THE BATTALION
5
QUEEN
SATURDAY
Your Last and Only Chance to See
CONSTANCE TALMADCE
In Her Snappiest, Peppiest, Jazziest Comedy-Dramatic
Sensation
“WEDDING BELLS”
Harrison Ford is Riot Number Two in This Stage Creation.
Also 25 Bathing Beauties in a Big
Sunshine Special!
Special Music by Prof. Johnston. See This Bill. Your Only
Chance—This Afternoon or Tonight.
Monday and Tuesday Only—Another One for the Boys
WM. S. HART
In
“The Whistle 5
Wednesday, Thursday—Dorothy Dalton in “Behind Masks”,
Next Friday and Saturday, “What Women Love,” With
Annett Kellerman.
DIXIE
SATURDAY
One day only—especially to please A. and M. students—
a Super Special of thrills that will chill you through
PETE MORRISON, CARL HOLLOWAY
Jack Richardson, Ruth King in Just the Picture you will en
joy with a big two reel comedy
THE
SKIPPERS
STRIKE
Monday—Goldwyn Super Special. Wednesday—“The Vic
tim,” Joyce Fair. Thursday—Gladys Walton in “The
Rowdy.” Pathe Weekly and Comedy. Saturday—Extra
Special Powerful Masterplay
Allan Hale in “A Voice
in the Dark**
IT’S MESS CALL
FOR FERNEAUX
EVERY TWO HOURS
Champion Eater of A. and M. Finds
Life Empty Between
Meals.
(By Leased Wire to Battalion)
Dallas, Texas, Aug. 1, 1921.—Fred
Furneaux, ’22, claims the title of
champion A. and M. meal hound.
Furneaux, who was recently dis
charged from Camp Presidio, Cal., re
turned to his home at 3803 Cole Ave.
and at once proceeded to prove his
claim to the crown.
Within ten hours he consumed
five big meals, any one of which
would do the average man for many
hours.
Fred arrived home with his buddy,
Bernard Mulvey, at six o’clock in the
evening and told his mother that he
was hungry. She prepared a dinner
of soup, roast beef, mashed potatoes,
corn on cob, lima beans, sliced to
matoes, and apple pie. After Fur
neaux had cleaned up everything on
his plate, he asked for a second help
ing and went thru the dinner again.
“After dinner,” said Furneaux,
“Bernard and I went out for a walk.
About 10 o’clock I felt hungry, so we
dropped into a restaurant. I ate three
pork chops, two orders of French fried
potatoes, three rolls, sliced tomatoes, a
quart of milk, two cups of coffee and
a large plate of ice cream.
“We went home, but before we
turned in at midnight I felt a little
hungry, so we raided my mother’s
refrigerator. I ate half a watermelon,
two canteloupes, three pieces of mince
pie, two slices of chocolate cake, a
pound of sliced ham and half a pound
of cheese.
“Then we went to bed, but about 3
o’clock in the morning I woke up. Gee
but I was hungry! I nudged Mulvey.
‘Let’s get something to eat,’ I said,
‘I’m so hungry I can’t sleep.’
“Mulvey thought I was crazy, but I
persuaded him to get up and dress.
Then we went out and found an all-
night restaurant. I ate half a dozen
fried oysters, an order of ham and
eggs, French fried potatoes, and drank
two cups of coffee and two glasses
of milk. Mulvey was not hungry, so
I ate what he ordered.
■ “That held me for a few hours, and
we went back home and slept until
breakfast. At 5 o’clock we got up and
ate four fried eggs, half a loaf of
bread and fried potatoes, oatmeal and
two cups of coffee. I felt pretty good
after that, but I never quite got
enough to eat. Army camp life cer
tainly gives you an appetite.”
SUMMER REMINISCENCES OF
AN A. AND M. KAYDET
I went to a town called Pond. Un
derstand it used to be called Puddle;
but is Pond now because of the in
crease in population. It was a terri
ble place. The mayor and chief of
police played poker six days of the
week and enforced the indigo laws on
Sunday. They caught a bird smoking
and sentenced him so quickly it took
away his breath and he died of strang
ulation. The only things allowed to
smoke over there were the chimneys.
They’d give you a jail sentence for
stealing upstairs. The people had to
send their soiled clothes down the
river and have them pounded with
rocks in the primitive Indian style—
they weren’t allowed to associate with
suds in any form.
I was employed by Farmer Com-
tassel on his farm about two blocks
from town. The first morning he
woke me up about four o’clock to help
him cut the oats. He said they weren’t
wild oats and I certainly couldn’t see
any reason for having to sneak up
on them in the dark. However I
sowed a good crop and with the pay
received for my work went to a near
by city to purchase some clothes.
There was an installment clothing
house where one could doll up for a
dollar down. When I was all “mark
ed out” I returned to Pond, only to
be arrested as a Jelly Bean and sen
tenced to jail for the remainder of the
summer. It is needless to say that
upon my discharge I took the first
train for College.
BOOTLEGGERS ORGANIZE
A meeting of all Bryan Bootleggers
was held last night for the purpose of
establishing a local chapter of the na
tional organization. Bryan has long
felt the need of this particular kind
of get-together and the recent cap
ture of a still made necessary this
meeting.
The benefits that will be derived
from the organization are many. In
addition to affording protection from
the United States “Cant-stitution” it
does away with the inconvenience of
trying to sell to each other.
The meeting was not held in the
city hall as originally planned, the
committee in charge having decided
that the city park, on account of its
large space, was better adapted for
accommodating the gathering . Then
it was out in the open where there
was plenty of moonshine which gave
a touch of familiar atmosphere to the
place. After routine business was
cleared away it was decided that a
vote of thanks should be extended to
the students of A. and M. who so
thoughtfully contributed to their sup
port last year and a welcome to all
of them this year.
TWO OF A KIND
Now Mary had a little calf
The boys thought it was nifty;
But when I saw the other calf
I said ’twas fifty-fifty.
—Widow.
:Jc j}c :[:
“Hurry John, there goes your cue.”
Stage Chinaman: “Don’t try to kid
me, Jerry; I’ve got it glued on.”
Punch Bowl.
jjc :Ji
They were telling fortunes with tea
cups.
“Marion, I can see you were kissed
by a tall, dark man.”
“Oh, Mildred! you’ve been reading
my diary again.”
Lemon Punch.
❖ * *
He: Sweetheart, I know that you
love me.
She: What gives you that impres
sion ?
He (glibly) ; I love you, and there
fore, I am a lover. All the world
loves a lover, and since you are all
the world to me, well—you love me.
She: Oh! George, kiss me!
Voo-Doo.