6
THE BAT TALION
THE PATIENT’S LAMENT
In these days of indigestion
It is often times a question
As to what to eat and what to
let alone.
For each microbe and bacillus
Has a different way to kill us
And in time they always claim
us for their own.
There are germs of every kind
On any food that you can find
In the market or upon the bill
of fare.
Drinking water’s just as risky
As the co-called deadly whiskey,
And it’s often a mistake to
breathe the air.
The inviting green cucumber
Gets most everybody’s number,
While the green corn has a sys
tem of its own.
Though a radish seems nutritious
Its behavior is quite vicious
And a doctor will be coming
to your home.
Eating lobster cooked or plain
Is only flirting with ptomaine,
While an oyster sometimes has
a lot to say.
But llo clams we eat in chowder
Make the Angels chant the louder
For they know that we’ll be
with them right away.
Take a slice of nice fried onion
And you're fit for Doctor Munyon;
Apple-dumplings kill you quick
er than a train.
Chew a cheesy midnight “rabbit”
And a grave you’ll soon inhabit;
Ah, to eat at all is such a fool
ish game.
Eating huckle-berry pie
Is a pleasing way to die,
While saur-kraut brings on
softening of the brain.
When you eat banana fritters
h.-.j
j Eat a plate of fine pig knuckles
| And the tomb-stone cutter chuckles
While the grave-digger makes a
note upon hie cuff.
Eat that lovely re ! bologna
And you’ll wear a wood kimona,
While your relatives will be
scrapping ’bout your stuff.
All these crazy foods that mix
Will float us ’cross the river Styx,
Or they’ll start us climbing up
the milky way.
All the meals we eat in courses
Mean a hearse and two black
horses
So before a meal some people
always pray.
Lucious grapes breed ’pendicitus.
While the juice leads gastritis,
So there’s only death to meet us
either way.
Fried liver’s nice, but mind you
Friends will soon ride slow behind
you
And the papers all will have
nice things to say.
Eat some sauce that they call ‘Chilli’
On your breast they’ll place a lily,
If you care to die real easy eat
a peach.
Eating juicy, sliced pineapple
Make; the sexton duct the chapel
While the minister starts work
ing on your speech.
Soon a bug gets on your gizzard,
If you lose you are a wizard.
For he sends an invitation to
his friends;
With a nervous little quiver
They’ll cause cirrhosis of the liver
And all your earthly trouble
quickly ends.
—Selected, very, very, Carefully.
<-
VERY SOON
OUR SPRING SAMPLES
WILL BE IN-
Exclusive patterns from Kahn,
Oxford, and Starrs-Schaefer
Tailoring Companies.
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We want to take your measure
early and assure our guarantee
covers everything.
BRANDON & LAWRENCE
OUTFITTERS FOR YOUNG MEN AND MEN
WHO STAY YOUNG
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go insane.
When cold-storage vaults I visit
I can say “What is it
Makes poor mortals hill their
systems with such stuff?”
Now for breakfast prunes are dandy
If a stomach pump is handy
And your doctor can be found
soon enough.
t
i
BRYAN SHOE
"XPAW.LLHT * T
£ Three first-class machinsts
-£ All work guaranteed. We
£ half-sole while you wait.
t DEW & NEELLY, Props. J
Scene from “PARLOR—BEDROOM AND BATH’
LYRIC THEATRE, FRIDAY, JANUARY 16.
| u HAVE YOU BEEN DOWN TO SEE
College Tailor
By Boyett’s Store
First-Class Tailoring and Repairing
WILL MAKE YOU ANYTHING
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❖
HOLMES BROS.
THE HOME OF
Phone No. 93
THE BEST MALTED MILK
ON EARTH
Candies, Cigars, Fountain Drinks. We invite Cadets
make our place headquarters while in Bryan
to
Haswell’s BookStore
EASTMAN KODAKS AND SUPPLIES
Official Distributors Stall & Dean’s Athletic Goods
and Victor Talking Machines and Records.
T
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❖
* DR. A. BENBOW
% DENTIST J
Residence 635 T
Phones—Office 275.
2nd Floor City Nat’l Bank Building:
BRYAN, TEXAS
-I—*1—*■;- —I—* *f* -I- -i—*$*•$-.J*.p .p.}*
f
Clinic: “I’m going to win that
girl or bust!”
Cynic: “Probably both.”—Jester.
“I have been smoking an awful
lot of cigarettes lately.”
“If that’s one, you must be.”