THE B A T T ALIGN
* *
* THE BULLETIN BOARD *
«fr «l»
Excitement ran high the other day
when a telegram was received from
Joe Woods, telling the bunch that he
hart taken the fatal step. Numerous
bets were made as to whether the
telegram was a fake or not, but
e/eryone is firmly convinced now
that he has dived head-first into the
sea of matrimony because he is back
and has a smile from ear to ear that
only a death sentence could take
off.
* * *
It’s a settled fact now as to what
course the Juniors of the Signal
Corps are taking—Military Science,
specifically.
* ❖ *
At a Fish “pen” the other day
someone asked Fish Mueller what
course he was taking. He quickly
responded that he was taking fish
drill and shower bath, but due to the
scarcity of water on the fourth stoop
of Mitchell, he had to drop the lat
ter.
* * *
“Heavy” Miller dashed into Web
ber’s room the other day and wanted
to see the unique picture of “Fly
ing Pat” which he had heard so much
about. He was greatly disappoint
ed when Webber told him that he
could not find it. We wonder why?
Funny the whole Signal Corps saw
it first.
sH *
We wondered why Lee Hugon has
had such a depressed look the last
few days, but upon questioning we
learned that “She” had betrayed him
and also returned his Longhorn C.
O. D. plus war tax. We don’t blame
him for leaving it at the post office.
* * *
COMPANY “F” NOTES.
We regret that Captain E. C.
Ward is at present confined to the
Hospital. The Company feels the
loss of his presence very much. We
confidently expect for him f to be
back at his regular place of duty
within the next few days or so.
Meanwhile, Lieutenant Kirkland has
charge of the Company.
* ❖ *
All eyes are turned upon “F”
Company because of the way is has
acquitted itself in the test drills un
der the direction of Captain Tuttle.
The seqpnd platoon, Lieutenant Parke
in charge, won second place on the
morning of the 3rd. Then, the first
platoon, Lieutenant Kirkland in
charge, took fh’st place wjlhile the
second platoon, Lieutenant Ragsdale
in charge, was the winner of the 3rd
place on the 10th. We are proud
of these winnings and are determin
ed to continue to make it hard for
other companies to surpass us.
* * *
Colonel Cape, Major Horn, and
Lieutenant Gaddis have been con
fined to the Hospital for the past few
days. We regret the necessity of
their being away from their duties
and hope to see them back with their
organizations soon.
* * *
Hugh Mitchell has just returned
to the Company from the Hospital
where he has been confined since the
All-Company football game. He suf
fered a broken bone just above his
ankle during the game. Althoug'h,
he has his leg in a caste, he is able
with the aid of crutches to attend
classes. We wish him a speedy re
covery.
% # * *
Fish Hancock has just returned
from a few days visit to his home in
Paris, Texas, where he underwent a
slight operation. He was very glad
to return to the organzation and we
are glad that he is able to be with
us again.
❖ ❖ ❖
Mack VanCourt has just returnc 1
from a *few days’ visit to Amarillo
where he went to be with a friend
who was undergoing an operation
for appendicitis. He brings back an
encouraging report, as he says she
stood the operation well and is im
proving rapidly.
:J: *
If anyone wishes to know what
the chemical reaction is when pine
apple and sweet milk are mixed : n
liberal quantities, see Reveille
Brown.
❖ * *
Egon Koehler, our good-looking
sergeant and our representative on
the chess team, has gone into train
ing in anticipation of the tournament
with the Rice Owls.
* * *
It seems that “Buzzard” Proehl is
unable to distinguish between the
feel of a man’s hand and that of a
girl’s. Personally, we can’t account
for this lack of discriminating abil
ity unless it be that he has been down
here where he has had no opportun
ity for practice for the past two
years.
* * ❖
Our roommate tells us that he
doesn’t object to our attending part
ies but that he does wish we would
borrow clothes large enough for us,
because he objects to being kept
awake so long while we try to re
move them.
* * *
Some of the “Fish” on the first
“stoop” would like to know how
Bertrand obtained the name of “Hot-
Cakie.”
♦J* «£♦ 'J* *J* ♦♦♦ ♦♦♦ ♦t* ❖ ’J*
♦
❖ WITH THE COLLEGE WITS ❖
•j* *$» *$► ♦♦♦ -♦* *** *♦* *♦*
What A Knockout of A Joke.
“Every time I have an argument
with my wife I enter it in a small
diary.”
“Ah—I see. You keep a little scrap
book”.
—Columbia Jester.
Cave Girl of Mine.
Clarissa is my latest queen.
I like her.
Sometimes she treats me awful mean,
I like her.
She makes me thin, she makes me
lean,
She leaves me ’thout a single bean—
The darnest girl I’ve ever seen!
I like her.
—Sun Dodger.
He—Will you marry me?
She—No.
He—Whom are you going to
marry?
She—I’ll marry whom I please.
He—Well, you please me; let’s
elope.
—Tar Baby.
Dick—Diogenes had the dope.
Martha—Yes?
Dick—He never even tried to find
an honest woman.
—Princeton Tiger.
I’ve been trying to think of a word
for two weeks.
How about “fortnight?”
—Dirge.
Help!
Old Lady — Say, Pilot, stop this
plane a minute, please.
Pilot—What for?
Old Lady—My Willie just climbed
over the side.
—Sun Dodger.
“A San Francisco man brought suit
for divorce, objecting to his wife
bringing a pet lion to bed with her.”
Gee! Some husbands are certainlv
finicky!—Helena (Montana) Inde
pendent.
Cheek is Cheek.
I love your eyes,
I love your lips,
I love the gentle way you speak.
But when you say:
“Come kiss me, dear,”
Oh, lady then I love your cheek.
—Sun Dial.
Two Tickets, Please.
He—Do you believe in free love ?
She—No. Take me to a movie first.
—Frivo.l
“Papa, what is a humdinger?”
“A humdinger, my son, is a man
that can make a deaf and dumb girl
say, ‘Oh, daddy’.”
—Gargoyle.
Walter Little, our well known fel
low-townsman, was picking black
berries last week and was badly gass
ed by a skunk.—Arkansas Thomas
Cat.
LIVING.
Once in a decade a man really lives.
In am the man, and death can not
cheat me.
I have experienced the unusual and
seen Life.
I have lived
I have tasted a Home Brew
That was good.
I know a girl who, kisses
With her mouth half open,
And smokes a Cigarette
As if she really enjoyed it.
I have seen a College movie
Where the students wear soft shirts
And don’t have square hair-cuts
I have found a funny paper
With a single “Bam” .
And a movie without the caption
“That Night”.
I have met a Prof
Who neither makes all kinds of mon
ey selling text books
Nor grades exam papers by throw
ing them down stairs.
I have been to a Broadway farce
Without a bed in it
And a musical comedy
With good lines and a plot
Once I talked to a beautiful House-
Party Girl
Who had Brains!
Oh, Grave, where is thy victory?
I have lived
—Ex.
They sat beneath the apple blos
soms. The moon shone softly. Sud
denly he broke the silence with:
“What’s to prevent my kissing you?”
“Why, my goodness!” she exclaim
ed.
But it didn’t!!!
—Tiger.
*
❖ EXCHANGE *
* ❖
■'J' '<$► ■•i* ’J*
Jinx: “Hell.”
Sphinx: “A. and M. of Texas.
—Rice Thresher.
* * *
Of course we don’t know, but we
would guess, and bet, that our guess
was right, that the above took place
when A. and M. picked the Rice Owls
in a certain couple of basketball games
not long since. As a matter of curi
osity, we would like to know what
friend Sphinx has to say when he gets
the returns from the next game.
Thresh it out for us, old top, and let
us know.
Investigations a la Mode.
The following came to us via post
card from the University of Texas:
“Let me congratulate you upon the
investigation. It is quite within the
bounds of College Ethics. If one’s
school isn’t investigated nowadays it
is a sure sign of emasculate vis
inertae. A. and M. should continue to
be the exponent of muscular educa
tion.”
Before.
There are meters of accent
And meters of tone;
But the best of all meters
Is to meet her alone.
After.
There are letters of accent
And letters of tone;
But the best of all letters
Is to let her alone.
—Tartan, Carnegie.
“Give her a wide berth!” yelled the
conductor, as the 300-pound Venus
boarded the sleeper.—Gargoyle.
“I simply can’t break the news,” he
said as the paper fell to the floor in
tact.—Dirge.
She said
She would
Go through anything
With me
So she started
On my
Bank account.
—Pitt Panther.
Fish: “What did you have to smoke
at the faculty smoker?”
Soph: “We didn’t have to sm-oke
them; most of us were wise and
brought our own.”—Delaware Review.
Pullman conductor: “See here,
porter, what do you mean by hanging
a red lantern on that berth?”
Rastus: “Rule 23 says to ‘hang out
a red light when the rear end of the
sleeper is exposed’, sah.”—Jester.
Waiter: “Anything more, sir? A
little something sweet, sir?”
Shorty: “Yes, you can bring me
that girl over there with the black
hat.—Milton College Review.
Of his boyhood days on the farm,
Josh had many pleasant memories and
some that were not so pleasant. There
was a day, once, when he was show
ing the farm to a friend of his—quite
a close friend, in fact—and when they
came to the pasture there were two
cows licking each other’s faces. Bear
in mind the fact that this friend was
a close one. This is what they said:
Josh: “I wish I could do that!”
The Girl: “Why don’t you?
They’re your cows!”—Voo Doo.
Prof.: “Can anyone mention a
great friendship made famous through
literature ?”
Stude: “Mutt and Jeff!”—Augus^
tana Observer.
Prof. Clark: “Someone give me an
example of the law of diminishing re
turns.”
Stude: “Trust Fund deposits.”
HADN’T YOU?
Did anyone ever call you a has-been?
Just be glad you’re not a never-was.
I’d rather be a could-be,
If I couldn’t be an “re”
Because a could-be is a might-be
With a chance of touching par.
I’d rather be a has-been
Than a might-have-been by far
Because a might-have-been.
Has never-been,
But a has-been, was once an “are”.
Speaking of Sbisa’s “Dogs”
Strange so many campus dogs are
missing. We venture to say our
dear Sbisa knows something about
it.
“God must love flunkers—He
made so many of them.’—Exchange.
“Chrvgssaerneuenalfinajjuanjuaris-
iguejack” is Eskimo for “I love
you,” and at the same time is a
reasonable explanation of why the
Artie nights have to be so long.
—Ex.
Mrs. G. R. Crain and Misses Gert
rude Wink and Joyce Nogle were the
guests of Joe Brown and John Gie-
secke on Sunday.
Gratis Poultry.
Show us the Freshman with dome so
dead
That never to himself has said:
If the profs gave me the grades I’m
worth
I’ll be the smartest guy on earth.—Ex.
cures bruises, cuts.
sores, tetter, etc.
To break a cold take 666.
t WE HANDLE EVERYTHING *
Y
❖
Packard and Mazda Lamps Our *
X Snecialtv %
IN THE ELECTRICAL LINE *
Pi’of: “What right have you to
swear before me in class?”
Youth: “How could I know you
wanted to swear?”—Lampoon.
“I’ll never take another drop,” said
the Soused One as he fell off the
cliff.—Virginia Reel.
Sam (to his wife at show): “Mandy
tell dat niggah to take his arm away
from aroun’ yo’ waist!”
Mandy: “Tell him yoself; he’s a
perfect stranga to me!”
He (at the box office): “Have you
got a seat left?”
Ticket seller (indicating the num
ber): “Yes, U 21.” .
He: “I am; and if its that kind of
a show I am glad I did not ask my
mother to come with me.”—Burr.
“I’ve found a way to beat the hon
or system.”
“Let’s have it.”
“Memorize the text book.”—Punch
Bowl.
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Phones: Office 275, Res. 635
2nd Floor City National Bank
Building, Bryan, Texas
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JEWELRY, WATCHES AND
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We are headquarters for all kinds of Col
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FINE WATCH REPAIRING A SPECIALTY
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All Woolen Regulation Shirts are Reduced
BELOW COST. All Army Shoes at (P'7 1 £
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Then too, your Civilian Dress needs will re
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Remember, you can’t pay us more than
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A pleasure to show you.
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• ‘
❖
We are Now Showing our
beautiful line of
SPRING SUITS
GET YOUR ORDERS IN NOW.
Cleaning, Pressing and
Alterations.
CHAS. NITCH
The Campus Tailor
• •
• •
E. F. PARKS & CO.
BRYAN’S BIG FURNITURE STORE
We carry an unusually large stock of high class fur
niture, rugs, draperies and household novelties.
We are large buyers of second hand furniture, such
as is used by the boys at A. and M.—desks, dressers, chif-
foneers, chifforobes, etc. If you have anything you want
to dispose of see us.
WE ARE ALSO PHONOGRAPH HEADQUARTERS
Styleplus Clothes
Edwin Clapp Shoes
Bostonian Shoes
Stetson Hats
Webb Bros
BRYAN, TEXAS
PATRONIZE ..
The EXCHANGE STORE
In the Main Building.
EVERYTHING REQUIRED
BY THE CADET
“At a Little more than cost”
? R. K. CHATHAM, Manager.
I