50
THE BATTALION.
bugle he falls in and undergoes a critical
examination by the adjutant. He is then
dismissed and has hopes that he has
gotten off. But. alas! his expectancy
is turned to dismay when he learns that
he has to do sentinel duty at night. He
falls in with the relief at the proper time,
and after being posted inspects each
room. Then he begins his weary march,
back and forth the length of the hall.
Suddenly he hears a noise and turns in
time to catch a pillow. He then starts
in the direction from which the pillow
came, but another hits him, and for a
moment he is besieged by pillows. Then
all is quiet. In steps an officer with the
question, “Know your orders?” The
poor sentinel, try as he may, is now so
confused he can not think of a single one,
and of course gets reported.
NO THROWING OFF.
E. O. ERHARD.
An old negro was one day returning
from the field! when a bear suddenly took
after him. He started out as fast as he
could run, and just before he reached his
house his wife Dinah stuck her head
out and began to yell, “Run, Rastus,
run!” After Rastus was safely in the
house he said to Dinah, “What you stan’
dar in dat doah an’ yell, ‘Run, Rastus,
run’ fur? Didn’t you kno’ I wasn’t
gwine to thro’ off in a race like dat?”
AN EXPLANATION.
H. F. MATHEWS.
A negro preacher explained that the
Red sea was frozen over, and so afforded
a passage for the Israelites; but the ice
broke when Pharaoh with his iron char
iots drove upon it and drowned him and
all his army. One of the congregation
arose and asked for an explanation. “I’se
been studyin' gography and de gography
say dat be very warm country—where
day have de tropics, and de tropics too
hot for freezin’. De point to be splained
is ’bout breakin’ through de ice.”
The preacher straightened up and said:
“Brudder! glad you axed me dat ques
tion. It gives me a chance to ’splain it.
You see dat was a long time ago—in the
old time, fo dere was a gography; fo
dere was any tropics.”
ECONOMICAL WAY OF RAISING
CHICKENS.
GrTJY A. BLOUNT.
An east Texas chicken peddler who
was not making as much money as he
thought he ought to make raising chick
ens, decided that if he could find a more
economical way of feeding his chickens
that it would increase his profits.
He started out by mixing a little saw
dust with the meal that he fed them on.
He kept on putting in a little more saw
dust and a little less meal, until he was
feeding them on nothing but sawdust.
After he had been feeding his chickens
this way for a time, he set an old hen
on a dozen eggs. When the eggs hatched
out and he went to look at his chickens,
he found that eleven of them had wooden
legs and the other one was a woodpecker.
A DOUBTFUL RETRACTION.
R. H. MANSFIELD.
There was once a colored preacher
who, in delivering a forceful sermon on
the sin of theft, said: “I see before me
twelve chicken thieves, including Erastus
Johnson.”
Johnson was naturally incensed at this,
and threatened the minister with per
sonal violence. The. minister’s friends
persuaded Johnson to promise that if