!S^| —~~~~
Love's Young Dream—Young Man
(gazing dreamily at the candy ease in
fancy grocery store): “I—I—wish to—
to get something—something real nice
for a young lady, but I hardly know
what to select.”
Grocer (briskly): “Very young?”
“ ’Bout seventeen.”
“Still going to boarding school?”
“Yes, sir.”
“John, show this gentleman to the
pickle counter.”
An Aged Darky: “Well, Uncle,” said
a young man in Texas, “I suppose you
have seen a good many Christmases?”
“Yes, indeed; thousands and thousands
ob 'em. Seems to me I nebber see so
many mo’.”
An Important Element—Teacher: How
many elements are there?
Little Boy: “Water, fire, earth, air
and—”
“There isn’t any other element is
there?”
“Oh, yes, there is; there’s the lawless
element in Chicago.”
“My birthday is the 12th of April.”
“Why, I always thought it was the
1st.”
“Well, you might well think so from
the choice I made of a husband.”
A married woman said to her husband:
“You have never taken me to the ceme
tery.”
“No, my dear,” replied he, “that is a
pleasure I have yet in anticipation.”
“How do you pronounce the word
oleomargarine ?”
“I pronounce it butter or I’d lose my
situation.”
A little fellow when his father was in
structing him about the deluge, said:
“Oh, father, isn’t it a pity that the devil
wan’t drowned at the flood.”
“You want a situation as floor
walker? Have you ever had any experi
ence ?”
“I am the father of twins.”
“How is it that the gas bill is Be
low?”
“Because sister has callers every
night.”
Why are young ladies at the breaking
up of a party like arrows?
Because they can’t go off without,
beaux, and are in a quiver till they get
them.
What is the best line to lead a woman
with ?
Mascu-ldne.
Why are Uncle Sam, a rooster and an
old maid alike?
Uncle Sam says Yankee-doodle-do, a
rooster says cock-a-doodle-do, and an old
maid says any dude’ll do.
Why Engines Are She.—A man has dis
covered the reason why an engine is
called she. His argument is that they
wear a jacket, an apron, have shoes,
hose, and drag a train behind them; they