THE BATTALION
11
A CASUAL'S DREAM.
The Casual fish of today are great
ly imposed upon. They are requir
ed to sleep every morning while the
cadet corps is out enjoying the bene
fits of an early reveille. Even dur
ing drill periods they must either
stay in their rooms and sleep or else
lounge around on the campus or at
Casey’s. This body of students nev
er get a chance to parade and “show
off” to the visitors on Saturday morn
ing.
Even this year the casuals are
grumbling. The following is the
translation of a dream as it was told
to me. We are not responsible for
it, but the dream seems to impose
many new hardships on this branch
of society. I’ll hand it to you as it
was handed to me.
The Dream.
Early one morning the casual fish
is roused by the sweet resounding
notes of rev-u-lee. As usual he is
not allowed to arise and go forth to
start the day with HUN TOO HEE
HEXERCISE. Naturally he goes
back to sleep. But morning nap is
interrupted by the porter’s asking him
which shoes should be shined for him
that day. He sleepily replied and a
few minutes is being caried back from
his berth by the porter in charge.
The valet soon has him attired in his
newest and latest cut of smart New
York styles of a salt and pepper wors
ted, which is furnished by the col
lege. The butler, all the while, is
busying himself with spreading a
few of the morning publications be
fore the eyes of the young aristocrat.
It is now about time for breakfast
and Mr. Casual not intending to have
breakfast in his apartments repairs
to the Sbisa House. He is taken
from the steps of Milner to the cafe
by one of the colleges fine cars and
the footman receives him at the steps
where Col. Sbisa himself presents
him with a menu for the meal. Once
inside, the young man is elbowed down
the aisle between the rows of tables
by one of the head waiters and is
seated in a cool inviting corner un
der the spreading arms of a huge
palm. Two or three waiters seeing
him rush forward with pad and pencil
ready to receive his wants, while
others stand by to dispatch his orders.
One comes forward with cigaretts
and another with a match. While
our hero indulges in a ‘Turkish Blend’
the waiters busy themselves with
making things comfortable for him.
He is furnished with a foot rest and
while he is waiting for his stewed
butterfly wings he lounges back on
the pillows which have been placed
along the back of the Grandfather’s
chair, and puffs. Directly the butter^
fly wings arrive and he is assisted to
a sitting posture whence he is fed
the tiny morsels from the tiny gold
spoon. All the while he is discuss
ing the topics of the day with one of
his neighbors who is beneath the ad
jacent palm. In due time the other
courses arrive and soon he has break
fasted to the fullest extent. He then
rises and picks his way along so as
to avoid injuring the ferns and peri
winkles. He winds his way to the
side entrance where he is sure to find
the taxi which takes him to the aca
demic building. He lazies awhile in
the lobby and then takes the elevator
to the next floor where he consults
the man at the information bureau’s
office. This official consults the book
of individual schedules; “Yes, Mr.
Casual has classes today; in fact,
this is your heaviest day; yes, two
classes both this morning.” Our
hero attends the first class but soon
becomes bored and sends a bell boy
to the Dean asking that he be excused
from classes that day. He then or
ders a taxi and motors to Bryan where
he spends the time before lunch at the
Metropolitan building conversing with
several of the fair sex. Our friend
then phones out that he is bringing
several friends to lunch with him and
to prepare for a little part. All
preparations are made by the time
he reaches College and the little
party comes off without a mishap.
Light Sherry is substituted for the
conventional Port.
Lunch being over, the party then
attends the matinee at the Miller
Orpheum and afterwards occupy
boxes at the championship mumble-
peg encounter between Texas U. and
Rice, held at A. and M. to be on neu
tral ground. Several other attrac
tions furnish pastime during the af
ternoon and by dinner time the party
breaks up.
Dinner is served at the Sbisa as
usual, only chicken a la creme is ad
ded to the menu in the place of
creamed frog legs. During the meal
Mr. Casual receives a phone call to
the effect that his regular Thursday
nite date is broken so he decides to
go to the club that evening.
At the club he enjoys his favorite
Havana while lounging on the up
holstered davenport and finishes sev
eral selections in “Snappy Stories.”
Later, finding that he has no luck at
poker that nite, he indulges in a few
games of billiards and after drinking
a mint julep to the old A. and M.
spirit he takes a taxi and arrives at
his apartments.
Learning that he had a class the
following day he studies the required
five minutes and then dons his fati
gue jacket, and while the valet pre
pares his bed, consults the calendar
to ascertain the number of days be
fore he can leave all this misery.
But dear readers bear with us, we
hate to hand you this, but it’s straight
goods, our hero is roughly awakened
by his room-mate and the
bubble bursts. It’s all a dream.
“You better get up, this is Sunday
and you’ve got to march to chapel,
you know, you slept thru breakfast.”
’23
A BUG HUNTERS NIGHTMARE.
Freshman Livestock Judging.
A class of hardboiled A. H. Profs,
numbered from left to right as fol
lows: No. 1 animal, Mr. Stangel; No.
2, Mr. Williams; No. 3, Mr. Regen-
brecht; No. 4, Mr. Miller.
Students are given five minutes to
place this class.
Are you ready? Let’s go.
Student—“I place this class of dairy
type plow horses —er— I mean this
clas& of hard shell Profs., 2. 1. 4. 3.
I place Mr. Williams over Mr. Stan
gel, because she conforms more to
the desired type. Altho Mr. Stangel
has better feeding qualities, as indi
cated by a larger mouth and strong
jaw bones, and he is also very swift
in his movements which stands her
in good stead among the food-wrastl-
ers over at the bachelor profs’, fee
lot; at the same time, in the case of
Mr. Williams we have a more desir
able dairy temperament as shown by
the secretions in the ears and the ex
pression on the face. Mr. Williams
also has a better arched neck, a
lighter dew-lap, carries down deeper
in the twist, has a fuller leg of lamb,
and does not cut away in the hind
quarters as does Mr. Stangel. Mr.
Wiliams, however, should be criti
cized for fautly action. She wings
at the walk and is cow-hocked at the
trot. While Mr. Stangel has better
action than Mr. Williams, she is to
be criticized for toppling over every
fourth step at the walk, and for a
complete percipitation at the trot.
This comes from drinking some of
that stuff that Prexy brought with
him from Mexico.
The placing of Mr. Stangel over
Mr. Miller is comparatively easy. In
the case of Mr. Stangel, we have an
animal that does not cut up as badly
in the hind flanks as does Mr. Miller.
Also, Mr. Miller has not developed
the large ink wells which have made
Mr. Stangel famous. In his ability
to consume large amounts of Ruf-
fage and convert it into hot air, Mr.
Stangel is FAR above anyone in the
class. In fact, if Mr. Stangel were
not high-up-off-the-ground, and had
a nice pink nose like Mr. Reg., I
would place him at the top of the
class. One thing to be said in favor
of Mr. Miller is that he has attained
registry of merit in The Dairy Type
Sea Cow Association.
Mr. Regenbrecht slides to the bot
tom of the class with all the ease and
grace of a Cockroach (one belonging
to “Catfish”). His hide is one of the
thickest on the campus, while it has
been breezed about by numerous
scandalmongers that he is guilty of
being unsound. This is a free coun
try and anyone has a right to grow
as large a hoof as he can get away
with, but Mr. Rigenbrecht abuses this
privilege shamefully.
Times up: Next time we will have
a class of long wooled English Profs.
Excused.
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CHAS. NITCH
THE CONVENIENT
Campus
Tailor..
Remember tbe BIG REDUCTION on
SPRING SUITS.
You juft have time to order one by
COMMENCEMENT
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Stetson
Hats ..
Beautiful line
in all the
shapes and
colors ..
new
WEBB
HAT DEPARTMENT