FLMYSRm
C. E. G. in After Life.
Hensel—“I understand that Earl is
lazy.”
Potts—“Lazy! You bet. Why, if
he ever spanks his child he will lay a
carpet over the kid so he can do two
jobs at once.”
The two British sailors had secured
tickets to the dog show and were gaz
ing upon a Skye terrier which had so
much hair that it looked more like a
woolen rug than a dog.
“Which end is ’is ’ead Bill?” asked
9
one.
“Blowed if I know,” was the reply.
“But ’ere, I’ll stick a pin in ’im and
you look which end barks.”
“They can reform all they want to,
but there will always be trouble in
this world as long as kisses taste as
good as they do.”
Explained.
“Farm products cost more than they
used to.”
“Yes,” replied the farmer, “When a
farmer is supposed to know the bo
tanical name of what he’s raising, and
the zoological name of the insects that
eat it, and the chemical name of what
will kill it, somebody’s got to pay.”
“Ah!” said the visitor, “this college
boasts of a glee club, I understand?”
“No,” replied the cadet, “we don’t
boast of it, we endure it with resigna
tion.”
“Well^” inquired the lady, “what can
I do for you? Do you want employ
ment?”
“Lady,” replied the tramp, “you
mean well, but you can’t make work
sound any more invitin’ by using words
of three sylables.”
In C. E. 11.
After a heated discussion on the
best method of grading, the following
occurred:
Prof. Richey—“Gentlemen, I shall put
before you this proposition: shall I de
termine your grades by the problems
you hand in, monthly quizzers and an
easy final examination, or shall I de
termine them hy a ‘stiff’ final exami
nation? Which shall it be?”
Kike Rosenfield (very patriotically)
—“Down with ‘Roofs and Bridges!’”
Case—“Tell me, my good friend, is
the Decatur Baptist College a co-edu-
cational school?”
Barber (with an educated look in his
young and innocent eye)—“No ; it’s for
whites.”
Sergeant (speaking disgustedly to
Private McCollum on target range)—
“That’s enough. Don’t waste your last
shot. Nineteen are enough to fire
away without scoring one hit. Go be
hind those bushes and blow your
brains out.”
Private McCollum walked quietly
away, and a few seconds later a shot
rang out from behind those bushes.
“Great Scott! the fool’s done just
what I told him to.” And the Sergeant
ran hastily toward the bushes. Mc
Collum emerged nonplussed.
“Sorry, Sergeant,” he said meekly,
“another miss.”
A woman seldom passes a mirror
without passing for reflection.
Bernard Sbisa has just received no
tice from his publishers that his latest
book, “Culinary Chemistry,” has just
recently come from the press and is
now at the disposal of the colleges of
of the State and Nation. Something
of the nature of this publication may
be gleaned from the following ex
tracts :
Specific Gravity of Mess:
Hall Bread—19.99.
Composition of A. and M. Drinking
Water—10 per cent oxygen, 10 per
cent hydrogen, 80 per cent So2.
Solubility of “sawdust,” 117, 000
parts in 1 part of water
Composition of “Reg”—75 per cent
acetic acid, 15 per cent water, 7 per
cent library paste, and 3 per cent col
oring matter.
Coffee—1 per cent coffee, 99 per
cent filler.
Cream Puffs—HJnanalyzable. (Se
cret process.
“Hash” (S. Variety)—50 per cent
meat, 25 per cent solaracease, 10 per
cent water, 8 per cent shoe strings and
color lotion 7 per cent.
Billy Sunday hailed a newsboy in
New York and asked to be directed to
the post office.
“Down two blocks and turn to the
left.”
“You seem to be a bright little fel
low. Do you know who I am, sonny?
Well, I am Billy Sunday, and if you
come out to my meeting tonight I’ll
show you the way to heaven.”
“Aw, g’wan,” said the youngster,
“you didn’t even know the way to the
post office.”
Hubby returned home and discovered
his young wife in tears.
“O! dear, dear, just think what has
happened! I left the door of the ca
nary’s cage open and he flew away.”
He endeavorded to be of as much
comfort as possible. As he took the
distressed lady in his arms a new series
of sobs began.
“O! George, now I have only you
left!”
Off Again.
A doctor addressed a patient in an
insane asylum.
“Well, old man, you’re all right now,
and you can write your folks you’ll be
right home, as good as new.”
The patient went happily away,
wrote and sealed his letter, but just
as he had licked the stamp it fell from
his hands onto the back of a cockroach
which he had not seen run across the
floor. He did see his stamp take a
zigzag course across the floor over the
baseboard .and into a crack. He arose,
tore the letter to pieces and dropped
them in the waste basket.
“Well, hell!” he said, “I’ll be in here
for three years.”
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