The Battalion. (College Station, Tex.) 1893-current, February 18, 1921, Image 4

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THE B A T T ALIGN * * * THE BULLETIN BOARD * «fr «l» Excitement ran high the other day when a telegram was received from Joe Woods, telling the bunch that he hart taken the fatal step. Numerous bets were made as to whether the telegram was a fake or not, but e/eryone is firmly convinced now that he has dived head-first into the sea of matrimony because he is back and has a smile from ear to ear that only a death sentence could take off. * * * It’s a settled fact now as to what course the Juniors of the Signal Corps are taking—Military Science, specifically. * ❖ * At a Fish “pen” the other day someone asked Fish Mueller what course he was taking. He quickly responded that he was taking fish drill and shower bath, but due to the scarcity of water on the fourth stoop of Mitchell, he had to drop the lat ter. * * * “Heavy” Miller dashed into Web ber’s room the other day and wanted to see the unique picture of “Fly ing Pat” which he had heard so much about. He was greatly disappoint ed when Webber told him that he could not find it. We wonder why? Funny the whole Signal Corps saw it first. sH * We wondered why Lee Hugon has had such a depressed look the last few days, but upon questioning we learned that “She” had betrayed him and also returned his Longhorn C. O. D. plus war tax. We don’t blame him for leaving it at the post office. * * * COMPANY “F” NOTES. We regret that Captain E. C. Ward is at present confined to the Hospital. The Company feels the loss of his presence very much. We confidently expect for him f to be back at his regular place of duty within the next few days or so. Meanwhile, Lieutenant Kirkland has charge of the Company. * ❖ * All eyes are turned upon “F” Company because of the way is has acquitted itself in the test drills un der the direction of Captain Tuttle. The seqpnd platoon, Lieutenant Parke in charge, won second place on the morning of the 3rd. Then, the first platoon, Lieutenant Kirkland in charge, took fh’st place wjlhile the second platoon, Lieutenant Ragsdale in charge, was the winner of the 3rd place on the 10th. We are proud of these winnings and are determin ed to continue to make it hard for other companies to surpass us. * * * Colonel Cape, Major Horn, and Lieutenant Gaddis have been con fined to the Hospital for the past few days. We regret the necessity of their being away from their duties and hope to see them back with their organizations soon. * * * Hugh Mitchell has just returned to the Company from the Hospital where he has been confined since the All-Company football game. He suf fered a broken bone just above his ankle during the game. Althoug'h, he has his leg in a caste, he is able with the aid of crutches to attend classes. We wish him a speedy re covery. % # * * Fish Hancock has just returned from a few days visit to his home in Paris, Texas, where he underwent a slight operation. He was very glad to return to the organzation and we are glad that he is able to be with us again. ❖ ❖ ❖ Mack VanCourt has just returnc 1 from a *few days’ visit to Amarillo where he went to be with a friend who was undergoing an operation for appendicitis. He brings back an encouraging report, as he says she stood the operation well and is im proving rapidly. :J: * If anyone wishes to know what the chemical reaction is when pine apple and sweet milk are mixed : n liberal quantities, see Reveille Brown. ❖ * * Egon Koehler, our good-looking sergeant and our representative on the chess team, has gone into train ing in anticipation of the tournament with the Rice Owls. * * * It seems that “Buzzard” Proehl is unable to distinguish between the feel of a man’s hand and that of a girl’s. Personally, we can’t account for this lack of discriminating abil ity unless it be that he has been down here where he has had no opportun ity for practice for the past two years. * * ❖ Our roommate tells us that he doesn’t object to our attending part ies but that he does wish we would borrow clothes large enough for us, because he objects to being kept awake so long while we try to re move them. * * * Some of the “Fish” on the first “stoop” would like to know how Bertrand obtained the name of “Hot- Cakie.” ♦J* «£♦ 'J* *J* ♦♦♦ ♦♦♦ ♦t* ❖ ’J* ♦ ❖ WITH THE COLLEGE WITS ❖ •j* *$» *$► ♦♦♦ -♦* *** *♦* *♦* What A Knockout of A Joke. “Every time I have an argument with my wife I enter it in a small diary.” “Ah—I see. You keep a little scrap book”. —Columbia Jester. Cave Girl of Mine. Clarissa is my latest queen. I like her. Sometimes she treats me awful mean, I like her. She makes me thin, she makes me lean, She leaves me ’thout a single bean— The darnest girl I’ve ever seen! I like her. —Sun Dodger. He—Will you marry me? She—No. He—Whom are you going to marry? She—I’ll marry whom I please. He—Well, you please me; let’s elope. —Tar Baby. Dick—Diogenes had the dope. Martha—Yes? Dick—He never even tried to find an honest woman. —Princeton Tiger. I’ve been trying to think of a word for two weeks. How about “fortnight?” —Dirge. Help! Old Lady — Say, Pilot, stop this plane a minute, please. Pilot—What for? Old Lady—My Willie just climbed over the side. —Sun Dodger. “A San Francisco man brought suit for divorce, objecting to his wife bringing a pet lion to bed with her.” Gee! Some husbands are certainlv finicky!—Helena (Montana) Inde pendent. Cheek is Cheek. I love your eyes, I love your lips, I love the gentle way you speak. But when you say: “Come kiss me, dear,” Oh, lady then I love your cheek. —Sun Dial. Two Tickets, Please. He—Do you believe in free love ? She—No. Take me to a movie first. —Frivo.l “Papa, what is a humdinger?” “A humdinger, my son, is a man that can make a deaf and dumb girl say, ‘Oh, daddy’.” —Gargoyle. Walter Little, our well known fel low-townsman, was picking black berries last week and was badly gass ed by a skunk.—Arkansas Thomas Cat. LIVING. Once in a decade a man really lives. In am the man, and death can not cheat me. I have experienced the unusual and seen Life. I have lived I have tasted a Home Brew That was good. I know a girl who, kisses With her mouth half open, And smokes a Cigarette As if she really enjoyed it. I have seen a College movie Where the students wear soft shirts And don’t have square hair-cuts I have found a funny paper With a single “Bam” . And a movie without the caption “That Night”. I have met a Prof Who neither makes all kinds of mon ey selling text books Nor grades exam papers by throw ing them down stairs. I have been to a Broadway farce Without a bed in it And a musical comedy With good lines and a plot Once I talked to a beautiful House- Party Girl Who had Brains! Oh, Grave, where is thy victory? I have lived —Ex. They sat beneath the apple blos soms. The moon shone softly. Sud denly he broke the silence with: “What’s to prevent my kissing you?” “Why, my goodness!” she exclaim ed. But it didn’t!!! —Tiger. * ❖ EXCHANGE * * ❖ ■'J' '<$► ■•i* ’J* Jinx: “Hell.” Sphinx: “A. and M. of Texas. —Rice Thresher. * * * Of course we don’t know, but we would guess, and bet, that our guess was right, that the above took place when A. and M. picked the Rice Owls in a certain couple of basketball games not long since. As a matter of curi osity, we would like to know what friend Sphinx has to say when he gets the returns from the next game. Thresh it out for us, old top, and let us know. Investigations a la Mode. The following came to us via post card from the University of Texas: “Let me congratulate you upon the investigation. It is quite within the bounds of College Ethics. If one’s school isn’t investigated nowadays it is a sure sign of emasculate vis inertae. A. and M. should continue to be the exponent of muscular educa tion.” Before. There are meters of accent And meters of tone; But the best of all meters Is to meet her alone. After. There are letters of accent And letters of tone; But the best of all letters Is to let her alone. —Tartan, Carnegie. “Give her a wide berth!” yelled the conductor, as the 300-pound Venus boarded the sleeper.—Gargoyle. “I simply can’t break the news,” he said as the paper fell to the floor in tact.—Dirge. She said She would Go through anything With me So she started On my Bank account. —Pitt Panther. Fish: “What did you have to smoke at the faculty smoker?” Soph: “We didn’t have to sm-oke them; most of us were wise and brought our own.”—Delaware Review. Pullman conductor: “See here, porter, what do you mean by hanging a red lantern on that berth?” Rastus: “Rule 23 says to ‘hang out a red light when the rear end of the sleeper is exposed’, sah.”—Jester. Waiter: “Anything more, sir? A little something sweet, sir?” Shorty: “Yes, you can bring me that girl over there with the black hat.—Milton College Review. Of his boyhood days on the farm, Josh had many pleasant memories and some that were not so pleasant. There was a day, once, when he was show ing the farm to a friend of his—quite a close friend, in fact—and when they came to the pasture there were two cows licking each other’s faces. Bear in mind the fact that this friend was a close one. This is what they said: Josh: “I wish I could do that!” The Girl: “Why don’t you? They’re your cows!”—Voo Doo. Prof.: “Can anyone mention a great friendship made famous through literature ?” Stude: “Mutt and Jeff!”—Augus^ tana Observer. Prof. Clark: “Someone give me an example of the law of diminishing re turns.” Stude: “Trust Fund deposits.” HADN’T YOU? Did anyone ever call you a has-been? Just be glad you’re not a never-was. I’d rather be a could-be, If I couldn’t be an “re” Because a could-be is a might-be With a chance of touching par. I’d rather be a has-been Than a might-have-been by far Because a might-have-been. Has never-been, But a has-been, was once an “are”. Speaking of Sbisa’s “Dogs” Strange so many campus dogs are missing. We venture to say our dear Sbisa knows something about it. “God must love flunkers—He made so many of them.’—Exchange. “Chrvgssaerneuenalfinajjuanjuaris- iguejack” is Eskimo for “I love you,” and at the same time is a reasonable explanation of why the Artie nights have to be so long. —Ex. Mrs. G. R. Crain and Misses Gert rude Wink and Joyce Nogle were the guests of Joe Brown and John Gie- secke on Sunday. Gratis Poultry. Show us the Freshman with dome so dead That never to himself has said: If the profs gave me the grades I’m worth I’ll be the smartest guy on earth.—Ex. cures bruises, cuts. sores, tetter, etc. To break a cold take 666. t WE HANDLE EVERYTHING * Y ❖ Packard and Mazda Lamps Our * X Snecialtv % IN THE ELECTRICAL LINE * Pi’of: “What right have you to swear before me in class?” Youth: “How could I know you wanted to swear?”—Lampoon. “I’ll never take another drop,” said the Soused One as he fell off the cliff.—Virginia Reel. Sam (to his wife at show): “Mandy tell dat niggah to take his arm away from aroun’ yo’ waist!” Mandy: “Tell him yoself; he’s a perfect stranga to me!” He (at the box office): “Have you got a seat left?” Ticket seller (indicating the num ber): “Yes, U 21.” . He: “I am; and if its that kind of a show I am glad I did not ask my mother to come with me.”—Burr. “I’ve found a way to beat the hon or system.” “Let’s have it.” “Memorize the text book.”—Punch Bowl. •g Specialty ★ GRIESSER & THOMPSON f Anything Electrical X t ^ 4* Phone 23 S i* ' Y V v +* ********************** ir OPTICAL PARLORS Jf ■jf Our fourteen years of practical ex- Jjt ★ perience enables us to offer you the if. best in our line. J(t ★ Conveniently Located in Masonic >f- ★ Building;, Opposite Queen if- ★ Theatre if- fr|» *%> »%» »X* •I* WM. B. CLINE, M. D. .§. Eye, Ear, Nose and Throat ★ • ( Specialist •• 4th Floor City National Bank Building, Bryan, Texas DR. A. BENBOW DENTIST Phones: Office 275, Res. 635 2nd Floor City National Bank Building, Bryan, Texas •'jkj *2® *2* *5 BiiiinnflSiiiBiH I X WE WILL BE GLAD TO SUPPLY YOUR NEEDS JEWELRY, WATCHES AND DIAMONDS We are headquarters for all kinds of Col lege Jewelry, R. Y. Pins, T. Pins, Junior Pins, Senior Rings, Two Year Rings, and all kinds of Class Pins. FINE WATCH REPAIRING A SPECIALTY J. M. CALDWEIJ,, Jeweler BRYAN, TEX. m ^+****++*+**++*+*++++*+ Our Special Prices Continue All Woolen Regulation Shirts are Reduced BELOW COST. All Army Shoes at (P'7 1 £ the one price Then too, your Civilian Dress needs will re ceive especial attention at prices far lower than you expect. Remember, you can’t pay us more than $10.00 for any shoe in our store. A pleasure to show you. Brandon & Lawrence • ‘ ❖ We are Now Showing our beautiful line of SPRING SUITS GET YOUR ORDERS IN NOW. Cleaning, Pressing and Alterations. CHAS. NITCH The Campus Tailor • • • • E. F. PARKS & CO. BRYAN’S BIG FURNITURE STORE We carry an unusually large stock of high class fur niture, rugs, draperies and household novelties. We are large buyers of second hand furniture, such as is used by the boys at A. and M.—desks, dressers, chif- foneers, chifforobes, etc. If you have anything you want to dispose of see us. WE ARE ALSO PHONOGRAPH HEADQUARTERS Styleplus Clothes Edwin Clapp Shoes Bostonian Shoes Stetson Hats Webb Bros BRYAN, TEXAS PATRONIZE .. The EXCHANGE STORE In the Main Building. EVERYTHING REQUIRED BY THE CADET “At a Little more than cost” ? R. K. CHATHAM, Manager. I