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About The Battalion. (College Station, Tex.) 1893-current | View Entire Issue (April 5, 1912)
L. H. POWELL, 43 Goodwin Hall Has a fine line of College Jewelry of all kinds, also carries a large supply of pillow tops, pennants and posters. Watches Repaired. All work guaranteed. Agent — Jno. M. Caldwell, Bryan, Texas AMONG THE JANITORS. Not very many of us know that our janitors have their mimic colonel, staff, and so forth, and so forth, as well as their ram list, and so forth, and so forth, and so forth, and that they use their belts, or rather boards (as belts are scarce among them), just as SOME of us do. Not many of us know this; but the Bull does. It all happened on the day and evening of that dark and foreboding twenty-first of February. On the morning of that ever-mem- orable day. Skinny Jim of the “Broom and Dust Pan Club” was just putting the finishing touches to the dormitory and was standing on the steps, when along came Jane, Possum Face’s af finity. Down looked Skinny and up looked Jane. Then down came Jim and there they were. Well, that would not have mattered so much had not Ham of the “Pointed Stick Brigade” happened around the corner just at that moment. No one on the campus can despise another more than the members of these two organizations despise each other. As Ham rounded the corner, he dropped his tools, shoved his old derby on the hack of his head and stared away in utter amazement; Skinny Jim —Jane—Possum Face—affinity. All this floated through his mind while he stared. Here, then, was his chance to get even. He well knew what a jeal ous nigger that Possum Face was; so he would just have it read out on the ram list all about Skinny and Jane. Skinny and Jane finally parted after a lingering handshake. Ham came out of his coke and picked up his tools to go to the next hall. That evening as the day was grow ing dim they collected in the little storeroom next to the Commandant’s office to stow away their tools. There was joking and shoving and much talk as they were about to leave. Just then, however, thick, heavy-set Husky spoke out; he was the “cap’n and adj’tant.” “High! Wait a min’it. I ain’t read the ram list yit. An’ I got a ram what’ll make yo’ll set up and took notic’.” There were jests at the coming fun, then all lapsed into a state of mock gravity. Some seated themselves on boards, others on boxes and some stood up; but there was one who edged toward the door. The long inky-black colonel spoke up: “Hay dere. Ham! Come back here closer. Mr, Sargant-at-Ahms, min’ de doh! If any of dese rams is serious we’ll need dis precautious. Cap’n, read de repo’ts.” “Attention to de ram repo’ts. Ah ain’t got but one ram, dough.” Then he read from a sheet of paper: “Skinny Jim—Alleniatin’ wit’ de affections of Possum Face’s affinity.” At this Possum Face came off his barrel. “Look here, nigger, you been aleniatin’ wif ma affinity?” Skinny backed off and made positive denial. “Naw, sir! NAW, SAH! I jus’ had heard da yo’ an’ her wuz a gwine to git married an’ I wuz jes congratcher- latin’ her.” “How ’bout dat, Mr. Adj’tant,” broke in the colonel, “who put in dat repo’t?” “Old Ham,” said Husky. “Ham, come up fo’ward. Did yo’ see dat nigger DELIBERATELY aleniatin’ wif dat man’s gal?” Ham, stepping closer, “Dat I did. Dat I di. Jus’ as Ah wuz a-comin’ Youn “Shut up,” ejaculated the colonel, “dats enough proof. De gentlemen of de jury will now vote on the punish ment ob dis culprit. Yo’ all has heard de corroboratin’ ob testimony by Mis ter Ham. Ah, myself, me moves dat we git ten licks apiece of’n him.” There was one grand chorus of as sent. The sergeant-at-arms did his duty, and Skinny was placed secruely over a barrel. All this happened on that stormy banquet day, the day that we bid de fiance to all. The Commaadanf sat in his office that dreary afternoon pon dering how the Sophs should be han dled. They were a jolly good bunch, after all, he concluded, and he’d let them have their fling. “Thwach!” “Whach!” “Slap!” “Ouch! Stop!” He strained his ears. Dared they strap a Freshman under his very nose. He rushed out into the hall. No one there. “Thwack! Thwack!” “Stop! Ouch!” Ah! they had him in the janitors’ storeroom. He rushed to the door, and throwing his mighty bulk against its frail timbers, burst inward. “Into my office, every one of you!” he thundered. Someone collided with him, but with a shove and a push this one also was sent on his way. Groping in the dark, one after another, he sent them post-haste into his office. Then he struck a match—all were gone. Somewhat cooled by now, he strode into his office. And there, cowering before him (instead of brutal Sophs) was the entire black janitor force. '*r oMA/uja mm - AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF A DISH OF . HASH. In this, my autobiography, I will not tell you where I was born or who were my parents, because I do not know— no one knows. Of my early days I know nothing; I seemed suddenly to spring into existence. And yet there is not a companion or friend about me with whom I am not related. One sig nificant fact is, that at supper time I am always with you. I am held in high esteem by the fierce uniformed creatures that hang around my home. My friend and I live in one great room. Three times a day they put me on something hot and we are kept there a long time. Then we are taken off, put in curiously shaped ves sels and carired to a large white plain. Here the vessels in which we travel are put down at different places on the white plain and we are allowed to cool. Just about this time those fierce creatures in gray uniforms surround the plain and begin to devour all my companions. They all scrutinize me carefully, smell of me a time or so and then set me in the center of the plain. This only goes to show how much I am liked. After the first in spection I am never bothered. After the creatures have eaten all my companions they leave. Then the creature who brought me out here comes and takes me back to the big room in which I live. I have never been able to under stand just what it is all about. I have been treated this way for over thirty years now. From time to time, as I shrink on account of evaporation, some new material is added to me; but I am just the same now as I was thirty years ago. I am never eaten and have never been in any great dan ger in this respect. When the big ani mals come to the big plain to feed I hear them say: “Hey, Fish! Shoot the hash. Thank you! Now kindly shoot it back.” t N The Dixie Theatre Change of Program Afternoon and Night We solicit your patronage i i THE INEEDA LAUNDRY Renovating Hats. Cleaning and Dyeing Ladies and Gents Clothing a specialty. Our motto: Courtesy, Promptness and Satisfactory worx to Everybody. If soliciting hours are not convenient please notify Ross 16. BEASLEY & BATEMAN, AGENTS
