherrill says that if they
change the uniform this year he hopes
that they make white puts regulation
because he has some old timey cuffs
he wants to wear.
* * *
Old Boy to Fish: “Haven’t you got
the A. and M. disease?”
Fish: “What do you mean?”
O. B.: “Why, Fingeritis, of course.”
A Fish Defends.
College Station, Feb. 15, 1921.
Dere Paw:
Judging from your last letter you
muster got the rong impression about
this hazin’ business. There aint no
body bein’ humiliated down here and
ain’t nobody kickin’ except a few who
ain’t men enough to be one of the boys
and stick it out for a year. You know
I came down here to stay an’ I’m
stayin’, ain’t I ? Looks like they could
let us what wants to stay alone and
tend to the others.
Paw, you know that while you and
maw were raising me you used to cor-
reck all my mistakes and when I done
rong you used to whim-whom me an’
none of the neighbors said anything
about it. Down here we are just goin’
on with our raisin’ and learnin’ how to
act and how to treat our superiors
what we hopes to be some day. We
learns lots of things outside of our
school work. Us engineers ain’t jus’
learning such things as the square
root on the hipotesus is equal to the
tangent on the other angle. We learns
jus’ lots of things that you did not
includ in my raisin’.
I jus’ thought I would write you
an’ let you know that I ain’t bein’
mishandled none an’ that I eat sittin’
down The general opinion here is
that we wish our school customes
would not be mistook. We hates to
have our affairs interfered with by
these birds that draw their pay for
thinkin’ up new schemes to argue on
in the State Parlormint.
O, yes, Paw, I wanter ast you for an
other quarter. I spent the last one
you sent me an I need another one be-
cauz it is my time to buy the tooth-
bresh. Bill uses it morn I do but that’s
all rite; I shines my shoes more often
that he does and that leves us 50-50
on the tooth-bresh business, in my
favor.
Tell Maw I will rite her soon and
not to be listenin to all this bosh
stuff.
There’s somethin’ else I want to
tell you but I will put that in the
P. M.
Hoapin’ to hear from you soon and
the money too, lovingly,
With love, your son,
Son.
P. M.—This is what I want to tell
you i sho and glad i kep stayin’ down
here instead of quittin’. Some boys
are jes natcherly holler anyway but
you know me Paw. An’ don’t forget
the money.
P. M. 2.—Paw I went to the dance las
nite an you orter bin there. Don’t
show maw this part—you remember
the show at the carnival you tuk me
too—well this one I’m talkin’ about
had the one in the show beat all hol
ler. They were pink an you always
liked pink didn’t you Paw. Don’t for-
git the money, Paw.
Company “C” Infantry Fish Win
Athletic Meet.
The Co. C “Sea” Infantry Fish rule
the stormy sea of Fish athletics.They
showed their supremacy on track and
field last Tuesday by winning the Fish
meet over all Fish comers. Using Co.
D as runner-up, Co. C succeeded in
placing the second “bat” at the head
of the battalion list, at the same time
taking the first place among the
companies for herself. It might be
added that these sea-fish have been
making quite a showing at the fish
drill contests.
McCullough as high man, copped
the honors of the day and placed C
company at the head of the list of con
testants. McCullough took first prize
in the pole vault, first place in the high
jump and second place in the broad
jump—making a total of thirteen
points. ,
Davis, “The Korsicana Kid”, took
second place in the half mile. Davis
shows signs of developing into a good
A. and M. track man in the future.
Time will tell.
Forrester came next by tying for
third place in the high jump directly
after doing the two-twenty.
Harris and Cooper, though they did
not get a place, deserve honorable
mention in so much as they did their
best for the company and made their
competitors produce the proverbial
split hair. Shorty Brusenhan gained
the enmity of the Athletic Council
when he attempted to burn up the
track on the first lap of the half mile.
’S’ all right, Shorty, better luck next
time.
Two other laudable members of the
track team, Sprott and Edgley, de
serve special mention for their praise
worthy work with the “waits”—wait
ing for “soupee”, usually.
These boys piled up a total of eigh
teen points. The closest rival was the
Cavalry with fourteen points. But
why shouldn’t they be first with such
worthy guides to look up to as our
all-star “Cap” Murrah, the English
king, all-company Pinson, Miller and
McClellan and Riggs and Schofield.
Although none of the fellows were in
condition, all they needed was the good
old C pep to put the thing through.
Watch their smoke on the varsity
team in the near future.
Company F Notes.
It has rained three nights during
the past week. One of these nights
was Tuesday night, and it left the
drill field nice and wet on Wednesday
morning. How much more of a bless
ing the rain would have been if it
had only come on Wednesday night so
that the dril Ifield could have been
just wet enough on Thursday mor
ning.
:1c *
C. C. Crane has of late been making
a good many visits to a certain part
of the Campus. Of course, we con
sidered him able to take care of him
self, but we feel that he should be
warned that Dan Cupid is a very
treacherous gentleman, caring not
whose heart his darts pierce.
❖ Jk *
Speaking of men who like to “gripe”
just because they can, this Otto Lott
takes the cake. Along with a lot of
other Chem Engineers, he gets a
week’s furlough to make an inspection
trip beginning next Monday. Now, he
is complaining that he will have to
be inspecting some chemical works in
Dallas or Ft. Worth next Wednesday
while the rest of us will be enjoy
ing a holiday. Rather enjoy a hol
iday at College Station than spend the
day in Dallas or Ft. Worth!!!—but
you can’t satisfy some folks. There
is something “funny” about a Chem
Engineer, anyway.
* * *
Dinwiddie and Hale, Junior A. H.
students, stood high in Tuesday’s pre
liminary try-out contests for the Jun
ior Stock Judging Team that is to
represent the College at the Fort
Worth Fat Stock Show. These two
have been doing consistent judging
since they came to A. and M.
:K :}: *
The company honored Egon Koehler
and “Heinie” Warndorf, the chess
champions in the recent contest with
Rice, with a warm reception. This
reception did not close with a ban
quet, as it was merely a vocal affair.
5k :k 5jc
We were honored with a three days
visit this past week by two future A.
and M. men. Bob Meitzen and “Red”
Storey were host to their younger
brothers last week. Both of the vis
itors came down in time to see the
basketball game with S. M. U. and re
mained over until Monday.
A BIT OF DIFFERENCE.
The difference between a this year’s
Fish and a last year’s Fish is about
20,000 licks.
5k * 5k
The difference between a this year’s
Soph and a last year’s Soph is a
toastmaster.
4: * *
The difference between a this year’s
Junior and a last year’s Junior is a
few buttons or diamonds.
* * *
The difference between a this year’s
Senior and a last year’s Senior is
Reserved Seats in the Airdome and
Gym.
❖ ❖ ❖ ♦♦♦ ❖ »> *t* *■> ^
❖ » &
* BARBED WIR’E *
* ENTANGLEMENTS ❖
* *$►
^
The Trench Digger is taking unto
himself the task of untangling a few
Barb Wire Entanglements and tang
ling still others. He makes just one
request of the reader—please do not
read all of the articles under this col
umn every week—someone might slip
one in that did not originate,genetic
ally speaking, from the pen of The
Trench Digger.
5k 5k *
As you are now amongst the Barb
Wire Entanglements, it is absolutely
necessary that you conduct yourself
with the greatest caution, else some
member of the Suicide Club may try
to initiate you.
5k 5k *
Some folks say that a man cannot
get entirely away from his stenog
rapher—not even by marrying her.
Now the Trench Digger has been ex
periencing great difficulty in just the
opposite vein. Why is it that the best
looking steno. in seven states is satis
fied with being allowed to WORK for
The Trench Digger?
:k sk sk
Speaking from a purely personal
standpoint, we think that “Hulon” who
was really in bad need of something to
write as an editorial when he wrote
his famous article on “Knees.” Now
we could have written for a thousand
years on that subject and never even
have thought of an editorial.
:k sk sk
We have often wondered if we would
ever go blind as a result of our hooch;
but never had we hoped to get so mod
ern as to go blind at a “Peer-at-it”
ball. What a great thrill it must be!
Jk sk 5k
The Bryan-College Interurban is the
greatest piece of railway property in
Texas, because: It has one terminal
in College Station; it has made several
conductors rich; it once caused a Sen
atorial Investigation; it was never on
time; it increased prices along with
the rest of the Big Five; it leaves out
of Bryan.
sk 5k :k
Did you ever notice that when Joe
Brown gets a wink, Johnnie Giesecke
is sure to get Joy(ce) ? i
5k 5k 5 k
t
Since the boys over at State are
kicking against the girls wearing
“Knee Skirts”, The Trench Digger
takes this opportunity to extend an
invitation to any of the offended fair
sex to make an extended visit to Col
lege Station. We guarantee that no
editorials will discourage you.
5k 5k 5k
When you have finished reading the
advertisements, don’t forget to tackle
the “Barbed Wire Entanglements.”
sk sk :k
“Barbed Wire Entanglements” are
good things when we are behind them;
but they are pretty mean when we are
in front trying to get behind them.
=k sk :k
Why is it that people can’t tell a
good thing when they see it? Now,
some poor ignoramuses have been
making it a practice of sitting in the
picture show and smoking and then
blowing the smoke over on the ladies
from the Campus. Tobacco may be
high and all of that but who cares*
for second hand smoke ?
sk 5k :k
There seems to be no limit to the
present crime wave. A man tried to
pass off afke tickets at the picture
show and thus see a thirty-five cent
show and a fifteen-cent price for*
nothing. The Trench Digger is on
this man’s trail and intends to stay
there until he locates the source of
these tickets.
sk 5k 5k
WATER BOY! You ought to have
been here and half way back by now!
THE ULTIMATUM OF A
COUNTRY LASS.
I thought today I’d get your letter
But oh, my friend, I’ve now learn
ed better.
The gay life of the city they say
Has power to hold you complete
in its sway.
But let me just tell you, you big pill,
If that’s the system, I’m with you
still.
The country life still holds its charm
For this country girl down on the
farm.
I’ll continue to wade barefoot in the
creek
While you the bright lights untir
ingly seek.
I’ll stay in the country and you in
the town,
And just keep on, ’till you tire of
it, gadding around.
HOLD UP!
“Tubby” Smith removed his “puts”
one night recently and on arising next
morning found this part of his ap
parel missing. The above events oc
curred weeks ago. If it’s a joke
it’s gone far enough, if it isn’t “Hawk-
shaw” should intervene.
■►$*•*$*■*$*■*$*■
+ *
❖ WITH THE COLLEGE WITS ❖
❖ *1*
“Why Teddy! How did you catch
that chicken?”
“Oh, I des runned him and runned
him ’till his gas give out!”—Moton
Life.
Meritorius Service.
“Yep”, said the honest ex-buck,
“I spent fourteen months in the lines
without any relief.”
“But I didn’t know you were at
the front at all,” said his uncle.
“I wasn’t,” replied the buck, “but
I spent eight months in the mess line,
five months in the inspection line,
and one month in the pay line.”
—The Home Sector.
“Will you let me,” said the student
A^ he quickly doffed his cap—
But the maiden with a right hook
Handed him an awful slap,
And the student’s face was crimson
As he stood before the lass,
But he finished out his sentence
“Will you kindly let me pass?”
—Notre Dame Scholastic.
Clergyman (who has sat down
next to slightly intoxicated man) —
Do you allow a drunk on this car?
Conductor (low voice)—It’s all
all right so long as you don’t get
noisy.
—Gargoyle.
Co-operation.
Didn’t mean to do the thing
But those eyes of laughter
Seemed to say he couldn’t get
What he’d started after.
And her head was tilted at
Just the proper angle,
While her curls were mingled in
A most bewitching tangle.
All the stage was set and there
Was no complication
So he just co-operated
With the situation.
—Johnnie Louise Folse.
Wishes He Still Hung.
He hung on the words
Of beautiful Kate,
And also hung
On the old front gate.
They’ve been wed now
Ten years I’d state—
And he wishes he’d hung
On the °ld front gate.
—Columbus Dispatch.
Poly Picks.
Ed—“Would you object if I placed
your name on the ticket to run for
the most popular girl in Baylor?”
Cq-ed—“Thanks, but I think that
I iwll run for the most popular boy
as soon as he’s elected.”
—Baylor Lariat.
What’s a Fellow to Do?
Tisme—“Bob is absolutely nil, he's
running below par as far as I am
concerned.”
Splashme—“Why?”
T.—“When we started riding last
night I made him pomise not to kiss
me.”
S. —“And he broke his promise.”
T. —“No, he kept it!!!”
—Baylor Lariat.
One Down!
Out walking, went one morning,
A li’l colo’ed chile;
Out wobbling, went one morning,
A great big crocodile.
The Wobbler and the walker
Met in a forest wild;
The little child was filled with frights
The crocodile, with child.
—Punch Bowl.
Weary—I am going to Northamp
ton next week. I need a change and
rest.
Willie—Don’t do it.
Weary—Why not?
Wilie—Because the railroad will
get the change and the girls will get
the rest.
—Purple Cow.
Hitless.
Friend: “Did you have a pleasant
drive, my dear?”
Miss Speedy: “Not very exciting.
I didn’t knock anyone down today!”
Friend: “That’s hard luck.”
—The Automobilist-
Repartee.
Your tongue is mute; time vainly
waits for it
A space, then goes. Naught boots
your after-wit.
That winged, quick remark you might
have spoken
Appeases not your pride a gol-darn-
ed bit!
—Lampoon.
OH! HELL!
They say sometimes, “It’s cold as
Hell!”
Sometimes they say, “It’s hot as Hell!”
When it rains hard, “It’s Hell!” they
cry; *
It’s also Hell whe'n it is dry;
They hate like Hell to see it snow
It’s a Hell of a wind when it starts to
blow!
Now how in Hell can anyone tell
What in the Hell they mean by this
word “Hell?”
“This married life is Hell,” so they
say;
When you come home late, there’s Hell
to pay;
It’s Hell when the kid you have to
tote —
When he starts to bawl it’s a Hell
of a note;
It’s Hell when the doctor sends his
bills,
For a Hell of a lot of trips and pills,
When you get this, you’ll know real
well,
Just what is meant by this word
“Hell.”
Hell, yes! Hell, no! and Ah, Hell, too!
The Hell you don’t! the Hell you do!
And what in the Hell and the Hell it
is!
The Hell with yours! and the Hell
with his!
Now, who in the Hell! and Oh, Hell
where ?
And what in the Hell you think I
care ?
But the Hell of it is—it sure is Hell—
We don’t know “What in the Hell is
Hell!”
—Anonymous.
LITTLE SONGS OF SAFETY FIRST
Lies slumbering here
One William Lake;
He heard the bell
But had no brake.
—Detroit News.
At fifty miles
Drove Ollie Pidd,
He thought he wouldn’t
Skid, but he did.
—Rome, (N. Y.) Times.
At ninety miles
Drove Edward Shawn;
The motor stopped,
But Ed kept on.
—Little Falls, (N. Y.) Times.
Under the sod
Lies Deacon Hale;
He winked and drank
Some “ginger ale.”
—Utica, (N. Y.) Press.
Here he sleeps
One Johnny Founker;
He rounded a turn,
Without a honker.
—Johnson City Record.
This monument’s
For Jackson Druck;
His Lizzie was lighter
Than the truck.
—Scrantonian.
’14—So you’re a revenue officer
now?
’15—Yes.
’14—What do you do when you find/
whiskey?
’15—I perform my duty to the last
drop. —Cornell Widow
The Irish of It.
O’Brien (at the phone)—What,
ye can’t hear what O’im sayin’?
Well, then repeat what ye didn’t
hear and Oi’ll tell it to ye again.
—Exchang’e.
Down in the creek
Sleeps Jerry Bass;
The bridge was narrow,
He tried to pass.
—Wilkes-Barre Times-Leader.
Two more are gone,
To promised Land;
He tried to drive
With just one hand.
Illuminating!
A young colored couple were sit
ting at the foot of the Statue of
Liberty. Henry was holding Mandy's
hand.
“Henry”, said Mandy,
all know why dey has such small
little lights on de Staute o’ Liberty?”
“Ah dunno,” replied the Ethio
pian swain, “unless it’s because de
less light, de mo’ liberty!”
—Pelican.
“They claim that the human body
contains sulphur.” \
“In what amounts?”
“Oh, in varying amounts.”
“Well, that may account for some
girls making better matches than the
Does you- others.”—Pelican.
Mother: “Did that man kiss you
last night?”
Daughter: “You don’t suppose he
drove 90 miles to hear me sing?”—
Patterson Press Guardian.
And Spaghetti Also?
Prof. Westcourt: (To Soph Hort.
class) “Name a number of plants
forced under glass.”
Sam Harrison: “Lettuce, celery,
and macaroni!”
The adding machine in the Agron
omy office is not for the use of stu-
[ dents-
<
-Agronomy students beware.
ONE CONSOLATION.
(Wherein lies a dark secret).
It was night and the dark shadows
Fell upon my weary path;
I was a Freshman green in college,
Struggling with “Bull-Tics” and Math.
Long ago retreat had sounded,
But I was away from school;
“I’ll be careful” I decided
And called myself a fool.
SHE had passed by far too cunning;
Her brown eyes had held me there,
Ignorant of all regulations—
Just a Fish without a care.
And cars had gone on by me,
Not a one I tried to catch—
’Till she told me I was silly—
Then I called myself a wretch.
In my dignity I left her,
Just in time to miss a car—
I was quite another Sherman;
Love is worse than his old war.
Then I started out to running,
Knowing that the car was slow—
Soon I had caught up with it,
And I had not far to go.
But the speed that I was making,
Was too swift to stop at once—
So I left the car behind me,
Running, groaning, like a dunce.
Oh! we Freshmen have a hard life,
Poor, misguided souls we are—
Spurned by all the fairest maidens.
Still—we beat our old street car!
—A Runner.
Time To Go.
If she wants to play or sing
It’s time to go.
If o’er your watch she’s lingering,
It’s time to go.
If she wants your signet ring
Frat house pin and everything,
(Speak, O Death, where is thy sting?)
It’s time to go.
If the parlor clock strikes two
It’s time to go.
If her father drops a shoe,
It’s time to go.
If she sweetly says to you,
“Stay a little longer, do!”
Get your hat and then skidoo —
It’s time to go.
—Pelican (U. of Cal.)
BEYOND HIM.
Two seamen were engaged in a
heated argument as to the class of
animal a hog belonged to. One df
them declared it was a sheep, while
the other was equally certain it was
a pig. As they could not come to an
agreement, one of them turned to an
old salt who happened to be stand
ing by.
“Here, Bill,” he said, “you’ve
knocked about a bit. What is a hog?
Is it a pig or a sheep?”
Bill, after due consideration, said:
“Well, to tell you the truth, I don’t
know much about poultry.”
Coincidence?
A preacher conducting a mission
announced that he would speak the
next night on “Liars.” The audience
were requested to read up in advance
the seventeenth chapter of St. Mark.
Next evening, before opening with
piercing glance, he inquired how many
people had read the chapter suggest
ed.
A score or so held up their hands.
At which he thundered: “You’re the
very persons I want to talk to—these
isn’t any seventeenth chapter of St.
Mark!”—Tid-Bits.
DRILL MORNING IN MILNER.
(Tune — “The Sergeant, He’s the
Worst of All.”)
I.
The Casuals, the Casuals,
They room in Milner Hall.
They wake up late in the morning
Just at the “Soupey Call.”
II.
Hot cakes, hot toast,
Left hind leg of swine,
And then the dirty “Sons of Rest”
They go back to sleep till nine.( And
sometimes longer).